Did the others understand this?
Welcome to Kongen Befaler, where five "winner-skulls" [people with a great ambition to win] give it all
to win a copy of my skull, namely a bust in gold of me.
With me I have you, my faithful skald [poet from the Viking Age] Olli Wermskog. [They're playing on words that sound like skull]
Thank you.
Shall we try a middle-of-the-road skaldekvad [Viking Age poem] about the participants?
No, fortunately we won't. Those who are here are, as most people have realised:
Steinar Sagen!
Ida Fladen!
Amir Asgharnejad!
Einar Tørnquist!
And Solveig Kloppen!
Yes, it's a wonderful bunch. We will start with the first task.
The first task is, as always, a prize task.
The participants are asked to bring something from a given category.
Today you asked, Atle:
"Bring the most unnecessary purchase you've made."
Solveig, what have you brought with you that is unnecessary?
Membership at SATS. [fitness center franchise]
Yes? -Yes.
You're not there often? -We can look at the last six months:
Yes... We're down to zero, yes.
She made it happen. -599 a month.
Yes, you have the most expensive subscription so you can work out all over the country?
That seems quite unnecessary. The task is solved. Einar?
Hi! I can...
I sat at home and played FIFA, I play at a pretty high level...
Oh really? -Thank you.
But then I noticed some slack in the control. You can't have that at a high level.
I bought a new one online. It said 14 days delivery time. Super!
Then I received an e-mail right afterwards stating that it took 11 weeks.
I thought "that won't work", so I had to go to a different online shop and order another controller.
Then I got an e-mail from them as well, about an 11 week delivery time.
I thought "heck, I might as well just put the whole Playstation away."
But then I went over to my Playstation and there it was!
That's my controller. I had played on an old defective controller
which I should have thrown away.
So now I have, in addition to the one I use,
two completely unused controllers.
One might think, "You can use that in the future."
No, because now the Playstation 5 has arrived.
Amir, what is the most unnecessary?
Yes, let's see...
These things here.
We have a winner.
They are lovely!
I bought them... because I thought they were so cute.
And then they weren't after all? -I thought they were salt and pepper shakers.
They're candleholders, but I can't find any suitable candles.
But most of all, my wife doesn't like them.
She said it was unnecessary. "Unnecessarily bought, Amir."
Steinar, what do you have?
It's a bit in the same region as Solveig.
A kettle bell.
The only thing I have used it for is to try it once in my living room.
It is very heavy and tiring to lift, which, of course, is the intention.
I've also made Indian cheese, paneer,
and you have to squeeze the cheese. That's when I've used it.
I have made quite a few Indian meals with it.
And finally, Ida.
I had a lot to choose from. I have made many unnecessary and stupid purchases.
But then I found a winner.
This is a costume for my cat.
Can it get more stupid than that? No, it can't.
I have a picture that shows... -Is it to humiliate your cat?
I thought "I must have it!"
"It's a lot of fun and necessary."
But I don't think my cat thought it was necessary. I have a picture:
He looks great.
He's not very happy. So we haven't used it that much.
So I'm allowed to say that he looks moderately satisfied? -Yeah, he's not very satisfied.
You have seen five good suggestions. -Yes, those need some points, then.
It's not that easy...
Einar, you get one point. -Thank you so much, Atle.
You are the best presenter I know. -Solveig, you get two.
The kettlebell gets three points. I recognise myself a little too much, unfortunately.
Amir four, and of course it will be the cat costume that gets five points!
Now I would like to have some tips for whipping large amounts of cream, Olli.
Yes, so you want the assignment where you have asked the participants
to whip large amounts of cream in, more or less, different ways?
That's exactly what I want. -Then we will take a look.
Hi. -Hi.
Oi, nice vase.
Filled with?
Fløte? [single cream]
I think it's Fløte.
"Turn all this Fløte into [whipped] cream."
"Fastest wins. Your time starts now."
I don't know this stuff.
Alright? There is a lot of Fløte.
As they say, some like Fløte and some like cream.
Regardless, here the Fløte should be whipped into cream as quickly as possible.
That should be smooth sailing, shouldn't it? -Yes.
I would argue that whipping cream is something most of us have done before.
Who do we start with?
I think we'll start with someone who has never whipped cream before:
Einar.
I don't know how to make cream. At home I use a spray variant.
So I was thinking of mixing Fløte and spray.
Then we do it...
Like that.
Cream.
A little dry, but it's cream. That's the most important thing.
Thank you.
Yes...
I must say, Einar, that I'm a little disappointed.
