Hello, hello. I'm Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster.
Look at this titanic trophy.
It, like me, is magnificent.
And as our five competitors
battle on through this third episode
they each edge nearer to winning it
and becoming the next Taskmaster series champion.
Let's meet the prospective title-holders now.
They are...
Al Murray!
Dave Gorman!
Paul Chowdhry!
Rob Beckett!
And Sara Pascoe!
And look who it is...
It's little Alex Horne!
- Ooh. - Ooh!
- Hello, Alex! - Hello, Greg.
How are you? Have you been busy?
I've been very--
You gave me a promotion.
- So thank you for that. - That's alright.
You said, "We are still many, many leagues apart..."
"But I am now semi-professional." So that's nice.
That is nice.
Makes a difference.
I can feed and clothe my children now. So that's nice.
Thank you for that. It makes a difference, honestly.
That's alright. Onwards!
As always, the show starts with the prize task.
What have we asked them to bring in today, Alex?
OK, well today we asked them to bring in
their best battery-operated item.
[laughter]
Oh.
Oh, I didn't even think of that!
I didn't think of that.
It's gonna be that kind of crowd.
So whoever brings in the best battery-operated item
in your opinion, will win the first
maximum points of the show.
Whoever wins the whole episode
will win five battery-operated items.
All to play for.
Dave Gorman. You're a modern man.
What battery-operated thing have you brought in,
and why should I give you points for it?
I have brought in a thing called Ewan the Dream Sheep.
And, uh...
[laughter]
I've got a baby at home and we were given this.
It's got batteries in it and it plays sort of
white noise that soothes a baby to sleep.
[Al] What?
- When the baby was-- - [Sara] What's it sound like?
[gargling noise]
No, not like that.
No, it's like, "Come here, mate. Wot you doin'?"
[laughter and applause]
We have this and it did soothe our baby to sleep.
The baby was in the cot in our room
and then I had to go on tour.
And I missed my baby so much
I bought another one for me
to go in the hotel with me.
- So that I could hear the sound... - Another baby?
...that would remind me of my baby.
Very good. OK, Rob, what have you brought?
I have brought a light for a toilet.
So that when you wee, you can see
where you're weeing without waking up fully
by turning the light on in the bathroom.
[laughter]
I mean, that would scare the shit out of me.
You'd be at the right place, then.
[laughter and applause]
Al, what did you bring in?
I've brought in a WALL•E toy.
[audience] Awww!
[Al] See? He's lovely, isn't he?
He's not gonna help me do an accurate piss
in the middle of the night, though, is he?
Or is he?
Well...
Is it remote-controlled? What stuff's it got on it?
You press the button and he sort of does this jig about,
and he goes, "WALL•E!" [robotic beeps]
Like that, and it's just lovely.
That's interesting, 'cause my instinct was
to push you off the stage when you started making that noise.
He's lovely! He's lovely, he's friendly.
He's pretty cute for a robot.
Sara?
OK, I brought a genuinely good, expensive thing.
It's called an iPod.
[Rob] You're listening to your own album?
[laughter]
[Sara] Who is that?
"And I am actually artist of the week!"
It's good value for money.
I also do need this back,
because I have a Nokia that doesn't go on the internet,
and I can only check my emails on this.
So I do need to win this episode.
There is some risk there, I'll give you that.
Paul?
Already I'm petrified as to what you may have brought us in.
I brought a hairband, innit?
Of course it is.
[laughter]
It's got everything you need on there. Dreadlocks.
I need more than dreadlocks.
The dreadlocks light up.
Oh, they light up?
Oh, then it has got everything I need.
[laughter]
This is where you can become a Rasta
without becoming a Rasta.
"You can become a Rasta without becoming a Rasta."
[laughter]
OK, here we go. I'm gonna make a quick judgment.
Dave, sorry, your sheep's going in last place.
Aw, man.
Al, WALL•E in fourth place, and you're lucky--
Everyone loves WALL•E!
Yeah, I don't.
Third, Sara, iPod.
Nice item. Meh.
Er, second...
Unbelievably...
And I am someone who wants to be a Rasta
but not an actual Rasta.
