Hello and welcome to Direktor Svemira.
My name is Ivan Saric.
We have five contestants who will go through my insane tasks.
Let's introduce them now.
Still smiling, and hasn't left this show yet: Ana Begic Tahiri.
We'll find out soon if he took his pills: Enio Mestrovic.
Whatever they're feeding you in Split, please continue: Lidija Bacic.
Whatever they're feeding you in Herzegovina, make them stop: Igor Drljo.
Stand up comedian from Split: Ante... Karadjordjevic.
We move on to the first task.
Which is to bring in some thing or object.
They go into the prize pool for the winner of the show.
Today you need to bring the thing that gives you the greatest satisfaction.
This is quite subjective, so it is difficult to assess.
Ana, what gives you the greatest pleasure?
And why is it me?
Mr Tahiri, this was just a joke. I apologise.
Two women give me pleasure.
Who smoke, drink and do drugs.
So, you and...?
I adore them,
and they are...
This is my favourite series, Absolutely Fabulous.
I was torn between The Office and this,
but this is better. There is no moment when it does not relax me.
Thank you Ana. Enio, you're next.
Who knows what we will hear now.
Nothing special.
According to my age and my physical state...
What is your physical state?
Just right.
This is the thing that gives me the most pleasure.
I agree with that.
Lile.
What gives me the greatest pleasure... we can't talk about that now.
The whole of Croatia is now looking to see what
what gives Lidija Bacic the greatest pleasure.
Croatia is disappointed.
Tomorrow, everyone will stand like this in front of Lile's apartment.
What is your favourite cake?
Let's say Ferrero cake.
In the next episode: Lidija on the scales.
Ante.
I brought the thing we all love when we buy a new piece of technology.
And that’s the film we peel off when we buy a new mobile phone.
You brought us not a tablet, today, but a film?
Let's say I brought a tablet.
Is that your tablet? Did you delete all the pictures?
The history is deleted...?
I'm not sure. I don't remember.
But let the winner erase it and not look what's inside it.
The winner will receive it in the prize pool.
Igor now you.
My shirt is proof of my satisfaction.
I’m similar to Lile, I love eating.
What gives us special pleasure in Herzegovina,
is a pizza, but not any.
Pizza with mayonnaise.
That's the worst.
It's great.
When I moved to Zagreb,
I first went to the bakery and ordered a pizza with mayonnaise.
And 'Error 404' showed up above the woman's head...
Look at Ivan's face. He hates mayonnaise.
Anyone who hasn't tried it yet, doesn't know what they're missing.
Okay, we continue.
Perhaps the most disgusting thing, pizza with mayonnaise. 1 point.
I knew you would get 1.
Ana, 2 point for you.
Because they are not real.
Yes, I expected more from you.
Lidija, 3 points for you. - Who doesn't like a cake?
Just imagine, 60,000 men: "Take my Ferrero".
Enio, 4 points.
And for Ante, 5 points!
We are starting the first recorded task from many months ago.
That is... - Pancakes.
Again food.
Hello.
There are way too many eggs here.
I don't know. Let's go.
You write so much. Give me short letters.
"Put a headband around your head"
"and shove as many things from the kitchen into it as possible."
In that?
"Then make a pancake at least 20cm in diameter,"
"and eat the whole thing."
I could eat two of them.
"You have two minutes to shove things in the headband,"
"and then eight minutes to make and eat a pancake."
Help me.
"The winner is the one who keeps as many things in their headband as possible."
"Your time..."
"Your time starts..."
Now. - "...now"
Very simple task.
They had to put as many things possible under the headband,
and then make a pancake and eat it.
Which one will you give me first?
Bega and Ante.
Okay, let's see.
Let's see if this can fit here.
Oh god, I will need this.
Everything is too big.
I’m not sure if I know how to make pancakes.
That's it.
22 seconds.
Now eight minutes to make a pancake.
One pancake.
How to do it?
If two eggs are used, then I guess two teaspoons of flour are used.
Does the milk go in? I think it should.
Is sugar going in?
My god...
Did I put flour in it? I don't remember.
I will put a little bit more in.
Oh no...
This is how chocolate is applied. Not so sparingly.
It's hot.
Like an omelet with chocolate.
45 seconds.
Congratulations.