Disappointed? -Yes, a little.
I made cream. -It was a bit too neat.
It is very sympathetic of you towards the other participants.
You have put the bar so low that everything they do will appear as a success.
It's that bad? -Yes, and you're rarely that type.
So that's new. -So I have two points now?
If you win this, I myself will be surprised.
We'll have a look at the remaining four, who will whip cream for the gold medal,
the silver, the bronze and the fourth medal. Unless Einar sneaks in between.
I want to attach something here. That way I can just stand like this.
Here we go...
Ok!
Let's cream!
I thought this was the best whisk, the spade.
Wow.
It is important to get enough air in the cream. And it's a little...
Ok. I'll just have to find something else.
Hello. Do you happen to have a hand mixer or a stand mixer I can borrow?
Look at this!
I use nature's own whisk.
There we have it.
Huh?
Oh yes.
The cream is done.
Yes, that's cream.
The more I think about this, the dumber it is.
Of course, this won't go very fast.
Nothing is happening.
Cream. -Should I stop the time?
But...
This is fucking cream. What more do you need?
It's cream. Stop the time.
I didn't see... Why is there so much liquid?
No, don't show this. This is where it's cream.
Then I'm going to the neighbour. Thank you.
You're not cleaning it before you go? -Yes, I'll do that.
Thanks, bye.
You have made a good effort. Amir, whipping cream with the badminton racket?
Yes? -It looked very effective.
Yes, it was. I was the fastest, wasn't I?
Oh no!
Do you have results? -Yes, we can jump right there.
I won't do you first. Of those who whipped Fløte into cream,
Solveig was superbly... Would you guess slowest or fastest?
Yes, isn't that right? Slowest. You spent a long time thinking.
32 minutes and 20 seconds.
It is 20 minutes more than Steinar, who whipped cream with the twig.
The winner?
Amir with nine minutes and 50 seconds. Congratulations.
We can mention that Ida spent 35 minutes making...
But I get two points? -You made some kind of concrete butter.
Yes, you get two points. -Why should she have two points?
Because you hijacked the one-point right away. It was already taken.
Look here! Amir at the very top, Ida in the middle... Seven, seven, nine.
Do you see who is at the bottom? -Einar...
Embarrassing? -How did this happen?
We have become such a tight bunch that it's sad to see someone so far down.
Such empathy. We're taking a small break.
We have seen the participants solve many tasks, but now I want to see them create something.
Yes? Is there anything special you want to see them create?
How about one of the greatest wonders of them all.
Life itself! Creating life... -That should be possible.
"Create life. You have 100 days."
"The result will be presented in the studio. Your time starts now. Good luck."
What is life? What is creating life, Olli?
You know, if I wasn't... But I'm 50 years old.
Otherwise it would have been beautiful if I had made a child.
But that's not possible.
"100 days." Imagine if I had just gotten pregnant.
Then I would have to win.
Create life?
I've already created a couple of lives.
I don't think I will create more... Unless you're thinking of:
"There's no business like show..." You mean like that? ["Life" can also describe a lively, party-like situation]
I'm also sterilised.
100 days? I could... We have talked about having another one.
Our daughter is three. Maybe it's time. I can go home and ask.
Ergo you are? -Ergo sum.
Create life? If I get my cat pregnant, then?
What? It would be awesome to bring a live animal.
But I remembered now, I've had the cat neutered, so that won't work.
Create life?
Oh well...
I'll take this with me and try to create some life in the studio.
You guys are weirdos. You're a weirdo, Olli.
Yes, we are, Steinar. It's about creating life.
The participants have had 100 days. Does that affect your expectations?
Yes, among other things, that is 94 days more than God spent on the entire universe.
One should expect great things. Then you know where the bar is set.
And there are many ways to create life.
I'm wondering if we should start with...
Einar.
That's exciting, because I'm in last place! Maybe this is my chance.
Yes...
In this bag... -Is it something disgusting?
No, it's not disgusting. I have created life.
I thought:
"What moulds fastest in my house?"
Then I thought of fruits, like peach. And polar bread [Swedish flatbread] always gets mouldy.
So I took those and put them in a damp plastic bag.
Polar bread? -Yes. And peaches.
And peaches. -And nectarine, I think? It's been 100 days.
It hung in the garage, which is also a little damp. -Have you looked at it since then?
No. Now is the premiere.
Here it has come to life, you guys!
It doesn't smell so good either.
There's more here. This is really lively, look at it!
What did this used to be? -No, don't take it out!
