Hello.
Thank you, I am Greg Davies,
and this, ladies and gentlemen,
is the 50th ever episode of Taskmaster!
- [fanfare plays] - [cheers and applause]
[laughter]
It's gonna be one hell of a night.
Or it might be like any other episode,
but with a few more references to the number 50.
Let's meet the five trophy-hungry contestants joining us
to both compete in and celebrate this auspicious occasion.
They are... James Acaster!
Jessica Knappett!
Kerry Godliman!
Phil Wang!
And Rhod Gilbert!
And next to me, for the 50th time,
the 50th time...
♪ He claims that he's six foot but he's just below five ♪
♪ Little Alex Hoooorne ♪
- [applause] - Six foot two.
Well, I've just got stats.
- Stats today. - OK.
Fifty episodes, 35 contestants, 263 tasks,
45 disqualifications, 11 tie-breaks,
220 egg breaks, two arm breaks, one marriage,
one Taskmaster baby and one everlasting friendship.
- [laughter] - It's what... Yeah?
[laughter]
Are you-- Are you allowing that?
You think we're friends, do you?
For ever.
I don't think you could tell me one thing about my life.
Outside of this show.
[laughter]
- What car have I got? - A car... A Honda.
No!
So...
- On with the 50th special one. - [Alex] Right.
Come on, then. Let's make this a good one.
I'll try, and the best possible way to go about making that happen
would have to be by starting with the prize task.
And it's a neat one this week.
We've asked them to bring in the best key.
Kerry, what's the special key you've brought in?
Er, my special key is the key to my camper van,
which I'm very excited about.
The key looks like this. Ready for the camper van?
[Greg] Yep. Oh, fucking hell.
[laughter]
What do you think a camper van looks like?
I love the key.
What do you expect a camper van to look like?
You've put this in as a prize
'cause you don't wanna pay to have it towed away.
[laughter]
- My camper van is a thing of joy. - [Greg] It is.
It's got loads of cupboards and drawers.
It's like Sylvanians for grown-ups.
OK, just for argument's sake, Phil, you win this show.
What are you gonna do with that van?
- Uh, strip it for parts. - Thank you.
[laughter and applause]
- Move on? Move on. - Right.
Phil, obviously you've got your eye on the stripped-down prize now,
but what did you bring in?
I brought the best key
which is the G key from a piano.
- [Alex] Here it is. - [Jess] Nice.
[Phil] There it is.
It's G, which is the best key.
It's the highest letter in the alphabet,
before they gave up and went back to A,
'cause G... You can't top a G.
Um, it's... You know, I like it.
Well, I say that. Kerry's is better.
- Now... - [laughter]
I've ripped this with my bare hands out of a real piano.
I put it to you that that is--
Yes, and you're right to do that face.
Two can play that game, Phil.
I put it to you...
[laughter]
That that is a stock library picture of a--
It is not a stock--
No, it isn't. He did bring in a key, but I don't know
- where he got it from. - Shot it nicely, didn't he?
That's gonna come off your wage for this show, young man.
- [laughter] - [Greg] Jess?
I've thought outside the box.
It's called a key...
lime pie.
[laughter]
Brackets, homemade.
- Did you really make it? - Yes, I really made it.
If it's a stock library picture, I'm gonna attack Phil.
- You will-- I-- - [laughter]
Here it is. Here's the pie.
[laughter]
"I The Heart Taskmaster"?
Yes, OK, James! It says "I The Heart Taskmaster"!
But it should say "I Heart The Taskmaster"
which it does, if you read it the right way round,
which is the wrong way round.
- Did you really make it? - Yes, I really made it!
Looks genuinely delicious.
Well, it genuinely is.
As a special 50th episode celebration,
I'm gonna let Alex eat all of that pie at the end of the show.
And I mean all of it.
And well he should.
- It's delicious. - After the show?
No.
When the winner goes up to collect the prizes,
you can eat that entire pie.
OK.
[Greg] OK, good. I look forward to that.
James Acaster?
I brought in the key to my heart.
He's brought in this.
I love ice cream.
[laughter]
And I hope Alex likes ice cream with his key lime pie.
Yeah.
You are going to be a very full boy.
I think what we'll have to do is
we'll have to find out what Rhod's brought in.
Fingers crossed, it's better than a bowl of ice cream,
and then we'll come back.