Come on Ana!
4, 3, 2, 1...
Open your mouth.
I can't hold on like this anymore.
I can see smoke coming from your mouth.
Did you succeed? - Well done.
I like how much chocolate you used.
You have to use plenty.
How's chocolate with eggs?
Not very good.
Why did you put 3 eggs in?
I didn't want it to be dense.
I didn't want it to be good, you know?
Ana ate it in eight minutes.
She managed to put 25 items in the headband.
Ante... also managed to eat his pancake, and had 12 items.
What did you have?
A roll of garbage bags has lots of bags.
Very cunning.
The diameter of the pancake was 24cm.
Lile and Igor, are you ready?
Let's go.
What should I put next?
20 seconds.
Oh my god!
Now I need a recipe for good pancakes.
You have eight minutes to make a pancake.
How do I do something I don't know how to do?
I need eggs first right?
I make great pancakes.
Water, right?
Flour.
Say something. I don't know to make this.
I made pancakes yesterday.
What is this?
This is oil.
I don't have a lot of time left.
It's turning out to be rare.
How to eat when it's not even cooked?
What to do with this now?
I can't eat that.
How to eat it when I can't even make it?
45 seconds left.
I'm very slow.
I didn't make it right, but it doesn't matter.
I'll eat some of this...
Too bad you won't try this pancake.
Let me cook until it's done, so I can eat it.
I put one egg in it. I should have put half.
It's alright. Do you want to taste it?
Thank you Igor.
It's tasty. Come taste it.
Try it with Eurocrem. [hazelnut and chocolate spread]
Look at you! You are good!
So, Lidija's time is...
she failed to eat the pancake in eight minutes because she was talking.
She needed seven minutes more.
She had 11 things in her headband.
Igor also failed to eat the pancake on time.
It took him 10 minutes,
he needed two minutes more then what was in the task,
and he put nine objects on his beautiful head.
That's the only decent thing we can say on television.
Your beautiful head.
Thank you, you yellow worm.
Enio please, let's see him.
I already have 60 objects.
15 seconds remaining.
When you eat this pancake,
you won't need to eat anything for four days.
Good job! Well done!
We always had a lot of children around us
and the winner always was whoever was the fastest.
It doesn't matter what it looks like.
Is it good?
I would give it to you, but there is no more left.
His time was 6 minutes and 15 seconds,
but he did not make a pancake 25cm in diameter.
He had 268 objects,
which were 267 toothpicks and 1 spoon.
Let's begin with the best.
Lile, 1 point.
Igor 2 points.
Why not? 2 points for Igor.
Enio, 3 points.
Ante, 4 points.
Bega, 5 points!
Absolutely deserved.
Ante, 9 points.
Enio, 7.
Bega, also 7.
Lidija, 4.
And the little man, 3!
Mum sent me the money. I hit rock bottom.
What to give to your loved ones for Christmas?
We go to commercials, and will be right back.
After Christmas.
Okay, sit down. Let's move on.
The next task is, if you agree, let's go camping.
Let's go.
Oh no...
A day in nature.
Mr Luka, I asked you if I needed to wear trainers,
and you said, "Don't worry, it's okay."
And I have to walk on the grass and dirt in these heels.
"Move the tent and all the stuff inside it through the tunnel."
"The winner is the first to move all the things and hit the bell."
This is the bell.
"You have 5 minutes."
5 minutes to transfer the whole tent...
Your time starts...
"Your time starts... now!"
Okay, where are my trainers?
Lile, you usually come ready for assignments.
It’s like you came to the premiere of your video,
like you’ve never been on this show.
What did you think was going to happen?
I thought I was going on TV.
I told my mother I am gonna be on TV.
I divided them into good, bad and evil.
Let's start with... bad.
My god. How did you come up with this?
It's hard to put things like this.
Look at this. A bowl of water.
A leg.
You have 3 minutes and 59 seconds remaining.
I don't care.
I'm stuck.
How do I disassemble this?
You have 3 minutes and 45 seconds remaining.
Okay.
I shouldn't have eaten doughnuts this morning.
What should I transfer first?
I'll transfer this leg first.
You know I love it slowly, and then everything in the last 10 seconds.
What a manoeuvre by the young individual, Igor Drlja.
Well done.
