Hello, and welcome to the opening link
for another episode of Taskmaster.
Like all good sporting competitions,
you're about to see a group of athletes
go head-to-head in a series of challenges
until one of them proves themself to be the very best.
Unlike regulated sport,
there are no restrictions on performance-enhancing drugs.
Here at Taskmaster, we have a simple mantra -
if it makes them more entertaining,
let them gobble on illegals until the cows come home.
[laughter]
So, here they are! Five pumped-up roid-heads,
on the edge of mental and physical collapse.
Daisy May Cooper!
Johnny Vegas!
Katherine Parkinson!
Mawaan Rizwan!
And Richard Herring!
[cheers and applause]
And, next to me, it's the one and only,
the brilliant, the talented, the charming...
[squeaks] ...little Alex Horne!
[cheers and applause]
- Thanks, Greg. - That's alright.
- Very kind. - I... Oh, I'm so sorry.
Sorry, there's been a mix-up.
That was the script for my godson's wedding.
Sorry, I'll just do that bit again.
Here we are, and next to me
is a man who once did a poo in a paddling pool.
It's little Alex Horne!
[cheers and applause]
Thank you, Greg.
Right. Let's get on with it, though, shall we?
I wish that you would tell me what the prize category is.
Granted! Today, it's a rather special one
which I know is close to a lot of people's hearts.
Yes, it's the best thing that is bigger at the top than the bottom.
Like a funnel.
So, the person who's brought in the best thing
that is bigger at the top than the bottom will get five mega points,
and, at the end of the show, the overall winner will take home
some seriously top-heavy prizes.
- Lovely. - Thank you.
I am going to start with... little Richard Herring.
- Ah, thank you. - What thing have you brought in?
It is a Cornetto.
[laughter]
- It tapers down to a point. - [Greg] It's a tapered ice cream, alright.
Have you been talking to Daisy about how to choose the prizes for this?
[laughter]
I just went literal, I went what's bigger and better than...
I couldn't really think of anything.
Yeah. Fine, so you had a little chat with Daisy.
She said, "Look, just fall into your kitchen, grab the first thing..."
"Grab the first thing that you can, and get one point!"
- Yeah. - [Greg] Good.
Daisy. This could be the first time
that you're not the worst at this round.
I have brought in a cotton bud
wearing a pirate's hat made out of a face wipe.
Yes, she's made this for you.
[laughter]
[Greg] You've upped your game.
- Do you think? - Yes!
I call it Captain Budwash.
[laughter]
- I mean, it is what it is. - No, that is true,
I've confirmed that. It is what it is.
[laughter]
I get your strategy. It's...
It's not to focus on round one, I get it.
[laughter]
Johnny, what have you brought in to beat those two?
It's a huge part of everyone's life.
Where would we be without it?
It's a toilet.
- [laughter] - Here it is.
[Alex] He has genuinely brought in a toilet.
[Johnny] It's bigger at the top than it is at the bottom.
Otherwise it would be a suppository.
And did you genuinely bring this in from home?
I genuinely brought that in from home, and I'm not happy with it,
because them smaller tanks,
I have to flush it four times to shift anything.
[audience groans]
Listen, you're preaching to the converted. I'm a four-flush man.
Well, I've got a couple of the Victorian ones,
and I was never prouder when my dad came out of using that
and he went... "That'd shift a bike."
- Yeah! They're amazing. - [laughter]
My grandmother's was exactly the same.
You could put a live fox in that, and it would... One flush, gone!
[laughter]
Katherine, this is going to take some losing.
It's an acorn...
that would grow, obviously, into an oak tree.
So, here is the oak tree that the winner will get
in approximately 200 years.
[laughter]
- I mean, I quite like it. - Tonight, they're going to get this.
Yeah.
Still smaller at the bottom.
Well, that way up it's big at the top...
- Big at the top. - Yeah, 'cause it's upside down.
Yeah, but it would be hanging from... Like that.
I suppose it would be, wouldn't it?
I don't mind it, Katherine. I think it's pretty imaginative.
Aww! I thought that you would understand it better than Alex, actually.
Yeah, couldn't get my head round it at all.
It fulfils the criteria, and it promises to fulfil the criteria
- even more. - For 1,000 years.
Yeah, for 1,000 years...
- Well done you. - Thank you.
- Oh. - Mawaan.
You're so unpredictable.
Am I?
I brought in something that we all use on a regular basis.
It's a microphone in a microphone stand.
- Right. - Here it is.
- [laughter] - [Katherine] Oh, my God!
- And did you create that? - Yeah, I basically made it for a show
'cause I had this idea, yeah... Like, a stand-up show,
audience walk in, there's a mic and microphone stand on stage...
Yeah.