Of course it's gonna be better than a bowl of ice cream!
- I don't think it will be. - Sorry to interrupt.
It's definitely gonna come last.
[laughter]
Why?
Gut instinct.
Rhodri?
I sort of went outside the box as well, 'cause I thought...
Can I make a prediction? This is gonna be a picture of me looking fat.
Here is Rhod's key.
[laughter and applause]
I just find the key helps you make sense of things sometimes.
It's a probably weird thing to say,
but it sort of does it for me, as a picture.
So who's in last place?
Oh, well, James is in last place,
bringing a bowl of ice cream in.
One point to James Acaster.
Based on the fact that I still believe
that's a library picture of a piano key,
I'm giving Phil two points.
- Which it's not, but fine. OK. - Fine.
- Second last. - Unbelievable.
If it's proved otherwise to me,
if I see the physical proof of the key...
- You will at the end of the show. - ...during this show,
I'll give him a bonus point.
We all know that the prizes come up at the end.
- You're definitely gonna see it. - It might be a picture of the key.
I mean, you think that's gonna go up and it's gonna be like Bullseye,
and there's gonna be a fucking camper van up there?
- [laughter] - [Greg] Stupid prick.
That was a good point.
[applause]
- Two for Phil. - Two points for Phil Wang.
That's right. Third place, with three points,
just 'cause he's been so gobby in the last two minutes,
- Rhod Gilbert. - [Alex] OK.
- [Alex] He's standing up now. - [audience gasps]
"Ooooh!"
Jess, I'm giving your four points, 'cause the pie looks nice
and I can't wait to see this prick eat it.
I'll take it.
Have we all been beaten by the camper van?
- Yeah, we fucking have. - [laughter]
It would appear so! [she laughs]
Five points to Kerry. There, done.
[Alex] Kerry wins the task.
[applause]
We are shifting now, aren't we?
What do you have ready and waiting in the wings for us, Alex?
I have something very apt for episode 50. Ready?
- Yep! - Here we go.
Hello, James.
Ahh!
"Put exactly 50 different things in this bin."
"Fastest wins."
"Your time stops when you say,
'I've put exactly 50 different things in this bin.'"
"Fit Alex in this bin."
"Roll him down the hill."
"Fastest wins."
[laughter]
That was a wind-up. Get used to them.
- What's the last bit say? - [laughing] The last bit says...
"Your time starts when Alex..."
"...touches you on the shoulder."
Oh, God. Eurgh!
- I thought you might run. - Oh!
[laughter]
- Time starts now, James. - Ugh!
I can't go any longer!
[Alex] I've started the clock.
I've-- I've started the clock.
- Your time's started, Rhod. - Urgh.
[panting] Right. Now it's thinking time.
[Rhod panting]
[cheers and applause]
It's nice for us to fall into the stereotypes there.
"Oh, I can get extra time here! I can get extra time!"
And those two, it worked.
But not for grandad, did it?
Yeah, so this is actually a two-part task.
But we're gonna deal with each part separately, Greg.
First let's see how they gathered their items. Ready?
- Yes. - Here we go.
Right.
- One at a time, is it? - Well, for now.
- One, two... - One potato.
Three, four, five, six.
Seven.
Oh, hold on. What am I doing?
Eight, nine...
Ten, 11, 12...
13, 14, 15...
16, 17, 18...
19, 20, 21, 22...
23, 24...
25, 26...
27, 28...
29...
30...
31...
32, 3, 4...
35, 36...
37, 38, 39...
40!
41, 42...
43...
45...
Oh!
44.
[laughing] 45...
46...
47...
48...
49...
50!
I've put exactly 50 things in this bin. Suck it!
I've put exactly 50 different things in this bin.
I've put 50 things in this bin.
I've put exactly 50 different--
Different things!
[laughter and applause]
I don't know whether we all made the same mistake.
Right, well, we need to nip a potential argument in the bud here, I think,
with the definition of "different" things.
Well, all of them put two of the same things in,
except for Phil. All 50 of Phil's were different.
But I suppose you could say that the stones were all different,
the oranges were different.
They're different stones from each other.
But Phil was the only one who made the effort
to put 50 totally different items in.
And that is reflected in the time.
[laughter]
Just while I'm thinking about this...
Um, do you want to explain "suck it"?
[laughter]
Why I shouted "suck it" at the end?
