No, no, no!
"I am not there, I am here!"
A warm welcome to Drammen's theatre
and a new season of Kongen Befaler.
The audience is new, the participants are new, the tasks are new,
and as you can see, there is indeed a new king as well.
Yes. One clap. I am satisfied with that. We'll see-
No.
I will earn it.
But one man who sits faithfully by the king's side,
who has neither moved up nor down in 60 episodes,
Olli Wermskog, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you. I am happy to sit here.
But I should also say welcome to you too.
How will this be? I think it's great.
I also think it's great. I'm looking forward to it.
I'm not as angry as Atle,
but I'm a plain psychopath, so we'll manage to create a bad atmosphere.
And I've been a participant myself, so I know what it's like to sit there.
What I can expect.
And I also know how well you can actually do it.
Yes, let's see here. You came in third place.
Not that impressive of a score.
As we have seen, Olli, everyone can be replaced in this programme.
Vegard is sitting in the car, so it's just a call away.
But fortunately, Atle did not just leave behind a mess.
He managed to put together a lovely group for us.
Leo Ajkic, ladies and gentlemen. [Bosnian-Norwegian journalist and presenter]
Karin Klouman. [actor, best known from Basic Bitch]
Lars Berrum. [comedian and presenter]
Hani Hussein. [stand-up comedian]
Vidar Magnussen. [actor and comedian]
There are probably people sitting at home wondering what this gang is fighting for.
This year there is a bigger prize than ever.
This year you can walk away with a bust in gold of me!
Lars, you're tall, you're a comedian, you're a nurse.
You're practically a monster. How can you lose this?
I actually have pretty good self-confidence, or feeling,
because I am, in a way, a Goliath in height and size.
But I also have David's finesse in my fingers.
So I'm pretty well-rounded, really.
So it's my head that can fuck it up.
Karin, in Basic Bitch you are a neurotic woman who wants to be liked
and wants to look good etc.
How do you want to appear here?
I'm still very concerned about being liked.
But I am nice.
I hope I'm not as neurotic, but I think I might be.
I just have to... I just have to...
stand by that.
Hani, before you became a comedian,
you worked at the United Nations in New York.
You seem a bit overqualified for the job.
Are you going to solve the tasks with diplomacy, or are you also handy?
I think I'm a bit handy too.
I hope and believe that I am relatively calm in most of the tasks.
And what Lars claims he can do, I think I can actually do.
I see. - Yes.
That was an offensive UN.
Leo, I think you are the first participant in Kongen Befaler
who is tough.
The first tough guy.
I'm mostly wondering why you agreed to this.
You have everything to lose.
I don't know, man. I have to be tough. Since I look quite tough.
If I had a premature baby-butt face like you have,
I might have made funny music and been more jovial.
But I just have to play with what life gave me,
so I have to be tough, man.
But I'm trying to be softer. That's why I took part in this.
Sorry, I got hung up on the premature baby-butt face.
Vidar, what is your strength, what will be challenging for you,
and what is your worst nightmare?
Any nightmare?
I had one a few days ago where my eyes started crumbling.
It has nothing to do with this programme,
but I can talk about it if you want.
That's what the show will be like now.
I'm looking forward to this.
I know how tiring it is to sit there,
and it's really nice to sit here, so let's go!
First task!
Yes. The prize task, that's where we start.
The participants have brought an item that
they think will meet the criteria you have given.
Whoever solves it best gets five points.
Whoever wins today's programme gets to bring
all the items home, or wherever they want.
And today I asked you to bring something you think makes you tough.
Then I think I'll start with Karin.
Yes. That's okay.
Yes.
- Yes.
Thank you.
This is a bow and arrow, as you can see.
Which I made all on my own. - Oi, oi, oi.
Why did I do that, you might wonder.
That's a very good question.
It's because I dated a guy who thought it was really fun.
So there are only good memories.
But it has made me really tough. Mentally tough.
I say 'no' a lot now. - Right, exactly.
To the men I meet.
Very nice. - Thank you.
It's not wrong. Leo, what have you got?
I don't know if it makes me that tough anymore,
but I used to think it was tough, because there were so few who had it.
Only old people in the Balkans
and maybe people you have to watch out for, who will trick you.