I wanted to be that microphone stand and mic
to maximise my stage time.
And I'll be honest, the audience reaction...
- ...it deserved better. - It was muted.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- I really like it. - Cool.
You've been in a very nice mood this evening, Greg.
- Yeah, I am, so far. - Acorn, microphone stand,
Captain Budwash, toilet, and an ice cream.
[laughter]
My favourite was Mawaan's.
Five points to Mawaan Rizwan.
[applause]
My second favourite was Katherine's.
- Oh! Four points for an acorn! - Lovely oak tree.
- [Alex] Well done, Katherine. - [Greg] So much potential.
My third favourite was Johnny bringing an entire toilet in.
- Course it is. - Three points to Johnny Vegas.
[applause]
And my next favourite is Captain Budwash.
- Yes! - [applause]
Budwash, remarkably, gets two points.
I'm going to give one point to Richard Herring.
[laughter]
OK, we're off!
Alright then, let's get into the show proper.
What have we got first?
We have this, your regular task involving a robotic golf caddy,
many upturned picnic benches, a couple of chickens,
and a swivelling office chair.
[clucking]
[Daisy] Chicken!
[Alex] Are you talking to me?
No.
[laughter]
- [Alex] Hello. - Hey, man.
- [Katherine] I need some shades. - [Alex] Want me to get you some shades?
- No. - OK.
"Get to the... Get to that finish line..."
"...clutching chicken number two."
"Get chicken number one across the start line
"aboard radio-controlled Mawaan."
Oh, not numbered chickens!
[laughter]
[Alex] So, that's going one way, you're going the other.
You're going to have to swap chickens with the
- remote-controlled Katherine. - OK.
You must sit on the office chair at all times.
If anything touches the little robots...
your attempt is over.
Oh, those little robot things. They're brilliant!
Yeah, little robots there.
Your time starts... now!
[laughter]
[Alex] He's off!
Nice to see a little bit of footage from a retirement home before we start.
[laughter]
So, it's a classic game of
Remote-controlled Avoid the Mini Robots Office Chair Chicken Swap.
Absolutely it is.
- [laughter] - I'm glad you summed it up.
- That's exactly what it is. - Lovely. Let's crack on.
This looks like a pretty sweet game.
OK, well, he's the youngest here by a considerable stretch.
But will that help when it comes to swivel chair caddy-driving
and chicken-swapping? Let's see. It's Mawaan Rizwan.
OK, ready?
Argh!
[laughter]
Come on, move along.
No, what are you doing?!
[Alex] Wow!
[applause]
Oh, sorry, I didn't press stop!
Sorry...
Yeah! That's how you do it.
That's going to take some beating.
Well, I thought it was going to be really hard to do.
Mawaan comes in...
He made it look like everyone does it at home all the time.
He was so natural. He went off at exactly the same speed
as the remote-control golf caddy.
Yeah, but they've all been raised with that technology.
- [Katherine] Yeah, exactly, yeah. - What, chicken remote controls?
[laughter]
- You mean because he's slightly younger? - How old are you?
28. I'm not even that young.
It's ridiculous to suggest you look young,
dressed as you are as a college professor.
[laughter]
OK, I'm calling a time-out.
Go and feast on some ads like the ravenous consumers you are,
and, when you return, we'll see the grown-ups having a go.
[cheers and applause]
Hello, and welcome back to the show.
I missed you.
Next up, they're a perfect fit.
It's Dick and Johnny.
[laughter]
[Johnny] Oh!
Oh, OK. I see, there's some little robots here!
Oh!
I think he's in.
Ooh!
Right...
No, without hitting the chicken!
[laughter]
Oh, God! Oh, God, oh, quick, quick, quick!
Ahh.
I've stopped the clock, Johnny.
Cheers, man.
[whistle blows]
Thank you, Richard.
[applause]
Thank you, Johnny.
I'm going to take the remote control off you now.
That's one of them I want another go at.
You can have a go at lunch if you want.
No, I'll just go on Amazon Prime.
Yeah? Get myself, what, 50 benches...
[applause]
I mean, again, it sort of panned out exactly as I imagined
- it would pan out, really. - Mm-hm.
Richard, it looked like he was having a lovely day out
with the other old people.
[laughter]
"Ooh, there's some little robots there!"
- "How funny." - [laughter]
And then, within seconds, Johnny's life falls apart.
[laughter]
It's my first experience of an electronic golf caddy,
do forgive me!
Sorry, have you not played
Remote-Controlled Avoid the Mini Robots Office Chair Chicken Swap?
[laughter]
It was banned in our house.
I mean, it worked.
Neither of them clashed with the little robots at any point,
- so they've secured some times. - Tick!
Richard, 4 minutes 30.
And how did Johnny do?
3 minutes 40.
