Isabelle, yes!
The coffee is ready.
"Oh, I'm here?!"
A warm welcome to Kongen Befaler,
where the participants' sense, cleverness, and perspicacity
obviously do not set the guidelines for who gets to participate or win.
By my side sits the man who is the best version of himself,
but still an average specimen of a human being. Olli Wermskog!
Thank you. I take that as a compliment,
that you think of me as the best version of myself.
Yes, the compliments come easy today. - Thanks.
But you have to remember that you should answer when you are talked to,
not when you are talked about. Just so we're clear on that.
Alright. Then we'll introduce the five who are competing
for a bust in gold... of me.
In random age order from the left, Live Nelvik!
Espen Eckbo!
Martha Leivestad!
Kristoffer Olsen!
And Henriette Steenstrup!
Olli, start talking! - Yes.
The first task is, as always, a prize task,
and today's task is to bring something you would actually wish on your worst enemy.
Bring something you'd actually wish on your worst enemy. That's a clever scenario.
It's tricky. - Yes.
And what they bring, they risk losing.
And the winner risks taking it home with them,
which we know is always the rule. Let's start with you, Live.
Yes, my worst enemy... I had to go within myself.
It's a person I hate.
I've been a bit mean. - Yeah?
I have gone for the genre of psychological terror. Yes...
Ok... Psychological terror, ladies and gentlemen.
A semi-defective iPhone charger!
Oi, oi, oi! - Look here! Here's where it's broken.
When you plug it in to charge... Here is my enemy...
When you put the phone in, it'll go: Pling!
Charging, not charging. Pling! Charging, not charging.
It makes you crazy! - Yes, it does.
That's how I would break my worst enemy.
It's a nightmare. Because it works so well that you shouldn't throw it away, either.
Yes, exactly. You can't throw it away.
Because it works... occasionally.
A nice vengeful type there. The task is solved.
Espen, what have you brought? - I have gone for an experience.
So what I wish on my worst enemy is one of my less good experiences.
And that is to experience my first time getting wasted.
So here is a frozen pizza, pimped up a bit with...
...a little extra cheese and ketchup like this.
And then there is a bottle of moonshine,
which should be mixed with a slightly flat Villa Farris [soda/fizzy drink].
And then finally we have a fork that you use the next day
to pick up your vomit from the sink
in your friend's cabin, where you are visiting.
So it's to clean the drain. Yes, it's a great party kit.
Martha, you can continue. - Yes, god... Thank you so much.
I... It's just... I thought about... My worst enemy.
That's so horrible. I don't think you should do stuff like that.
I don't have any enemies. But Olli... It's good to have you here.
I have prepared something for you. - How nice.
'Cause I'm like, "Enemies, who's got those?"
So I have baked a little cake for you.
Yes...
So like, what do you think? You want the middle part?
Isn't that good? - Sure... Cut it wherever you want.
The middle, then? - Yes. Or do you...
No, not until you've read the card. - Alright.
You have to read the card first. - Read the card first, yes.
Should I read it out loud? - Yes, please.
"No one loves you." - Does it say that?
Oh my god! That was rude.
To be honest, I do like that this affected Olli.
Kristoffer? What have you brought?
I have brought something that is not very hard,
but it depends on the eye that sees.
I have brought Kristoffer Olsen's collection of erotic short stories.
We need an explanation here.
I have not always been a successful actor.
It actually hasn't been that many years since I got my first big job.
Before that I wrote erotic short stories
and sold them to various strange magazines in Norway, to pay my rent.
Is it posible to...
Is it possible to hear a couple of sentences? A little excerpt?
I'm enjoying myself now with the thought of all those 60-year-old men
who have enjoyed these short stories,
and now see who actually wrote them.
I can read a tiny passage.
Yes, please! - Which says something about...
...the fact that I might fit in better here than in the porn offices around Norway.
“Her t-shirt is so thin that if I focus properly"
"I can see the outline of her nipples."
