This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
Taskmaster was recorded in accordance with
all social distancing guidelines in place at the time of filming.
Yaow! I just need to read that again.
Oh.
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Hello. I'm Greg Davies.
Welcome to a brand-new series of Taskmaster.
People have accused me of having a god complex on this show.
Well, I've got bad news for you -
I've talked to God and he said, "You got dis."
And he's right - I do got dis.
And by "dis" I mean my golden bonce of victory.
And to battle for it we have five new gladiators,
all of whom have two things in common.
They're happy to throw away their careers.
- they can no longer back out
because they've signed a contract.
The audience are watching this at a later date and at a safe distance,
so, without further ado, let's meet the cast
and get this magnificent competition under way.
Welcome, Charlotte Ritchie... APPLAUSE
..Jamali Maddix,
Lee Mack,
Mike Wozniak
and Sarah Kendall. CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
And next to me, a man who once told me
that he's got no respect for the military
and if any soldier came up to him in public
he could easily have them because they're all stupid.
It's little Alex Horne!
APPLAUSE
Right, I'm chuffed to bits to be here, Greg.
I'm chuffed to bits to have you here again. I've got myself ready.
I've had my nails painted. Have you? Yes.
Yeah, look there it is.
Little watercolour of my nails.
I didn't think you'd like that,
so I have actually had my real nails painted as well, look.
I've got eyes on my thumbs, so I can do that. Yeah.
Like that? That's nice, that. Yeah?
No, it's nice, yeah. Right. Lovely.
So... let's crack on.
Have you finished? OK, let's have the first Prize Task
of the series, please.
Yes, each show, the competitors have to bring in a prize
for the prize pot, according to that episode's category,
and to start this series the category is
The Best Thing You Can Carry, But Only Just.
So, if it's either easy to carry or completely impossible,
it's just not going to cut the mustard with us.
So back off, son.
Greg will judge which one is best
and the owner will get the maximum of five points.
At the end of the episode the overall winner will barely
carry home all five things over five cumbersome trips.
Hello, Charlotte. Hello.
Welcome to the show. Thank you.
So, what's the thing that you've brought in
that is the best thing that you can carry, but only just?
Um, all of my bedding.
There it is. All Charlotte's bedding there, Greg.
So, all of it with me, and it is the best thing
because it's one of the best things I own. Spend half my time in it.
Why are you only just able to carry this bedding?
Well... It's fairly light, isn't it?
It weighs 4kg, or the same as a cat,
or a cat-sized dog.
Only just.
I didn't know it was about it being almost impossible to carry.
Yeah. I would say it's not almost impossible.
Did you know it was about it being good?
LAUGHTER And a good prize.
We'll see, we'll see. I'm willing to bet that that's going to...
I will be amazed if that isn't in last place.
You can't bet on what you're going to decide.
He can. I'll bet with you. Will you? Yeah.
How much? £20. £20.
So, 20 quid says that Charlotte is going in last place.
OK. Jamali.
Can you be worse than bedding?
You're being very harsh with it.
I would say... Oh, oh, you should strap yourself in.
Uh, my prize is a slightly hot potato.
Here it is, the slightly hot potato.
Oh! I thought that was a metaphor.
I thought you meant it was controversial!
No, no, no, no, no.
No, it's just a slightly hot potato, cos it's like, it's not too hot
where it's impossible to carry, but it's slightly hot, so it's...
It's very good. It's like, you've got to do this with it.
Sorry, Jamali. I'm just...
I'm just seeing if I've got £20 on me.
Lee Mack.
I have brought in something that I can prove I can only just carry,
cos I took a photograph of it, and I'm desperate to give this away.
Great. And it is, in fact, my own children. Ah.
Now, it turns out, I'm not allowed to give my children away.
Oh, that's a shame. They'd be a great prize for any home.
So I figured, now, what I'll do is I'll give away a representation
of my children instead. These are his children.
Right? Ah. And I think...
If you look at those photographs next to each other
you'll see how much effort has been put into that.
Here we go. So good. It's uncanny, to be honest with you.
I think it's a contender. Thank you.
Michael Wozniak.
Um, uh, the thing I can carry, but only just, is a tune.
Oh. Nice.
