No!
Yes!
Welcome to Drammen Theatre's magical world -
-where five specimens have turned up to compete for this one.
A bust in gold-
-of me!
But what is a king on a throne without a mediocre official?
-on a smaller throne next to it, closest to a puff, or stool?
Hi, Olli. Nice.
Yes, very nice. My job is, as you know, -
-to take times, measure meters, play clips, -
-say who leads, and keep track of the rules, -
-so that you can just sit back and enjoy both the week and the recovery.
-Now I'm done talking. -Thanks.
As always, we have Maria Stavang with us!
Calle Hellevang-Larsen!
Jon Almaas!
Mia Hundvin!
And Magnus Devold!
-Yes. -Yes.
We are halfway through the season, and the scores are interesting.
-It looks like this. -Interesting.
There is thus a shared first place among three people.
It has never been more exciting, even with a season behind us.
Let's get started.
I think we're ready for the first task, Olli.
And as always, the participants have brought something here, -
-which is a surprise to me. And what is the theme?
You have asked them to bring something that is too small.
-Something that is too small. -Sounds kinky.
-Not before you said that. -Just right.
-Who do you want to start with? -I want to start with ...
-Calle! -OK?
What have you brought with you that is too small?
I have brought with me some pyrotechnics.
-Oi! -It's far too small.
It was too small, yes.
Magnus, what do you have that is too small?
I don’t know if you knew, Atle, but a little gardener lives in me.
-I didn’t know that. -This isn’t the gardener.
-It's not the gardener? -No, but he's too small, too.
I have brought home-grown ...
Potatoes!
-They’re too small. -Yes, they’re tiny.
Yes, that’s not a full meal there.
You can bake them in the oven at 200 degrees [392F] for 30 seconds.
If you make baked potatoes, you have room for one corn.
-Yes. -A grain of corn.
One drop of sour cream.
-Petit, petit. -Yes, tempt me more.
It's too small. The task is approved.
-Thanks. -Mia?
I once had an ex-mother-in-law ... No, I have.
I haven’t brought her, but this is too small.
And then I got a great knit cardigan-
-which I washed.
But it became too small.
Can you try it on, so we’re sure it's too small?
Jon, can you be gallant and help her?
-Of course. -It must then be possible.
There you go.
Approved, approved. It's too small.
Maria, what are you up to?
A tiny fly swatter.
-It's approved. -Why did I buy it?
-Don’t remember. I had a blackout. -Probably little used. Jon?
Before I show my stuff, what’s happened? You’re accepting everything.
Yes, but it's too small.
-For what? -For a fly.
-Sure you can take a fly with it? -Too small to be effective ...
It’s smaller than a larger fly swatter.
Should we stretch and say considerably less?
And Mia's baby jacket is too big for a small baby.
Something tells me that you’re not particularly impressed with what you brought.
-I have something like ... -It looks very big.
It is something that is too little and has always been too little.
And it's something that shocks me that in the world's richest country, in 2020, -
- still is too small.
And that is...
-A cover for sleeping bags. -Yes, yes, yes.
-What?
Let me borrow it.
-Let me borrow it! Let me borrow it! -Listen.
-Let me borrow it! -It's too small ...
It's too small for you to easily and ... Listen to the Taskmaster, then!
Listen now! Sit down, Mia.
I agree. I'm an old scout.
You have to be 18 years old to be able to make such sleeping bags.
And then you must have tried since you were five years old.
So it's amazing that those moves are too small.
That task has also been solved, without a doubt.
What did you say, Magnus?
It may be that only Jon is not so practical.
I find the points a little difficult to give.
I think I give Mia last place.
-Cool. -Yes, I do.
It's been a long time since you've had it. You've been in the top tier so much.
That one, I think you shouldn’t get much for.
I myself somewhat agree. The fly swatter is fine and dandy, -
-but it’s possible to hit a fly.
-But then you must ... -But you get two points. Not bad.
Yes, I get two points.
Since this is obvious, but still correct, -
-Jon gets three points for it.
I'm actually wondering ...
The potatoes come in second place, and Calle gets the first place.