I'm gonna put that in second place,
because I'm a middle-aged man
and I've got a swollen prostate. Congratulations.
I'm so happy you've got a swollen prostate.
Genuinely have.
Prizes sorted.
Let's move on to the first task proper.
Alex, what were we about to see?
We're gonna kick things off with some bodily fluids.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, God.
- Yeah, this is not nice. - [laughter]
[Alex] Don't like it?
Well, I'm just looking at the objects and thinking...
"What's he come up with now?"
[he chuckles]
Oh.
Come off it!
"Fill this egg cup with your own sweat."
I knew it was gonna be weird, mate.
"Most sweat wins."
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
Pfffff...
"You must complete the whole task
speaking in an accent different to your own."
"You have 20 minutes."
[laughing] This is mental!
This is not normal!
This isn't-- You are-- [he laughs]
You're pushing your luck.
[he sighs]
Maybe do some press-ups or something, innit?
[he laughs]
Um.. Ehhhm...
[laughter and applause]
I'm a little bit confused, 'cause...
I mean, it looks like you've only told Rob to speak in an accent.
[laughter]
[Alex] I... Yeah.
I'm in charge of admin, I...
Just genuine error. Rob, I'm so sorry.
[Alex] I'm so sorry.
That is a catastrophic error.
It's so frustrating.
I mean, that's gonna be absolutely humiliating, innit?
The edit of this could end my career.
[laughter]
Might as well give him the dreadlocks now.
[laughter and applause]
Yeah, I'm as frustrated as you, I really am.
[laughter]
I can't wait any longer. Let's get into it, can we?
OK, we'll kick off with Rob. Rob and Dave.
Oh, I don't think I can watch this.
[laughter]
Tell me when it's finished.
[laughter]
OK, here we go.
[bad accent] What temperature are we on?
[Alex] It's off at the moment, the heating.
Can we turn it on, please?
[Alex] You want me to go turn the...?
[Rob] Yars.
Turn the heating on, pleash.
OK, I'm gonna turn the...
- Tank you. - OK.
And bring the portable heaters in.
- Got it. - OK?
[Alex] OK.
I gonna get me coat.
[laughter and applause]
I got all the clothes I could find.
- Warm up. - You OK?
Gonna get warm.
[laughter]
I'm gettin' hot on mah face.
[he sighs] Yeah.
[audience groans]
Oh, Rob!
Hmm.
Huge discomfort, no result.
Does this go hotter?
[laughter]
I am hot. Why is it not coming out?
[blows whistle] Thank you, Dave.
I might need some help getting out.
[laughter]
What are you doing, Rob?
Squayzing my head.
Into the egg cup?
Ya.
Is it working?
No.
I wish it was.
But it isn't working.
[whistle blows] Thank you, Rob.
[applause]
I just thought, if I just speak
and just try and move my tongue a bit different...
and I'll see what comes out.
It seems to me you were doing an awful lot of work
whilst Dave just built himself a greenhouse...
and settled down.
Were you sweating in your little polythene grief cave?
- [Dave sighs] - Grief cave!
[laughter]
No, I found it very hard on that day
to generate any sweat.
I thought I was creating a sauna.
It took me basically most of 20 minutes to build it,
and then went, "Oh, it doesn't work!"
You created some sweat, 'cause you created a sort of
gutter system through your buttocks
which is why I wore the glove.
And, uh, we had five drops from Dave.
From his arse?
Yeah, it was collected down the back
- and then trickled into the cup. - [everyone groans]
You use whatever gully God gives you.
[Alex] He's always said that. Yeah.
Rob, unfortunately, not a single drop of sweat,
but 12 different accents, including three new ones.
[laughter]
So, who's next?
Uh, how about Paul Chowdhry?
Why not?
Why not, indeed? Here we go.
[he pants]
Should've brought a belt.
Not a drop.
Al Murray's gonna win this, that fat bastard.
[laughter]
Stop it. You're tickling me.
Stop it.
Whoa, that's a lot!
[whistle blows] That's your time.
[audience groans]
[applause]
Paul, why is it that colour?
[laughter]
I'm gonna ask you a straight question here, mate.
You blacking up?