People from far away who had gold teeth and stuff.
So I had to go far away and get one myself, too.
I don't have much use for it because I found out...
I don't use my teeth that much.
I kind of had to exaggerate. "Hey, how are you?"
I had to make too many grimaces.
So it's, like, a relief to give it away. - What is it?
It's my dental cast.
You get that included.
Can you put it on? - We want to see it on.
Can you put it on? - I can put it on, but not you.
That's alright, I don't want to... - But when you meet up with me,
you can lend it to me, and we can hang out.
Let's see that badass smile.
Absolutely well delivered. Hani?
Yes. I once had a teacher,
a PE teacher, who was very concerned for us to feel safe.
And to be tough on the streets.
So then she taught my whole class jiu-jitsu.
And we did this for an entire school year.
Thanks to the two who agreed.
And if you know the belt colours, I made it to level two.
Very tough.
Lars, it looks like you have a dog with you.
No, it's because I was in a bit of a hurry.
The toughest thing for me is to be heartfelt
and loving, and show love to others.
Olli, not everyone knows this, but I got to know him in high school.
We have known each other for a very long time.
And I've rarely said how I feel about you
in a proper way.
So I have made a card where I say how nice I think you are.
Which I will deliver to you. A heartfelt gift.
I was in a hurry, so I have it somewhere in this bag.
I'll just... Here...
Yes.
Is this... What does this say?
"Norwegian karate champion", it says there.
"Nordic champion" it says here.
I just have to...
A little book I'm reading to understand the world better.
Two seconds, I just have to put on my glasses so I can see a little better.
Shall we see here, yes. Here is this.
God. No, it's not real. - So much stuff I have in here.
Yes, here it is. So here, Olli, is the card.
That was good. - Thank you.
That was good.
Yes, we'll see.
"Dear Olli. I really value our friendship."
"You are loyal, kind, funny and a joy to hang around."
"You will always be one of my closest friends."
With a signature. I appreciate that.
Does the signature include the surname? - Yes, Lars Berrum.
That's nice. - It's fun.
Ok, then we have Vidar.
Yes, what I brought...
I have just renovated my home.
It was the last renovation. Now it will stay that way, and I'll live there forever.
I have a little home gym that I will start working out in.
So I bought a bike made out of oak, or fake oak.
But... So I have that.
On that website I also tried to get some weights to train with.
So I clicked on something. I didn't really look at them.
Then they came in the mail.
Firstly, it was only up to eight kilos.
But the way they looked was very special.
Because they weren't kettle bells, and they weren't ordinary hand weights.
It's a rack of 'pouches'. [double meaning with 'testicles/ballsacks']
And here you have different varieties of pouches.
You have the sterilised pouch.
It should't be used for much.
Then you have the slightly pre-pubescent pouch.
Before you get down to the slightly more fleshy pouches.
I like to work out with these, because they make you really tough.
So I'm standing in my office, I get up,
and then I go at it.
I'll hold them like this,
and do it this way.
Yes.
And when you're done working out, you turn back to normal.
Yes, but just having that moment gives you endorphins to your brain
by seeing how you'll turn out in the end.
Jesus. It was never tough at any point.
But it was fun and elaborate.
In a way, I think that Lars, if we're going to start there,
you've brought incredibly tough things, like a black belt.
But the task was to be tough, and I totally agree with your thinking.
That it's tough to talk about feelings.
But I think you had everything, and then the card came out,
which was too mushy. Straight down to one point.
I'm sorry.
Yes.
You should have stood by that. Then you would have been tough for real.
Black belt, you can't argue with that.
And then I think the gold tooth gets two points.
Karin, great handiwork.
I don't think it made you that tough,
but it probably made you more robust.
And I'm happy for you, but it's three points.
So you're saying that a yellow belt in "jiu-jitsu" will crush the black belt?
Hani, generally a yellow belt is not tough at all.
But bringing a yellow belt when you know that someone sitting next to you
has a black belt in karate,
is so ballsy that I think it deserves four points.
Which means that Vidar gets five points for the effort!
Very good!
Congratulations on the first five points of the season.
We have five new participants, and what is most important to them right now?