- [Greg] Yeah. - I felt good.
[laughter]
Who was it directed at?
Just everyone in general.
"Suck it."
Everyone. You two, and Wolf from Gladiators...
[laughter]
The cat bin lady. Everyone.
[laughter]
Tell me some times.
Jess took two minutes 52,
going back and forth to the shed instead of bringing the bin...
to the shed.
Rhod was very tired, of course. Two minutes 30.
Kerry. Potato, then mainly fruit. One minute 27.
James, 58 seconds.
- Just the stones. - Whoa!
- [Jess] That's all stones? - Stones and one ukulele.
Phil, who's traditionally slow, this time...
really slow. Six minutes 57.
So, are we rewarding them for speed?
- Or does Phil get any special treatment? - I think it's all about speed.
If there's a piano key up there, I'm not going to give him a bonus point.
But I'm gonna secure him one now for putting 50 different things in,
'cause I think it needs rewarding.
So Phil was the slowest, so gets one point,
but you're giving him a bonus point.
He gets two points. Correct.
OK. Then Jess gets two points, three points to Rhod,
Kerry four, but James wins the first part of the task
- and gets five points. - [Greg] Incredibly.
[cheers and applause]
Right, that's it, my friends.
It's the end of the first part.
of this special half-century episode.
So, go do your business and come back here.
When you've cleaned up.
Hello, everyone!
It's part two of our 50th show together,
and yet I still don't feel like I know you.
Maybe you never will, Greg.
Maybe you never will.
[laughter]
So, can we now see the other part of this task, please, Alex?
Yes, there was more to this than just gathering 50 things.
Here's the next bit of the task.
I recognise these guys.
[Alex] Coincidence?
I don't think so.
These are the things I put in the bin.
Right, I'm gonna open this,
and then I'm gonna rest my head again.
"Using all the items on this mat..."
"...make the best picture of the Taskmaster."
"You have ten minutes. Your time starts... now."
You want me to do a picture
of the escaped Easter Island monument
that you call the Taskmaster.
Oh, shit.
I should've gone with something more varied than this.
"Your time starts...
...now."
Well, I've got lots of red for the mouth.
OK. These are gonna be eyebrows.
He's quite frowny, isn't he?
He's got one of those... Has he got one of those bum chins?
Can I break this?
[Alex] You can do whatever you want.
[laughter]
I've just noticed just quite how much my bulge is pushing out.
- [Alex] Bulge? - My bulge.
His teeth are definitely sort of green or brown,
but his eyes... could be blue.
Here's one of his little pencil legs, down there.
[Alex] Mm-hm?
'Cause his legs are absurdly out of proportion.
Oh, this is quite good. It's quite Picasso-esque.
It's so Greg.
Arms, I forgot.
Shit.
[Alex] Does he have arms?
Yeah, he does, but...
he doesn't use them.
[whistle blows]
Hmm. Thank you, Phil.
Thank you, Alex.
[Phil sighs]
[laughter and applause]
Does anyone wanna talk through their workings, or shall we just see...?
They all said you had angry eyebrows, you're frowny,
you're always frowning, you're not very smiley.
And Phil said, "I wish I'd filled the bin with pasty-coloured things."
[laughter]
Don't, uh... Thanks for that extra point, Greg.
Enjoy it. Really enjoy it. Suck it, in fact.
Well, let's start. I'll show you what Rhod and Kerry
put in their bins and then what they did with it.
Good.
[Alex] This is their raw ingredients, Rhod and Kerry,
and this is what they ended up with.
[laughter]
It's flattering.
Yeah, and I haven't got a problem, weirdly, with having no arms,
even though you had plenty of leaves to make arms with.
But you decided to focus on them going on my stomach.
Well, if I'd given you arms, I would have had to make you look thin.
And I think you'll agree,
it's a better likeness with you fat and no arms.
[laughter]
Well, there's some fascinating decisions by you, Kerry,
because, as the neck demonstrates,
there were enough oranges to give me
two legs that are same width.
[laughter]
But you went, "If I'm really gonna make it look like him,
I'm gonna have to get that withered leg in place, early doors."
I dunno, I wasn't thinking like that.
That wasn't a conscious decision.
- What's the silver bowl? - It's a little fascinator.
A little coquettish fascinator.
Yes, you're going to a wedding.
Oh! "Congratulations on your wedding."