The points look like this after the first round.
Calle is at the top.
Olli, do we have a task about food?
Yes. Now we'll see a task that is about something you rarely do.
Namely, throw food.
-I don’t throw food. -Then I was right.
-Hi. -Hi.
"Put a slice of bread in the toaster from the longest possible distance."
"Last attempt counts.”
"You have 20 minutes. Time starts now."
I can do this from a long distance.
Maybe at 100 meters.
-What? -Yes, the task is quite clear.
Get the bread in the toaster from the longest possible distance. Last attempt counts.
-Who is out first? -I think we’ll see a duo-
-I have chosen to call "Toaster's [Brødristers] Sisters."
Mia and Maria.
"Put a slice of bread in the toaster from the longest possible distance."
-Length also goes in height. -Yes.
-I'm placing it here. -Yes.
-Hey, Olli! -Hello.
-It's a little far from the toaster. -Yes.
OK?
-It's approved. -OK. One.
This is getting too stupid.
There’s something I forgot.
"Last attempt counts.”
Shit. Damn.
-No? -No.
I'm just thinking about hitting.
-How long? -Three minutes.
I'm throwing from here. It's loud from here, too.
I'll make it easier to meet. I need to have a barrier.
Shit. Like that.
It's up.
This is for you, Atle.
And time’s up.
-Yes, Mia? -Yes?
-“Last attempt counts.” -Can I say something?
-Although I have thrown before ... -We have heard a lot about those casts.
I'm not naturally good at toaster throwing.
No then, but it was a pity you didn’t accept that you hit well in the beginning.
You got worse and worse.
I threw the last time, me.
-Yes. -Aren’t you proud, Atle, -
-because I didn’t eat all 20 slices of bread?
I'm a little proud of you.
I thought we shouldn’t talk about you anymore.
What do you think about it?
Right? It never happened. Never happened.
-Do you want to see more? -Much more.
-I'm ready to show the rest. -I want to see it.
- Do you want to know the name? - Do you have a funny name?
I have one called: Magnus, Jon and Calle try to get a slice of bread-
-down into a toaster.
It said "put [putt] a slice of bread". This is a putter.
If you putt the slice with it, there must be some extra points.
This is the smartest solution. Gaffer tape and skis. Gaff and ski!
This is how I imagine that Jon Almaas would have done the same.
Stump skis. Perfect.
Do you understand? This is actually a very good solution.
I have taped well here.
-Test slice. -Yes?
Do you have any butter?
If you hit, it becomes a toast-in-one. Fun?
-Fore! -That’s a miss.
It can go, that.
Then we must have a disc brake.
When I pull then, then it goes.
This is not a way to store ropes.
It looks like this is tied up in rage.
Atle drinks a carton of wine and packs his rope.
-Now I just stretch the thread. -Yes?
I'm very happy.
No.
There was too much tension.
It slides there.
There you go.
It is approved.
Like that.
Let’s see.
I celebrate with some confetti.
Two minutes!
-Can reach this. -Yes.
Ten!
-No! -And zero.
-No! -It's zero.
It's the cheap nylon rope.
Damn. That was annoying.
Now I'll wind up the rope to a big knot.
In revenge.
I'm coming by car. I don’t care.
Like that.
-Goodbye. -Yes, thank you.
Calle, that was very impressive.
-Thanks for that. -Well conducted, and nice ceremony.
A complete package.
-Jon? -Yes?
Then there’s you.
-A package there, too. -Yes.
But isn't it a bit bitter when you see Magnus' solution,-
-which also uses skis and sends it from 50cm,-
-right down into the toaster, that simplicity is sometimes best?
-Isn’t it bitter to see? -It's very bitter.
If I had ten seconds more, I would’ve managed it from 30 meters.
-Yes. -And then ...
-But such are the rules. -And I take that with a smile.
Yes.
Magnus, a little curious about your technique.
There was a lot of skiing with little purpose.
I first tried with a lot of skis, -
-and then I noticed that the bindings became a problem.
Why didn’t you use the surface that is meant to slide?
You can say that.
