Some Jackson (Pollock).
Like a cigar.
Eeek! Pfft!
Oh, this is brilliant!
Good evening and welcome to watch how a bunch of entertainers are, if not doing their best, —
then at least their second best, as they try to solve tasks that I've devised for them.
And, which I will be judging completely on a whim.
I'm Jaakko Saariluoma, and this is Taskmaster.
(Eija:) Go, Jaakko!
Our regular contestants are Eija Vilpas, — – Heeey! [Actress, screenwriter, drama teacher]
Pirjo Heikkilä — – Hi. [Comedian, actress, screenwriter]
(Jaakko:) Kalle Lamberg, — [Comedian, actor, art director of a theater]
and Fathi Ahmed. [Comedian]
And tonight competing with them is the lovely musician Erin. [Pop singer from 90's duo Nylon Beat, now solo]
And here next to me sits my trusted mess kit.
The observing eye of the competition. A person without whom I wouldn't be able to cope —
for the following hour.
She's the show's official referee Pilvi Hämäläinen.
(Jaakko:) Pilvi, are you ready? – Well, there's two things in this world that you can always trust:
One: that water is wet...
And two: that Pilvi is always ready!
Excellent!
Now then. First, let's find out what we'll be competing for tonight.
And as we do that, the first round of points are up for grabs. Pilvi, —
could you refresh my ageing and degrading memory and tell us what this is about?
The show's prizes come from the contestants' personal inventories, from home.
And this time, what you asked them to bring in for a prize was...
The best item with a handle.
Oh that's right. The best item with a handle. What kind of items have they brought then?
Um, let's start with Pirjo. Pirjo brought in a door.
Because according to her, it's a beautiful item, and because every time one door closes —
it becomes shut.
Fathi on the other hand... brought in a clamp.
The clamp in question has held the leg of Fathi's bed together for two years.
And so the clamp is now here, and Fathi's bed is broken.
Eija has brought in a faucet, —
because it's nice/fun that a faucet sometimes also dispenses water.
Kalle brought in a credit card —
to which he had glued a little handle.
And according to him, this is good because then it's easier to pick up when you drop it.
Erin, she's brought in a lollipop pistol that they had in use —
in the Nylon Beat era with Jonna. (Everybody gasps.) [*Nylon Beat = 90's pop duo consisting of teenaged Jonna and Erin. They had catchy, overly sweet dance pop hits with often risque themes, sung in a distinctive nasal voice. Incredibly popular among young girls.]
Ohh! What? (Eija:) What the heck? [*Nylon Beat = 90's pop duo consisting of teenaged Jonna and Erin. They had catchy, overly sweet dance pop hits with often risque themes, sung in a distinctive nasal voice. Incredibly popular among young girls.]
Erin, could you just... I'm intrigued, I've never seen a lollipop pistol before. How does it work? [*Nylon Beat = 90's pop duo consisting of teenaged Jonna and Erin. They had catchy, overly sweet dance pop hits with often risque themes, sung in a distinctive nasal voice. Incredibly popular among young girls.]
Ooh!
(Jaakko:) And what's it for... [Pistol speaker makes hissy noise.] Is it emitting noises?
It says "I love you!"
Ummmm, I've got a credit card just over there, how much is that?
Name a price.
I'll tell you after the show. – Okay.
What do you use it for? – Well, I mean the way we used this was that, if we had to attend some meeting that we found really boring —
or something, in a way we kind of just didn't care what anybody thought or said —
and then we'd just go... Like that!
So... Erin, am I getting this right: if I see you use that today –
"öy øy äy æy", I'll know that I have to be a bit funnier? – Yes. Precisely.
Good. Thanks for these handled items. And now's the time to score them, and hmm...
The scores will go as follows:
Erin 5 points.
(Kalle:) Definitely. (Jaakko:) Fathi 4 points.
Kalle 3 points, Eija 2 points.
What?! Why? – And Pirjo you'll get 1 point.
Do you understand how much that thing weighs?
Pirjo. The most obvious thing with a handle is a door.
I can't give points for that if it's being weighed against a lollipop pistol!
That thing didn't weigh a thing when she carried it in but imagine how much that door weighed!
Two people had to bring it in with a van.
Right, you didn't bring it personally on the public transport like you claimed. (Laughter.)
But... – But, it was a nice try. I'll give you 1 extra point.
(Jaakko:) Always worth (a try.)