Look at this now.
One minute.
This lion is very heavy.
What is this?
How much time is left? - One minute.
Come on Lidija.
This is like changing your bedding.
Faster, faster.
20.
What, minutes?
I need 20 minutes to do this.
Tell me when it comes to the last 10 seconds.
You have to hit the bell, do not forget that.
Yes, of course.
20.
Tell me when it gets to 10.
I have to hit the bell.
I am suffering from this one. Let's move on.
7, 6, 5...
Whistle now if you dare...
10, 9, 8, 7, 6...
Where are you going? 5, 4. You have more items left.
3, 2, 1.
I got tired.
I gave it my best.
I'm tired.
Thank you.
Let's have a beer.
You're a man in a suit.
They will give you a deferred payment.
Igor did not transfer the mannequin leg in the 5 minutes,
nor the tent.
Lidija failed to transfer the lion in the 5 minutes.
Now let's see the good ones.
If this was bad, then I don't know what is good.
"Your time starts now!"
I like the enthusiasm.
I wonder what will be inside.
Wait, now I need to get this through the tunnel, right?
Okay.
No, no, we'll do this differently.
Could you have used anything heavier?
Maybe military service should be introduced after all.
This would be easy for you then.
I think I made the mistake of taking the heaviest item.
Just throw it there. You don't have to put it up.
This is going to be interesting.
Great.
I'll make this like a ball.
I will throw it, as in bowling.
Let the force be with me.
Come on, get in.
Does this count as negative points?
2 minutes and 10 seconds.
Maybe I could make it.
Well done, Ante.
It's okay, put it down.
I am sorry.
Doesn't matter. I will buy a new one.
Luckily, I made a hole here.
One minute remaining.
Good.
This is like when you have to leave the festival.
25 seconds.
15.
9, 8, 7, 6...
5, 4, 3...
Stupid tent almost screwed me over.
In 5 minutes, he only didn't move the tent through the tunnel,
because it got stuck inside.
Congratulations, this was great.
This was very good.
Let's move on.
All we have left now are the villains.
What is inside?
Oh my god.
4 minutes and 35 seconds.
It is impossible.
Wait, wait.
I took this lion first.
Now everything is easy.
Don't fuck with me. I can't even pick this up.
3 minutes and 48 seconds.
Okay, there's still time.
Let's go Ana.
Shut up.
It's easy to shout "Come on Ana".
That was so heavy.
That is a golden lion.
Come on, get out.
I forgot something...
2 minutes and 24 seconds remaining.
I was struggling,
but there is certainly some simpler way.
But right now I don't know what, and I think my bra came undone.
Do you think you have completed the task?
Why not?
Everything went through, didn't it?
Through the whole tunnel?
Now to this side of the forest, right?
The results will be on the news, yes?
But you did not complete the task.
I know I didn't.
Okay.
Fix your bra please.
I do not understand...
Let's hear the results.
In 5 minutes, Ana did not manage to transfer the water or the tent.
Enio, in 5 minutes, transferred everything!
Lidija, 2 point. She hit the bell.
Bega, 1 point.
Igor, 3 points, purely because we love to watch him struggle.
Ante, 4 points. He was really close.
And Enio, 5 points!
Let's go to the next task.
"I'm a little hungry too."
Well done, Igor.
For me?
I guess it's under this... Yes.
I thought maybe there was some venison to try...
I already like this.
"Make the craziest exotic sandwich."
"You have 10 minutes to plan what you need for your sandwich,"
"and then 10 minutes to make it."
Can I make you?
For a sandwich.
"Your time starts now."
Okay.
I'll use some fruit.
Pineapple... it won't be my sandwich base, it will be in my sandwich.
Shrimp, but they should be cooked already.
Some salami.
I need parrot meat.
I need two potatoes, one lemon.
Mozzarella, tartar sauce.
Dog-rose.
2 decilitres of wine, tequila.
It can also be crocodile meat.
A freezer bag.
I need grated coconut.
I need French bread. The long one. You know what I mean.
Yes I know Igor, thank you.
I need chili. It has to be hot.
Little bit of salami.
Salami?
Salami, yes.
I need chocolate crumbs.
Two vacuum cleaners and two lemons. One before, one after.
I need chia seed.
One?