"Like, the dark outermost ring."
"They're bigger than I imagined."
"Not that I'm imagining them all the time. Maybe sometimes."
Now I got so horny. Oi, oi, oi!
Henriette Steenstrup, what have you brought that you wish on your worst enemy?
I'm getting a little personal here. Sorry about that.
But I have... Which will be given to one of the participants.
I have bought tickets...
...to Kristin Lavransdatter [classic trilogy] with Kristoffer Olsen.
Which is... Yes, it's a great work,
but it's ten hours of The Wreath, The Wife and The Cross.
Where you can watch Kristoffer Olsen in the role of Simon and others.
So good luck with that. Bring a packed lunch and a pillow, maybe.
But I really wish this on my worst enemy.
So Kristoffer, you're going to be in a ten-hour long play?
Even my own mother said: "You know what? I can't be bothered with that."
No, that's understandable.
Points must be awarded. - Points must be awarded,
and... they're very spread out.
A lot of good ones. I'll start at the bottom.
Martha Leivestad, you actually just get 1 point.
You can see that there's fierce competition.
I understand that very well, and I don't often agree.
Yes, the charger is really good.
Yes, but the charger only gets 2 points. - No, that's wrong!
It's evil, I agree, but... - No, Live!
Just because she's talking down my...
Espen appealed to my feelings and 'memory lane' with that moonshine kit.
Of course that's so beautiful that I can't help but give it 3 points.
That's shocking. - It's 3 points to Espen.
Then it's between the two of you.
I think it's difficult, but you know what?
Henriette, you get the 5 points. It was fantastic.
Ten hours of theatre is evil. Fucking evil.
4 points to Kristoffer.
This means that Henriette runs away with the first 5 points of the day. Lovely!
Maybe it will turn around now! - Yes, it will turn around now!
Olli, where are you?! Get on the horse! Give me the next task.
I'm on the horse, and here comes a task where we test
whether the participants' punctuality matches their coordination.
Alright. And were they punctual?
Well, about as punctual as I am now.
Three, two...
Hello. - Yes...
Skeptical? - No.
"Guess how long it will take you to score three times in a row."
Three in a row with the same wheat bun?
"The one closest to their guessed time wins."
"Your time starts when you have chosen the time."
What are you looking for?
Something to score on.
When the tasks get a little mysterious...
Is this mysterious? - No...
Leave me alone. I have to do some thinking.
What the participants have to do is to score in the basket three times in a row.
So it's in a row, right? Three in a row. - In a row, yes.
Without gaps, then? - Three in a row.
So if you miss in between... - Then it's not in a row.
Missing stops the count? So it's three in a row?
If you score once, then you miss, and then you score again…
Surely no-one could have misunderstood that? - We'll see.
It's so clear. Three in a row is three in a row.
Additionally, it also has to be the same wheat bun.
That's in the letter too, right? - Yes, it is. The same wheat bun.
They must write down a time and try to get as close to that time as possible.
And the time can be whatever they choose themselves.
So to sum it up, the letter says that the same wheat bun must go in the basket
three times in a row.
That's impossible to misunderstand.
We agree on that, right? As long as you read the letter. - If you read the letter, and understand the letter,
then it's... Should we just start with Live and Henriette?
We can do that.
I'm guessing one minute.
One minute and ten seconds.
Then we're off. - Don't scare me.
One.
No!
There! Two. - Yes.
Three. - That was two.
Yes!
Damn!
I did it!
This is awesome.
Now I gained so much self-confidence.
How long did I spend?
The time is still running.
Huh?
What?
It's the same wheat bun. - Same wheat bun, yes.
The time's running.
Stop the time!
I don't understand.
Oh, it was in a row.
Have you scored three in a row? - No! Damn...
Three times in a row. Now you have one.
Zero.
One... - Two.
Three!
I stopped the time.
I got bun in my eye.
Now I was stupid, wasn't I? I thought I was being clever.
But I was stupid.
You mustn't judge yourself too harshly.