And now, dear friends, it's time to get started and head to the mansion to check out the first task.
"Colour this whiteboard completely." -"The time starts... now."
So the objective was to colour the whiteboard completely, as fast as possible.
Excellent. Which hard-working painter will we see first?
Let's see how Kalle, Eija and Pirjo managed with the colouring task.
"Time starts now."
Ohhh f[beeeeep]...
And you've chosen markers that are pretty much out of ink.
Colouring doesn't mean completely blocking, right, but colouring completely, —
so there would be no areas where the marker hadn't been.
Nooo way... And Kalle of course has a set of fresh markers, doesn't he?
These markers are completely out of ink.
Why have you come up with something like this?
I could use one of these boards at home, actually. – ...It's great...
Pilvi, look how fast, look!
Done! In a way you'll sort of have to define what's, like, "completely coloured".
You can go. – Thank you.
Kalle. Kalle, you just said there that we'd have to define the meaning of, like, completely coloured, —
but what does that mean? Because I reckon there was hardly anything coloured there.
Well, just when the human experiment there came to an end and —
I'd been pigmenting that board for the two and a half hours that it took, um...
Or at least that's what it felt like. So it just occurred to me that —
if you say that you've got an unused sheet of paper, it won't be considered unused once there's a mark —
so I think it can also be filled with pigment even if it didn't have it absolutely everywhere...
Just like, a belly is full even if there's still a little bit of room left.
Sounds like lethargy. – Yup.
And Eija, you said that colouring doesn't mean blocking, —
as long as the marker has just been there.
Like, completely. So what does that mean?
Well, it means exactly what I said: that the marker has been there.
Right, so if I asked you lot to paint a wall —
Kalle would dip the paintbrush in paint but wouldn't touch everywhere, and...
Eija would just stroke a little here and there, and Pirjo would do something like this very enthusiastically with no results, do you mean?
(Eija:) With her, it didn't leave a mark. – Yeah. – What?
Yeah, and I must say, honoured taskmaster, that it would be surprisingly stupid of you to pick some actor to paint your house.
There won't be a gig, Kalle.
(Kalle:) Okay thanks. Phew. – So how is it, umm, would you like me to tell you the times of Kalle, Eija and Pirjo?
Well I really see no point in you telling the times.
Agreed. – ...But go on then, you can say them in order to make our time pass.
Let's leave them untold. – Let's leave them untold.
Pirjo had a great technique, I think she deserves points for that. – Yeah.
Right, Pirjo always gets points for anything but the thing you're actually supposed to do.
(Like a child:) This show is so boring!
You can't do anything creative, you just have to do some stupid tasks!
And that came as a complete surprise to you, didn't it.
Look, we've seen these three now. We're about to watch what —
Erin and Fathi accomplished.
But I think we'll need a break now, won't we. – Yes.
Let's go for a break.
Welcome back. Before the break, we saw how Eija, Kalle and Pirjo —
more, or in this case, less, almost coloured an entire whiteboard.
We're yet to see the footages of Erin and Fathi.
And we'll see both of them in one go.
"The time starts... now."
I mean, the only thing I can think of is that I colour... It's impossible to colour this completely!
Okay, great. I'm not gonna colour it with those, but instead...
I'll go somewhere else.
(Fathi snickers cunningly.) – Hah!
Ta-ta-dah! Right, that's all. (Fathi:) Right then!
I'm just this... great artist now.
(Whispering:) Fuc... You'll need shitloads of it.
Time's up.
Do you think you were being smart? – Yes!
(Eija:) Great. – And now's the time to have a chat, Fathi.
You had a sort of Jackson Pollock style approach at first. Do you have any background in the arts? – No.
And based on the end result, I already knew the answer but um —
speed was the thing to give you the edge here, wasn't it.
Didn't it, yes... And so I used... And then it occurred to me that if I used all the colours, then it wouldn't be a colour anymore.
What is it then? – I mean it was just sort of, like a lakebed.
Did it say on the task that you could go get some paints? – It wasn't forbidden.
– Oh. (Kalle:) See, that's what this show is like! – Oh?
(Kalle:) Yup, yup, yup, Pirjo! (Jaakko:) Um, Pirjo, let's see. Would you like to tell us how stupid this show is, as you're allowed to do a little bit more than just...?
This is a really stupid show.