[laughter]
I mean, we know you've got some fake dreadlocks.
I'm feeling a lot better about my accents now.
[laughter]
Why was it that colour?
Like, I creamed myself before.
Creamed yourself?
[laughter]
I creamed myself, like, earlier on that day.
You say that like it's standard practice.
You moisturise your own body, innit, before...
You moisturise your body?
Yeah.
OK, I'm gonna ask you the same question.
Why's it that colour, mate?
[laughter]
Oh, 'cause of the t-shirt.
- It was a dark colour. - Oh, it was t-shirt fluff.
It rubbed onto the sweat and the cream...
[Greg] The cream.
...and created some kind of a sweat fungus.
[laughter]
The old black sweat fungus.
But the colour doesn't make a difference to my...
No, it was all sweat.
Twelve drops of sweat from Paul.
- He's currently in the lead. - [audience] Ooh!
Well, as pleasant as this is,
I'm afraid we have to take a quick break.
Please return soon to discover just how sweaty
Al Murray and Sara Pascoe are. Bye for now.
Hello there. Welcome back.
If you've just tuned in, all the comics are trying to win
Rob Beckett's loo-seat light.
Alex, please remind me where we're at.
Hello there. Well, our contestants are trying
to fill an egg cup with sweat.
Paul Chowdhry's currently in the lead with 12 drops.
Next up we're going to see a Pascoe- Murray montage, at last.
Am I right in thinking that sweat and urine
are made of the same stuff?
[audience groans]
Oh, I'm not sweating, Alex.
I've just got a nice hot face.
They are the same thing, medically.
They're urea, aren't they?
Urine and sweat are the same thing.
Boxing! They sweat at boxing, don't they?
[she pants]
That looks designed for the purpose.
[laughter]
[she pants]
[Alex] It's gotta do something.
You'd think so, wouldn't you?
[splashing]
[splash]
[Al laughs]
Am I allowed to get other people's sweat?
"Own sweat." What if I bought it
off someone in this room?
I would technically own it.
Does anyone wanna sell me a drop of sweat for a pound?
[Alex] You been?
Yeah, I've been.
And I reckon I can fill this egg cup.
I'm actually not doing too badly, drip-wise.
- Really? - Yeah.
[audience groans and screams]
[Alex] It's pretty full.
There's bloody loads in there.
That's human sweat. I've milked his head.
- There you go, £2. - Thank you.
- You've earned it. - Yesss!
[applause]
Oh, God! I thought I did the grossest
thing possible in that challenge.
Sara used her brain and bought some sweat.
I am totally allowing that.
Yeah, she does own the sweat.
She paid our sound man £2 for eight drops of sweat.
She's in second place.
Now it's what you do with old Al's wee-wee, I suppose.
This'll surprise you. I'm not medically qualified.
So, have you got an answer for me?
Is sweat the same as Al Murray's bright yellow urine?
We have consulted not one but two doctors.
We consulted the Van Tulleken twins from the telly.
They both said, "Well, yeah, they're both mostly water."
But by that logic, you could've used beer.
Xand said, "They're made in different ways
by different parts of the body, and are easy to distinguish
without the need for a scientific test.
And culturally, everyone makes
a clear distinction between them."
And Chris says, "Nice try, Murray,
but I'd fail him. He's talking gibberish."
So, it's up to you.
But at the time I said, "They're the same thing, aren't they?
Let's Google it. Are urine and sweat the same thing?"
Google said yes, straight away.
If it had said no, I wouldn't have done it.
I'd have run around like a gimp.
[Greg] D'you know what, Al?
And if Google had paid their taxes,
I would allow you to win.
[laughter and applause]
Sorry, I've got to go with the show doctors.
Show doctors said they're produced by
different parts of the body in different ways.
- Sorry, Al's out. - [Alex] Al's out?
- [Greg] Simple as that. - Oh, damn it!
So, actually, Rob comes in fourth with his zero drops of sweat.
Unbelievable.
OK.
Give him one clap.
[scattered clapping]
[laughter]
Who's third?
It's Dave, then Sara.
Then the winner, for the first time,
- Mr Paul Chowdhry! - Bam!