Now this - Duvet, and Potato Boy -
this is lateral thinking.
OK, well, here's the CD on the screen.
This is what the winner is going to get.
Mike has provided a backing track, which I will play now.
JAUNTY TUNE PLAYS
♪ Facts about animals, prawns are cannibals
♪ If there's an elephant in the room then you're in the wrong room
♪ Cutting an earthworm in half makes you a sadist
♪ I think it's worth repeating that prawns eat their babies
♪ And monkeys eat monkeys, but who gives a monkey's?
Monkeys.
♪ And if you squash a wasp, it releases a chemical from the wasp
♪ That attracts people who tell you facts about wasps. ♪
APPLAUSE
Ah, you CAN carry a tune.
You're a really good singer. I dunno, Sarah.
It sounded fairly awful. Really?
And it was a sort of nightmarish vision of nature.
They're absolute wrong'uns, uh, prawns.
I'm just writing down "Prawns are wrong'uns" and we'll move on.
OK. Sarah.
I was panicked looking for, you know, prizes,
and then I saw a really big "road closed" sign that looked very heavy.
I stole it and I got it to an Uber
and then I Ubered it over to the studio.
GREG CACKLES
Then Channel 4 said, "Uh, no, that's theft
"and we can't represent that sort of behaviour on television."
So you haven't got a prize at all?
No, I did bring a prize.
I stole the bar fridge from my dressing room.
Here it is. So it is a stolen item.
And, again, we will have to put that back cos theft is still bad.
Yeah. Sorry can I just check, is it just me
that's not got a mini bar in my room?
All right, here we go. Let's crack on.
Last place... Last place.
Duvet. Aww. OK. Sorry. No, it makes sense.
Second to last place, potato.
Two points for the hot potato. Third to last place,
three points, mini fridge.
Three points for the stolen fridge, Sarah.
Drum roll. If they were his real kids he would've won,
but they're not his real kids.
But he still gets second place. Four points to Lee Mack.
And I don't know why, Wozniak's song takes it.
It's gut instinct. Mike Wozniak gets five points.
APPLAUSE
OK, let's go. First task proper, please, Alex.
OK, here we go.
Here it is.
DRAMATIC MUSIC
Hi.
Good entrance.
I know. Got some swagger.
KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.
Hello, Alex. Hello, Mike.
Hello, Jamali. You good?
I'm not going to ask for permission - I'm just going to open this one.
Do the most impressive thing under this table with one hand.
You must be looking at the camera and waving with your other hand
throughout your impressive thing.
OK, so it's going to be my right hand,
cos this hand doesn't do anything.
You have 15 minutes to prepare for your impressive thing.
Then a minute in which to do your impressive thing.
Your time starts now.
Thank you. Oh, it's a pleasure.
People don't often say thank you.
Clicking's not impressive, is it?
I could make something.
Um, I could cook something.
Can I use this? OK.
I don't know how many impressive things I'm able to do
with two hands.
I've always wanted to do that thing where you do that with a coin,
so maybe I'll have a go. This might be the time.
Right.
I won't be needing that 15 minutes. Just let me prepare myself.
Ah.
Uh, excuse me. Back in a tick.
Am I allowed to watch a video of someone doing it?
There might be a knack to it that I'm just missing.
Yeah, you are giving yourself seven minutes
to learn quite a difficult skill.
I could sketch your face.
Or I could do, like, um...
Like, the Golden Gate Bri... I can't draw.
Oh, no.
What's wrong? Well, it's just so good.
This has done nothing for my confidence.
KNOCK ON DOOR Come in. Hello.
I was just, uh, outside looking for ideas but there weren't any.
There were no ideas outside? No.
APPLAUSE
Right, Charlotte said, "I'm going to have to use my right hand..."
Hm. "..because this one doesn't do anything." Yeah.
Hands are amazing, but this really doesn't really do anything.
It's largely redundant. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I'm grateful for it but it doesn't do...
Um, I did want to ask you about your chosen outfit.
What's the inspiration behind your look?
I've written down "Middle management, primary school."
That's pretty fair. Geography teacher, do you know what I mean?
RAF reject. I'm not really sure.
