No, no, no, no!
"Fuck strikes, man"
Yes, hello and welcome to Drammen's Theatre and Kongen Befaler.
We are well underway. About the middle of the season.
We've already had a lot of fun.
And the person sitting by my side, with arguments and nitpicking
is Norway's favourite co-host assistant Olli Wermskog!
Thank you.
Fun fact. Do you know what my full name is?
My full name is Tor Olli Kristoffer Wermskog.
Is that completely true? - Yes.
Tor Olli Kristoffer? - Yes. I don't think you knew that.
Are you a Tor? - Well, yes I am.
Some call me Tor Olli. Very few.
Yes, that's few. - no-one calls me Kristoffer.
Does anyone really call you Tor Olli? - Yes, I have some aunts.
Don't turn off. There's more to come. - Do you have more names?
Yes, I actually have five names. They are:
Leo Ajkic!
Karin Klouman!
Lars Berrum.
Hani Hussein.
Vidar Magnussen.
Now it's time for the prize task.
What have you decided that the participants should bring today, Bård?
I feel that Lars might do well today.
Bring something you've been angry at.
You already look a bit annoyed.
Yes, this is probably why I'm a bit angry at the beginning here.
Because this is very relevant to what we are doing right here and now.
What I have brought is an envelope.
Shall we start with Lars?
Yes, let's start with Lars.
I just have to get it over with. - Get it out.
This is an envelope, and it contains the worst email I have ever received:
"10 prize tasks for Kongen Befaler"
Inside here are all the prize tasks we have been told to bring.
I didn't know I would be annoyed by that,
but damn, it pissed me off so much.
It's like a strangling shadow hanging over you at all times,
where you demand that we spend so much time in our lives
to find these things.
It is not done in a "flip of the hand" or whatever the expression is.
"Bring something you're angry at."
But I figured it out.
Because it's this email that made me angry.
And to prove it…
This is when I realised that this would be my task today.
Because my girlfriend secretly filmed me
when I tried to create one of the tasks we brought earlier this season.
Which task?
The best square.
The most impressive square.
Because that's easy!
Let's see the photo evidence of how pissed off these tasks have made me.
Filmed without you knowing? - Yes.
Now I can't get my phone to work!
To see myself.
Fuck, I hate…
I hate that we have to do tasks like this all the time.
I fucking hate it.
That we have to bring things in all TV programmes.
Like in Paradise Hotel. [Love Island type reality show] "Bring the STDs yourself."
"We don't have much to offer here."
Oh you're filming, too?
This email...
That is the most genuine thing I have seen on Norwegian TV in a thousand years.
I got a little sweaty myself.
Well delivered.
That was fun. Karin? - Yes.
I have brought a completely live sea urchin.
Is it dead? I kind of hope it is.
It looks a bit dead now. That's perfectly fine with me.
A sea urchin, as it's called.
I came across ten of these last summer in Croatia
and got a total of 500 spikes into my foot.
Now I'm going to tell you a little about the twisted mind of the sea urchin.
Because what the sea urchin does,
is that it shoots these spikes with all its force into your feet.
It drills its way in.
Until it reaches the bone.
It understands that it's going all the way to the bone.
And it's also so crazy
that it makes your skin close up around these spikes.
So you don't get the spikes out unless you use a knife
and cut down to the bone.
If you are unlucky enough to do this at an afterparty without a doctor present,
this will give you inflammation in the foot
which lasts for many months.
Why does the sea urchin even exist? Does anyone know?
It seems quite smart. - Yes, but what is it for?
What is it good for? - What are you good for?
To please you, Bård. - That you do.
I am angry.
Hani. - Yes.
First I just have to get up and show people what I'm wearing.
I am wearing a national team uniform with Ødegaard on the back.
Norway's captain, Arsenal's captain. [Martin Ødegaard]
Thank you, mate.
I support Arsenal. I have done that all my life.
And there are no two people or things I've been angrier at
in my whole life, or wished more harm upon,
than Alex Ferguson and Wayne Rooney.
I have... spoken so ill of these two men
and wished them so much harm.
I have wanted absolutely terrible things to happen to Rooney's children.
I have hoped that this man would die in the middle of a match.
Just because.