"Are you wearing a fascinator, Greg?"
"Shh, shh. It's not about me, it's not about me."
"Can you help me through this door?" "Why?"
"Because one of my legs is withered."
[laughter]
Who's next, please, Alex?
Now we get to see Jess and Phil's masterpieces.
This is what they were working with...
and this is what they mustered up. Here we go.
[laughter]
That is really seriously good.
[Kerry] That is brilliant.
Sorry, did you mishear and think it was a portrait of me
after I'd fallen out of a pine tree?
It's an Angry Bird pig.
[Greg] Oh, in that case, full marks!
'Cause that's the look I've been trying to perfect for years!
[Greg] Jess?
What's so worrying is I was so proud of that.
When I made it, I honestly thought it was really good.
What the hell's that oblong on my face?
More to the point, there's... paint.
So I could've, like... used the paint.
Oh, yeah. It's a good point.
[laughter]
[James] You're the only one who put art materials in.
- And then... - [Jess] Didn't use them.
...just used them as the top of my head.
[Alex] There's one more.
We've secured last place, but let's have a look, yeah.
OK, finally, this is what James Acaster,
Portrait Artist of the Year, was working with.
Well, he transformed that into these.
[laughter and applause]
Good.
I was really pleased with it.
I went into that room and saw what I had to work with.
And I was really scared.
And then you smashed up the ukulele.
I smashed it up and I was amazed,
with each smash,
it just came off like a perfect part of your body.
And that is an incredible piece of work.
What I think is delightful and incredible
is that you have managed to show the fear in Alex's face.
Do you want to see all five together and you can judge them?
I do.
OK, so here's the five Greg faces.
And I'm gonna judge this based on
which ones I think look most like me.
[Alex] OK.
- [Greg] I'm sorry, Phil. - [Phil] What?!
- I'm sorry-- - This is just leaves!
That's a leafy duck! What is this?
That's shit. That's really bad. Please.
I've been very kind to you.
- I think I've been very generous. - Charitable.
I gave you a bonus point.
- I never give bonus points out. - Never.
But I've got to look at that and say that's deeply hurtful.
It's... it's a mental pig.
- And I'm giving you one point. - One point to Phil.
And purely-- Two points, purely based on the fact
that I haven't got an oblong on the side of my face,
- I'm giving two points to Jessica. - [Alex] Two to Jess.
[Alex] Second last place. Third place?
[Greg] I've worked very hard on my withered leg.
Very hard. I'm giving you three points.
- [Alex] Three to Kerry. - [Greg] To Kerry.
[Alex] So it's between Rhod and James.
- [Greg] Yeah, well, I think-- - What? How?
[Greg] I think that, uh...
Sorry.
Rhod has captured the essence of the anger I feel
when Rhod walks into a room. A sort of dark contempt.
I was doing you just after I'd walked into a room.
There you go, I'm gonna give you four points.
But Jesus Christ, if I could give you ten, I would.
- Five points for James. - OK. Five points to James Acaster.
[cheers and applause]
Scoreboard me up.
OK. Do you want an update on the series at this point?
- Yes, please. - We're over halfway.
Two members of the contestant team are in triple figures.
Phil's on 73.
- Oh, no. - [Rhod snorts]
73. James, 93. Rhod, 95.
Jess, 101. Kerry's on 105, in the lead at the moment.
[everyone gasps]
In this episode, Phil, again, adrift on five.
At the other end, again, Kerry's on 12, James is on 11.
That's where we are at this moment in time.
[cheers and applause]
I would very much enjoy seeing another task.
Oh, I thought you would.
OK, we have one right here, and this one is...
[heartbeat echoes loudly]
- The next task. - [laughter]
Watch your head, Kez.
- Ooh. - Oh.
[Alex] Hello.
- Sunshine! - Hello.
[Alex] Hello.
- Oh, hi, Al. - Alex.
Do it.
It's on a hanger.
- It is on ribbons. - Is it a clue?
Oh, God.
Oh!
"Write and perform the most suspenseful...
soap opera cliffhanger."
"Your scene may last no more than one minute."
"You have 30 minutes."
How many?
Thirty minutes to write a one-minute scene.
"Your time starts now."
- Right. - "Write and perform."
I've already written mine in my head. Phil's pregnant.
- [James] Yeah. - [Phil] OK.
Does he keep it?