[cheers and applause]
Can't believe it.
[Greg] You see?
Creaming yourself can pay dividends.
OK, we're really moving now. What's next?
We have a... We've got a task!
Ooh! Oh, this is fun, innit?
[he chuckles]
"Push me," says the ball.
How's it going?
[Alex] Good, thanks, Paul.
"Push me."
Oh, brilliant!
Oh!
Amazing!
[laughter]
Oh, wonderful. Did you do that?
What was all that about?
"Make the best domino rally."
What's a domino rally?
Knew it.
"Your time starts... now."
[applause]
What are we calling a domino rally?
How are we defining that?
Well, you wanted to see them achieve a domino effect
where one thing makes another thing happen.
One thing knocks another thing over.
So it didn't necessarily have to be dominoes.
We gave them a thousand dominoes.
Ah, so it could be dominoes.
It could be. We also gave them a house...
full of items.
Shall we see some?
OK, we're gonna kick off with Dave's literal approach.
[he inhales] Want me to go for it?
[dominoes rattling]
- Yeah! - Yes!
[cheers and applause]
Thank you very much.
Well done, mate.
Played it with a straight bat, but genuinely impressive.
434 dominoes set up in an hour.
- [Greg] There's the sort of numbers I like. - Bloody hell.
Pure domino.
I read "domino rally" as a rally of dominoes
in the same way that I saw "sweat" as sweat
rather than piss.
I've been very literal in my interpretation of the task.
Just a really impressive domino rally.
- Well done. - Thank you very much, sir.
Who's next?
Uh, Sara, who wasn't initially into dominoes.
No, I'm not into them.
No, but you gave it a good go, didn't you?
Mm-hm.
- [laughter] - I did it.
- You did it. - I did it.
- You did it. - [Greg] Yeah.
"Hello! We're Take That!"
"Welcome to the concert!"
[quietly] Yeeeah!
Meanwhile, at the back of the concert
"Hi, I'm Sara Pascoe. I'm really dancing!"
[she gasps] "What's that in the distance?"
"I can hear a volcano!"
[mimics explosions]
"Oh, no! The volcano's erupted!"
"What's the smell? Oh, my God!"
"It smells like that gas that makes everyone
go really stiff and fall over!"
"Oh noooooooooo...!"
"Oh, no! This falling over has made
Take That feel really mortal inside."
"We're gonna pay all of our tax in future!"
[applause]
Well, you went from being bored
to having a full mental breakdown.
I was doing a whole play about tax,
and from what you said about Google,
you don't like people who tax-avoid either.
- [Greg] I don't. - So I thought you'd like the play.
I really did like the play. I thought it was brilliant.
Oh, good!
Yeah, Gary Barlow.
Cough up.
You've seen the domino representation of what happens.
[Al laughs]
[Greg] Who's next?
Er, Rob. Rob Beckett.
- Ooh! - Ooh.
[Rob] Straight ahead.
Deadpan.
[engine starts]
What?
[dramatic music starts]
[laughter and applause]
[applause]
Very good!
Oh, thank you.
I mean, who could ever... [he laughs]
who could ever predict that a domino rally
would be a useful health and safety warning video.
[laughter]
It was very funny. There's five people, a ball pool,
a mattress, a brush and a van.
It was a lot of fun, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was a lot of fun!
Time for a break now, on the other side of which
we'll see Al Murray and Paul Chowdhry
playing with dominoes.
It's a world exclusive.
See you soon.
Oh, hi. It's Taskmaster part three.
And in a new high for comedy,
our five comics are vying for a light-up hairband.
Alex Horne, can you delight us with a quick recap, please?
Greg! Yes, we've seen a variety of domino rally attempts.
We're yet to see Al or Paul's,
and we're gonna start with Al's.
Right.
[exhales slowly]
Three... two... one.
Oh, you absolute bellend!
[laughter and applause]
Damn it!
Can I see if the rest would've worked?
[audience] Aww!
[applause]
That is really annoying.
Livid!
Poor little Al's face.
Aw, it was a really good idea though.
[squeaky voice] You just only knocked some of it down!
It's not helping, this voice, is it?
- [laughter] - I thought it was really good, Al.