So now that I'm on Norwegian TV, I just want to say two things.
The first is: Martin Ødegaard, I love you.
The second is:
Mr Wayne Rooney, Sir Alex Ferguson, I'm very sorry.
I have been so angry at these two.
You probably have more football understanding than I do.
What do you think about this? - Well, I'm a Man U fan, so that's fun.
So I think it's nice. - Then you understand what I mean.
I don't understand exactly what you mean, but I get what you...
I was going to ask for help in terms of points, but that might be...
That would be unfortunate for Hani. - Yes, for Hani it would be.
I'm just being honest, and I have grown from it.
But I have been really pissed off.
You have brought good, old-fashioned sports anger.
Like the anger of a 50-year-old man in a pub.
Yes, really. Even more than that.
It is welcome.
Vidar.
I have a wife.
Yes, shall we move on?
Are you sure you want to say what you're about to say now?
Oh yes. - Okay.
Because I get so pissed off at this exact thing.
My wife sings in a choir.
And that's great. It's a professional choir.
They are often hired to sing.
And they do it very well.
But... what happens at home,
is that she doesn't sing the whole song that she's supposed to sing.
She just sings choir parts.
And that is... I can play a little part of it now.
And then I can explain later.
What's so annoying is that I never get to hear the whole song.
I get home and... I can have a conversation with her,
but she has to practice the whole time because the choir is so successful.
So she'll be like: "Moon river".
"I love you."
It's really annoying, because I can't get the full song in my head.
I would have gone completely crazy. - I am going completely crazy.
I love her, but I hate that.
That's noted. Thank you. Well delivered.
Finally, Leo.
So, first world problems, you know?
You have to deal with them. They are everywhere.
People around you are talking about renovations, curtains, blah-blah-blah.
But the people who invent things to solve first world problems,
they really annoy me.
There are some things... Like, we have a fork, we have a knife.
We don't need a better knife and fork. Same with the bottle opener.
It could have been this small, with a hook. It does the job.
But someone has invented a new bottle opener.
This represents a certain type of people who go all in
because they have an idea they think is good.
If I had invested 10 kroner
for each of these ideas that are not good at all,
I'd have gone broke.
People want me as an ambassador. As an influencer.
Someone has invented a new bottle opener.
So for me it's... What the hell? More plastic? More...
Inventions are often... Okay, a parrot.
The way it opens a nut, you open the bottle in the same way.
But who the hell sits on a bottle? Which animal does this on a bottle?
I've seen it in Thailand at a show...
Adult show. But it wasn't an animal.
I just get annoyed. It doesn't even work every time. There.
It's an invention that solves a problem we don't have.
I kind of agree with you on that.
This is such a middle-aged man... It hits us right in the stomach.
I'm like: "Bullshit! Bullshit."
In other countries they have screw caps on these.
We don't need the bottle opener. - We don't need it. Fuck it.
Fuck it.
Ok.
Yes. It's a difficult one.
It's difficult, yes. - Distribute points.
Vidar, I understand you incredibly well.
But you get one point. That's very strange.
It's very strange, but it's because the others are so good.
It's actually a five-pointer,
but it's not enough in this competition.
Hani, I suspect that your anger is better than I understand.
You get two points. And then there are these three.
I agree with you, Leo, but you get three points.
I agree, but it's not as spectacular as the others.
The sea urchin against...
Yes, it's four to Karin and five to Lars.
Deserved!
Lars gets the first five points of the day.
Good job! I'm cheering for you.
You know what I want to see now, Olli,
that we haven't seen much of this season,
although we have seen it a lot before?
Rubber ducks?
Rubber ducks. - Shall we take a look at the rubber ducks?
We'll take a look at the rubber ducks.
Hello. - Hello.
What are those things? - Yes, what are those things?
Probably a part of the task, man.
"Hit the rubber duck through all the 'cocktail' hoops."
"You cannot touch the 'dubber duck'."
Jesus, one more time.
"Hit all the rubber duck through the 'cocktail'... 'crockert'."
It's almost the weekend, Olli.
"Hit all the rubber ducks through the 'crockert' hoops."
"You cannot touch the rubber duck."
There you go.
"Fewest strikes wins."
This is okay.
There you go. - There are quite a few...