Well, it's that they have made... - Exactly. A good first impression.
And I think the best way to make a good first impression
is to make a good presentation of yourself.
Maybe even an intro song about yourself. Don't you agree?
Yes, I completely agree. I'm looking forward to this.
Yes, I see this task as a gift from me to you.
I do not.
No! Are we going to sing?
There's a band here, yes. That doesn't bode well for me.
"Compose your own intro song."
"Make an entrance in 25 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
"Compose your own intro song."
If one of them has any musical talent at all...
Vidar Magnussen gives me that vibe.
He's a bit eccentric.
Are you for real?
Can you, like, play a bit more?
It's good. I do like music.
Do the same and add a major.
It was already a major. - It was, yes.
I heard that, but I thought that was the connection.
Yes, the participants have different prerequisites.
Some are musical, some are not as musical.
So I thought we could take a look at
how they worked their way up to the result.
♫ Berrum, Berrum, Berrum ♫
♫ Berrum, Berruuuuum, Berrum-Berrum ♫
Pink Panther theme? - Panther theme, yes.
I think that has already been composed.
That's a good point.
Give me a cheerful vibe.
And then you come in.
Something cool, like that. Yes, a bit rocky.
It doesn't have to be that difficult. Look at him, he just keeps going.
Nice. A bit like an Adele song, that's good.
♫ Karin, Karin... ♫
Then you harmonise... We'll sing in two-part harmony.
Not Russian, more Balkan.
Yes, faster.
Just speed it up.
Yes. - Yes.
It varies widely in genre, ability, commitment, and a little in talent.
Shall we look at Lars first? - Yes, we can do that.
♫ Lars, Lars, Lars, Lars, ♫ ♫ Lars, Lars, Lars, Lars, ♫
♫ He is tall, he is bald ♫
♫ He's missing half of his balls ♫
♫ Hello! ♫
♫ Welcome to Lars! ♫
Very good.
Yes, you answer the task, in a way.
But I gave you the opportunity to introduce yourself
for hundreds of thousands of people who might not know you.
And you choose to say
that you are missing half of your balls, and that you are bald.
Are you missing half of your balls, by the way?
No.
Okay, show me the next one, Olli. - We'll take a look at Leo.
♫ He is cool ♫
♫ He is 'king' ♫ [meaning 'awesome']
♫ He's called Leo ♫
♫ Here comes the king ♫
♫ Here comes the king! ♫
Boom, we are here.
Wonderful. Amazing.
Thank you so much.
It's embarrassing, man.
A lot happened here. It's off to a damn good start.
It's really tough, but when you come in,
I get very confused.
When I agreed to this,
I never considered that we might have to sing,
and do stuff like that.
I thought I was going to jump over lava, climb...
change lightbulbs without using hands...
Using your mouth? - The tongue. Whatever.
Not sing and stuff, man.
You solved that quite well by not singing.
So that...
Shall we move on? - We can do that.
We can look at Karin. Are you looking forward to it?
No, I'm not looking forward to it. [repeated several times]
Well, I'm looking forward to it. Here is Karin.
♫ Karin is in Kongen Befaler ♫
♫ Karin ♫
♫ Karin is in Kongen Befaler ♫
♫ You think it's so easy, ♫
♫ But I always cry a little bit ♫
♫ On set ♫
♫ Olli is just smiling, ♫ ♫ and I get all sweaty ♫
♫ Karin ♫
♫ Karin is in Kongen Befaler ♫
♫ Why? Why? ♫
♫ We don't make anyone laugh ♫
♫ Karin ♫
♫ Karin is in Kongen Befaler ♫
I can't bear to talk about it. - Do you want a hug?
I'd love to. Can I get a hug? - Lars, can you give her a hug?
You sing well, and the song is generally nice.
Takes a long time. - Yes, I took my time.
But it's so damn sad.
It's supposed to be an entertainment programme!
We should be like...
If I could do it again, I would have done it more like that.
You only get one chance.
And that's how it turned out. - I'll just have to stand by that.
This makes me sweat. I need a little break.
Watch some adverts.
Next. We need to lighten the mood. - Then we'll choose Hani.
Thank you.
Yes.
Finally someone who understood how an intro should be.