This is the peach! -We must get it out to take a look.
Now it's no longer "peachy" [Norwegian: "fresh"] "It's less peachy".
It has turned into compote. -Oh damn!
And look at this! It's polar bread.
Look at how much life I have created.
Polar bread, you can't say that there was a lot of life in it before.
It was quite tame, now it is full of speed.
Solveig?
I can create life. [can also be interpreted as "a lively situation"]
But then there is someone in Norway who is even better at it than I am.
Take it away, Bjarne! [singer with a very famous song, There will be life [lively/party-mood]]
Drammen Theater and Solveig Kloppen.
Now there will be life! One, two, three...
There will be life! -Rai, rai
Thank you for having us.
I am impressed.
It's cool to use your celebrity friends that way.
I can confirm that there was life. He is an expert on creating life. [party-mood]
There is no one better. -That's true. Then there's Steinar.
Yes, I have... Let's see. I have a small napkin here.
Oi.
In here, my friends, there are
About 200 banana flies. [fruit flies] -But they're alive.
No, but they have lived.
I created that life first, but now they are of course dead.
But I have named them after my family members.
Here are Elida, Petter, Catrin, Victoria, and Ella.
Then there are Sissel, Erik and Tore and such...
You have created death.
I have created life! No one said we had to bring something that is alive.
I created this, I laid fruits... -You're Dr. Death.
What she's saying is correct. You have created death.
I have also... -But that's not so easy either.
No, it is difficult, but the task has not been answered.
No, I'll stop. -Oh, for fuck's sake!
Who made you king [taskmaster]? Do we agree that they have lived?
So I have created life... -I don't know that they have lived.
They sat dead on the banana and ate on it?
Yes? -No!
We have been such good friends until now.
Talking so much about your solution is the first sign of insecurity.
Isn't it strictly the banana that has created life?
But I opened the banana and left it on the bench, I'm...
Now you even have Solveig against you.
Ida? I hope you can top this.
I hope so. I have to go get something.
You're kidding? -What do you have?
It's a chicken.
Hang on. -It's not dead, is it?
It's Anton.
It's a chicken! -Yes.
Now I'm going to tell the story. "Antonsen", he is named after you.
It had to be like that. -Not a bad thought.
Ok, what I did...
I bought an incubator.
I bought 90 eggs at the grocery store and put them in that green thing.
I turned them three times a day, you have to do that.
And after a week I could check if there was life in the eggs.
I have filmed it.
One egg is alive.
Now I'm getting snot everywhere.
Ok, ok, ok... I used the flashlight...
And suddenly... I looked through 75 eggs.
Then suddenly... and then...
It lights up, and then it's just full of blood vessels.
I'm getting a chicken. I'm getting a chicken.
This is fantastic!
And three weeks after that, Anton was born on my kitchen counter.
It is an incredibly good job!
And think about it, he was just going to be scrambled eggs! And now he is alive!
What are we going to say about the banana flies now?
Even mould is nothing compared to this.
So some life is worth more than others?
I'm not saying that, but we do have a live chicken in the studio. -It's fantastic.
You should get an applause for that solution.
Yes it...
This is a tough act to follow, but... Amir?
Good luck!
Are you sweaty? -What do you have?
Okay, then it's my turn, yes...
Yes..
Once upon a time, on a hot summer's day. This summer.
An incredibly excited flower.
Can I ask, did you draw this yourself? -Yes.
They started... They started kissing.
And finally, Mr. Willy plunged into the depths.
Where the beautiful thing happens.
And all the sperm swam in competition, like flowers, towards the egg,
with love in their hearts.
And... Oi, look at that!
Two lines.
It means "Ka-ching! I have created life."
Is it... -Yes, yes.
I assume this is true? -Yes, I knew about this.
Amir needed to ally with someone. I can confirm that it is true.
So your wife is pregnant? -Yes, she's pregnant.
Have we become a show like this? -We have, yes!
But I had banana flies...
I was just going to ask you what you think about the banana flies now?
This is completely unreal. Didn't you say in the clip that you would see if you could make it happen?
Yes. -And you did it!
Two days after I got home,
she had been scolded, or advised, by the gynecologist, to get started.
Scolded...
Then we took it as a good sign, and the boy will be called Kongen [the king].
I really have to say... -You have some points to hand out.
It's between a child and mould.
All life has equal worth. -Yes, that is correct. Almost.
No, let's name a winner. We'll get rid of those who lost first.
There are quite a few of those. Let's see...
Steinar, you'll get one point.