The "cocktail hoops". The duck must pass through
the hoops with as few strikes as possible.
That's the only thing they have to think about,
except that they're not allowed to touch the duck.
So there is not much they need to keep track of.
Other than duck through hoop. - Yes.
That should work. - It should work.
I have chosen to show them all in one clip. Are you ready?
I'm ready. - Here they come.
I hope no-one has just started striking like an idiot.
Damn.
"...cannot touch the rubber duck." But I can touch the croquet hoops.
I'll just collect them.
Because what I have to do is to get the duck down.
There.
One so far.
Two. - Are you satisfied?
Am I satisfied?
The first thing that strikes me is double-sided tape on the tip of this.
With one strike I can then guide it through all
the 'crockert' hoops.
Many will probably go for one strike.
That's their mistake. I'm going for zero.
Fuck strikes.
Ah shit.
I'm not even going to hit it, see.
This is fucking lube, not glue.
It's not easy to get underneath the duck.
Duct tape.
Now the first strike has sort of started.
Ok, I'll start now with no strikes. I'm going for zero strikes.
It's just guidance? - Guidance.
Through it.
This was easy, Olli.
If people are as smart as I am, they have done this.
Now I don't think there are any more.
Finished.
Yes, I have actually…
...changed my mind.
There.
Wasn't that smart? - Yes.
Ok.
There you go.
How many did I have? - Exactly 19.
No.
I had two.
What about all the strikes up to there?
Yes. - Ugh.
Oh well. Goodbye. - Bye.
Yes, Karin.
Are you used to getting what you want?
Maybe a little.
Is it annoying that Olli doesn't fall for the puppy look?
Yes, a little bit.
Lars and Vidar, one stroke. It's well done.
Leo, you had a tactic called "Fuck strikes, man".
And we hadn't taken that into account, had we?
That it was a solution to just fuck strikes.
We thought one was the minimum. Is it a disqualification?
Is it a disqualification? No! Fuck strikes, man.
Yes, so it's zero? - It's zero.
Ok.
Yes.
Then I have the results, if "fuck strikes, man" is zero.
Then it's a winner. Bottom: Karin, 19 strikes.
Two for Hani. Vidar and Lars, one strike. Second place.
And "fuck strikes, man" gets zero strikes. Five points.
That's good.
Then we have the scores here.
And in total so far today, the scores are like this.
Yes, yes.
Then it's time for a little ad break. See you soon.
For as long as I've known you, Olli,
you've boasted about your timekeeping skills.
You're good, so now I want a task
where you measure the time of something.
How fast was that? - 0.24.
He's totally awesome.
Of course I have a task where I measure the time.
That's all I do. We can look at it here.
Four letters?
Five. - Five letters?
"Complete the tasks as quickly as possible..."
What does it say?
"Complete..."
"Complete these tasks as quickly as possible."
"Each task must be completed in less time than the previous task."
"If you fail, you have to start all over again."
"Your time starts now."
"Finish the puzzle."
"Get at least two ones in a row."
"Inflate a balloon and pop it."
"Cover more than half of the spaghetti with Hama beads."
"Cover more than half of a spaghetti with the 'hampert'."
No.
In the same programme you have now said both "crockert" and "hampert".
Yes, it's an advantage to understand the task before starting.
Because each task must be solved faster than the previous one.
If you can't do it, you have to start all over again
with the first task.
I measure the total time, and that will be the result.
So you measure both the total time,
and the time of each individual task,
so it has to go faster and faster.
That's right. I have two stopwatches.
One that measures the total time,
and I get to play with the other one for each individual task.
Totally awesome, Olli.
I want to see how this went. - Yes, here are Hani and Vidar.
I'm starting now.
The one I think will take the longest is this one.
I think the tactic is to take your time on the first one.
There is no point in rushing this one.
"Your time starts now."
You're starting with that one. - Yes.
Ay-ay-ay-ay.
I'm not that fast.
My hope is that the others will have to do it several times.
It was too late. - Damn.
It was annoying. - Properly.
It was right on the edge. I'm starting now.
Should I... Yes, I'm done. - Fine.
Now you have five seconds left.
I got a lot of spit on you.
I think the worst order is to do it as it is set up.