High energy music, comes rolling in, clown costume.
Throwing balls, blues scale on the guitar and some piano strumming.
And an air horn.
I'm just kidding. That's not how an intro should be.
I have to admit that I forgot that intro songs can have lyrics.
The thought didn't even occur to me.
What was your contribution in this performance?
Nothing. - No.
It said that you had to compose it yourself. You said, "Play."
I said: "Play something good." - Yes, that's true.
It's on them.
Now I hope, Vidar,
please, that you have understood the task. I'm crossing my fingers.
I hope so too.
Let's look at Vidar.
♫ Vidar ♫
♫ Vidar! ♫
♫ Magnussen! ♫
♫ I am here now, ♫ ♫ I am here ♫
♫ I am not there, ♫ ♫ I am here! ♫
Yes!
I can imagine that if I had seen that solution first,
I would have hoped that something better would come,
but now I think: "Fantastic!"
Absolutely great. - Ready to hand out points?
Yes. I think we'll start at the bottom.
Hani. Easy. - No!
Karin, you get two points. Too sad.
Leo, three points.
I'm happy as fuck with that. - Four points to Lars.
And Vidar runs away with five points!
The standings are like this. And in total today, it's like this.
Vidar, you're in the lead. - Thank you very much.
There are many tasks left.
Bård, how did it feel to judge the first task from the house?
It was great. Really fun. I want more. A lot more.
More? - Go on! Push the button.
Hey. - Hey.
Yes.
Where is that letter? - Yes, where is that letter?
What do you want in here- Oh, there it is.
Okay, I think I have to make a smoothie of some kind.
"Get as much weight as possible into the container."
"Everything that goes into the container must go through the sieve."
"You cannot leave the lab."
"You have three minutes. Your time starts now."
Yes, your time started now.
The task is to get as much weight as possible into the container.
And everything has to go through the sieve.
Easy-peasy. Shall we look at Hani's smoothie first?
Yes, and we'll also add Vidar and Karin.
"You cannot leave the lab."
"You have three minutes. Your time starts now."
That was heavy.
Good.
I'm giving it my all. It's just a matter of will.
It will go in.
Will, will, will.
This is such a lovely task.
Fucking hell.
Satan.
This is really lovely stuff.
I'm thinking that it's better to spend some time to see if I can get...
I can start with some things. Come on, now.
This will go through.
Massaging it in.
Five, four,
three, two, one.
Time's up.
I have done my best.
Through the sieve.
While I'm at it. Like that.
Then we'll see if I can get some bananas in there.
Three, two...
Time's up. - I made you laugh.
Thank you. - Thank you.
Thank you. - Goodbye.
That's well thought out, Hani. - Thank you.
It looks like you also like it.
I am so much happier with this one than the last one.
Question: Is it approved? - 'Is it approved'?
Was she allowed to do that?
The task said everything had to go through the sieve.
Did everything go through the sieve? - Yes.
Isn't it approved then? - Thanks bro. Thanks.
Good to know.
Who do you think we should look at now?
We can look at Leo, on his own.
"Everything must go through the sieve."
But it doesn't say that I can't break the sieve.
Otherwise it will be very difficult to get things through the sieve.
We'll start by playing it safe.
Rice weighs a lot and sinks quite low.
It doesn't take up much space.
Then we can take some onions too.
The butter slides through smoothly.
Yes, it does.
Through the sieve like that, baby.
Carrots are easy to get through the sieve.
Same with the bananas.
Five, four,
three, two, one.
And stop.
It's going down by itself. Give it some time, man.
Every gram counts, man,
as they say on the street, man.
Yes.
Leo, not only did you solve the task,
you also made a little podcast for yourself.
What were you talking about there?
Different things. About the weather.
It's always nice to talk about the weather.
You're very chatty for being so tough.
That's true. - But the task is definitely solved.
But we have one left, so everything can still happen.
And everything does happen. I can reveal that.
Lars.
"Your time starts now."
Okay, yes. Then I'll just...
Ah, it's stupid to start with the banana.
Everything must go through the sieve.
Yes yes yes.
Everything must go through the sieve.
Fuck. It's tasks like this, you know.
No no no no no.