Einar will get two.
Solveig, wasn't that your name? You will get three.
I really didn't think it would be possible to top the chicken,
but of course, we have no other option than to give five points to Amir.
So it's four to you. Fantastic! Big applause.
We will take a little break. We'll be right back.
Yes, yes, yes...
After all that excitement, we need something that is not quite as life-giving,
but still slightly more exciting than watching paint dry.
Yes? You want to see clothes dry? -Yes, perfect!
Oi, now things are happening.
There is a drying rack that has fallen into the pool.
That can happen if you have a pool.
The worst thing I know is those knitted cotton sweaters when they are wet.
It gets so incredibly wet. Is there a letter? There, yes.
Let's see.
"Atle's drying rack has unfortunately fallen into the pool."
"Driest laundry in 20 minutes wins."
"Your time starts now."
Exactly, exactly...
The clothes should be as dry as possible in 20 minutes.
We can start with Amir, Ida and Einár.
I have to get in the pool, then.
It's not deep, but cold.
Is this seriously Atle's? There's nothing wrong with that.
Atle, I think you'd look great in this.
I have a car, I have a rope... Then we're off.
When you first go out to dry clothes, there aren't many practical methods other than this.
I'll try to look behind.
There you see the clothes hanging nicely to dry. There's no need to wonder, I always know where it is.
The driest laundry... It's very windy. I should take advantage of that.
This was a bit clever, if I may say so myself.
To squeeze out as much water as possible. But there's probably a smarter way to do that.
I have to turn here, guys. The laundry flung a bit, but it went well.
A short drive on the main road.
Then we'll accelerate a bit.
Now the clothes are fluttering.
Dry clothes!
This is so stupid. I feel so stupid. If anyone does something even stupider,
I'm looking forward to seeing it.
I'm not getting the clothes dry, but I have a dry joke or two.
Let's say the clothes are the wife of the house.
The dryer is the man.
The clothes are wet, the wife is wet. What are you going to do to get her dry?
Yes, then the man just asks:
"Shall we sleep together today?"
Thanks.
Those should be some good dry clothes.
It has taken on a little colour, but it should be very dry.
A little damp, but not much.
Thanks, and no thanks for a good assignment.
Amir, if any of the others had solved the task like that,
I would have accused them of boycotting the whole scheme.
But since it's you and considering how you usually solve problems,
I have to give you approval. This is a normal day in Amir's life.
I have to ask how we are doing because I don't get it.
I can first say that the completely wet laundry weighs 14 kilos.
While completely dry it weighs 3.5 kilos.
Amir, you managed to finish at 11.3 kilos.
Ida managed to squeeze hers to 8.7 kilos.
Einar got the laundry down to 8.2 kilos.
So you're leading so far.
Not bad, but more clothes need to be dried.
Yes, and here is the duo double-S, Steinar and Solveig.
Oi, that's wet.
Let's squeeze them dry while we think.
How do clothes get dry?
Steam? Iron? Dryer?
What should we do to get them dry? I'm thinking fire.
There we go. We'll throw this on right away.
Then it gets dry right away.
Auch!
Now I'll squeeze the water out of the clothes.
Let's see how it's going.
Oops, it's starting to get a little brown.
Okay, a little break there.
Look at this!
I think my biggest competitor is Solveig. She probably has some smart old tricks up her sleeve.
Fuck!
Half the time has passed. I'm in a very bad position.
That looks dry. It's pretty fun.
Let's see... Oi!
Fuck. Damn. What?
There! Okay, like that.
If I were Atle, I would consider another wash.
Do you see? Here it is completely dry.
Like that.
Steinar, you've always struck me as a guy who barbecues everything.
You were just missing the beer in hand to go with it. -Yes, I did feel like drinking alcohol.
Yes? It looked surprisingly successful. Was it mostly smoke or steam?
I think it was mostly steam. And some parts of it got completely dry.
So... that's something.
Yes. It's hard to say how well it does against Solveig's laundry roll.
But your first tactic was to hang the clothes back on the drying rack?
In the hope that it would be dry in 20 minutes?
But then I was reminded of a smart old trick, the roll.
I assume the clothes are condemned now, but the question is how dry were the clothes?
I have the answer to that. Let's see...
Solveig, you got your laundry, not sure how it happened,
to 8.9 kilos. It's something. Currently the second last place.
While BBQ king Steinar, you grilled yourself into a first place with 6.8 kilos.
Five points to Steinar! -Then the standings are like this:
And today in total:
Great! Amir is still in the lead, Ida in second, and Steinar in third.