And the door opens the other way.
Yes...
I can comment on it, of course,
but you sum it up so well yourself, Henriette.
"Now I was stupid, wasn't I?"
"I thought I was being clever, but I was stupid."
That covers it. - Well summed up.
But I don't think the others are that much smarter.
No, a couple of programmes have already taught us that.
Nobody here is particularly smarter than that.
So in that sense, you can almost win with that.
Do you want some times? - I want some times.
Live, you guessed you would spend one minute, and spent five.
Henriette guessed 1:10 and spent 3:50, so it's better than Live.
It is. But we have more. - Absolutely.
We can take a look at Martha and Espen, and you can guess,
"what goes on and on, and never reaches the basket?" [pun based on an idiom]
If I had to guess... - If I had to guess...
I'm not too bad at throwing things.
The letter says nothing about that line.
And we have to throw it from here.
I'm so happy when I understand the task.
I give myself two minutes.
Two minutes.
Shit! What have you done?
What have I done? I'm totally crazy.
Except that I... Alright, that was one.
That was twice. Then I just have to do it one more time.
Then I can relax a bit. I have half a minute. Approximately.
Maybe you can bring it back when I've thrown it?
Now I need a new one.
Let's try it now.
Fuck...
There! Done.
I think that was pretty close to two minutes.
But I won't know that until...
You won't tell me now.
No, no, no. The time's running.
Thanks. - Great.
Oh, Martha! Come on!
What's the time, Olli?
Five seconds to two minutes.
The time's up?
The time's running.
Right... I'm going to lie down on the couch for a bit.
Are you really going to keep doing this? - Yes, apparently we are!
There are seven and a half programmes left!
Will I keep seeing... What are you guys doing?
Seven and a half programmes! I can't believe this!
What a bunch of people you are!
The thing is... I'm a rule follower.
It's brainless! That's what it is.
Can I just say something?
What comes to mind now?
That I'm being bullied? - The rules?
No! I can't bear it, Kristoffer, if you've done this...
That he has put a ladder up to the basket.
We'll see. - Let's see what he has done.
I can't bear that either. - Here comes Kristoffer.
I will be kind to myself.
Now I'm starting out high.
30 seconds.
Alright...
No! No!
Boom! One.
Good job.
Boom! Two.
Then I can hang a little in the basket at the end.
Bam! Three. Stop the time.
This is not okay.
I understand that it's hard, Live.
It's kind of in a whole other division.
But isn't that cheating your way through life?
No, no, no. - First erotic short stories...
It's actually called using your brain. - Yes, that is correct.
This was actually... I had such high expectations for you
that what Kristoffer delivered here was what I expected as the lowest level.
Think about how I'm feeling now.
To summarise a bit... - We need the results now.
I like rounds like this, where I don't have to talk so much.
You can just sit there and gloat. - Yes, that's what I'm doing.
Martha and Espen, your times are still running.
So it's not approved.
So that means it's third place for Live.
Second place for Henriette.
And with a difference of 72 hundredths, you get a superior victory, Kristoffer.
5 points. Good.
Then we can see the points here. - Yes.
And overall today the standings are... Yes.
Yes, it's Henriette and Kristoffer in the lead after two rounds.
Martha, you have a bit more work to do. We can agree on that.
We're taking an ever-so-slight break, but we'll be right back.
Atle...
What satisfies you the most?
This is a family programme, Olli. - Yes, yes. Okay.
Yes... What satisfies me the most?
The silence afterwards.
Ok...
If we ignore both what comes before and the silence,
is there anything else? So that we can...
Well, I'm quite fond of listening to things.
I like listening to things.
That's good. That's much better.
Then I've got something to show you.
Did that fit? - Yes, that fit much better.
Much better, yes. - Great. Let's see...
Great start. - Did you trip?
No...
"Make the most satisfying sound for Atle."
"The sound that satisfies Atle the most wins."
Now people are doing something called ASMR.
ASMR, welcome!