Which one will you start with? - Can I start with any of them?
Damn it!
Satan!
Are you starting? - Yes.
I'm scared. I'm scared!
Okay, Olli.
Now? - Yes.
OK fine. Then I'll start on the next one.
And then I'll take a little extra time. Then I'm done with it.
And now I will show off, because I have the solution for this. Look.
One, two. Finished.
Rolling it is the dumbest thing you can do.
Yes!
Now you have three seconds left.
Finished.
Thank you. - Awesome.
I got an "awesome"! I don't think anyone in the
history of Kongen Befaler has ever gotten an "awesome".
Thank you.
I agree a bit with Olli there. It was quite awesome.
Thank you. I've been waiting so long
to get a task that I have mastered.
I will not be disqualified, and I think I understood it.
I'm so happy.
It's so tempting to disqualify you, but I have no reason.
There were two polar opposites we saw here.
Vidar, what were you doing?
I have no idea. Or...
Taking in information over a short period of time is not my thing.
And you have one of my favourite reactions.
We have a lot of that. It's very good.
Do you have any times? - Absolutely.
Vidar, you spent 6 minutes and 13 seconds in total.
Hani, you spent 4 minutes and 40 seconds.
Did I take that long? - Yes. It's better than Vidar.
Not that big of a difference in time, but a very big difference in stress level.
Now the next three know what to aim for.
Shall we take a look?
Here are Lars, Leo and Karin.
I'm going to spend a very long time.
But that's good. Then I'll start with this one.
Then I'll start here.
One. One. - Okay.
Yes. "Get two ones in a row." Then I'll have another go.
Fuck.
Now I have to do this in less time.
Jesus!
I'll start with...
This one I know takes a long time.
Right. Then I'll do this. - That's one.
That's one, yes.
Then I'll wait with the second one.
But it says "as quickly as possible".
This is impossible. I rolled two ones... Right.
Now you have to start over. - Yes.
There. That worked. - That worked.
That was a shorter time. - Now you started over again.
So I haven't done that one? - No.
You spent nine seconds on the first one.
Nine seconds? Then I'll get the ones again.
Now you're underway.
I had to spend some time on this because I know
that the puzzle will take more than a second.
Where do I have...
Yes. It has to be faster than the previous one.
But not so fast that... - No, no.
I'll start with this now. One.
One. Finished.
Now I'm rolling...
There, yes. - I haven't stopped the time.
Why not? - Read.
"Get two ones..." Fuck.
Yes. - Yes.
Okay. Now I understand everything.
Start the time. - Yes.
Ready, set, go.
Six seconds.
"Inflate a balloon and pop..."
Go.
Damn it.
Is this a joke?
Do you see this?
Is it just me?
There. Fuck it.
And then I'll do the puzzle.
Three seconds. - Yes. Finished.
Ready, set, go.
Like that. - Ready, set, go.
Two seconds. - Finished.
I figured it out eventually, Olli.
Goodbye. - Goodbye.
This was fun.
Thank you for letting us take part in it.
Can't we just get the times? - Yes, I can give you that.
Lars, you spent 9 minutes and 25 seconds.
That wasn't so bad. - It wasn't so bad, but it was last place.
Yes, I saw that. I saw that.
But it wasn't that bad.
Vidar, you come second-to-last. 6 minutes and 13 seconds.
Then it's Karin. 5 minutes and 48 seconds.
Hani, second place with 4 minutes and 40 seconds.
Leo, 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Five points.
Wow. - Good.
Yes. Time for a new task? - Yes. Speaking of time.
I thought we could watch the time travel task. Let's do that.
I slipped a little on the side.
I considered going down like The Exorcist.
Fucking hell.
"Take a picture of yourself from another time."
"You have 90 minutes."
That's a football match.
"The most impressive time travel wins."
"Your time starts now."
90 minutes is plenty of time. So I have time to think.
That's 1.5 hours.
How lovely.
I have 90 minutes. I have 1.5 hours.
That's a really long time.
It's all relative. - Yes.
But impressive in its own right...
...is...
...relative too.
I think if you time travel to the moon,
that's quite far.
Hmm?
Time travel to the moon. That's pretty impressive.
What? To travel to the moon?