One of us...
has got the other one pregnant? That doesn't work, does it?
I'd quite like to do a fight.
Yeah, we should definitely have a catfight.
- So, one of us is pregnant... - How are your, um...?
- Stage fighting? - [punch noise]
Oh, you went the wrong way.
[laughter and applause]
We were very happy.
I may have implied, from time to time during this series,
that Kerry Godliman takes on the persona of Phil Mitchell
in her approach to tasks, which is sometimes...
"Right, I see what we're doin'. Fuck, let's do it. Bosh!"
Be interesting to see which way you go when offered a...
Ooh, the suspense!
[Greg] ...a soap opera.
Don't you dare turn your back on me.
Don't you even think about it.
Oh, go on then. Go and see some adverts. See you soon.
It's part three. Welcome back.
Or more like party three.
Because we're having a whale of a time, aren't we,
on our 50th episode of Taskmaster?
Oh, man. There's a killer vibe in our crib right now.
[laughter]
Before the break, a team task was taking place,
where they had to write and perform
the most suspenseful soap opera cliffhanger.
[Greg] Right, bosh. Who are we seeing first?
OK, the first cliffhanger we're gonna see is...
[heartbeat echoes loudly]
The boys' attempt.
[he whistles]
- [violent knocking] - [James] Philippa!
Open this door!
- James. - Open this... door!
What have you been doing in here?
What have I told you about locking doors in this house?
We don't have locked doors in this house!
I've been waiting downstairs for you, nine months!
You've not been out this bathroom in nine months!
What are you playing at?!
I've been waiting for my dinner. I'm starving!
Meanwhile, you're in here,
and you're getting fatter, if anything!
Are you eating all the food? Is that what you've been doing?
Nine months in the bath, eating all my dinner?
What have you got to say for yourself?!
[he sobs] James, no!
James, I'm not fat.
I'm pregnant!
Really? I'm gonna be a dad?
Well, if you're gonna bring our little babba into the world,
then I'm gonna make an honest woman of you.
Philippa...
Will you marry me?
If I'm gonna be an honest woman, James, then...
I'd better start telling the truth.
There's someone else.
Who?
[he gasps] Rub a dub dub!
Oh, you little--!
My water's broken!
My heart is broken.
Rub a dub dub!
[cheers and applause]
Rub a dub dub!
Am I right in thinking that the premise of your soap opera...
is that a woman has been sitting in the bath for nine months?
[laughter]
- Gestating a baby? - That's right, yes.
- Yes. - OK.
Um, and having an affair at the same time.
No, no, wait.
The husband's clearly agitated.
I was very wound up.
What's he been doing for nine months?
He's been downstairs, waiting for his dinner.
[laughter]
Did you give your nasty misogynist character a name?
- Ah, Gus. - [Greg] Gus.
[laughter]
- Gus? - Yeah.
He's come in. He's furious.
Argh, yeah.
Because she's a woman, she should have provided the food.
You've been waiting for nine months. You're nearly dead.
Yes.
She then tells the truth, "I'm pregnant."
Yes. Philippa.
- Philippa. Sorry. - That's OK.
And then there's a touching moment between Philippa and Gus.
Yeah, we finally break through.
I thought that bit of acting was...
OK.
Now this is where the real twist comes.
The lover is revealed.
- Lovely cliffhanger. - Yes.
But I am confused.
Rhod's character's only vocabulary in the whole scene
is the phrase, "Rub a dub dub."
[laughter]
Would it help if I told you that their soap is called Feelings,
and there is a theme tune to it?
Can we see it?
Yeah, this is the theme tune to Feelings.
OK.
♪ Everybody's got feelings ♪
♪ Feelings hurt and feel good ♪
♪ Everybody's got feelings ♪
♪ Feelings hurt and feel gooo... ♪
♪ ...oooooooood ♪
[laughter and applause]
Rub a dub dub.
- Who's next, please, Alex? - Next up are the ladies,
with an excerpt from their gritty soap opera,
called Cul de Sac.
I know he's in there, Donna!
How'd you find me?
Google Maps.
What d'you want?
You ever heard of manners?
You ever heard of oral hygeine?
Ugh!
[Kerry screams]
[they grunt]
[Kerry screams]
He's the best I ever had, Donna!
You can't be with him, Donna.
Why?!
'Cause you're his mum!
[laughter]
[applause]
[she retches]
[audience gasps]
[cheers and applause]
Yeah!