Erin, um, you used a pefletti*... ...not pefletti, I meant bum slider.* (Kalle:) Oh, that bit didn't make the cut? [*Normally, a sauna bench is covered with a linen to sit naked on. Pefletti, "asslet", is a single use disposable one for one person.] [*Bum slider = a round sheet of plastic with a handle, to sit on and slide downhill on snow.]
A slider. – Oh right, excuse me, I meant a so-called winter pefletti. – Oh. [*Normally, a sauna bench is covered with a linen to sit naked on. Pefletti, "asslet", is a single use disposable one for one person.] [*Bum slider = a round sheet of plastic with a handle, to sit on and slide downhill on snow.]
Yeah, I mean it's, an artist always has one of those... – A palette. – A palette, yes.
How often have you seen an artist uses the palette itself to paint like this?
(Erin:) You also had to be quick though. – You were, you were quick indeed —
and I... I wonder how quick you had been, had you had something like a pulk*... in the shed? [*A Nordic low-slung sled, like a low profile open box. Unlike a bum glider, your legs will also fit into a pulk.]
Yeah. You'll never know. [*A Nordic low-slung sled, like a low profile open box. Unlike a bum glider, your legs will also fit into a pulk.]
What were their times?
Fathi's time was 4 minutes 14 seconds.
And Erin's time was 3 minutes 34 seconds.
(Kalle:) Oh wow!
So the points for this will go as follows: Erin, 5 points.
(Eija:) Again! Go Erin! (Kalle:) Owww!
Fathi, 4 points.
And the rest, 1 point each.
And now, before we move on, we'll hear Pirjo Heikkilä's analysis of this show.
It's just stupid, time for a break then.
(Jaakko:) We won't... We're not gonna... We won't go just yet... (Pirjo:) Oh?
...We'll find out who's in the lead, first. Pirjo, you don't have to worry about that.
Well now this show got really stupid!
Stupid host. Alright, moving on.
I think this is a great show, can I get some more points?
Oh, I think Eija just got 1 point.
(Jaakko:) Pirjo, this is also how dogs are trained. – Yeah.
By rewarding.
I'm being given carrot, not stick.
(Jaakko:) Erin. (Erin:) Why did they get 1 point each? (Eija:) Because... (Jakko:) Because...
(Kalle:) I mean what kind of show is this? (Jaakko:) Could it be...
No but why did anyone besides me and Fathi get points?
Yeah, that is actually a good question. – I mean, do you wish that they didn't get any points at all?
(Kalle:) What a monster.
Well you didn't do the task, did you. I don't get it!
If I were the boss here, I would take some points away at this point, but...
Would you like to know who's in the lead on the scoreboard right now?
I don't really care much but go on then.
On the scoreboard, the one in the lead right now is...
Erin.
(Eija:) Go, Erin!
(Jaakko:) Congratulations Erin, everybody's friend.
...At this point, but there's still plenty to see, let's head to the mansion for the next task. (Kalle:) Here we go, haha.
Hi. – Hi.
"Make a cute dog toy —
for a cute dog."
"The dog will spend 3 minutes with the toy."
"The toy that fascinates the dog the most, wins."
"You have 10 minutes to make the toy."
"Your time starts now."
So the objective was to make a cute toy for a cute dog.
Sounds interesting. Very interesting. Who's first?
First, let's see what kind of toys they started designing.
Your time starts now.
Okay. Oh no, it starts now! – There's all sorts of stuff here, yet in a way, nothing at all. Okay? Okay!
– But wouldn't it like it if you just rubbed some dog food onto this?
Surely it would like that! – Seriously though, you should just give the ball to it.
Your mouth is the same size as my dog's mouth.
(Eija:) Oh this is brilliant!
Look, doesn't it... Does that feel nice?
Yeah. – I'll just pop to the kitchen.
Mayonnaise, it might like some of that! – Dogs like cheese.
The taskmaster has Luumäki (brand) venison rolls in here!
It's like a cigar.
I'll put some fish oil on it.
Back at school on the handicraft classes, I was um, probably the worst student of all time.
Oh? That's very hard to believe.
The future of dog toys.
This is the best. And now some strings.
It looks like surgery that's gone wrong. Look at it.
It's done now. – It rather speaks to you, doesn't it?
There. That's finished.
Does the toy have a name? – Bob... Bob..bbles.
Bobbles. – Bobbles.
Pirjo.
Pirjo. Bobbles?