- He beat Richard? - Currently in second place.
- Really? - [Alex] Yeah.
- Wow. - [applause]
- [Greg] That's bad. - [laughter]
Let's move on.
Well, finally, brace yourselves, it's Daisy May Kathpark.
Here.
Right.
[Alex] When are you gonna go, do you reckon?
That's in the bin, is it?
- Sorry? - Nothing.
And...
OK...
Oh, I can see the little robots!
OK.
Oh, God.
Come on, little buggers.
Ahhh!
Oh...
[Daisy wails]
No!
Oh, God.
Stop!
Oh, God.
Arghh!
[Alex] Watch out for those little robots.
[Alex] Hmm, what's happened there?
Yeah, nothing.
No!
[Alex groans]
Sorry!
Yes!
[applause]
I've stopped the clock. Thank you, Daisy.
Where's it gone?
Did anything touch the little robots?
Oh.
I did.
Yay!
- Now, Katherine... - Yeah?
I'm not going to stop the clock yet.
- Do you remember what the task was? - Chicken had to be on it.
- Yeah. - It's number two, isn't it?
Well, all the information's on the task.
Yeah, it's in the bin.
[laughter]
It's number one.
Oh, God.
No! Where's it going?!
I didn't do that! You didn't do it?
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
[applause]
[whistle blows]
Well done, Katherine, you've completed the course.
[applause]
I hate robots.
Androids.
- Anything futuristic. - Yeah, I do.
If that's what the future looks like, it can fuck off.
Yeah, yeah.
- I mean, it isn't what the future looks like. - No.
I had a remote-control car as a child, and I'm 100.
[laughter]
I don't drive.
No!
No, which I do think is relevant,
and you might want to take into consideration.
I mean, I just wrote down...
"Katherine's driving licence should be taken off her."
Right. Never had one.
Well, Daisy was very fast round the course, 3 minutes 23.
I think she would have won a lot of...
new Remote-Controlled Caddy Chicken Swap fans.
- However... - [Daisy] Ah, bollocks.
- But she's disqualified. - 'Cause she hit the mini robots.
- She did hit the mini robots. - She didn't care!
- No! - Heeey!
Katherine, on the other hand, was very slow and disqualified as well.
- She took over quarter of an hour. - Over... I was a quarter of an hour?!
- Oh, yes. - [laughter]
It went very quickly.
- It did not. - [laughter]
So points-wise, Greg, we've got five points for Mawaan Rizwan, obviously.
- Obviously. - Obviously.
We've got four points for Johnny, three points for Richard.
- That's right. - But what about these ladies?
- They were disqualified. - Zero points to Daisy and Katherine.
[groans and applause]
- May I see a scoreboard, please? - You may.
At one end, we have Daisy with two,
but at the other, it's Mawaan with 10!
- Ooh, wow, look at that! - Strong start.
[applause]
- Right. How about a new task? - Good shout.
And this one's a lovely, complicated team one.
- Oh, hello! - Hello, Richard.
- Hello, Mawaan. - Hey, Alex.
- Shall I open this? - Yes, please.
Is that going to self-destruct?
"Tell your team-mate what is in this safe."
"You may speak into this microphone
and they will hear your message played backwards."
"You have ten minutes to open the safe and record your message."
"The most accurate answer wins. Your time starts now."
There's a mic in here?
- So that is a cassette deck. - What's that?
There is a facility there to record yourself.
I need to open the safe, though.
Rouf, neves,
rouf, neves.
It's the code for the safe.
"Oeuf, leven, oeuf..."
Fou.. Four.
So if it's four seven four seven, it's seven four, seven four.
[beeping]
Oh, good.
It's seven four seven four.
[beeping]
[he chuckles gleefully]
Right, I get it. Backwards-talking task.
They had to record a message for their team-mates
to say what they'd discovered in the safe,
and that message was going to be played backwards to them.
First up, it's the team of three.
[Alex] Good luck, Johnny. Good luck, Katherine.
Thank you.
"Decipher the message to work out what is in this safe."
There's a tape recorder, there's a notepad...
[Mawaan, distorted] Cushun... Gireg...
Gu-reg...
- Laamb... - Lamb? - Lamb.
- Laamb... - That's the only word I understood.
- Wore... - War?
- Hairvane... - Heaven.
- Wore... - Wall?
- Cushionnn... - Cushion? Hang on.
[gasping] Ohh!
- What if it's something backwards? - Let's do it again.
OK, nushuc, nushuc.
...ushun. ...ushonn.
Is it mission? Hang on.
Cushion or pushing.
- ...ushon... - Pushing... Cushion.
I can't, I just... Push in, push in.
I think it's cushion.
What kind of cushion would you be pushing?
- Whoopee. - What else does he say?