To travel to the moon and take a picture there.
Or think a little more creatively.
Be that guy...
...who, when you're watching, you are impressed by.
Who has thought...
...a little different. I will be that guy.
We look forward to seeing that, Lars. But I want to ask you, Karin.
How did you get here today? Did you time travel to Drammen?
I have no answer. - Just drop it.
It is, in a way, time travel. It was a different time when she left.
But for you, time travel and travel are the same.
They are the same. - That remains to be seen.
The participants have been given a Polaroid camera
to take a picture from a different time.
They decide themselves what time they will travel to.
The picture you are most impressed by wins.
Can't we just start with Karin? - Yes, wouldn't that be fun?
We can take a look at it. You got 90 minutes and this is the picture.
What... - Can't you tell me about it?
These are dinosaurs.
From the time of the dinosaurs.
You have gone back to the time of the dinosaurs and taken a picture.
You should also be in the picture. - And I am.
That is also quite impressive. I'm standing in the back there.
If you see the thing that looks like a mountain,
that's me.
The two eyes, the black dots, it's me with a blanket over my head.
Okay. - I am a mountain!
I can confirm... - That she is in there? Great.
Time flies. It's time for an ad break.
Next picture. Who do we have? - Then we can take a look at Leo.
Leo's picture. It's coming...
...here. - This is Leo's picture?
This is Leo's picture.
You have two theories: the big bang theory,
or you have that God was alone and bored, kind of.
I thought the flash was on. I just wanted my face.
Then I'll go for the big bang theory instead.
It is before the atoms, before anything.
Before the big bang. I'm in there and you know it.
Yes, I know you were there. - You are in the picture?
And it's right before I find out that I'm bored
and want to invent the globe, planets,
people, animals. So I'm kind of God.
He has taken a picture from before everything.
I like the way you were thinking.
Okay, that's fine. - Year zero.
That's fine.
Do you want to see the next one? It's Lars.
Here is Lars' picture after 90 minutes.
Yes...
You've travelled to the near future, haven't you?
How far into the future are you? - Yes...
Back to the future, man. - I went two hours forward in time.
From now? - From now.
Or from then. - You choose that yourself.
Yes, you... - How was this again?
But I now regret that it's this type of task.
I can say that to everyone who is here and to you guys.
Burying oneself...
That takes some time. - Around 90 minutes?
And to the extent... I had blisters on my hands.
I pushed so hard... for this.
Does it hurt a little when you see Leo's contribution?
Yes, that... Yes.
And your summary when you'll say:
"I think it was nice with Leo's picture. Black and a good story... Five points."
That will hurt, of course. - We'll see.
Yes.
We can take the next one. Vidar's picture... is this one.
Yes. Explain.
Explain? Yes.
This is a time. - What time?
A time long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away.
Here I play a role. You know me as an actor.
Here is Luke Skywalker and...
Olli-2D2.
Back there in...
And then we come out from Lightspeed.
We're going to fly into Trench Run,
to shoot down the Death Star.
That was the thought here.
I look really cool. - You look tough.
You also have a lightsabre. - Yes, that's a lightsabre there.
Very impressive.
You must have put in a tremendous amount of effort.
This was exactly 90 minutes.
I was happy to see that picture.
Yes. - We have one left.
We cannot judge yet. Hani is left. Here is the picture.
Cool.
Yes. - Yes.
I see.
Yes, explain.
I travelled forward in time.
And I saw that I got five points, and the others zero,
and thought that I should capture that moment.
So I took a picture of it, and that's what we see here.
That's a fun contribution. Okay.
Then we have seen all five.
Do you remember them? - Yes, I do.
It's a conundrum, the Leo thing.
Again, it's an enormously low effort.
Hey, I have worked so hard since I came to Norway.
Work smart! - That's what I'm saying.
Work smart, not hard. Then you get old early.
I was just talking about this particular task.
There was supposed to be a flash. You should have seen my face.
Then you would think to yourself: "Yes, that is God."
I'm in the middle of a reasoning… I like…
Had it hung at Fineart at Aker Brygge [Oslo]
your black picture, with a text below,
would have made me think more than you being buried.
At the same time, I appreciate
the work you guys have put in.
Now I'm going to say... I want to give...