Where did that come from? (Pirjo:) Probably from Ruffles*, but then... [*1987-1992, Hapsiainen (sounds like a species name derived from the word 'fringe', here roughly translated as 'Ruffles') was a children's TV show where the character was a human hand with eyes on the middle finger for a head, while the rest of the fingers were the creature's feet. Inexpensive and very DIY looking stuff on national TV.]
(Jaakko:) It's just that I think I may have been served that exact dish in France once. (Pirjo:) Oh really? [*1987-1992, Hapsiainen (sounds like a species name derived from the word 'fringe', here roughly translated as 'Ruffles') was a children's TV show where the character was a human hand with eyes on the middle finger for a head, while the rest of the fingers were the creature's feet. Inexpensive and very DIY looking stuff on national TV.]
(Jaakko:) I don't know, I didn't eat... (Pirjo:) You shouldn't really go to restaurants like that, you know. [*1987-1992, Hapsiainen (sounds like a species name derived from the word 'fringe', here roughly translated as 'Ruffles') was a children's TV show where the character was a human hand with eyes on the middle finger for a head, while the rest of the fingers were the creature's feet. Inexpensive and very DIY looking stuff on national TV.]
No I shouldn't... It was absolutely...
It was an awful choice, you're absolutely right about that.
Eija, you said that a dog's toy should speak to you. – Yes.
So is that precisely what's the most important thing about a dog toy, that it *speaks to you*?
Gives a talking-to to the dog. – It speaks to you by its existence, the toy.
But dogs don't speak either, do they. – No, but that's exactly why the toy must speak to you.
That's what the point is.
– Kalle. – Yes? – The shape of the toy... – Yes?
That's when you remembered that we were making dog toys?
In a way I'd allowed the toy maker in me to just make whatever my subconscious wanted to —
and then I was sort of, a bit surprised by the end result.
When I turned it around like this, I realised...
(Jaakko:) I'm just still thinking about the notion of this looking like failed surgery, so —
which operation was that again?
Everyone can probably figure that out for themselves, but...
It was like... I don't even know if it would be poss- it would probably be possble in Estonia. [*Estonia is only a quick boat trip away from Helsinki. People go there for things like cheap booze and cheap surgery, but 'savings' in the latter occasionally end up with disasters so patients end up needing reconstructive surgery in Finland anyway.]
If you went like, I want these stretched really far out and then there'd be... [*Estonia is only a quick boat trip away from Helsinki. People go there for things like cheap booze and cheap surgery, but 'savings' in the latter occasionally end up with disasters so patients end up needing reconstructive surgery in Finland anyway.]
We're now venturing into an area where I'd rather not go that much.
That's exactly what I said on the operating table.
Erin. On a scale from 1 to 10, when your handicraft teacher perhaps sees this now —
how happy do you think she will be about your progress and this demonstration of skill?
Probably not very surprised.
(Jaakko:) Not surprised? – Won't be, no.
Fathi. Can you think of anything that cream cheese doesn't go with?
Well I mean... I think, like, since dog toys are usually solid, I wanted to bring a sort of liquid form to the... the... game, and...
I think that... (Jaakko:) You think cream cheese is a liquid?
Well it is more liquid than solid!
So, like... You'd drown in cream cheese!
Alright now, entering the realm of my fantasies! – I hope... I hope I'll never find myself from a situation where I'm about to drown in cream cheese.
I hope you do! – But if you fall into a large tub of cream cheese, you won't just like, stop, you'll sink in.
I can barely wait for the moment when our prestigious judge, the lovely little dog, gets to check out these toys.
And we'll see that after the following break.
Welcome back. Before the break, we saw how our contestants were in the progress of making a cute dog toy for a cute dog.
We're yet to see how our dog, the judge for the task, reacts to these toys.
Indeed. And on a normal day, this dog is called either Humppa —
(like talking to a baby:) The world's cutest darling little silly-billy!
But today, he's the Little Judge.
Let's start with Erin's toy.
(Sneezes.)
(Pilvi:) I see what you mean.
Thank you.
It was cute though. – The dog or the toy?
Both.
What do you reckon, was the dog's attitude somewhat similar to what your handicraft teacher's attitude may have been?
Yes, sure. – Something like that.
It was a nice try. – Yeah.
And whose toy is next? – Next, our Little Judge reacts to Eija's toy.
(Eija:) How exciting!
Eija. Initially, it reacted quite well.
At first, yeah! And just as I thought it would get into it... nah.
No, it found something more interesting, like dust.
Pilvi. What about the next ones?