So, I don't want to state the obvious,
but your character's been having sex with her own son.
Yeah, that's why she threw up!
Oh, you puked 'cause you'd had sex with your own son?
Yeah, 'cause it's quite unsettling, isn't it?
I thought it was 'cause it was Alex.
Why would he say that? Why would he say that?
That's mean, isn't it? Is he being mean?
That is mean.
I'd say, for a soap opera,
not very much soap.
However, in ours...
[laughter]
The definition of a cliffhanger is "a dramatic and exciting
ending to an episode, leaving the audience in suspense
and anxious not to miss the next episode."
We did that.
OK, it's as simple as this.
Cul de Sac had some powerful acting in it.
Thank you.
But the main reason I'm gonna give the boys one more point
- is because... - Unbelievable.
I'm agog.
Is because...
- ...everybody has feelings. - Everybody's got feelings.
The boys get three points. There we go.
- [applause] - [Kerry] Well done.
Good. Let's have another task.
OK, and it's been noted that this series and last,
you've started to wear glasses, and I think they look fine.
- So here's the next task. - [laughter]
[Alex] Hiya.
[laughter]
- Hi, Alex. - Hello, Jess.
Ooh, I love boxes inside boxes!
What's that say there?
C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K...
Random.
[Alex] Not random. They're in order.
Yep.
"In the lab, there are ten pairs of glasses."
"The pairs of glasses may not leave the lab."
"Without breaking any of the pairs of glasses,
put all the pairs of glasses into the smallest of these boxes."
"You must select your box before leaving the caravan...
and may not then change your mind."
"Smallest box containing all the pairs of glasses,
with the lid shut properly, wins."
That's nuts.
"You have a maximum total time of five minutes."
"Your time starts... now."
What?
[laughter and applause]
Befuddled old man.
Yeah.
So it's pretty straightforward, right?
Yeah, they had to choose which box
they thought they could fit
- ten pairs of glasses in. - Yeah.
The smallest box that successfully was
packaged with those glasses wins.
- That make sense? - Yep.
OK, we're gonna start with James and Kerry.
Ten pairs of glasses.
I reckon they'll go in there.
- Go? - Yes, please.
Yep. Yeah, course it is.
Pairs of glasses.
Didn't see this coming.
Oooh!
Do you know what I had in my head?
Pairs of glasses!
Ooh, I don't know why I had that in my head.
That's more pairs than I thought I'd get.
I'm now doing a thing...
knowing that it's not gonna work out.
[Alex] Trouble is, a couple of glasses are bigger than the box.
Yeah. Funnily enough, I'm not going anywhere near those ones, Alex.
I've written them off.
Hmm.
I feel tricked. [she growls]
What do you mean by "shut"?
That's shut.
- [Alex] Is it? - It's shut.
[laughter]
That's shut.
- [glass breaking] - [laughter]
Crunched a bit there.
That is a goddamn miracle that I did that.
[Alex] You've got six pairs of glasses in there, have you?
Not bad.
And how do you want the Taskmaster to transport the rest?
If I was a removal man and then he was there going,
"Well, how do you want me to transport the rest?"
I'd go, "Up your ass."
"Try not to break 'em. Smallest arse wins."
[Alex] Thanks very much, James.
[laughter and applause]
You both thought these were pairs of spectacles.
I think I made that clear.
Oh, you spelt that out good and proper.
"Oh... These are... Yeah."
- "But I was expecting..." - But I was acting a thick person.
Oh, it was an extension of Cul de Sac.
Yeah, yeah, it was still on Cul de Sac.
- I was still being Donna. - Still in character. "Oh, blimey!"
Me, too. I was acting a thick person too.
Yeah. I enjoyed your reaction immensely,
'cause you went, "Oh. Yeah. Oh, good!"
"Yeah, course it is. Yeah."
"Yeah. Good. Can't be straightforward, can it?"
"Yeah. Of course!"
- Who's next, please, Alex? - OK, Phil has glasses,
and as we've seen throughout the series,
he knows how to pack things in tightly. Can--
[laughter]
Can he combine those skills? Let's see.
Pairs of glasses. That sounds like spectacles.
But it's probably a Taskmaster trick
and it's drinking glasses or something.
I have to put pairs of drinking glasses in there.
[Alex] What are you doing, Phil?