Gerg.
Gereg.
Grreg.
- Gireg. - Greg!
It's something about Greg.
Mah-ull.
Mah-ll...
- Llaam. - [both] Lamb.
Yeah, but we can't go with, like, a mad guess like kebab.
S-niquise.
Seuquin...
- You in... - Oh, my God.
Euquins...
Right, this is hardly CSI, is it?
[laughing] Oh, I don't know!
We've got... I've got push in, bury, war, and lamb.
[laughter]
- ...ushunn. - [both] Pushinnn...
- Grreg. - Greg.
- Greg twice. - Which means "flock" in Latin.
- Seuquin. - ...of sheep or something.
And he says lamb.
- Zeyuquins... - You in?
[laughter]
- Llaam. - Lamb.
It's a lamb on a cushion, that's what we've got.
I think it's a lamb kebab.
I think it's a lamb on a cushion, that's all I...
- [Alex] Yeah, thanks, guys. - Oh, man.
[chortling]
It's a sequined cushion.
Oh, my God, that's amazing!
It's Greg with a lamb.
- [applause] - [Alex] Not bad!
[Katherine] I'm amazed!
I just thought we were so wide of the mark.
You didn't know it was backwards for...
- No. - ...a lot of it.
But it was really fun to watch.
The only problem was
he managed to explain to them that it was a lamb on a cushion,
but it wasn't, it was an alpaca.
OK, if you want to get technical...
- [audience groans] - They seemed to do well.
They got a lamb on a cushion,
they didn't get the sequins or you, in the end.
You mentioned Greg a couple of times, but pretty good.
- Well done! - Well done.
OK, that's another part complete.
Alex, do your famous Schwarzenegger impression.
We will be back. We'll be back. We will be back.
Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
It's the start of part three,
and time for Alex's recap.
[laughter]
Oh, I didn't know about that!
- That is good. - Yeah? I thought you'd like it.
- Yeah, it is good. - Yes, here it is.
We're currently in the thick of a fiendish backwards task
where one team-mate has to describe the contents of a safe
in a message which will be played backwards to their team-mates.
The team of three had their attempt. We now know that it was
a cushion with a picture of Greg and an alpaca on it,
so all that's left is to watch Richard and Daisy
as they demonstrate their communication stills.
[laughter]
Now, I do a lot of ghost recordings,
so this is one of my specialities,
figuring out what the ghosts are saying.
[garbled nonsense] Eewiet it neuw.
As eq nas erw uh suh eh eh suh.
Sneuquies.
Huh?
[laughter]
So it's just a red pillow with sequins...
Oh, that's nice, it's got the Taskmaster... and a sheep.
Llo... Innow...
Oh. Inner...
Pih el el oh ohw.
Un, un, och...
I mean, is this message actual words, or is it letters?
[reading letters phonetically]
[jerkily, in reverse]
Ah puss?
Wollip der.
Rrred pillow.
Redd illoww.
Oh, oh...
M... M O.
Low... Hello.
Hello! Oh, hello.
L O.
Low...
[she groans]
U-equins...
Snewquies.
Sequins.
Sn-i-ques.
Puh eh eh huh suh.
Us uh eh eh suh.
Ah suh eh uh.
Uh eh ah suh.
[laughter]
Ew ih ens. Sneuquies...
Ha hey... Eh ooh...
S-milkies.
[laughter]
Sequins. Sequins.
Milkies? What's that for?
That sounds like a number. Ilkies?
Hey, it's probably telling me some sort of code!
- Seven... - Sneuiquis.
Milkies, milkies...
Fuck.
Ah!
Milkies...
I mean, what... That's just mad.
O, N-oh, oh N-oh.
[whistle blows]
OK, what you think's in the safe, Daisy?
Pair of sunglasses.
[laughter]
Why didn't you put me with Katherine Parkinson?
[laughter]
[applause]
Well, I don't know where to start.
I mean, thank God you weren't in charge of code-breaking in the war.
We would be waking up to the sound of jackboots.
[laughter]
I mean, interestingly, I genuinely don't know who to blame.
No, it wasn't good. Red pillow was the only thing they came out.
It felt like trying to order in a foreign restaurant.
Milkies?
[laughter]
Well, the trouble is Richard did some forwards and some backwards,
- there wasn't a lot of consistency. - Well, I've never spoken backwards,
so I didn't know whether it was better to do it forwards...
Nobody's ever spoken fucking backwards, Richard!
You got oh, oh-N-oh, and milkies.
[laughter]
And in the dying seconds of the task,
you said, "I think this might be a code!"
[laughter]
The team of three did work out there was a cushion...
- Yeah, they did. - ...with a sheep on,
- or some sort of animal. - Right, that's pretty good.