Well um, next, we have the Little Judge's reactions to the toys of Fathi and Pirjo.
But this situation is a bit more complicated. (Jaakko:) What do you mean?
Well... For now, let's just see a little bit of footage. (Jaako:) Ah right, this is the... yeah.
You look confused.
Did it need to go for a wee or why was it just meandering...?
The fact of the matter is: surely you don't genuinely think that we'd give those monstrosities that you made, to a dog?
How come? (Jaakko:) Come on now.
I mean, think about it. It's just like if I invited you over for a dinner and I'd prepared something awful for you, like, for example those things you had there, like...
– What? ...Tennis ball in fish sauce, and...
Hair rollers in cream cheese!
Have some common sense!
The case is closed. Whose footage are we watching next?
We've still got Kalle's toy left to judge. – Alright. Now then, dog! (Pilvi:) Let's watch it now.
Thank you, Little Judge.
Come. Come!
Come.
Yay!
The audience that matters!
Kalle, this reached the target audience pretty well, so to speak. – For once!
Do you think this might have even more use, like, some further product development, and...?
Umm I think, in a few months time, —
you're gonna have mister Lamberg selling at some market... At some handicraft market, selling handmade dog toys.
Excellent. Let's score these then. (Kalle:) Yeah.
This is easy because we had an incorruptible judge. And um... certain rules, so um...
Kalle, 5 points. (Eija:) Go Kalle!
Eija, 4 points. – For the first time!
Erin, 3 points.
And initially I thought I wouldn't give you any points —
but because you'd clearly thought about the fact that there might be something there that's toxic to dogs —
you get 1 point each, Fathi and Pirjo. – I didn't think about that though.
(Jaakko:) Fathi you didn't think about it? – No, I feel like, I mean... I know how TV works. That wasn't even a real dog. You know.
(Kalle:) Huh? – Right. But it wasn't real cream cheese either, was it.
It was suitable for a dog! Can't you give cream cheese to him? – Mayonnaise contains oil and eggs and spices, right? (Fathi:) And salt, and...
Can't a dog eat oil, spices and eggs?
I've just taken the points away from you. – No way...
So 5 points, 4 points and 3 point. And zero points, Fathi and Pirjo.
And let's address the total scores. How are they?
The one in the lead at the moment is...
Erin. (Eija:) Go Erin!
Erin, who wishes to be known as everyone's friend.
Let's go to the mansion to check out the next task. (Kalle:) Yess.
"Find something beautiful to be revealed in honour of the taskmaster.
Place that thing underneath this cloth."
"You have 20 minutes, after which the reveal will happen.
The most beautiful thing wins." – "The time starts now."
So the objective was to find a beautiful thing to be revealed in honour of the taskmaster.
That's a beautiful thought, isn't it. Who's first?
Let's start with the footages of Eija and Fathi.
"The time starts... now."
Right, see you in 20 minutes. – Yeah.
Here we go then!
Hi, do you have anything beautiful in your house? Like, (in English:) what we call beautiful.
(Beautiful new agey ambient music.)
I'm just borrowing, I'll bring it back by the end of the day. – Yeah.
Okay good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks sis!
Okay this is good.
(Beautiful new agey ambient music.)
(Shouting:) Pilvi! (Pilvi:) Are you ready? (Shouting:) Yes! Right then.
Beyoncé Knowles.
(Pilvi:) Thank you, Fathi. – Thanks.
(Eija:) Hi, welcome. Okay then. Ta-ta-ta-dah!
The big reveal starts... now!
Isn't that pretty? – Yes.
Thank you, Eija. – Thank you.
Eija. You said... So you brought something beautiful in my honour. You brought some stone and moss. – Yeah.
The rock was... it was, it was like, your head.
And the moss was... I added a little bit more of it.
Because the rock was a bit on the bald side, so I added a hairstyle just like yours.
It was like, a portrait of you. – Right.
(Eija:) I see that's 5 points!
They say that there's beauty in modesty and it's the thought that counts, but in this case that just wasn't true –
at all.
Fathi. A picture of Beyoncé.
Yeah I went to get it from my sister, um... I went to say hi to my sister that I normally never call unless I need something from her.
Was there some greater symbolic meaning to this?
I think Beyoncé is very beautiful, she sings beautifully and she's really lovely and I mean, as I revealed this lovely black queen to you, you should be a very pleased taskmaster.
Would you like to echo your colleague here: "5 points!"