But, I mean, they were quite cheap and they were available,
and they cover the crucial bits.
Good. Let's crack on.
OK, well, first up it's the hugely successful comedian Lee Mack.
So, I'm going to attempt to make you a feast using only one hand.
You'd better eat this.
Your time starts...
WHISTLE
Please wave, Lee. Argh...
Ah.
Keep waving, Lee.
Ah... Ah.
Can you keep me up to date with the time please, Alex?
I don't know why I'm smiling
- doesn't even say it in the instructions. 45 seconds left.
It's not fair. It's not fair. Bit more waving, please.
Sorry, sorry.
LEE GRUNTS
Hiya, hiya.
Where's it gone? Where's that bread gone? You've got 30 seconds.
Where's the bread gone? Where's the bread gone?!
There was bread on there!
Oh, shit.
I've dropped everything!
You've only got 15 seconds.
Ah, God! Hang on, where's me bread?
Ah, I'm looking at the camera.
WHISTLE
Lunch is served, sir.
APPLAUSE
Scrubbing it on.
What were you hoping the end result would be?
I genuinely thought I would be able to do something amazing.
That when it came up you'd be like, "Wow, that is pretty impressive."
You kept using the word "feast". Well, it's a feast, innit?
You can feast on it. I admired your ambition. Thank you.
And the end result was rubbish.
Who's next?
OK, next, we're going to see a Handy-podean, Sarah Kendall. Oh.
Your minute starts... WHISTLE
OK. Oh.
I've just broken it, I think.
OK.
Ah. OK, uh...
I can't find... I don't know what that is.
Oh, yeah.
I can't... WHISTLE
OK. Thank you, Sarah.
Yeah.
APPLAUSE
Pretty good. Thank you.
You're always going to score highly for humiliating Alex Horne.
That's what I figured, and that was the game that I was playing.
It's always going to work. Yeah.
Lovely, pretty lady.
Thank you.
Lovely compliments today.
Sarah, I think it's an excellent attempt. Thanks.
OK, I need you to look away for three minutes
so the adverts don't suck you into their eternal vortex
of wasteful consumerism.
I said look away, talk to your kids!
They're lonely!
APPLAUSE
Hello, and welcome back. Where were we, Alex?
Before the break, the new cast were tackling a one-handed task,
where one hand was under the table, trying to do something impressive,
while the other one was waving above it.
Next up, it's Charlotte Ritchie.
Did she manage to rapidly develop a skill
that usually takes years to master?
Let's find out.
OK.
I, er...
SHE EXHALES
Uh!
Don't panic!
SHE GIGGLES
OK.
I've still got a gorgeous 18 seconds.
I can't do it!
Ah!
Finished? Yeah.
Goodbye, Charlotte. Thank you very much.
CHAIR SQUEAKS
Ooh!
The chair's laughing at me.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Still convinced it's just your left hand
that's not very good at doing stuff?
I think that was electric, don't you?
I think if you saw it out of context,
of knowing that you'd just learnt it... OK.
..you'd be thrown out of any theatre in the land, but...
I thought it was absolutely brilliant.
Oh, Lee, thanks. It was in slow motion, wasn't it?
It's called a coin walk.
It'd normally take 50 hours to perfect the coin walk.
Right. She took seven minutes to learn it,
because she also spent two minutes practising waving
with the other hand.
LAUGHTER
Jamali. Shall we?
Yeah, let's do it, man. Let's watch Jamali Maddix.
PANPIPE MUSIC
Oh!
That was you and your guy, was it?
That was me.
Impressive.
There you go. It WAS impressive, wasn't it?
Thank you, Jamali. Thank you. Just, you know...
See you later. Bye-bye.
APPLAUSE
That was great.
Yeah, it's certainly the best ever example
of a spinning a cushion on top of a doll I've ever seen.
Can you spin a cushion? Of course I can.
I don't think you can. Do you not think?
I, I, I know it, cos I can hear the hater in your tone, from jealousy.
I know you can't do it, and that's what haters do,
if you can't do something... I'm not... you sit on your chair,
that's been custom-made, and you look down... I'm not a hater.
..on the little people. I'm not a... And you know what?
We're not having it any more, all right? Yeah, you!