Isn't there a whole genre of sounds called something like 'RSVP'?
No, what's it called?
ARSM, or something like that?
ASMR is... You get very close to the microphone
and record so that people can listen and get chills.
The first thing you go to is like: "mmmm."
We are not doing that. Or I'm not.
He likes whistling.
But he will probably just get annoyed if someone tries to whistle.
This is very nice to get straight into your ears through some plugs,
so I would have this...
I need a Q-tip.
Right...
Satisfying sounds... I bet he likes... food.
The sound of a...
Hang on.
Ah! Awesome! Yes!
Yes, we've turned your chair a bit, Atle.
So that you get the best possible listening experience.
So that you can close your eyes, sit back and just enjoy.
OK. Here is contribution number one.
Everyone loves the sound of a dripping tap.
We all love a little water leak. That's very relaxing to me, at least.
Would you say that it was long enough? - It was long enough, yes.
Okay. Let's see... Let's take a look at the next contribution.
Are you ready? Next candidate. - Yes.
I am actually such a weak person that this worked on me.
But it was still straight from paradise to Østfold [county in Norway], in a way.
Alright. Then you will get... Ready for the next one?
Yes. - Third candidate.
A cozy fireplace?
A cozy time by the fireplace while, maybe, cracking some nuts.
Why... - A cozy fireplace and cracking nuts.
It was a bit too little, maybe. I couldn't quite get into it.
Yep. Here's the next one. - Yes.
Enjoy yourself, Atle.
It was...
There was a lot of silence.
A lot of silence.
And a lot of heavy breathing.
A bit like being alone in the cabin.
It sounded like yourself? - Absolutely.
You won't necessarily lose with so much silence.
Fifth and last. Are you ready? - Yes.
We'll turn this off now. Turn it off!
Turn it off?
We'll turn it off! Yes.
Yes, this...
This smells like Henriette.
Yes, it's like what Espen said.
You like to whistle, but-
I whistle a lot myself, but remember that I'm whistling.
I'm not wheezing.
No, and I realised that.
It's not enough that you were mimicking someone who can whistle,
when you can't whistle. - Not at all, and I realised that,
but then I had already started with some flattery and Kyrkjebø [singer] stuff
and then it was too late.
Yes, then it was too late, and you ended up with one point.
I understand that. I deserve that.
Henriette with one point.
Which sound will be next? - I'm thinking we'll take
that fireplace thing as second last.
Fireplace? That was Martha, who was cracking her fingers.
2 points to Martha? - That's a lot of the same.
Yeah, let's see... What else did we have?
Yes, a dripping tap can't go any higher.
Water leakage in third place. - Espen gets 3 points.
You know what it was? - Yes, it's a good sound.
But it was more of a skill than...
"Now I'll go to bed and listen to this sound."
Then there are two left. A bit of silence and...
The silence was good, but it will be second best.
So I give top marks to beer drinking and a burp.
Live with 5. Kristoffer with 4.
That's good.
Yes, it was impressive.
Olli!
Give me a task with chains, padlocks and blindfolds.
Can I add rubber ducks too? - Yes. Now you are outdoing yourself.
Thank you.
It's raining, Olli.
Do we have to be outside? - Yes.
Such a lovely day!
I'll take the sight, but I should probably read the task first.
Stop!
Put these on. - What sort of kink is this?
It's mine.
Oh, it's wet.
It's wet, yes.
You can close your legs.
I'm going to put some chains on you.
You're going to put some chains on me.
It feels a bit good, as well. - What feels good?
That you just take control like that.
Ready for the letter? - Ready for the letter!
"Remove all the rubber ducks from the fountain. The fastest wins."
"But you can buy yourself out of the chains or the blindfold"
"for an added time, in Olli's shop."
"The feet cost three extra minutes."
"One hand costs five extra minutes."
"Your sight costs seven extra minutes."
"Your time starts now."
Ok...
Oh, I love you, Henriette.