Didn't work.
[laughter]
Really clever, didn't work.
One more to see. Who's next?
The last one is, uh...
Paul Chowdhry, and quite often in this show,
we end on something that's either brilliant or...
not so brilliant.
Yeah. Which way will we jump?
[applause]
[cheers and applause]
Yeah, love it!
I mean, at no point were you told
that you had to have egg fall into a pan.
That, my friend, was a hurdle of your own making.
That's how I make eggs in the morning, innit?
[laughter]
It was incredible though, Paul.
I mean, that was incredible, right?
[cheers and applause]
Well, unfortunately for Al and Sara,
despite their wonderful creativity,
they to failed to knock all of their dominoes down,
and therefore they must share
joint last place on this occasion.
Fine.
But, shame on you, Take That.
[laughter]
Third place. Oh, man. I'm gonna put Rob.
[audience] Awww.
Am I?
[laughter]
[quietly] I'm a comedian, so I want everyone to like me.
I'm sticking with that. Rob, Dave.
Obviously Paul Chowdhry absolutely
romps home in first place. Bam, it's done.
[cheers and applause]
I can't believe it.
I think a quick task would be good now.
Oh, you're so slick.
OK, here is a Taskmaster favourite.
Ooh!
- Is that for me? - [Alex] Yes.
What's this? It's out of The Evil Dead.
Rolled-up £20 note?
It's not that kind of show, is it?
It's the kind of task I like.
Cash, rude boy. Cash.
"Buy a gift for the Taskmaster. You have 20 weeks."
"Your time starts... now."
[applause]
Who's first?
I think we're gonna start with Rob,
- if that's alright. - Rob?
A foot stool...
- for your chair. - [everyone gasps]
I know you like to sort of stretch out.
- I do like stretching out. - [Sara] That's so good!
[everyone] Ooh!
[Alex] He likes it!
[applause]
Oh, I mean, it's gonna take some beating.
I absolutely love it, Rob.
- Thanks very much. - That's alright, mate.
- Dave. - Yes?
I've got a variety of items.
You're from Wem?
I am from Wem.
I bought you a book called The Story of Wem.
Wow. It's that thick?
[laughter]
I know you support Wem Town football club.
I didn't know they existed, genuinely.
Genuinely.
It's on your Facebook page as one of your likes.
And I got you the program from their biggest ever game.
I have got you a vintage bottle
from the Wem Brewery.
Shrewsbury and Wem Brewery.
Genuinely closed down, the Wem Brewery!
It's where I went for all my school trips.
All of them.
[laughter]
And I've brought you a single called "Wem".
[laughter and applause]
- Who's next? - Al Murray now.
I have for you, Taskmaster...
£20 worth of the last Rolo.
[laughter]
That is incredible.
That is so wonderful. Thank you, Al.
You're welcome.
Al had to eat over 300 Rolos to achieve that.
And did you eat the 300 Rolos?
What do you think?
[laughter]
Sara next? Are you ready for Sara?
OK, I was thinking that one of the things that money can't buy is time.
I know that you're in a very successful sitcom called Man Down,
and also you have to write the sitcom.
I thought what I would do with my money
is write some of it for you.
[laughter and applause]
- To save you some time. - Thanks!
Oh, and because it was only £20,
I've only written one page.
[laughter]
If you want the rest, you'll have to pay for it page by page.
Oh, it is genuinely blank.
[laughter]
But it saves you some time.
Thanks, Sara. It was a really great idea.
And we've left him till last again. Paul Chowdhry.
Well, you're a man that likes women.
I've known you for a long time.
You've had a lot of women in your life.
Don't say it in that creepy voice.
[laughter]
Yeah, I like women. I like men. It's all good.
But mainly women, innit?
[laughter]
What do you think he's got in the box at this stage?
I mean, a severed hand?
[laughter]
So, you're a man that likes women.
[laughter]
[Greg] Yeah.
[laughter]
You're right, Paul. I do...
[low voice] like women.
[laughter]
Oh, it's not creepy.
It's a game of Twister.
That is lovely.
Right, go on then. Quick as you can.
- Oh, Jesus, really? - How are you gonna rate them?