Everything must go through the sieve.
Think while you're here, Lars.
Here is something.
That won't help. Yes, it will.
I don't have a smoothie maker myself.
I don't know how it works.
This should go through the sieve.
Everything must go through the sieve.
Putting in the banana is the most stupid thing you can do.
Now I'm bad. Now I'm so bad.
I'm so bad. I can't...
Through this. Can I be smart here?
Is it possible to disconnect this stuff?
Is it possible to be smart?
And just disconnect it?
There, yes.
Why aren't you saying anything?
It's life-threatening, what I'm doing.
You have half a minute left.
This is life-threatening. You have to stop me!
Time is up.
That was close to a brilliant idea, that.
Lars, what were you doing?
You did the same as the others, but in a life-threatening way.
I have told everyone at home that I won't be 'that guy' on this show.
I will not be 'that guy' at the end there.
You are 'that guy'. - I am 'that guy'.
Yes...
Olli, give me the results.
If you had to guess, how many kilos did Lars get?
I would go for zero. - You would be right. Zero for Lars.
That's at the bottom. Then it's Vidar, one kilo.
Karin, 1.4 kilos.
Then it's very close, only 0.2 between Hani and Leo.
Hani: 3.4. Leo: 3.6. Congratulations.
Five points.
Congratulations. - That was good.
We will watch some advertising.
Have we had.../Do we have a hat? ['had' and 'hat' are the same word: 'hatt']
Have we what?
Have we had.../Do we have a hat? - Had/hat?
Have we had a hat? - Have we had a hat?
We have had/a hat.
We have a hat, don't we? - Yes, we have a hat.
Have we had it? No. Can we have the hat?
So the task?
Can we, in a moment, have had a hat?
Yes, but we can't have had it yet.
No, but cue hat. - Yes, cue hat.
Jesus.
Is this without Olli?
No Olli?
Where is Olli?
He's not here.
"Move from A to Olli"
"with the most items in a hat, in one trip."
"You cannot move A or Olli."
"The hat must be on your head."
"You cannot hold your hat while you're moving from A to Olli."
"Most items on Olli's counting board wins."
"You have 10 minutes.”
Yes, the task is to transport as many items as possible in one trip,
and the trip goes from A to me, and the hat must be on their head.
And they cannot hold on to their hats while they're moving.
Then they put their items on my counting board,
and the one with the most items on the counting board wins.
And we're talking about a regular counting board with chicken wire.
Yes, of course.
I have put them all together in one clip.
Effective. - Ready, set, go.
We'll just have to try.
Here we have a hat. But where is Olli?
Olli isn't here.
Olli! - Yes.
Yes.
Are you upstairs? Yes, there you are. Hello.
Great. Bye. - Bye.
I saw a hat inside, but it didn't say that we have to use that hat.
Nice.
And now I have to find out where Olli is.
Olli!
It's not allowed to use hands.
Now we have to find Olli.
Where is he?
Hello, Olli. - Hello.
Damn, now you answer me.
I have answered the whole time.
I've been looking.
Yes, I saw you walking around outside.
Okay, Olli. Where are you, Olli? - I'm here.
Here I am.
I have to start over.
I cannot speak.
I have to hold it like this.
I'm satisfied with that.
There. And now... Now I'm coming.
I've made you a party hat.
I can't talk to you, Olli, because I have...
Can the things fall through the holes?
They can, yes.
Look at this. This is a real jackpot.
Rice! That is so many items.
The hat must be on my head.
Yes. Are you ready?
No, are you kidding me?!
Are you kidding, Olli? - What?
Do you want the whole hat or the items?
I'll take the items. - Fuck.
Fuck, Olli.
I so want to kill you.
Like that. And then I'll take off my hat to empty it.
Then you can count the items.
As you can see, I have chosen a different hat.
I have a little surprise...
Oi!
There it was... Ok.
I think I've found... Nothing can stop me.
One, two and...
Before we talk about the results,
some of the participants touched their hats when they emptied them.
Do you approve? - What does the letter say?
"You cannot hold your hat while you're moving from A to Olli."
Right, and are they moving when they're up there?
No.
Then it's fine. Yes.
Alright. That's okay.
Then nothing is unclear.