Karin, you know what? You get one point.
Hani gets two.
Be kind to me, please. - I was just now.
Come on. There is a limit to how many times I can get ones and twos…
The hard working ants there.
I go for the work here. Leo, you get three points.
Then it's four points to Lars,
five points to Vidar. - Yes!
Congratulations.
That was right.
Then we can see the scores.
And, in total, the standings so far are like this.
Look at that.
Now we are almost at the end of the road.
We are not quite at the end of the road.
The end of the road is a little further up the hill.
Get up on stage.
Now we will have a portrait championship.
In front of you, you have got the most beautiful canvas with a hole in it.
You will now create a hybrid portrait of one of the other participants
who are standing by your side.
The hole is there for you to have room for your own face.
So the portrait is a hybrid.
You are free to create the rest of the face yourself
with the things you have on the table.
You have lots of different things there.
The best portrait wins.
Are there any questions?
What are you doing, Karin and Leo?
She's staring at me. Are you going to draw me?
You have the same nose as me.
OK. - Just a little smaller.
You're dissing each other already.
Then we'll start in three, two, one...
Damn.
How are you doing, Hani?
Fine, but it's a very small table.
Can we get a bigger table for Hani?
Thank you.
Vidar, fond of arts and crafts? - Love it.
Can't wait to see Lars's.
There is a lot of thread and glue.
Yes, there is a lot of yarn. - Lots of yarn.
Lars? - Yes.
Let me look at you, man.
Is it tactics, or what is he up to?
Fuck.
I haven't done much, but I'm relatively happy.
Yes, it's…
Self-confidence has never been your problem.
Is it cheating to look over?
I can just do this.
As long as Bård doesn't see, that's the most important.
I was just retaliating to show that it's not cool.
Were you hurt? - It is received.
Don't steal my creativity, man.
20 seconds left. - No!
At least it's clear who has the biggest mess around their table.
Then I'll count down from ten.
Nine, eight, seven,
six, five,
four, three, two, one.
Alright. Then you can take those with you and stand in front of the table.
I think we'll start with Leo.
Please present it with your own face.
I have, kind of, drawn a person
who is out partying.
Maybe at Gay Pride.
Maybe he does something fun.
A colourful day. Do you see who it is?
Yes. - It's Lars Berrum, isn't it?
It is. - Yes.
Yes. - Good.
Karin.
Yes.
It is...
It looks like the wife of the man in Family Guy. Lois.
I think it's Leo Ajkic.
Yes. - Is that correct? Is it Leo?
That's good.
Then we can go to you, Lars.
Why do you have two lines on your forehead?
Hopefully it will, if I'm not thinking completely wrong...
I had a little problem with something...
Please present it. - I'm excited.
It's funny.
What do you think? - I think I'll go with Karin.
Is that right, Lars? - Yes.
That was funny. - Good.
This is an homage to something that has already happened in this programme.
Yes.
I guess we're going to... What was he called? Or she.
The depression gnome. Is it Vidar's depression gnome?
Exactly.
I even have the flannel shirt. - Thanks for reminding me.
That is my proudest moment ever.
Yes, Vidar. Now it's your turn.
Yes. Is it a form of bullying of Lars Berrum I see?
I can't see... - I don't need to say much.
I go for Lars Berrum. - Yes.
Is it correct? - Yes.
Yes. Then we are in the situation where
you guessed correctly about everyone.
Then you can think about it for a bit, and we'll take the points down there.
Fun and difficult.
They're sitting there like five teacher's pets.
Bring them up to your face so we can see them all.
A lot of nice and and a lot of ugly.
I will divide this into three groups.
I will give two points
to Leo and Karin.
Then I will give three points to Vidar and Lars.
Then I will give five points to Hani. - Really?
Really. - Finally!
Yes. Then we can see the totals.
Let's see who won today.
It was close, Lars, but it was Leo who took it again.
Leo, come up and get the prizes. Lots of anger for you there.
So far in the season, the standings look like this.
A lot can happen. That was all for today.
Please come back later to see if we have anything more.
See you!
Original Norwegian subtitles: Hanna Ness Huseklepp (Iyuno)
English translation: u/msbtvxq
Proofreading: u/taskmastermaster