What about giving the most points to either me or Richard
for who you thought was better in the team task?
It's impossible to separate you.
He was bad at his job, and you...
You weren't even speaking. You were just...
[he blathers]
- [laughter] - I can't give you anything for that!
- So zero for Daisy and zero for Richard. - Obviously! Obviously zero!
- OK, well, that's easy enough. - But for these three,
- they got quite a bit, didn't they? - They did.
Right, I'll give them three points each,
- and that's an end to it. - Three points each,
and that is the end of it.
[applause]
I think we should have another task!
I do, too.
And I will now prove it!
[mooing]
"Make the best marble run."
"The marble that rolls for the longest time wins."
"After releasing your marble,
you may not touch your marble, nor do anything to affect its movement."
"You have 30 minutes, and one official attempt."
"Your time starts now."
Brilliant. I think I'm gonna get some pipes.
I have... I've never made a marble run.
Actually, that's the first time I've heard of that as a phrase,
"marble run".
I've never rolled a marble before.
[Alex] Why not?
I don't know, I just never played marbles as a kid.
[Alex] That's a shame.
Yeah, well, I had a PS1, so...
[laughter]
'Tis a thing of beauty.
This is a contraption that will...
Not only will you see the longest marble run,
it will power this house...
...for two minutes!
[laughter]
Who needs wind...
...when you've got a Vegas marble run?!
[laughter]
I'm sorry, I'm just sorry.
Don't be sorry.
It's good to be ambitious.
- Who needs wind? - Who...
Who needs wind when you've got a Vegas marble run?
I should explain what a marble run is, in case people don't know.
The only person who doesn't know what a marble run is
is Katherine. "I've never heard of that."
Katherine, a marble run uses gravity
to assist in keeping a marble moving.
First of all we're going to see the prep work
of three equally popular cast members.
It's Daisy, Richard and Johnny.
Where can I set up my... my marble run?
[laughter]
It's all the stuff Mother never allowed me to play with!
It rolls off there onto there...
[panting]
This looks good, this looks good!
Where's the end of the tape gone?
Oh, come on.
That might be it!
[marble thuds]
Right, that's not going to work.
I once hired a plumber who worked like this.
[laughter]
Yes! Come on! This is getting good!
- [Alex] One minute. - One minute...
Right.
Yes!
Yes...
I think we're ready to rock'n'roll.
[whistle blows] No more building, please, Richard.
[quiet smooch]
Johnny's the only competitor in Taskmaster history
who looks like he needs things to go well.
[laughter]
I tell you the thing that interested me
is it's such a needy profession, this, isn't it?
You know, sometimes I'll come off set
and I'll say to Alex, "Was I nasty enough?"
"Did I victimise anyone enough?"
You know, we all need it, but...
...Daisy doesn't, because Daisy's her own cheerleader.
Just constantly saying, "This is brilliant! I'm so great!"
[laughter]
- Do you want to start with Daisy? - Oh, yeah, do I!
'Cause it's got to be good! She told me it is.
[laughter]
OK, let's see how Daisy's went.
[she kisses the marble]
OK, are we ready?
Godspeed.
Yes! Oh, yes!
Keep going, keep going.
Oh...
Yes!
Well done, me.
- [laughter] - And you a little bit.
Thank you, Daisy.
[Greg] Very good. Very good.
Well done, you.
What was the whole licking-the-marble thing about?
I thought that's what she wanted me to do.
- No... - She didn't ask you do.
I thought people tended to lick marbles before releasing them.
Yeah, didn't like it. How did Daisy do?
Pretty good. It went duk duk duk duk duk...
And it carried on rolling for 11 seconds and 21 frames.
[Greg] Who's next?
- Johnny. - Oh...
Who needs wind when you've got a Vegas marble run?
Here we go.
Ready?
Three,
two,
one...
Quick! Quick, quick, Alex!
[laughter]
[leaf blower whirs]
Go on, boy, go!
[Johnny] Is that it?
[Alex] Stop the clock.
[Johnny sighs]
OK. Well, thanks, Johnny.
- [he laughs] - I'll take it apart now.
- [laughter and applause] - [Greg] Very good!
You are right, though,
I looked far too emotionally invested in that, didn't I?
- In all of them, yeah. - [laughter]
It was pretty good,
and also provided us with the most tragic final tableau of any task
across ten series.
[laughter]
I mean, you weren't actually allowed to affect the ball
after you let go of it, so luckily it didn't have any effect at all.
Oh, ooh... OK.
[Alex] So you got away with that.
It was only eight seconds and six frames,
but it did exactly what you wanted it to do.
Well, lastly but not leastly,
at leastly not yetly, it's Richard Keith Harris Herring.
Go on! Ohh...
Oh, I knew it would stop on that!