You are good here, Lars. I just have to say that.
Yes, now I am the way I told everyone at home I was going to be.
Maybe you won't be 'that guy' after all.
I'll tell them to only watch the last part of the programme.
I sat for three hours and counted grains of rice.
I used a scale and calculator and came up with 66,900.
Plus a rug, so 66,901.
Wow. - That's not bad.
Hani, I'm a bit unsure about you.
The things had to be in the hat.
Yes. - And that bucket...
Is that a part of the hat? - No. It's under the hat.
Shouldn't the things be in the hat?
They are.
It doesn't say that I can't touch the things, just the hat.
I put the bucket on top of Olli's tray, i.e. it's a part of the things.
Yes, but the bucket...
Your things are under the hat.
They are not in the hat.
That's a question of definition, I think.
Let's hope you're the judge, then.
And, Karin, you didn't start your trip at A.
You forgot to do that.
Did the others do that? - Yes, they did.
But we have to take some of the blame there,
because it was a very small A.
It was difficult to see where it was.
You collected the things and went up to Olli without going via the A.
So unfortunately, you're disqualified.
What about Leo and Vidar? How did they do?
We can start with Vidar. 58 balls.
Leo, 630.
So there you have the results... - It's not very close.
What were the results?
No, it wasn't very close.
But Karin and Hani... You wanted to disqualify...?
I guess we can't disqualify Hani,
because she said it wasn't part of the bucket.
Then she has done the task, but got zero items in the hat.
Right. - But it will be two points.
Yes, because Karin gets zero. - But... Okay.
The options are getting disqualified or getting two points.
I'll take two points. Two points with a smile.
Three points for Vidar, four for Leo, and five for Lars.
In total, we can see that the standings are like this...
This is now, and in total it's like this.
Close. - Fairly close.
Finally, these bodies will be allowed to move a little.
Get up on stage!
Welcome to "Pull out the longest match."
You will come up here, one by one,
and pull out one of the matches.
Whoever has the longest match gets five points.
Shortest, one point.
Do you understand? Good.
I decide that we will start with Vidar.
Oi.
Thanks.
Do you have any tactics?
No. You're trying to confuse me.
Are we?
They're not real matches either, I can see that.
There's no wax.
Are you complaining about the matches?
No, I'm not.
This is a very positive programme.
I like- I'll take this one.
Yes. Great.
Lovely. - Good choice.
Does anyone want to be next?
Yes, I'll do it. - You'll do it.
Oi!
No!
Karin, it looks like you want to be next.
Yes.
The same applies to you. Stay back here.
Do you have any tactics? - No.
No. No.
But I feel that you are trying to trick me.
Are we?
I'll take that one.
Is that a good idea?
What?
It's the longest!
Yes!
Yes.
Hani, now you get to choose.
Do you want to be last, or do you want Leo to be last?
I would like to be last. - Okay. Leo, please.
Do I have a choice now? - No.
You have a choice. You can choose between these two.
I'll see if they want to help or sabotage the foreigner. [referring to himself]
Yes.
There you see.
It's... Then we'll see.
We'll see if it was a good idea to stay till the end. Your turn.
OK.
Are you sure you want to go for that?
I wanted that one.
You wanted that one. - No, I didn't.
Yes... Yes, okay.
Yes! Yes.
Just for fun, can't you put them down
on the floor so we can see the differences?
Yes, look at that.
There we have all the lengths.
Wonderful. We'll deal with the points down in our seats.
Yes.
Yes, we already know who the winner is,
but let's go through the points properly.
Yes, for those who tuned in just now...
Hani, yours is the shortest.
What? - One point.
Vidar, you get two points.
Leo, three points for that one.
Lars, four points.
Karin, five points. You win the task.
Finally. - We can take a look here.
And overall today, who is the winner?
Oi! - Look at that.
We open the season with a shared first place.
Leo and Vidar, congratulations,
you are the winners of the first programme.
Get up and take the things that make you tough.
If you want to watch the next episode right now,
you can go to Discovery+. See you later!
Original Norwegian subtitles: Hanna Ness Huseklepp (Iyuno)
English translation: u/msbtvxq
Proofreading: u/taskmastermaster