Oh, Christ. I've no idea.
I'm putting Man Down, Sara's episode, last.
Then I'm gonna put Twister.
I'm sorry.
Naked Twister, man.
I know what you were implying
and so does everyone else.
Rolo third.
In second place, the foot stool.
My town gets no publicity.
I'm putting Dave Gorman's Wemian gifts first.
Viva Shropshire. Wem!
[cheers and applause]
How did that affect the scoreboard?
He may have come last in the opening two episodes
but Paul Chowdhry is still in the lead.
[Greg] Yes!
[cheers and applause]
Can't believe it.
What is next in line, Alex?
This one, Greg. Cooking.
Hello.
- [Alex] Hello. - Oooh!
A tray...
What?!
I don't even understand.
"Create the best...
flag meal."
That's on there like that's a thing.
What's a flag meal?
[Alex] The Taskmaster likes to eat meals that look like flags.
OK, an actual flag?
[Alex] Yes, please.
"You have ten minutes to choose your flag and plan your meal."
"Then 30 minutes... to prepare your meal."
"Best flag meal wins."
"Your time... starts..."
"...now." Right, I need some rice and some food coloring.
[applause]
I like flags, I like food.
And as always, I have to taste the food for you.
Yes, of course.
Do you want to see what Sara did for you?
- Yes, please. - OK.
Here's Sara's flag.
This is absolutely fabulous.
♪ O Canada, O Canada ♪
♪ How long you've been my... ♪
♪ country ♪
Hello, Sara.
Hello, Alex.
Dinner's ready.
And what flag is that?
You shitting me?
That's the Canadian flag!
[Alex] Look at that. Wow!
And it's only 15,000 calories.
[laughter]
Let's hope he likes it.
Mmm.
- Mmm. - Mmmm.
The icing's quite...
chewy.
Like a real flag.
That's exactly what it tastes like.
- [Sara laughs] - A real flag.
That's what I wanted.
It looks great.
- Thank you, Sara. - Thank you.
What did you say it was again? Canada?
Canada, yeah.
[cheers and applause]
Well, it certainly was an impressive flag.
Can we see it again?
- If you want. - Whoa!
It's pretty good.
It's a beautiful thing. Is it a meal?
Uh, yeah!
It's... starter and dessert.
They bring it to you and then you eat the fruit
and then they bring it back when you've had your main
and then you have the liquorice and the icing.
Yeah, have you not been to Canada?
[laughter]
Is this what those guys eat?
Oh, it's traditional. That's why they're so happy.
And why they're all diabetic.
Al? Do you want to see Al's?
What flag do you think Al did?
Oh, you didn't.
No, I didn't.
Oh, you didn't piss in the tray, did you?
[laughter]
- [Greg] Go on. - [Alex] OK.
This is what Al did.
Well.
You asked for a flag meal.
[applause]
Wrong way up, sorry.
- Oh! Yeah, Great Britain. - Don't you hate it when that happens?
How did you do these lines? Very accurate.
- [Al] With a spoon. - Spoon. Lovely.
Just laying it out.
OK, I'm gonna taste a bit of each colour.
I think.
[Al] I'm sure it's delicious.
I'm not sure it's delicious but I'll tell you in a minute.
Oh, he's straight in.
Mmm.
Straightforward, isn't it?
- Yeah. - As a meal.
You'll notice you get a tang off the colouring.
Strange taste, the red, isn't it?
Yes, that's how I would describe it.
- It's not unpleasant. - No.
Mmm. Thank you, Al.
I'm glad you liked it.
Mm. I mean, "liked" is a...
No, you liked it. You weren't sick or anything.
If you're not sick, you like it?
Yeah.
- No, I wasn't sick, you're right. - Brilliant.
[cheers and applause]
[Greg] Delicious, lovely Union-- Was it delicious?
I really like rice.
- Yeah. - I love rice.
Just as well, mate, innit?
Yeah, there was a lot of rice.
There were three whole bottles of food colouring.
Two reds, one blue. But it was alright.
It was alright. Didn't taste that bad, did it?
Can we call rice a meal?
If you eat enough of it, yeah.