Agave syrup, caramel.
Nutmeg
and margarine.
That's everything? - Yes that's it.
Somehow it just sounds too simple to me...
Here we go,
after the commercials.
See you soon.
You stay there. Only they go to commercials.
And we are back.
Let's see Ante.
We have to make a sandwich.
Hello.
We are starting.
Let's cut bread first.
We will spread hummus on one side of the bread.
Now we add the chili.
The chocolate spread is here.
This is still edible.
When you eat a salami and burp, it can be heard at 20m.
I don't like this crunchy part, I hate it.
Salad should not be crispy.
Champignons.
It don't even want to put it near the chocolate spread.
Now pineapple and chocolate.
Champignons look disgusting to me.
I'm so proud.
This is an exotic sandwich for you?
Yes.
Yes?
When it includes salami, you know it’s exotic.
Okay, open please...
I don't have a good feeling...
"Eat your exotic sandwich."
Ante, enjoy.
Thank you.
This salami is really thick.
I want to vomit from this salami.
Why did I put salami in it?
I can't.
Will you ever again make a sandwich?
I don't feel well.
Do you enjoy?
We all enjoyed it, except him.
Ante, thank you for that.
No worries...
Are you okay now?
I'm fine, but damn salami...
Everything would be fine, but salami destroyed everything.
Whenever I took a bite, I only felt salami.
Ante ate his sandwich in 3 minutes and 37 seconds.
My god, how did you manage that?
He vomited for 5 minutes.
Let's move on, if you are ready.
Lile, Igor and Bega.
♪ Hello. ♪
Did you get me everything?
Igor, your 10 minutes starts now.
Wait, not yet.
9 minutes and 58 seconds remaining.
It's time to make my sandwich.
Your time starts now!
What is this? Alright, it's the corn.
This is crocodile meat?
Yes.
Why is it frozen?
There is veal, lamb, and crocodile meat.
What would your meat be called?
"Luketina".
Ana, you can only use these things you ordered.
But just to relieve myself a little, not to get burned.
This looks like a little dinosaur.
Luka, come and put a sheet in front of me, so I can do something...
Cover me completely so I can do this.
I try crocodile meat for the first time.
They say it tastes like chicken.
Very.
This is for my decoration.
It's feta, mozzarella yes.
I spread margarine on the bread. Have you ever seen that?
Now I see it for the first time.
This is burganas.
It's a pineapple burger.
"Anarger".
20 seconds remaining.
5, 4, 3... - I am done.
I don't like that envelope.
"Eat your exotic sandwich."
I made it so I can eat it.
I definitely won't eat it quickly,
but I will eat it.
Come one, start eating.
Top specialty.
If I'd known it was this good, I would have done this more often.
You feel it is exotic, when you taste a pineapple.
I can not eat this.
Simply, I can't do that.
Thank you Lidija.
It is nice, but I can't.
Okay, thank you Ana.
We finished, yes?
He is eating my sandwich...
No, it's mine. - Yours?
Luka, you didn't eat mine.
Lidija ate her sandwich in 3 minutes and 2 seconds,
Igor in 3 minutes and 38 seconds,
Ana in 3 minutes and 23 seconds,
and I ate all the sandwiches in 1 minute and 30 seconds.
Now you will see what a real exotic sandwich is.
This sounds like a lot of points.
Today we will make the most exotic sandwich.
For that we will need: potatoes,
tequila, two decilitres of wine, salt,
ice, two small chocolates,
two lemons, and peppers.
I am a qualified sous chef.
There are three lemons in each of these.
A pinch of salt.
This requires a clean work surface.
Luka, if you can hold this for me...
Here goes one pepper.
This sandwich is already great.
It is crispy on the inside, and juicy on the outside.
That's it?
That's it.
This is the most exotic sandwich that can be made.
Thank you Enio.
I should have given him the letter, but...
there is no need.
When you try such an exotic sandwich,
you always feel like eating something sweet afterwards.
This is...
Enio.
Congratulations.
Enio ate his sandwich in 55 seconds,
and I cleaned the stench out of the house for three hours.
This is the most difficult to assess so far.
Sorry, but Enio, 1 point.
I am sorry for the first time.
Igor, 2 points.
Lidija, 3 points, because it looked the best.