How much-- Just trying to estimate the volume
of ten pairs of glasses.
I'm running out of time. I'm going with F.
[Alex] You've got two minutes 40.
- [glass cracks] - [he gasps]
I think the rules said I wasn't allowed to break any of the glasses.
[Alex] Have you broken one of the glasses?
I've broken one of the glasses.
I was trying to be too clever with the stacking.
Aside from the single broken glass,
this is a textbook bit of packing.
Done.
[cheers and applause]
The only one so far that has spotted the dastardly trick.
Dirty horrible trick.
He got exactly the right-sized box.
He did, and I've got some good news for you.
I'm gonna nip this in the bud straight away.
You did break one glass, but the rule was,
that you weren't allowed to break a pair of glasses.
Oh!
So you only broke one glass, so I'm fully allowing...
- Really? - Everything. Yeah.
OK.
That was very impressive, Phil. Well done.
[cheers and applause]
Can anyone beat Phil Wang at the glass-packing task?
What will the studio task be?
Who will win Kerry's camper van?
And aren't adverts annoying?
All these questions will be answered within the next 15 minutes.
Bye for now.
Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster, part four.
Sure, it's the 50th ever episode,
but let's not forget it's also episode six of series seven.
Yes, it's the big one, and not only that,
but before the break, there was a glass-packing task going on.
Phil has proved the best packer so far.
Last up are Rhod and Jess.
Can I go to the lab first?
[Alex] All the information is on the task.
[she sighs]
[Rhod] "You must select your box before leaving the caravan
and may not then change your mind."
Why didn't I think of that earlier?
Such a dick.
Yes, I was thinking of spectacles.
I think I might play it safe.
[Alex] OK.
I'm going with box E.
- Come on. - [Alex] Coming.
Don't dawdle!
F, could I get it in F?
Or E?
They might even go in G.
Well, actually, I think this could work.
Hmm, now what we've got here is a packing job.
Well, I'll tell you what's immediately clear,
is I got the wrong box.
[Alex] And you did go and see what size the glasses...
Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Total disaster.
[Alex] Running out of time, as well, Rhod.
Running out of time and running out of box.
The only thing I seem to have plenty of is glasses.
Pop.
I'm wising up to the Taskmaster.
That's what's happening here.
- With the lid shut properly? - [Alex] Please.
[whistle blows]
That's one of the most disappointing
five minutes of my life, I would say.
[Alex] So far.
So far.
Ha ha ha, ha ha, ha ha!
[Alex] Thanks, Jess.
I'm really happy with that.
JK out.
[cheers and applause]
I mean...
So proud.
So proud, but you hadn't worked out they were drinking glasses.
What I thought they were were massive spectacles.
Well, that makes sense that you might've been tricked that way.
That good, because you just came across as someone
who's just floating through life.
[sleepy voice] "Yeah, I s'pose this box will fit some glasses in..."
"Yeah, pop them in. Yeah..."
So I'm glad that there was method to your madness.
Well, it's one of the first times that any of the tasks
had come across as easy to me, so that's...
- ...good, in a way. - That's good.
With your big fun glasses.
[laughter]
Read out the task, for Rhod's benefit?
Well, the relevant bit is,
"You must select your box before leaving the caravan...
and may not then change your mind."
I didn't see him selecting the box
before running out of the caravan,
and looking at all the glasses, then running back,
and then still picking a very small box.
I thought I can go and have a look, then come back,
then I've gotta choose the box.
I forgot... that in going to look, that was...
leaving the caravan.
[laughter]
These things can happen to you under pressure.
Should've applied Jess's technique, just...
- "Yeah... just get a box." - "Play it safe."
Yeah, but I think that was quite a large box, though.
- Yes, it wasn't the smallest box. - [Jess] Unfortunately.
You both got them all in, but Phil's box was smaller.
No, it's not.
[laughter and applause]
I dunno.
Oh, man.
Shall we work our way down from the top, then?
Yes, of course.
- So Phil gets five. - He does.
He completed the task. Jess also did, but not as well.
- Four points. - Correct.
- How many are you giving Kerry? - I'm gonna give her three.
How many to James?
- I'm gonna give James two points. - [Alex] Mm-hm.
Because they both made some semblance of an attempt.
- What about Rhod Gilbert? - One!
Absolute zero. Nothing.
OK, well, Mr Phil Wang wins the task!