[laughter]
I mean, if you ate all that, you'd be
"Ah, what a lovely meal!"
Would I?
Yeah! "Boom-ba, fatty boom-ba! Lovely meal!"
Let's have a look at Dave Gorman's flag meal.
Right...
Mr Horne.
Hi, Dave.
Your skull and crossbones surprise.
And there it is! That looks...
delicious.
[applause]
Bit of the lower jaw with one of the teeth
and obviously some of the black...
Black rice.
It's delicious, isn't it? Delicious.
You could imagine this is something you would eat...
at sea, when you've been there for months.
Yep.
And then it might taste...
alright.
Great flag meal, Dave.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Did you enjoy the champagne with your meal?
No, I didn't get any of the champagne in the end.
- No. - Was there any champagne in the meal?
There was some champagne in the chef.
[laughter]
So when you were asked what ingredients you wanted,
you ordered yourself a bottle of champagne?
[laughter and applause]
The reaction of the crowd to the actual flag speaks for itself.
[laughter]
There's quails' eggs, some beans, noodles.
You've got some cauliflower...
- [Alex] A lot of cauliflower. - ...squid ink and rice.
Squid ink?
Yeah, it's a cooking ingredient.
[Greg] Absolutely incredible.
If I were being chased by two boats with pirates on,
I would be most frightened of the one flying...
- [laughter] - that flag.
I thought it was very tasty,
but then I had drunk most of a bottle of champagne.
[laughter]
We still have the thrill of Paul and Rob's flag meals to come,
plus the final task of the show live on stage.
See you after the break.
Hello there!
Welcome back to the last chapter of today's Taskmaster story.
We'll soon see five comedians up on the stage
for our live task, but before that we need to
conclude the current conundrum.
Alex, a little reminder, please?
Yes, well, they've all been creating flag meals
for me to try and for you to judge.
So far I've eaten Sara's maple leaf, Al's Union Flag,
and Dave's Jolly Roger. We're gonna have a look at Rob--
[laughter]
[Alex] Rob Beckett now. We're gonna have a look at Rob Beckett.
Hello.
I've got your flag dinner.
[Alex] I'm so hungry.
Konnichiwa.
[laughter and applause]
- I'll start by having... - Eat it all, mate. Just pop it all in.
I'm not just gonna pop it in in one. I'm not an animal.
- Oh, wow. Look at that. - It's nice, innit?
- It's quite a dark red. - Very dark.
- Blood red. - It's almost like beetroot, innit?
What it reminds me of, just before I pop it in,
is, um, placenta.
[laughter]
Mmm. It's...
It is what it is, isn't it, Rob?
I'm giving up there. I've had half of Japan.
I don't think I can eat any more of that.
Yeah, sure. Alright then.
Thank you, Rob.
Bye.
[applause]
I mean, the gall to deliver that and say, "Konnichiwa."
[laughter]
I mean, I was going for more...
You know, accurate flag than meal...
- [Greg] Were you? - ...and that is pretty spot on, innit?
Although, actually, you've only done
the middle bit of the flag. You've ignored the rest of it.
You've only done a part of the flag.
The flag isn't just that bit, it's a square around it.
I'd-- I'd seasoned it with salt.
[laughter]
Sounds like you've won.
[laughter]
There were two layers to the red.
He'd for some reason dyed a pancake red
and then doused it in ketchup.
Have we got someone left?
Yeah, we've left Paul till last, for once.
Oh, now that can mean two things.
[laughter]
He had a go. He had a go and this is what he did.
Mmmm!
Mmmm.
Your dinner is served, young man.
Thank you, Paul.
Wow. What is it?
- Mexican flag, innit. - Is it?
Well, I guess we should eat Mexico.
Thank you.
Like it?
No.
[whispers] I don't think it looks like an eagle.
Well, it did look like an eagle. You ate the beak.
[laughter]
Viva la Mexico.
[applause]
"It did look like an eagle till you ate the beak."
[laughter]
And is that what you think is the only thing
that makes us able to recognise eagles?
- That they've got beaks? - Yeah.
So if an eagle wanted to disguise itself, it just goes...
[laughter]
"No eagles here!"