Wearing black, looking slimming, we get it, all right?
But you know what, yeah... It's not looking THAT slimming, is it?
Yeah! I have to say I thought, "Oh, I can do that",
and I tried to spin a cushion. It's not an easy skill.
I don't think you'd be able to do that. He can't.
No, it's impossible. He wouldn't be able to do it.
As soon as one of my manservants brings me it, we'll see, won't we?
Oh, OK. All right.
OK, it's the man, the myth,
the moustache, it's Mike Wozniak.
Yes, please.
Just got to, er, adjust...
Mm. Ah.
Not to worry.
I hadn't quite anticipated that.
Quite slippery.
Quite slippery trousers, as well.
OK. Take it away, Mike.
HE PLUCKS STRINGED INSTRUMENT
No.
HE CONTINUES TO PLUCK
MUSIC CONTINUES
HE PLAYS TASKMASTER THEME
HE STRUMS FINAL CHORD TUNELESSLY
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
You're the only person I know who would play a balalaika
under a table,
and I wouldn't doubt for a second that you arrived on set
with a balalaika.
Was that a tune? Was than an actual...
That was intended to be the Taskmaster theme tune...
Oh! ..but you really have to dig into it to try and find it.
I thought it was Thunderstruck.
Oh, yeah. I thought it was pretty good.
It felt like a horror film in the Kremlin.
LAUGHTER
Horrified by that! It's very haunting, isn't it?
It's a haunting sound, and a haunting image.
Yeah. Are you ready to score?
I'm not going to give anyone one point,
because, to some degree, I was impressed by all of them.
OK.
I may review my next judgment,
if it proves that I can't spin a pillow, but as things stand,
I'm going to give two points to both Jamali and Charlotte.
Crumbs, wow, that is amazing.
I'm not going to clap that, that was, that's bullshit. That's it.
I think it deserves more than that, I'm sorry. Yeah, cool.
LAUGHTER
But if you can't spin a cushion,
he may go up in points, and others may go down?
All right, I'll give him an extra point. Just one extra point?
Yeah. I enjoyed the ambition,
but not the final product.
Yeah, but... Three points for Lee.
Oh, come on! You're saying THAT was more impressive
than the spinning the cushion?
Erm, it was a close run thing
but Sarah's beautiful lady gets four points.
Four points. Yeah. OK, so there's still five points to be won by...
Anyone who can learn the Taskmaster, er, theme in that time,
and play it on a balalaika under a table deserves five points.
Yeah. Mike Wozniak takes it. Another five points.
APPLAUSE
Let's see an early scoreboard, Alex, please.
Excitingly, these are also the series scores,
Mike Wozniak's got a full ten points!
Whoa.
APPLAUSE
Another one, please.
Absolutely,
and it's time to call pest control.
SQUEAKING
Hello, Jamali.
What's up?
You feeling all right?
Er, yeah I'm fine. How are you?
I'm OK.
Good.
How you feeling? Er, baffled.
You're baffled?
Just looking for the task.
RODEO-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS
Oh, OK.
Ah.
I don't like that tail.
No, no, no, no.
That's OK.
Ooh, that was good.
I like that.
LAUGHTER
Ah!
How are we doing?
OK.
Thank you.
Catch the rat. Oh, no!
Most ingenious catching of the rat wins.
You must be at least three metres from the rat when you catch it.
The rat will run over the red green in 30 minutes from now.
Ah.
I've already got an idea.
Give me your hand. Please.
Please give me your hand.
Ingenious, ingenious.
All right. Thanks. OK.
Uh, excuse me a moment.
I'm just gonna go and have a mooch about.
Mike continuing the theme of inhabiting
the body of a primary school teacher.
"Gonna mooch around."
Are you, uh, genuinely frightened of rats?
Um, huge, big ones like that, yes. Huge, big, remote control ones?
Rats. Yeah. Yeah. Let's have a look.
OK, we're gonna start with two comedians called Sarah Kendall
and Lee Mack. Lovely.
How heavy's that bathtub?
Ooh. Do you remember the game Mouse Trap?
Yes. Carry on.
So I'm assuming it's gonna come from over there cos that's where
it left from. Suppose, if it's a creature of habit.