But you can also say that I crushed Jon Almaas.
Shall we see some results?
-Shall we not see any results? -Yes.
Jon is in last place.
He takes it with a smile.
Are Mia and Maria approved or not?
-They didn’t make it. -They got it in. Same as me!
Not on your last attempt.
Not on your last try, Jon. The others got it on ...
-Was that the task? -The last attempt counts.
No, but the closer you get ...
I have to take into account that not everyone can do it, you see.
I have to have some reserve rules because some people don’t give a shit.
Do you understand? Now I have moved into that repertoire-
-which lies there for me.
Now I use that set of rules.
That makes these women pass you by, Jon.
And both get three points.
The clear winner is Calle.
Magnus comes in second place. Not bad. Big applause.
The scores after two tasks:
-Who leads? -It's Calle.
See who's at the bottom here.
- It's Jon. - It's Jon, yes.
You aren’t used to looking so far to the side. You're in it.
- Are you on your way out? - No, no.
Are you crazy? We have just begun.
Yes, and you have many chances yet.
- Do you know Kim's Game? - Yes.
This is where you put a blanket over some things, -
-and try to remember what was there.
Kim's Game in itself can be difficult, -
-but now we'll take a look at how it goes when this gang-
-plays Kim's Game without knowing it.
-Oh no. -Hi.
-Oi. Hello. -Welcome inside.
-Thanks. -Boat service.
-Boat service?
-Your fly is open. -Oi.
-Rubber band. -Oh no.
Small moose. Bamboo.
A hand on the ground, my dad used to say to me.
Yes?
-And quack. -Yes?
- There's the letter. - Where?
Open it as soon as I'm gone.
OK.
-And offside rule. -Why are you so weird?
Oh no, I'll remember this! I have to remember this!
Magnus is absolutely right.
Participants should remember what I said and the things that hang there.
Since Magnus has understood the task, this should be a piece of cake.
You would think so.
And we’ll find out how this goes, right after a short break.
Welcome back to Kongen Befaler.
Participants will start playing Kim's Game-
-without knowing they’re playing it.
Magnus has already understood the task, so this should go smoothly.
But then we’ll see how good they are at having two thoughts at the same time.
-We're looking at the whole gang. Okay? -That's fine.
It's some Kim's Game stuff.
Go and sit with Olli within two minutes.
He's somewhere on the grounds.
-What? -Then things have nothing to say.
Olli? I see Olli!
Yes? Here.
Am I done? I feel like I'm doing something wrong if it goes too fast.
Yes?
No, aren’t we done? Are you joking with me?
Thank you.
“List as many" ... No, fuck! I am so stupid.
“List as many things as you can remember from what hung from the mobile in the lab."
"Tell me, too ..." Damn, I didn’t listen.
What was standing there?
"Also tell me what Olli said when you came in."
"You can’t go back to the house."
Now I have to think back.
Candlestick.
-Something I said, or that hung? -Hang.
There was something orange between us.
That's one point.
-Christmas decorations. -Christmas decorations?
Frozen fish.
-It hung an apple. -Apple?
Banana.
-Banana? -Grapes.
This is going badly. Only Jon Almaas has thought far enough-
-to do this correctly.
I didn’t look at it very carefully. I should’ve done that.
I'm just visualizing it.
A water pistol.
Photo of Atle Antonsen.
A lampshade.
Scissors.
A brass jug hung there.
Thread. Thread hung there. It was there.
-You said something like "quack". -Quick?
-Lift. -Lift?
If I say something, I think so. You don’t have to ask every time.
You said "offside rule". You said "knit".
"Clock radio", did you say that?
No, that was it.
-I give up. -Should I cross out everything?
-No! -No?
This is a program that you have to follow closely.
If the task seems suspiciously simple, -
- something more may appear. This wasn’t all decoration.
Calle's easy Buddhist method worked quite well.
Got a lot of hits. Otherwise, it was deplorable.
Mia, your tactic was to list things that exist in the world, -
-and hope for a match.
It is possible to have luck.
-Do you want the points? -Yes.
Mia and Maria had five correct each.