Bega, 4, because he said it tasted the best.
And Ante, 5 points.
Thank you very much.
Let's see the scores.
Ante is first with 18 points,
Enio, 13.
Ana, 12.
Lidija, 9.
And a man... Not a man, 8 points.
And now, love.
That's why he's never home, because it's hard to go up and down on these stairs.
How romantic.
I already don't like this.
"Express your love for the Director of the Universe"
"in the most original way."
Oh my god.
"You have 30 minutes to express your love..."
"Your time starts now."
What?
Love can be anything.
Why would I express my love?
I don't feel love. So now I should lie, then.
Let it be this way.
Looking at this picture, unfortunately, does not inspire me.
I need pencil and paper.
On the way.
So the task is to express some love to me.
How hard can it be? Look at me. I keep saying to myself "I love you".
I love you.
I love myself too.
Let's see Ante first.
I will write a sonnet.
Two quatrains, two thirds.
"When I saw you..."
It should also rhyme.
"You opened my eyes too..."
I am amazed at my writing talent.
Yo, ah...
Luka and Travizi are in the house. Yo, yeah, yo, ah.
Director of the Universe, you do not give me peace. Our choice is cold, we are returning to the spire
Yo, yo, ah.
When I hang out with you, I want to blush all night.
Ah, ah, k-, ah.
I don't know how to live without you, but I'm not ashamed of it.
Ah, k-, ah-ah, k-
I can't wait to see you.
K- I can't wait to see you
Ah- I can't wait ah- to see you.
You see, I see, I see.
♪ I can't wait to see you ♪
Ante... it rhymed at the beginning. What happened later?
I started with a sonnet, and I realised it sounded very gay.
And then I decided to be a little more cool,
and yet there is a dose of love to you.
Whatever that means.
Drljo, you're next.
I have to do a little romance.
You can't express love without romance, right?
You can't do that, come on...
I didn't make it romantic here to make you fall asleep.
Dear Director of the Universe,
I invited you to your modest home, although not so modest...
but when I see the stairs, then it is a modest home.
I have always had strong feelings for you.
You are, to me, the Master of the Universe, not just the Director.
I have always considered you a great guy,
and therefore the big duck.
This little duck represents nothing.
That is, it represents your assistant, but we will throw it away.
We don't need it in this room,
my dear Director.
I wish you all the best, and my love for you is immeasurable.
That cannot be measured.
I emptied myself emotionally. I need to...
I need to leave this space.
Thank you Igor.
No, no, no. Thank you.
I had goosebumps while I was saying this.
I feel like throwing up.
I don't want you to misunderstand, dear Director of the Universe-
No, no, no. Don't talk. You will ruin everything.
You were doing good. Shut up.
Enio- - Shhh!
Just to mention, since you weren't there,
there I gave you a dirty glass because you certainly wouldn't use it anyway.
Okay.
I've had dirtier things in my mouth, so it doesn’t matter.
Enio.
I just want this on the record,
and after that I will sign it so you know it's true.
Okay.
Dear Director, from the first moment I saw
your beautiful figure,
your neat beard,
I can tell you...
that I am in love with you.
If you want, you can stay with me for the rest of your life.
I undertake to deed you half of my house, which is 300 square metres.
It is a house with two floors, which is completely decorated.
I also have an olive grove that you don't need to cultivate,
because, in the name of our love, I will do it for you.
I love you and, whatever I tell you after this, I will love you forever.
Does this mean I cheated on my wife? What's going on?
I would buy a pregnancy test if I were you.
This is a gift deed,
so, with this kiss you also got the whole house.
How big is the house?
How many square meters?
He said 300.
Read the other side. It says it all.
The house is in Zadar.
Yes.
I ask for a round of applause for the craziest man in the world.
Let's now see someone I'd like to kiss. Lille!
I'll leave this for later.
♪ Where have you been hiding so far, ♪
♪ I know, you enjoyed somewhere. ♪
♪ Whenever you come, you are welcome. ♪
♪ Because we are created for each other. ♪
And for the end:
Thank you.
This was my favourite task ever.
Let's go, next. - Bega.
I'll place a duck to guard him.
Maybe it looks like he died,
but no.
I will put Jesus here to guard him.
This will set a precedent.