Could you help me turn the bath over, please?
Lift the bath, please, Alex.
Ah.
OK. Now we do a little test.
LAUGHTER
Do you know what, uh, rats like? Peanut butter.
You ever had rats? I have.
Tennis ball. Cheese.
Right, I'm ready.
Come on! Cheese, nice cheese, cheese balls.
Cheese balls.
Oh, he's thinking about it.
He's thinking about it.
Yeah, there you go.
APPLAUSE
That felt so good.
Now I wanna do it with a real animal.
Eat the cheese, eat the cheese, eat the cheese. Eat the cheese.
EXULTANT MUSIC PLAYS
Think you trapped the rat with a bat.
And that's that.
Wow, well done!
Quite a classic Road Runner style trap.
Yeah. I mean, I can't get over how creative.
I got a blood lust in me where I just wanted to trap the animal
and follow the rules. Yeah.
There was no fun attached to it. There's no,
"Oh, we could get a cricket ball.
It was... And I think I know the reason for that. What's that?
Because I saw a sort of fear in your eyes
when you recounted the fact when you said, "You ever had rats?"
Yeah, I had a flashback. I have.
Yeah, I went to another place.
She was very efficient. She set the rat trap in four minutes.
And do rats like peanut butter?
Yes, city rats very much like me, they eat garbage and meat.
Lovely. And that includes peanut butter.
It was trap the rat in...?
In the most practical and ingenious fashion.
"Ingenious fashion." Oh...
I don't know how ingenious it was. It was effective though.
But I did have a bit advantage in that I also have had an
infestation of rats at my house and that is exactly how we caught them.
Really nice. I mean, it did work first time.
He set it up, there was no tinkering with the plan.
There was none. It came out fully formed.
And it was a lovely stroke.
I don't know if you're a cricketer.
Thank you. No, I followed through. That's the secret.
Two parts to go until someone wins Jamali Maddix's lukewarm potato.
Whoo!
See you again soon.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster.
Alex, please, drape yourself over the throne in a way that you
consider sexy and update everyone on what was going on before the break.
Before the break.
Hello.
The big brave contestants were trying to catch a rat with a trap.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah? No, no, no.
Now it's the turn of the hairy guys, Mike and Jamali.
All right, what's...
I'm going to do something with this in it.
I don't know why, but this seems like...
OK. OK.
It's going to be a multi-level trap.
Is it? It has multi dimensions to it.
What am I doing? All right, that's not working.
All right.
Made a pig's ear of it.
If you could try and get the holes in the holes,
do you know what I'm saying?
Pull it, pull it.
Ah.
It's all right, don't worry about that.
I'm going to move on to phase B soon.
How many phases are there? I think, two.
Then it's action time.
All right.
Haven't got a spare piece of cheese on you, have you, Alex,
by any chance? Cheese?
It's not really spare. It'd be my piece of cheese.
I'll owe you a piece of cheese.
Honestly? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm ready for the rat.
OK.
LAUGHTER
I think you trapped the rat. I've trapped it all right.
He's not in the bucket, but he ain't going anywhere.
Do you have, like, green screen stuff?
Oh, we can edit this, yeah. Yeah?
Edit out my hand.
APPLAUSE
Ready? Yes.
APPLAUSE
Yeah, well, yeah.
I have no defence, I'm sorry.
I mean, it's one of the worst things I've ever seen
on 11 series of the show.
But I mean, I was worried for you right at the very beginning
when you got some wheels and went, "Yeah.
"I think I know what I..." LAUGHTER
"I think I know what I've got planned."
You then knocked a ball through a draining pipe and expected us
to green screen it for you.
Well, I mean, if you look at the footage,
you can't actually see my hand doing it so.
No. I don't know what you're talking about, mate.
Rubbish. So rubbish, Jamali.
Yeah.
I want ...want to be combative with you, but you're right.
Right, Wozniak.
Incredible work.
It seems to me that you're inhabiting
the body of an 80's sitcom man. With every video that goes past,
it looks like Richard Briers has been brought back to life.
Maybe that's what it was just being channelled, I don't know.
I was just blinded by the spectacle of it.
Well, he was hiding behind bins with some branches.