We're taking an ever-so-slight advertising break. Be right back.
The participants have to remove all the rubber ducks from the fountain,
but their hands and feet are chained up, and they can't see.
However, they can buy themselves out of these handicaps by adding some extra time.
That was easy as cake, Olli. - Thank you very much.
Who do we start with? - Who do we start with?
Can't we start with Henriette and Martha, then?
You won't buy yourself out of anything?
I won't start with that.
I think I'll take the sight.
The sight, right away.
Olli, what was I supposed to do?
Remove the rubber ducks from the fountain.
Ok.
Oh, I'm here?! - Yes.
My god, so close.
What the fuck?
Would you like to buy something else? - No!
Damn...
I have stopped the time.
Finished. Fantastic. - Yes...
Thank you.
That was really annoying, Martha.
At least we didn't look stupid.
But it's clear that those rubber ducks should be removed from the fountain.
If you have escaped from prison, then…
It's not like if you're up on the wall, you've finished escaping.
I think it's sad myself.
I think it's sad myself, but...
I can't even look at you. - It didn't go well.
You're... It's... It's so annoying.
You should feel it a bit now. If not, you are...
Who are you annoyed with? - Oh.
You, Olli.
We're getting the blame, yes.
Oi, oi, oi, I'm so... But I'm still incredibly likable.
But shit! That was fucking annoying.
We have some times. - Absolutely.
Let's see, Martha moved the ducks from the fountain to the fountain, so it's not...
Oh, fucking hell! [dogs' ears prick up for miles around]
It's not passed.
Henriette spent 2:52 and bought the sight,
which adds 7 minutes, so it ends up as 9:52.
But there are more left,
let's take a look at them. - Yes, it can be good, it can be bad.
Let's take a look at Live and the boys.
I'll try first without doing anything.
I can hear where it flows.
There. Look at that, here we have one.
There was one here.
No, there's nothing to think about.
Oi!
Now we are trying to work our way around strategically.
There we have one!
I'll buy a... hand. - A hand?
Like that. Oi!
Here.
Hang on.
Like that. Let's be quick.
Are you moving the ducks, or what?
One, two, three.
Is it approved?
Two more.
Oh, my thighs are getting tired.
Two, away. Two, away.
What I'm thinking now is that I should've probably taken off my shoes.
Oh, it's cold!
You should chemically clean this crap. Oh! There!
Now I have stopped the time.
Why?
All the ducks are out.
Are they? - Yes.
Here is one. - Ow!
There I stopped the time.
Are you kidding? - No.
No, I'm done, I think. Stop the time.
Shall I stop the time? - Stop!
Okay. - I always feel like a winner.
Right afterwards.
Then it usually takes a minute or two.
And then I feel like a loser.
I'm just going to enjoy that minute...
The winning minute? - Yeah.
Can I see now? - Now you are free.
Fuck! One?
No! That's...
Oh, that's exactly what I... One damn duck! Fuck!
Now the minute is over. I feel it. Oh well...
Yes, Live. There will be no victory here.
But for one minute I gave you a feeling of being a winner.
That's something. But what I feel I got out of this, was...
I just have to say it, Espen.
How are you going to spend the important
seven minutes you saved by not buying the sight?
I'm going to close my eyes and think about when Espen
slowly went down towards that duck.
That's one of the most erotic things I've seen.
I'll enjoy that for seven minutes, Espen.
First heavily dominated by Olli,
and then he went down to pick up the duck with his mouth.
It was more sensual than I remembered.
You probably didn't think: "Oh, this is sensual."
But then it turned out that way.
It's perhaps the most sensual of all when it's not even intended that way.
We have some results. - Absolutely.
Live and Martha are both disqualified,
so it's zero points, unfortunately.
Henriette, 9:52.
You were beaten a lot by Espen and Kristoffer.
Espen, 5:52. Kristoffer, 5:25.
So 5 points. Congratulations.
Here we see the points, and overall it looks like this.