This is the first season and, if I give him a lot of points,
then all the other candidates will think they have to do it.
Even though you were great, Enio, 1 point.
No, don't go...
Sit down.
1 point- listen,
1 point for this task,
4 points from my heart.
Bega was very original, 5 points.
Igor, 4 points.
Ante, 4 points. Lidija, 4 points.
Very good.
And now we go to the last task, which will happen
here live on the stage.
Okay, it is a group task,
we have distributed you so that the teams are fair.
One the one side are the ladies, and on the other are the men.
We will give this to the most beautiful woman to read.
"The team must form a line."
"The last one in the team will get a picture"
"that they have to draw with their fingers"
"on the back of the person in front of them."
"The first in line must draw what they feel on their back."
"The image that the Director of the Universe evaluates as most accurate wins."
"You will have three pictures."
"It is forbidden to communicate with each other."
Lidija,
Ante,
come here.
You looked at Lidija and said "Ante".
Look at the photo and, from now on, there is no communication.
Let me see it again.
We are starting...
I didn't figure out anything. Can you draw a little bigger?
Feel free to repeat.
25 seconds...
Repeat it.
Ante is very focused.
I don't know if Enio is following.
Enio is very unconcentrated.
4, 3, 2, 1...
Put down your...
your markers.
I didn't feel anything.
Silence!
This was supposed to be a house,
but then they thought of building a tunnel,
and they wanted to unite the southern and northern parts of Croatia.
In the house?
Yes.
Great.
Let's see what team 2 drew.
Don't look at this here, it's irrelevant.
Try to guess what it should be.
I think it's a church.
Come to me. It will be very fast and short.
Come here, Drljo.
You see, okay?
The time starts...
Ante, how does it feel when Enio is behind your back?
It is very unpleasant.
What is that line? I do not understand.
I will repeat.
Come on, fast!
I am scared of what Enio and Ante are going to draw.
This is a lot harder than I thought.
End.
Who do you want to see first?
The team of three.
This is an apple potato.
Let's see team number 1.
Consider that Enio was standing behind me.
What is that?
I'm not sure what it is, but I felt that, and that's it.
That is something inside the fish.
Go back to your places.
Take a new sheet of paper.
Pull the dress down a little.
Tighten the dress.
But my tits will fall out...
Sorry, my bad.
Ana and Ante, come here please.
Now I'm going to show you what you need to draw on their backs.
And we've started.
This will be interesting.
I do not feel anything.
Let's sync.
Igor, Lidija said that she can't feel you.
I almost came to her...
Draw smaller. Let's start over.
I will repeat.
Draw the most important thing.
This is important.
Time's up! Move away from the drawing.
Enio and Ante.
What's that?
What should it be?
These are problems with digestion...
Picasso was not understood in his time either.
Let's see this...
That is a very angry Chinese person.
Do you want to see what they were supposed to draw?
Let's see.
Thank you very much, you very talented people.
Come back to your places now.
Let's give the final points and see who the winner of this episode is.
They drew, and tried to guess what it was, as best they could,
and before I give points,
we'll watch the slow-motion, because it's amazing to me
that some people think they can cheat, when 60 cameras are recording this.
Please play the slow-motion.
And right now we can see that, after the time was over,
Drljo draws a cross, and Bacic stands in front,
like nothing happened.
No, no, not a cross. It's the last down line that I haven't finished on time.
It was not a cross.
So you drew only the last line.
We will need to deduct some points anyway.
But we won’t take away too many points, because you were all horrible.
Women's team, 1 point. Men's team, 3 points.
You could give us 2 points, at least.
And that brings us to the final state. Let's see the scoreboard.
Drljo, 13 points.
Lidija Bacic, 14 points.
Bega, 18.
Enio, 21.
And Ante, 25 points!
He is the winner of this show.
Dear viewers, thank you very much for being with us.
This is Luka Petrusic, and I am Ivan Saric.
And you have learned a lot today.
You learned that these people don’t know how to make pancakes.
And you learned that I have olives now, and a house in Zadar,
and that I paid for it at a very, very dear price.
See you next time! Goodbye!
Transcription & translation: Mystery Hero [Many thanks to u/mwilbs for the hook-up!]
Croatian proofreader: u/MarkoSeke English proofreader: u/taskmastermaster