Yeah, I didn't even know he was behind that.
Because of the branches? Yeah.
OK, it's time for the turn of Charlotte Rat-chie.
"THIS WAY FOR CHEESE.
"All rats welcome."
In case they thought only some were. Yeah, you never know.
OK.
I'm just finding the... the breathing hole.
Yeah.
If everything's gone according to plan, I should be completely hidden.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's not going to know what's hit it.
OK.
Do you want me to put this here? Yes, please.
Thank you.
Good luck.
This is terrifying.
APPLAUSE
Have you got the rat? I think so.
One rat.
Thank you, Charlotte. Thank you.
Ingenious. Uh, didn't the rules say you had to be off the green,
though, by, like, three metres or something? Wasn't that in the rules?
Yeah. It did hint at that in the rules. I mean, I don't want to be...
I was ...was going to dramatically reveal that.
Oh, sorry, sorry, mate.
Ingenious. I could take issue with the idea that the rat could
read your sign, "This way, rat.". That is, yeah.
Sure, if I was being pedantic, but it's a remote control rat,
so let's not be... Right. Yeah. ..pernickety.
I mean, I thought it was amazing
and I can tell you now it would be getting five sweet points
cos I thought it was the most ingenious thing.
So no points to Charlotte. No points to Charlotte.
Literally none? I'm sorry, OK, yeah. Um... Fine.
One point to Jamali, his was rubbish.
Right. Yeah, fair enough.
I mean, uh, yeah, all right. So one point to Jamali
and then we're jumping up to three, are we now?
Yeah, it's tricky. I think, as a team...
If only we could've collaborated.
..if only you could have collaborated.
Sarah and Mike. I'm going to give them both three points.
Three points to Sarah, three points to Mike.
Yeah, and you've got to give it to him.
It was a... it was a lovely stroke.
It trapped the rat and it was ingenious.
I'm going to give him five points.
Five points to Lee Mack's rat trap. Thank you.
I think I'll take the five points, thank you.
Let's have another one.
This one involves some dangerous table service outside
an aircraft hangar.
Hey, Alex.
You're ready for anything.
I never know with this show though.
The task could be go to sleep for 20 minutes.
How do you feel?
I feel bold as brass in this get-up.
Hello, Lee. Alex.
Think it's the coolest you've looked so far. Thank you.
Hiya. Oh, hiya.
"Deliver all the plates to Alex."
"When carrying the plates, you must travel by scooter..."
"..or bicycle or hoverboard."
"For every plate fallen or broken,
"you will have 20 minutes added to your time."
"Fastest wins.
"You may start moving plates in three minutes from now."
Yeah, you've got three minutes to test out the equipment, if you want to. Yeah, yeah.
Finally, the costume has come in handy.
That's it, off you go.
Oh, my God.
Whee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Whoa.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho.
Pretty cool.
Do you mind me asking, are you an only child? No.
Another classic Greg Davies chat-up line.
Why do you ask, Greg?
It was just that narrating your own play time
broke my heart a little bit. "Whoa.".
Oh, my gosh, honestly.
I can't believe I was having so much fun like.
It's really sweet, Charlotte. Well, thanks.
When I was a kid, there was a bloke who decided, one day,
that for the rest of his life,
he would wear full dinner dress everywhere he went.
His name was Scooby, RIP.
Anyway, I think if Scooby was still alive and he was standing next
to me and you went by in your outfit,
he'd nudge me and go, "Poor bloke.". LAUGHTER
Yeah. Tragic.
I loved it with the cape flapping in the wind.
It's an incredible image. Yeah.
Um, shall we see some stuff?
OK, so it's 18 tables, 20-minute penalty for each plate smashed.
Now just like what a yuppy had for breakfast in the '90s,
it's Jam and Charlie.
LAUGHTER
You can start moving plates in three seconds.
..two, one. WHISTLE BLOWS
OK.
SMASH
APPLAUSE
Hi, Charlotte. Hiya.
Whee.
Oh, whee.
That's...
Oh, gosh.
20 minutes, is it?
Did you drop it?
All righty.
There you go.
Ooh.
Thank you for the plates, Charlotte.
Are they all there? They're all there.
Well, no, some... One table's gone.