- [cheer and applause] - Yes! Well done.
Very good. Let's check in on the scores before the final task.
Well, the good news is that anyone could win this episode.
Phil and Rhod are tied in last place with 13.
Kerry's out in front still with 17 points.
[cheers and applause]
Please stand up and head up with me
for the final task of the show!
[cheers and applause]
Welcome to the stage, Greg.
I'm delighted to be here. Who's gonna read the task?
- Philip Wang. - Lovely.
- Hello, everyone. - Hi, Phil.
"Get your doughnut as high as possible."
"You must be holding hands with the people
on either side of you at all times."
"Highest doughnut after 100 seconds wins."
"If your doughnut is in the air after 100 seconds,
its height will be measured from where it lands."
So just to explain that final line,
you can't just fling it up in the air at the end.
It will be measured from where it lands.
OK.
[Alex] So everyone needs to hold hands now.
It's only the doughnut, the fifth one up.
Wait, wait, wait!
- [laughter] - [Alex] Are you ready?
I'm ready, yeah.
OK, James is gonna blow the whistle.
Here we go, guys. Best of luck to ya.
- [blows whistle] - OK, 100 seconds!
[cheers and applause]
Take it up there! Take it up there!
Take it-- Pass it up there!
Pass it up there!
No, pass it up, you fucking idiot!
Pass it up, up, up!
[Jess] Kerry, no!
- Throw it up! - [Jess screams]
Throw it up! What's wrong with you?
[Rhod] Yeeees! Yes, throw it up!
[Alex] 50 seconds left!
[Alex] Oh, watch out, watch out!
[laughter]
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...
[audience] Five, four, three, two, one!
[whistle blows]
[Alex] Stop, stop, stop!
[Greg] Let's get back down to the stage
and add things up to the final scores!
- Goodness me. - Hmm.
You got dragged around.
I did, which is incredible,
considering I'm knocking on the door of 30 stone.
[laughter]
I can show you a freeze-frame of the exact moment
- the 100 seconds was up. - Yes, please.
This was what was going on on stage.
Your facial expression's very good.
[laughter]
It looks like Greg's being stalked by himself.
[laughter]
[Alex] So out of the ones we can see there,
Phil's is actually just higher than James's.
Then we've got Kerry's, but I think out of everyone,
Kerry was the only one who let go of other hands
enough to then put it on her head.
Do you have anything to say about that?
- I do. - Sorry?
Did you let go with both hands and...?
I didn't let go.
I was thrown around and I took the opportunity to...
- move things forward. - [Greg] Let go.
You got free. You should've connected yourself back up.
I did connect myself back up!
You did a sneaky drop and grab. You know what you did.
[laughter]
There are two doughnuts we can't see.
Jess's is just below the stage there, but it is still in existence.
So Jess got the doughnut lower than it actually was at the beginning.
[Alex] But she didn't break any rules.
No, James got my doughnut lower than it was in the beginning.
- By kicking it off. - By cheating.
Yeah, it's a shame. It wasn't cheating.
It was mean-spirited, but hey.
It's a tough game... baby.
[laughter]
I don't like that new catchphrase.
Rhod's doughnut ended up with
that lovely lady at the back there.
And you can see her on the screen as well there.
So, we say that Kerry gets zero points
for releasing and grabbing.
- [Greg] I'm afraid so. - Fair enough.
So Jess is actually in fourth, gets two points.
James gets three, Phil gets four,
but the winner of that task is Mr Rhod Gilbert!
[cheers and applause]
So, it's a very close episode.
In second place, it's Rhod Gilbert.
In joint third, it's Kerry and Phil,
but the winner, with 19 points...
It's James Acaster!
- Alriiight! - [cheers and applause]
James Acaster wins the sixth show and our 50th episode.
Please go and collect your brilliant keys!
So what have we learnt today?
We've learnt that the key to good drama is in the writing,
like when Scarlett O'Hara turned tearfully to Rhett Butler
and pleaded, "Where shall I go?"
"What shall I do?"
To which Rhett replied, "Frankly, my dear...
rub a dub dub."
[laughter]
We're also about to learn whether Alex Horne
can eat an entire family key lime pie.
But more importantly than anything else going on in the world right now,
James Acaster is the winner of tonight's show.
Thank you, loyal fans. Thank you and good night!
[subtitles by tribbletown]