[Alex] It was great up to there.
If I'd just let it go down the slope without any of this stuff
it would have gone much further. Ah, well.
- Thank you, Richard. - Thank you.
- No, I'm happy, I'm happy. - [Alex] Alright, goodbye.
[applause]
Well, Richard summed it up there, really.
His progress was hampered by all of the work he did.
[laughter]
[Alex] But he's happy, he's happy.
And he ended up with almost exactly the same time as Johnny.
Slightly longer, though - 8 seconds and 23 frames.
- Ohh... - So he's in both second and second last.
Time to pause for the last adverts of the show.
When we come back, someone will win
Johnny Vegas's precious porcelain throne,
and a Cornetto.
Hello!
Here we are, then, safely lodged in the last part of the show.
Before the break, the rivals were trying to make a marble roll
for the longest amount of time.
So far we've seen Johnny, Richard and Daisy's attempt so far,
and, so far, Daisy's in the lead with a time of ten seconds so far.
Now his head is the closest in size to the marble -
- it's Mawaan. - [laughter]
What does this, Alex?
Come on, two brains.
I'm gonna take this with me, is that alright?
- Be very careful with it. - I will be really careful.
It's, like, legit glass, innit?
Yeah, shit, OK.
The washing machine.
[Alex] Is the marble dirty?
No, but the washing machine rolls.
[Alex] You want to put the marble in the washing machine?
Yeah.
- That's in, is it? - Yep.
Slow spin, delicates...
- Delicates? - Yeah.
- 30 degrees. - Why?
Just 'cause it's glass, innit?
[laughter]
- OK, I'm gonna turn it on. - Good luck.
- Oh... - It hasn't started rolling yet,
- I'll start the clock when it starts rolling. - OK.
- [Alex] It's rolling. - It's doing it.
60 minutes.
OK. Well, I guess I'll stay and watch.
[thunking]
- Oh! Ooh... Ooh. - That didn't sound great.
And I'll let you know what time you get.
- Thank you, Mawaan. - Great.
- OK. - Pleasure, man.
Let me know when you need me to break another household appliance.
Alright. Thank you, Mawaan.
[applause]
Clever... in principle.
- Go on. - Read the task out to me again, please.
"Make the best marble run."
"The marble that rolls for the longest time wins."
Right. I don't know whether anyone wants to debate with me,
but I feel it was rolling.
But you did point out that once my marble had stopped,
if I'd have moved it with the leaf blower, it wouldn't have counted.
It does say, "After releasing your marble,
you may not touch your marble nor do anything to affect its movement."
- That thing you said at the end. - I didn't do anything.
He released the marble then put the washing machine on,
- so he did something in order to... - [Daisy] Yes.
- [Alex] I hadn't even thought of that. - [Greg] It is true.
[applause]
You lot are turning against me!
- I'm just glad that he said it. - After all I've done for you!
And when it comes to sticking to the rules,
I've been a real arsehole this series.
[laughter]
So if I wasn't an arsehole to you,
it would look like I favoured you because you're young
and you've got so much in front of you, so much hope.
But don't kill that hope.
I'm not going to kill the hope,
I'm just going to make the hope realistic about expectations.
[laughter]
I'm tempted to give him one of my rarely-handed-out bonus points.
- Well, you could think about it a bit more. - Yeah...
We've got one more person to see.
Katherine Parkinson's attempt.
- [Greg] Yes, please. - Here it is.
We are cooking with gas...
No, we're not, that's not gonna work at all.
That's quite pleasing. I mean, that's a marble run.
[she gasps]
This is great.
Well...
So we'll just try and raise it gently.
[she giggles]
I'm nervous that my official go will go wrong,
so I'd like to get it done.
OK, I'm going to start the timer when you've released the marble.
- Good luck. - Thanks.
- I've stopped the timer. - Thank you. That was fun.
Thank you for your marble run, Katherine.
- Goodbye. - Bye!
- [cheers and applause] - Well, well...
[Daisy] That was brilliant.
- [Mawaan] Wow. - That is your finest work...
[laughter]
...this series.
The only one.
I genuinely thought that reaction
is what I'd get for the washing machine.
I imagined everyone just would stand up and applaud me.
You sort of did get that, but then Katherine so overshadowed it
I now think the washing machine thing's shit!
[laughter]
I did... It's awful, it's so fickle, isn't it?
It took the same length of time it takes me
to do my laces, my buttons and my hair - 32.4 seconds.
It's a long time.
[applause]
[Richard] She'd never even heard of a marble run,
and she created the greatest... Sometimes you need someone just
- to come in from the outside. - [Greg] Fresh.
OK, well, Katherine gets the five points.
Daisy second with four points.
Richard, three. Johnny, two.
But what are we going to do with Mawaan?