Ah. But this is one table.
Right. Good?
Yes, you can go now. Done. Thank you, Jamali, bye-bye.
It's absolutely mystifying, Jamali.
I just didn't tie it properly at the bottom, that was the only problem.
You think that your bum papoose would've worked otherwise?
I was trying to do, like, what ladies do in the motherland
with babies, where they tie it around themselves but
I just didn't get... So I think if it was a baby...
Yeah, well, mercifully, there wasn't a baby in there of course.
Well, nine babies smashed on the car park. Nine smashed babies.
You don't want that. No, not... You don't want that on your CV.
Not on primetime TV, no.
No. Charlotte. Hmm.
Two whees, one wa-hoo and one oh.
I mean, uh, I did it and I had fun, so what more can you ask for?
You looked like you were having a lot of fun.
You could just send me on miles and I would laugh the whole way.
I did it recently.
I took one out and I was, like, I couldn't stop laughing.
Ah, I'm thinking about it now.
LAUGHTER
Jamali was eight minutes even without the smashing cos he,
he went back to double bum papoose the second lot.
So eight minutes plus the 180 minutes penalty for the nine plates.
So incredibly, even though Charlotte did the plates two at a time
she was three hours, two minutes and 48 seconds faster than Jamali.
Wow. Even though she went very slowly.
I think it's fair to say the bum papoose has been a failure.
Yeah, yeah.
Sometimes you've got to fail to succeed in life, innit? Mm, mm.
You live and learn. That's what Edison said.
Well, mercy me.
It's the end of three, just time to pop round to your neighbour's
house and tell them you've never liked them.
APPLAUSE
Hello, we're back.
I said we would be! You did.
You're reliable and girthy.
In a great way.
Before the break, they were trying to deliver some plates to a table
via some trendy transport.
Now, with two names that were
popular in the '80s, it's Lee and Sarah.
You can start collecting plates. WHISTLE BLOWS
OK.
Ooh... wow, they're heavy.
Hi, Sarah. Hi.
You've brought me my plates. Yeah. Thank you.
Am I doing this wrong?
HE GRUNTS LOUDLY
Come on! Get in!
HE STRAINS Gosh, that's heavy!
LOUD STRAINING CONTINUES
Ahh!
Stop the clock!
All right.
Bollocks.
Thank you for the plates.
Thank you FOR the plates. All safely delivered?
I mean, life's for living, right?
I've stopped the clock. Yes.
I should've done the whole table the first time.
Would I get a bonus point if I manage to juggle three?
I'm going to say "yes".
That didn't happen. Thank you, Lee.
Lovely. APPLAUSE
There's a marked contrast where... you often attempt the wheel skid
as you arrive at a table. That's right. Very exciting.
And then, the rest of the time, you looked like you were going
at the pace of a little old lady.
What I found really depressing about it is that I know
I'm being visually boring, so I'm trying to zhuzz it up
by putting my foot out occasionally.
Oh, come on, you shouted "life's for living".
Yeah, because I knew that I was boring the crew senseless.
LAUGHTER
And what you've done cleverly is put me next to Lee in the edit,
so you can see what showman -
he's juggling plates, he's got a cape on. Yeah.
He's put some thought into it.
Yeah, it's a pretty cruel juxtaposition. It's nasty.
Old, er, swag-and-bag worked out a treat, though, didn't it? Yeah.
I didn't shout out "life's for living".
You didn't need to. The crew shouted it.
LAUGHTER
Again and again, and again. Again and again, and again. Yeah.
For the rest of that day.
We're going to take those minutes off, though, cos he...
No, no, let's get something straight here.
You said, "Bing them to the table". I brought them to the table.
End of task - oh, they've fallen out of the thing.
And what happens if we say those two plates count?
Then he'll come second-last with a time of 41 minutes, 20.
Well, I think this has got to be properly debated amongst the group.
I agree with you guys, I think Lee's wrong,
and I think he smashed a plate before the time ended.
That's what I think. I think he's second-last material, mate. Yeah.
Come down to the bottom with me, innit?
LAUGHTER Who is the final contestant?
It's Mr Mike Wosniak. Mike Wosniak!
Go.
OK. I imagined this to move faster, but it...