Magnus and Jon, you had six right.
But Calle crushes you all with nine correct.
But!
But like all movies that have an ending, there is always an alternative ending.
Those of you who operate under the motto "Where there is a task-
- there is also a loophole."
- Which of them do you think it is? - Sounds like Jon Almaas.
-Yes, it can. -Yes.
Then I guess I solved ...
"You can’t go back to the house."
"You can’t go back". [gå = ‘go’ and ‘walk’] Can I bicycle back to the house?
I can crawl, of course.
Then we have a toboggan. Coffee cup.
Smellbonbon. Copper boiler.
A beautiful portrait of Atle Antonsen.
Telephone. Screw.
And a toy fire truck.
That was what hung down from the ceiling-
-when I entered that room. As far as I can recall.
It's terribly annoying. That's it.
But I can do nothing but accept it!
Jon wins, and Calle gets second place.
Now we need to have a task a little away from my house, -
-get out and travel a bit.
I think we can see a combination of the elements bathtub, -
sense of direction and logistics, -
-in this task, which I call 71 A Little North. [wordplay on Jon’s 71 Degrees North]
-Hi. -Hi.
-Bathtub. -That’s right.
Oi. Wet task.
Yes! I have to bathe. Should I bathe?
Transport as much water as possible as far north as possible.
Liters multiplied by meters is equal to points.
"Liter x meter = points." Liter times ...
-Ten minutes. Time starts now. -North stays there, doesn't it? You won’t respond.
I don’t get it on wheels.
Whoever transports as much water as far north as possible wins.
The points are in the number of meters north they move, times liters of water.
Sounds not so simple.
We start with Jon, Calle and Mia, who have sworn to what we call ...
A difficult and foreign word for you, Atle.
Water trucks.
I know what it is, but I don’t like it.
I have a compass. North is that way.
-What do you think the others are doing? -The same.
-Mia ... -Cool that, then.
So...
Damn. Shitty equipment.
-You don’t care about the suitcase? -A little.
How much do I get for meters, versus north?
How much do I have to hit in the north?
It's more important to me than anything else.
No! Now it's very messy here. A bump in the road.
I can’t go too fast.
I'm staying the course. We are going straight north now.
-Which direction is north? -Yes, but you don’t get an answer.
I'm going this way.
-No! -One minute left.
-Now it is requested. -50 seconds.
-How much is left? -40 seconds left.
Eight, seven, six, five, four, three.
Two, one. And stop.
As far north as possible is right into ...
-Get it as far as possible into ... -Ten seconds left.
Four, three, two, one. And there.
-Like that. -Yes?
Very impressive there.
Mia, you say the most important thing for you is to run straight north.
But you started running west.
I saw Holmenkollen. [Oslo suburb]
You got north eventually, -
-but you started surprisingly west to go north.
Do we have any lengths here?
-Yes. -We have some points.
-It's a bit of a calculation. -Jon stands out superbly.
He went 309 meters north.
And you should applaud.
You had 47 liters of water. That gives a score of 14,523.
-It sounds like a lot. -Yes, sounds like a lot.
Calle, despite a detour to the west, eventually made it north.
He went 295 meters. Got 27.7 liters.
It gives a score of 8,171.5.
And finally Mia, you brought some water with you.
40.5 liters, but you went only 64 meters north.
-That will be 2,592 points. -Sounds like a lot.
Yes.
We have two left. You have to be patient.
Here comes a short break first.
We're back!
The participants move as much water as possible, as far north as possible.
We are waiting in excitement for Magnus and Maria.
That's right on the dot. It will be nice to see them together in one feature.
We'll see if it helps to be young and nimble-
-when water is to be transported north.
-What are you doing? -I'm going upstairs.
But this is a 1000-kroner [~US$108] bra, and it can’t get wet.
OK, Olli. I’ll carry the water with this.
Do you have a car?
Perfect.
-But I have to carry the water? -Yes.
Have you had a driver’s license for five years?
-Yes. -Then we have to practice driving.
Like that.
It's freezing. I'm a little sushi.
-Now it's just to give everything. -4.5 minutes left.