Oi! Kristoffer has a huge lead here.
Henriette, you are in second place,
but it hasn't been decided yet.
It hasn't been decided.
The last task will be solved here in the studio
up on stage in front of the audience.
Get up there, people!
We have come to the very last task
and we have put up a nice, red stage curtain.
And Atle, where are you? - Here.
There you are. Seated in the theatre's best location.
I am. I will get a good overview from here.
Yes, and today we will test the participants' ability
in an art form I know you have perfected,
namely standing when it looks like you are walking,
and walking when it looks like you're standing.
Yes, or at least the art of looking like I'm listening while I'm actually sleeping.
Is that what you're doing right now? - That's what I'm doing right now.
Good. Alright!
The participants each have their own treadmill,
which is hidden behind this curtain.
And now they will try to deceive Atle.
Either they're standing, or they're walking.
If Atle guesses wrong, they move on to the next round.
If Atle guesses correctly, they are out.
Are you ready, Atle? - You are very good from here, Olli.
You are much better from a distance. - Thank you.
Then I'll just say ready, set, go [walk]. Or stand.
Let's see...
Are you ready back there? - Yes.
Great!
That's a bit tricky. - Yes.
Here the tactic may be to exaggerate so it looks like he is faking it,
but he's really walking. These things are difficult.
You know what I'm guessing?
I'm guessing that he's standing. - Let's see...
No! - He walking.
Here we have someone who is out on a walk.
He was too smart for me.
Right.
Then it's the next one.
Yes, that...
I'll go for... standing.
You go for standing. Shall we see.
Shall we see... - Yes!
She's walking. Two wrong. - Then it's the next one.
Let's get started. Let's see...
I can't imagine her being able to coordinate these things.
So I should guess that she is standing.
Let's see...
Yes! She's standing. - She's standing.
That's good. Then she's out.
Ready?
That's either the world's worst or the world's best attempt.
Totally impossible to be completely sure about this. She's standing!
She's standing. Let's see...
Fuck! - She's standing.
Yes, she is. Right.
Then you're out.
Take a seat.
One participant left.
We have two on the loser bench so far. Let's see...
They've sat there before. Oh, look at that!
What a technique.
This may be the same technique that others have previously been successful with.
He's walking! - Let's see...
He's walking. - He is.
Then you can also go sit over there.
Yes, then it's the final round between Kristoffer and Live.
Are you ready, Atle?
I'm very ready. Looking forward to it.
I have doubled the speed from 2.5 to 5.
That sounds very promising.
Yes, so now it gets even more difficult.
But we'll just get started. Nothing to wait for.
Here is Kristoffer.
Yes, I find it hard to believe that double speed looks so calm,
but I guess he takes long steps. I think he's walking!
You guess that he's walking? - Yes, he's walking.
He... - He's actually running.
He's jogging. - Yes!
Yes, that's good. - Then we'll see.
Then it's Live. If you guess correctly, they share the victory.
Yes, right. - Then we can look at Live.
No, she's standing.
Shall we see? Is she standing? - Yes, she's standing.
No! - Yes, she's standing!
Yes, then it was a double first place.
We'll sum it up down in our seats.
Yes...
There has been both walking and standing.
Yes, and there were no winners in this competition.
Simply put, the only winner is me,
who managed to expose everyone quite quickly.
That means everyone who went out first gets 1 point.
Those who went out in the second round get 2 points.
I myself get 5, but I will be so humble that I won't put myself up on the board.
This means that the distribution of points
in this task is like this, like I just said.
What is the total score in today's programme?
Yes, it's Kristoffer who runs away with this programme too!
Get up on stage and take all the things
that people wish on their worst enemies.
Such as, a ticket to your own theatre performance.
Ten hours of theatre for your mother.
That's what we had time for in this programme,
but of course we'll be back next week.
Thank you for watching. Goodbye!
Original Norwegian subs: Ane S. Olsen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
English translation: u/msbtvxq
Proofreading: u/taskmastermaster