Oh my. Thanks for these, Eija and Fathi.
We're yet to see the exhibits of Kalle, Erin and Pirjo, but —
now we must go for a break. See you soon!
Welcome back to Taskmaster. Before the break, we saw how Fathi and Eija revealed —
beautiful things that they'd chosen in my honour.
We've still got Kalle, Erin and Pirjo left.
And we'll get to enjoy their performances now.
Right. – The most obvious thing would be if I just sat here.
Quite nice. – Eek, pff!
Some bugs just appeared out of nowhere. – "In honour of the taskmaster."
Tits would be good.
It won't stay like this, will it. – Oh, it's so beautiful.
People should realise that all people are beautiful.
Whether you're a janitor, you're beautiful. Whether you're a construction worker, you're beautiful.
Whether you're in the band of the cruise ship to Sweden, you're beautiful.
But this is amazing. – ...like, a skier... Oh no actually, that's one step too far.
Oh! I know!
I'm finished. – Some artist would've received "here's a 6-year fund of 380,000€."
(Erin:) Okay, are you ready? – I am.
The most beautiful thing is...
You are enough. You are important.
You are beautiful.
Thank you, Erin. – So here, I've collected elements of all possible types of people.
Because this piece will be a demonstration of it, you know. When someone comes to look at this —
she sees herself. Like this.
Thank you, Kalle. – Thank you.
Jaakko, I know this is the most beautiful thing that you can see in this world.
(Tambourine rattles.)
Olé!
Thank you.
Pirjo, you had quite a bit of elements there. You started from those twigs —
and in the end, ended up with this surprising yellowness that had... So, why the abundance of the elements?
Well, we tricked you. We decided that we'd make, like, a video of me picking flowers, just to mislead you.
And you succeeded at that. – Yeah. And... Even I was surprised to discover what was in there.
Erin. Where did the mirror idea come from?
Well, there was a mirror that I found, and then there was this deep thought.
...About the notion that in this SIMPLE mirror... – Oh jeez...
...where there's just the one essential thing.
So... No unnecessary clutter, just...
And then the sentence: "You are enough." – Right.
Kalle. You had a somewhat similar idea with the mirror, so...
You mentioned a lot of different job titles there, but um, at some point... What do you have against skiers?
You try walking your dog in the winter within 500 meters from a ski trail! [*In Finland, many recreational outdoor areas where people jog and walk get turned into ski trails for the winter. A vehicle drives along the route to carve two grooves for the skis on each edge of the forest trail.]
Immediately, every fucking Finnish skier comes out of nowhere and goes: [*In Finland, many recreational outdoor areas where people jog and walk get turned into ski trails for the winter. A vehicle drives along the route to carve two grooves for the skis on each edge of the forest trail.]
(in a high-pitched voice:) "Get the fuck out of here, it gets...!" [*He refers to the fact that on skiing routes, you're supposed to walk in the centre of the road so you don't trample the tracks. As dogs tend to walk on the sides of a road, they could obscure or soil the tracks if the owner doesn't care.]
"Ski... Off you fuck with your skis!" No no, no, no... [*He uses a common Finnish variant of "fuck off" which roughly translates to "ski to cunt". A rude word for female genitalia is used as any vague place that's well out of sight.]
Um, what comes to these tasks, I don't think any of these were particularly successful attempts. [*He uses a common Finnish variant of "fuck off" which roughly translates to "ski to cunt". A rude word for female genitalia is used as any vague place that's well out of sight.]
(Erin:) What do you mean? (Everyone:) What? (Jaakko:) Not particularly successful... (Eija:) Yes they were!
You could've done a bit better, surely.
I'll give 2 points to everyone. Although —
Kalle, I've never seen you arrange anything with such care and devotion —
so you get 3 points.
And then. Pirjo.
You've put me into a rather unpleasant situation.
I asked you to put something beautiful in there.
And you put Pilvi Hämäläinen in there. So how could you think that I could give anything but 5 points? (Pirjo:) Well, exactly.
It was an unfair of you, but you'll get 5 points. (Pirjo:) What do you mean unfair? (Jaakko:) 5, 3, and 2 to the others.
And Erin. – But I also put Pilvi Hämäläinen in there.
(Jaakko:) Yeah, as a reflection. – Yeah, but still. – Yeah. Because you asked, I'll take 1 point away from you.
Yeah! Justice has been served!
Time for a lollipop, maybe?