- Give him nothing. - Not even one?
- Lazy. - You said bonus point!
Yeah, I know, but I've seen that, now.
Does he not even get one for coming last?
I've got the rest of my life ahead of me!
If you keep talking like that, I'm going to give him a minus point.
So he's disqualified, in the end.
Yeah! From the whole show!
[laughter]
Quick look at the scores before the final task?
Yeah, well... Mawaan is in the lead, with 13 points.
[laughter and applause]
Next generation, baby!
OK, please stand up and get ready for the final task of the show!
[cheers and applause]
- Hi, baby. - Hi, baby.
Who is going to read the task for us?
- Daisy May Cooper. - Please.
"Communicate to the Taskmaster the item on your card.
"You may only make noises."
"You may not use any actions, or anything that sounds like a word."
"Slowest communicator each round is eliminated."
"Last communicator standing wins."
They've just got to use noises,
so they're going to be holding their umbrellas in front of them
to stop them gesturing.
- First round, animals. - Lovely.
It's down to you to guess them.
So if you want to look, Daisy, at your card number one.
Good luck. Your time starts...
[whistle blows]
[rising, squeaky squawk]
Oh, God!
[squeaking honk]
A seal?
Oooooooh!
A wolf?
[squeals] Wooooh!
Woooooh! Wooooh!
I think she's giving birth.
- Ooooooh. - Elephant?
Correct! [blows whistle]
Jesus, that is the worst elephant impression of all time.
What noise would you have made?
I'd go... [trumpeting neigh]
Exactly what I did, then.
Basically.
OK, so Johnny, you're up next.
OK, here we go. [blows whistle]
[thin squawk] Aah, aah, rruhh, rrruh...
[gurgling] Yeeeurgh.
A tiger.
- Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. - A donkey?
Ah, unh, unh, unh, unh.
A mule?
- [he squawks] - I haven't got a fucking clue.
[light, guttural wobbling]
A hen?
A fox?
[whistle blows]
58 seconds.
Daisy is now through to round two.
OK, here comes Katherine.
Good luck. [blows whistle]
[squeakily] Ehh!
Oww!
Eh!
[laughter]
A chick, a baby chick.
Eh-eh, ehw!
A mouse?
Ouw, euw, euw!
A puppy.
[shrill] Ow. Ow.
Yes, stick with the same strategy, yeah.
[thin squawks]
A crow?
It's not coming out as I want it to come out!
A calf?
- Aouw. Eouw? - It's not a land animal.
It's a sea animal?
Ouw!
[laughter]
- A seagull? - Auw, auw, auew!
No, it's in the water.
How am I supposed to know what an underwater animal sounds like?
Well, it's one that's got quite a distinctive noise,
- but it's not this. - [laughter]
- A lobster. - No.
[laughter]
Auw.
- Dolphin? - It's a dolphin, obviously.
Yes!
Now who can't do a dolphin impression?
- [Alex] Katherine Parkinson. - Right.
OK, so Mawaan, if you can do this in under two minutes five seconds,
- you make it through. - [laughter]
- [he sighs] - I mean, good luck.
Why don't I just start listing animals? You'll still win.
Here we go. Good luck, it's not easy.
[whistle blows]
[quiet, rapid chirruping] Tika-tika-tuk, tika-tika-tika-tuk,
- took-took-took... - A kookaburra.
[thin, guttural rasps]
A piglet?
[choking]
A pig.
[he sighs] [emits bursts of static]
- A hedgehog. - Kih-kih, kih-kih, kih-kih...
Cricket.
- [whistle blows] - It is a cricket!
He was virtually saying cricket.
I was not! Also, a lot of animals are named onomatopoeically,
so I can't help it.
- Right. - That is true, they are.
Under two minutes and five seconds will see you through
to the next round, Richard, your time starts...
- [whistle blows] - [insistent clucking]
- A chicken. - [whistle blows]
- Good, you've made it. - [Daisy] Fucking hell.
- That was easy! - [laughter and applause]
You're through to round two. We've lost Katherine Parkinson.
Round two, you'll be pleased to hear, is machines.
Oh, great.
Richard to go first. [whistle blows]
[rasping pop]
Gears. A gearbox.
Ffft-ffft-ffft... Ffff.
The Camelot machine that announces the lottery.
[laughter]
- Khh-khh. - A stapler!
- [whistle blows] - [he sighs]
One minute five for stapler. Please rotate.
That was hard. Chicken was easy, I'll give you that.
OK, you ready for this one, Daisy?
Good luck, Taskmaster. [blows whistle]
[squeakily] Oo-oo oo-oo, oo-oo-oo.
[crazed wobbling]
Oh, no, a fax machine!
- [whistle blows] - [Richard] Brilliant fax machine.