There's a chance for most of them to win and we will be able to find out
in the last competition, as always, which, you know,
happens here on stage. Get on your feet!
Yes, then we will do the last task: "What do people think of me?"
Not about me, but about you.
We have asked the audience what they associate with each of the participants.
Your task is to take a statement that you think is about you.
You will do it in three rounds, until all the statements have been taken.
We start with the one in the lead so far. Amir.
Thanks. -Yes, please.
Yes, I have to read it, then...
Yes, I can take this one. [Sign: "Looks like Super Mario"]
Would you look at that. You got a little "yes" from the audience.
But it's wrong. It's Super Mario who looks like me.
He "looks like Super Mario". Ida.
Oi...
There's one that says "lemming". That's the animal that gets so angry that it bursts.
I think that's me, but it could be Solveig too.
Shit, I'm getting stressed. I'm taking the lemming.
That's me.
Lemming, great. Steinar.
I'm just going over here to take...
[Sign: "Looks like Peppa Pig's dad"]
It's a mixture of fun and sadness that you get applause for it.
I can't say that I disagree. Solveig.
Shall we see... It's very embarrassing if I'm wrong about this.
But I'll go for it! -Oi, what did you go for?
"Norway's loveliest TV presenter."
Did you take it? -That's fun.
Einar.
Mine are all taken.
"Mom loves he/her." It should have said "him".
Then it will be... -"Know-it-all." That's understandable.
Amir.
Yes... I think maybe this is it.
"Cute and funny."
Ida.
Oi.
Go for "sexy".
It will be a bummer if that's not right.
A sexy lemming?
It's not bad.
I have too little self-confidence when I stand here.
I'll take "never gets old".
Solveig. -Is it me?
I know it's not "the world's best comedian".
I often find that people say:
"I don't think you are that good, but mum loves you!"
"Norway's loveliest TV presenter" and "mum loves her".
Einar.
Yes... "The world's best comedian"?
That applies to no one here. -It's tempting...
God... Now I'm embarrassed.
No, do it. -Are you embarrassed?
"Is awesome."
I'm a little awesome.
Amir.
Those are contradictions. An awesome know-it-all.
Sorry. -I'll take that.
Let's go!
"The world's best comedian."
Ida. -What's left here?
No, god... "Funny and cool"?
Yes? -No?
Steinar? -"Sweaty" or "funny"...
I can dream that I'm more funny than sweaty.
I'm trying "funny".
Solveig.
I'm thinking... I don't think I look very much like a morning person,
but...
Yes, she goes for it. "Looks like a morning person...
if (s)he's not, I'll be surprised." Then there is one left.
What does that one say, Einar? -"Awesome, cool and funny."
It says "sweaty". -An awesome, sweaty know-it-all.
It looks promising, everyone has chosen. We'll go back to our seats and go through them there.
Yes, here you're sitting with your proud and shameless choices.
Can you take it away, Olli? -Yes, we can start with Steinar.
I can confirm that "looks like Peppa Pig's dad" is correct.
"Never gets old."
That belonged to Solveig. And "funny"
was to Amir.
So it's one correct. -Thanks!
Ida.
"Lemming" is correct.
"Funny and cool" is...
Steinar. And "sexy" is
Amir.
It's embarrassing when it's not right. -You're sitting there being sexy, Amir.
"Looks like Super Mario" is correct.
"Cute and funny" is Ida. And "the world's best comedian" is
you, Einar. -Look at that!
Einar, you chose "is awesome", "know-it-all" and "sweaty".
I can say that "know-it-all" is correct.
"Is awesome" is for Ida. And "sweaty" is yours,
Steinar.
Solveig. "Looks like a morning person,
if (s)he's not, I'll surprised."
That's correct. "Norway's loveliest TV presenter."
That is also correct. "Mum loves him/her" is
Einar.
Steinar, Ida, Amir and Einar have one right.
Solveig, you have two correct and get five points with it.
The rest get four points. And then we'll see how it went.
It's Amir who runs away with the victory in this programme!
Come forward and take all these unnecessary things home.
This is the position so far in the series.
We'll be back with new tasks and points,
but the same, old delicious participants! See you.
Bye!
Original Norwegian subs: Rolf C. Johannessen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
Initial English translation: /u/Sulimonstrum (/r/panelshow group)
Better translations and Norwegian context: /u/msbtvxq (/r/panelshow group)
Pedantic final edits and reformatting: /u/Taskmastermaster (/r/panelshow group)