It's time for the final task. Get ready.
Pilvi. What's the final task today?
The final task today requires nerves and perfect timing.
Erin, read the task aloud, please.
"Get up just before the appliance is done with its function.
You may get up only once.
The one who times their ascent the most accurately, wins. [*She cracks up because this grammatically correct term for 'ascent' is rarely heard, and close to what's mostly used to refer to the resurrection of Jesus.]
If you get up too late, you drop out of the game. [*She cracks up because this grammatically correct term for 'ascent' is rarely heard, and close to what's mostly used to refer to the resurrection of Jesus.]
The last one remaining is the winner."
Have you all understood? (Eija, in Swedish:) Absolut.
We'll see about that. Pilvi, please go ahead.
(Pirjo:) Oh, I feel rather excited.
Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I mean it would be amazing if that turned out not to be a kettle.
And no spying on each others' feet! – It started quite quickly there.
(Eija:) Oh dear god, yeah... it's boiling now. Should you be getting up?
Shall we get up together? – Uh hehe, we can get up just a little bit.
Oh but then you can't sit back down, remember that, guys! – Indeed!
(Pirjo:) Isn't it boiling when it's bubbling? (Eija:) But it has to make a popping noise. (Pirjo:) Yeah I know.
No but it shouldn't pop, get up before it pops...
...Must get up. Yeah. (Eija, laughing:) It explicitly has to. (Kalle:) Look, it's really close now, Eija, it's best to get up now.
If I were Eija Vilpas, I'd definitely get up now.
(Pirjo:) Eija, you're so old that it takes a while before you're all the way up, so it's a good idea to start now.
(Kalle:) With these electricity prices, this one game will cost 100€. [*The war situation in Ukraine affected the prices of electricity.]
(Random yelling.)
Shh! Quiet! We must listen to it! – Oh?
I bet this is a very interesting show for the viewers.
Not yet.
(Fathi:) Fuck! (Eija:) It didn't pop yet.
But the boys are up already. [*They laugh because her wording ends up having a loose association with erections.]
(Kalle:) Oh my. (Pirjo:) It's taking quite long. [*They laugh because her wording causes a loose association with erection.]
I mean, doesn't it pop at all?
In unison.
(Fathi:) I think you won.
I'd say that's a double win.
No, I think it popped and only then...! – Nooo!
Photo finish. We'll check it in slow motion.
And the ones to drop out are...
Eija and Erin.
you got up after the pop. – Really?
Second round of the final task. Kalle, Fathi and Pirjo remain.
The appliance has changed. It's a toaster now.
And the one to get up closest to the slice of bread bouncing out, wins.
Questions? – None. – Pilvi, go ahead.
Not yet. – This is a tough one 'cause you don't know this individual toaster.
(Pirjo:) Yeah.
At home, I'd know that I'd have enough time to go for a wee, take a cup of coffee, —
take out all the toppings and things and go wait next to it like this. Ping!
But now... I just don't know. (Pirjo:) Well, you can try.
Remember that if you're sat down when the toast pops up, nobody wins.
(Pirjo:) Yeah but not yet, I mean there's not even any smoke rising yet.
(Kalle:) I guess you've got yours dialed up all the way to 5...?
(Kalle:) This is a tough one, isn't it! – It really is. There's something lit at the bottom, I can see.
Oh f, should go soon, surely, surely it would be good... (Kalle:) Now! Now!
Really should. Now?
Now? – Now!
Okay! Now! – Now!
(Pirjo:) Let's do it together. (Together:) 1-2-3-go!
I knew you couldn't be trusted, you jester.
And I'm gonna get up now
– Nooo... – It's really taking this long? Which toaster is this?
(Pirjo:) Can I just press that... cancel button now?
(Kalle:) I'll get the cheese. – Alright then, we've got a winner.
We know the result of the final task, and it was quite clear, wasn't it.
1 point to Eija and Erin. You dropped out on the first round.
3 points to Pirjo.
4 points to Kalle and 5 Fathi.
(Eija:) Go, Fathi! (Kalle:) Good for you!
And so all the tasks have been done, —
but, the question. The most important question of the night is, who won this episode?
After all the tasks, the one to accumulate the highest score was...
Kalle!
(Jaakko:) Congratulations! Go and enjoy the prizes that you won!
Congratulations, Kalle Lamberg. Thanks to all contestants.
Thanks to all you viewers at home.
This has been Taskmaster.
Oh wow!