Can you take that bucket there?
You have it on the floor by your legs.
-Full throttle. -Oi, oi, oi.
-You have to slow down soon. -We’re going up here.
-Someone's going there. -Oh no.
Now we gas up.
Look at me, then! I drive a car.
-Speed bump. It's life threatening ... -For the water.
It went well.
I found a Voi [scooter] myself.
Five, four, three, two, one, and here you have to stop.
I'm parallel parking here.
-Oi! -No! Lost a pint there.
Time’s up.
My God, I don’t know where I am. Just hope it's north.
It's a good pint there.
Some have probably carried more water, -
-but no one has carried water farther.
Magnus, your idea was good. So you drove for ten minutes.
It should be a mile, right?
You forget that it's Magnus behind the wheel.
It was 624 meters.
-A very slow car. -I had full throttle.
Did you do it?
Maria at the bottom, then it's Magnus.
Then there are Mia, Calle and Jon. You went the farthest and carried the most.
- You win the task. - Big applause.
Now we'll see how it’s going.
Calle on top. Leading by four points over Jon.
At the bottom we have the girls Mia and Maria, also close.
We're almost at the end of the road. The last task will be completed here.
In front of the audience. On stage. Get on your feet!
We have done as Atle has said.
-Maria, you've got a letter. -I have a letter.
-Should I read? -Happily. Loud.
Put the cloth in the envelope. Fastest wins.
Don’t touch the eggs. You are punished with five seconds for each broken egg, -
-or eggs you touch.
Correct. The task is solved when the cloth is in that envelope, -
-and the envelope is sealed.
-We start at the very end. -Shit.
Yes. That's it, Mia.
Ready, set.
Pack it together.
Puts everything up.
Excited if this works.
Fun technique.
The envelope must be fully intact.
Hope it is made of bubble wrap.
Yes, you do it that way?
The audience is already clapping.
Ta-da!
I had closed the envelope!
Exciting. I'll check in here.
-The eggs? -Yes.
They’re all intact. No penalty there.
Magnus? Ready, set.
-You're so careful. -Going for the same technique?
Geez. Exciting.
- Damn. - Cheat the system.
It is exciting that the others get to see what you do.
Yes, look there.
-Falling apart at the end. -You had a waterproof plan.
Oh!
Ta-da!
I'm making a little check with our referee.
What do you think, Atle?
- Did it stick again? - Yes.
It is not sealed again.
Regardless. Jon? Then it's your turn.
We count down from three, two, one.
Exciting.
-A little too smart? -Most likely.
I had to go for the spectacular.
It was worth the try.
The most important thing was that you cost yourself.
-And I barely did. -And that the envelope is completely sealed.
-Done, Calle? -Nope.
Three, two, one.
Remember to seal it again, then.
And the one there.
-You're last, Maria. -I'm ready.
Ready, set.
Do you choose to do it that way?
Shut up.
Hey, audience!
Do you want eggs, or?
Can you bring some eggs? I’ll put them in your lap.
Just take all of them. Don’t crush them, then you're fine.
Very nice, I thought. Take the last.
Could have brought the envelope.
Why fold? I don’t know.
But now I do and can’t stop.
Thanks for the help. You can only have them.
Hurry, then.
Ta-da!
Fantastic. We take the summary down in our places.
Here’s the summary of what happened.
Was anyone not approved?
Yes, I must say that Magnus was not up to the task.
-One point. -But...
-But? -I was the fastest.
- It will not be approved. - You did not finish. Sorry about that.
I have added crushed eggs over time.
Magnus at the bottom. Calle with 1:08. Jon 1:04.
Mia 53 seconds, and Maria 51 seconds.
-Congratulations. -You won the task.
Good work!
You win this task. We look at the combined scores-
-after the program.
It is Calle who runs away with the victory in the program.
Get up and accept things that are too small.
Very good work. And the total so far in the season-
-after six programs is this.
We’ll be back next time with new tasks.
More points, new wins and not least new defeats. See you later!
Norwegian text: Janne G. Sørgulen www.iyunomg.com