Clark Kent had the glasses.
Eagles have got the beaks.
[Alex] It's meant to feature an eagle holding a serpent in its talon,
perched on top of a prickly pear cactus.
[Greg] And what did you use to represent that?
Mustard.
[laughter]
Does it actually look like the Mexican flag, that?
No, what it looks like is the Mali flag.
- [Greg] Oh. - [Paul] The Mali flag.
- [Greg] Genuinely does. - I got Mexico and Mali mixed up.
Here's the good news, though.
We didn't say that the flag had to look like
the flag that you'd chosen.
- Like a flag. - You had to make a meal out of a flag.
There was two flags in one there.
You did a subconscious Mali.
Right, well. I think the crowd spoke volumes
when they saw Dave's Jolly Roger.
[audience cheers]
Straight into first place.
Second place, Accidental Mali.
[applause]
I mean, Sara's, I would hate to eat that meal.
It would sicken me, but it was beautiful.
- So third place, I would say. - [Alex] OK, fine. Yep.
[applause]
And then, surprise surprise, Al next and Rob last. Done.
[applause]
What does that do to our scores, Alex?
Paul is still in the lead, but it's not unassailable.
Dave is just two points behind.
[applause]
OK, everyone. The time has come for you
to leave the area and head to the stage.
That's right, it's time for the final task of the show!
[cheers and applause]
OK, it's not immediately obvious as to what on earth is going on.
[Greg] Dave, would you please read the final task out?
[Alex] There we go, Dave.
"Anchor these balloons using only bread."
Simple as that, right?
"The person with the most fully-inflated balloons
resting on their mat and held down by bread alone
after a hundred seconds wins."
It's the old classic.
[laughter]
Good luck, everyone. A hundred seconds starts...
[blows whistle]
Good luck. Here we go.
[audience shouting encouragement]
Oh, oh, oh! We've lost one. We've lost one from Paul.
[Alex] Paul, you need to win this, Paul.
This could be your only opportunity.
[audience continues shouting]
That is a technique. That is a technique!
Don't tell the others.
[Alex] He's literally made a balloon sandwich.
Literally made a balloon sandwich.
[Greg] I didn't want to point out when
any particular individual is doing well,
but clearly someone is.
No, stop looking! Stop looking!
Come here!
[Alex] Very neat, Paul. Very neat.
Three here.
We've got two here.
Four, and then a lot over there.
Twenty seconds left!
Twenty seconds left.
Oh, fucking hell.
[Alex] Four seconds!
[whistle blows] Step away!
Step away, step away.
OK, come down. Let's see how that's affected the final scores!
[cheers and applause]
Some pretty exciting balloon-on-bread action there.
How did that go?
Well, in last place was Al Murray with two.
Wiped out.
Paul, who was in the lead, came second-last with three.
[Greg] Oh, Paul. You had everything to play for, mate.
[Alex] Then Dave with six, Rob with seven.
Sara got ten balloons!
- [cheers and applause] - Genuinely thrilled! Thank you.
And Sara very much the architect of that technique.
Much like the Fosbury Flop,
she'll be known for years to come, I'm sure...
as the Pascoe Balloon Poke.
[laughter]
Great, here it is. Let's find out the final scores then, please!
OK, well, first I'll let you know that the series leadership has changed hands.
That's Mr Rob Beckett now. He's in charge of the series!
[everyone gasps]
Getting a little bit closer, Rob. Incredible.
But who's won this particular episode?
It's the highest-scoring episode so far.
And the winner...
- was Paul Chowdhry! - No?!
Just by one!
[cheers and applause]
Can't believe it.
Incredible. Paul Chowdhry is the winner of all the battery-powered items.
Paul, please go up and collect your jackpot!
[cheers and applause]
Alex, Alex, Alex. Well done, you.
Well done, you.
And well done, me.
So, what have we learnt today, then?
Well, we've learnt that if Al Murray ever offers
to lend you his tracksuit, think twice.
That might not be sweat.
We've also learnt that the winner of today's show was
Paul Chowdhry!
[cheers and applause]
Thanks, everyone, and farewell for now.
[applause drowns speech]
[subtitles by tribbletown]