- That was very good. - Wow.
That was class.
- [Katherine] Very good. - [Alex] Good luck, Johnny.
Your time starts...
[whistle blows]
[chugging]
Train.
A sewing machine.
Awop-wop-wop-wop-wop...
Oh.
Ah tugi-tugi-tugi-tugi...
It's a boat.
- [low screech] - An aeroplane.
- It's not an aeroplane. - A helicopter?
- [whistle blows] - Really?!
- [Daisy] Yeah! - Did you get it?
Yeah, ages ago.
- Bullshit. - [laughter]
So the last machine, it's Mawaan.
[whistle blows]
Bip. Bip bip. Bip. Bip.
Nnnnnnnn...
Ting!
- Microwave. - [whistle blows]
33 seconds, he's through, and we've lost Richard Herring.
[applause]
So it's round three, and we're moving on
to food types.
Right, good luck, Mawaan, your time starts...
[blows whistle]
[funky half-scat popping]
[whispers] Splassh...
That is a funky fruit.
Mm! Hom, hom, hom...
An apple?
Psss...
kehh.
Prrrr.
Pschuuh.
Haumph, haumph, haumph, haumph.
It's not a banana? No, it's a breakfast item, I'll give you that.
Oh...
[crunching]
- Cornflakes. - Yeah! - [blows whistle]
- It was so obvious it was cornflakes. - [laughter]
OK, 1 minute 38 to beat. Off we go.
[whistle blows]
[thin, inconsistent hissing]
Stpou! Ptrmp, ptrmp, pop.
Oh, a lovely sausage.
- [whistle blows] - It is a lovely sausage.
- [Katherine] What?! Very good. - [Richard] It was very good, Daisy.
Really nice.
Will Johnny join Daisy in the final? Your time starts...
[whistle blows]
[thin slurp]
- Oh, spaghetti. - [whistle blows]
Johnny's through to the final!
[applause]
You've reached the final,
and it's musical instruments this time.
- Oh, easy. - Good luck, Johnny.
Your time starts... [whistle blows]
Tt-tiss, tt-tiss, tt-tiss.
Hi-hat.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
A one-man band.
Tish, tish, tish, tish.
Drum kit.
- Boom, boom, boom, boom. - [laughter]
Erm... Tambourine.
[whistle blows] It is a tambourine.
23 seconds. Wow, very good.
It's good, but it's gettable.
It's definitely gettable, and I'm up against the best.
23 seconds to win the task.
- Good luck, Daisy. - [whistle lows]
[melodic arpeggios]
Piano.
[descending] Ooh ooh ooh ooh!
[rising] Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...
A harp.
[whistle blows] It is a harp!
- With 17 seconds, Daisy is the winner! - Yes!
[cheers and applause]
[Katherine] That was good!
Come back down, we'll add it to the final scores.
[cheers and applause]
Thank you, Greg.
Very good. That must have shaken things up.
It has shaken things up.
I must say that my baby was going absolutely mental inside my stomach.
[laughter]
- I can tell you some numbers now, if you want. - Please.
Well, series-wise, it's as close as it's ever been.
We've got Katherine on 90 points.
There is a slight gap, now, sorry, Katherine,
to Richard and Mawaan, on 106.
Johnny now in second place on 109,
Daisy on 116.
So just ten separating four people.
But this week's episode is not won by anyone yet.
It's a tie-break between Mawaan and Johnny, who've both got 16 points!
- Ooh! Ooh! - [applause]
Tie-break... How are we going to decide, Alex?
With a tie-break that will answer the age-old question, Greg,
because they had to work out
how many sheets there are on a loo roll in 30 seconds.
Closest wins.
So here's how they got on.
Um...
I think 300 something.
Come on...
[Alex] 16 seconds left.
Two... four, six, eight...
360...
One, two, three, four...
Ahh...
[laughter]
[whistle blows]
- 403. - [whistle blows]
- Er, 280. - OK.
- Two eight zero. - Yeah.
[laughter]
- Very different techniques. - Wow...
I was not expecting 280 as a guess.
It's so specific, compared to the madness of his process.
[laughter]
Johnny guessed 280 sheets, Mawaan guessed 403 sheets.
The correct answer is...
220 sheets!
Johnny wins!
Oh, man!
[applause]
It was a reliable technique after all! Incredible.
Johnny wins.
Please go and rejoice with your top-heavy things!
[cheers and applause]
Enjoy that toilet!
[Alex] First-time winner!
[applause]
So what have we learned today?
If you're compiling your all-time bucket list,
please don't forget to complete the magical swimming with dolphins.
- Mew, mew, mew... - [laughter]
Bye for now, everyone, but hello for now, once again,
to today's winner. It's Johnny Vegas!