..it might be sensing my creeping sense of dread.
Go.
OK.
Okey dokey.
OK.
Come on.
Here we go. Ooh, hello!
Look at that.
Something's happening.
Are you operating this remotely?
HE GROANS
OK.
Come on, baby.
Come on. Mush...
APPLAUSE
Mush, mush, mush.
Mush, mush.
Mush!
Tick tock. That's it.
Tick tock.
Tick tock, always against the clock.
Whoa.
APPLAUSE Thank you, Mike. Thank you.
I'm so soggy... I'll go and do all that.
Yeah. It's not your fault. Thanks. Bye-bye.
APPLAUSE CONTINUES
Has there ever been a more stark juxtaposition
than you on that scooter in front of a jet?
LAUGHTER
In my head, that whole thing lasted about 7-8 seconds.
Have you used one before? No, I've never...
Of course he hasn't! I'm sorry!
I actually thought it was... That's why I couldn't resist.
Do you know right at the end of that, Mike pointed out
that he was soaking wet because of the rain?
And then, he paused, looked back and went, "It's not your fault".
I think you could be eaten by a tiger, and you'd say,
"It's not your fault." It's just instinct.
"You're a carnivore." LAUGHTER
He did it in 3 minutes and 2 seconds. Oh, wow! Wow.
Sarah, 2 minutes, 29 seconds.
Charlotte, 5 minutes, 12.
Jamali, 188 minutes because of the smashed plates.
So, it's whether Lee comes first or fourth.
Listen, I don't think, in Taskmaster history,
I've ever put a decision onto you - but I'm going to.
Well, if rules are rules, then I think Lee has to win
because he delivered 18 unbroken plates in 1 minute, 20.
There you go. It's done. APPLAUSE
So, it's 1 point to Jamali, 2 points to Charlotte,
3 to Mike, 4 to Sarah,
but 5 points to Lee Mack, the reckless man! Lovely.
APPLAUSE
Quick look at the scoreboard.
Er, before that, we might need a quick look in your drawer.
I've put something in it during the break.
Oh.
I see.
You promised Jamali one point... Oh, yeah.
..if you are able to spin the pillow.
So, how many attempts do you get?
Three? OK. Go on, three attempts.
LAUGHTER
OK. That's one. I'm building the tension.
Yeah, yeah, build it up. I threw that one. Yeah - ooh!
And that... and that one.
THEY LAUGH
Oh, oh, oh. AUDIENCE OOHS
- All right. I can't spin a pillow. - That is poor.
Ooh, you didn't do that. This is proper. Oh!
That is proper. He folds it in half. Yeah, and then, you... Wow.
CHEERING Look at that.
Now to the other hand! To the other hand!
Hooray! That's it. CHEERING
So, that is one bonus point for Jamali!
APPLAUSE Ah, well done, Jamali.
Can we have a quick look at the scoreboards, please?
Yes, it's made all the difference cos Jamali's now got 7 points,
Mike and Lee have both got 17!
It's all to play for.
Will you please head to the stage, for the first time this series,
for the final task of the show?
APPLAUSE
Yes! Yes.
Who will be reading the task out?
I would like Lee Mack to read the task out.
Please read it!
"Stack your buckets so that they are taller than you.
"Then put one beanbag on top of the buckets.
"You may not leave your spot at any point. Fastest wins."
Does everyone understand the rules?
Stack it so it's taller than me, then put a beanbag on top. Yeah.
Well, why have we got five beanbags?
It's up to you how you use those beanbags, but one must go on top.
That'll do. When you've finished,
please put your hand on your hips for two seconds.
You can start stacking when I blow my whistle.
WHISTLE BLOWS Oh, my God.
That's it, it's happening.
Stay on your spot, Lee! Oh, he's left his spot!
Stay on your spot! I had to get it back!
You MUST stay on your spots.
Very important.
Are you enjoying the task, Greg?
It's electric!
Very calm from Jamali.
Who do you think's going to win, Greg?
Whoa! Oh!
This is what we want.
You can't use them all up, though.
That is a not a wise use of a beanbag.
He's gone early with beanbags. This is a...
THEY LAUGH
I mean, I had you in the corner of... I'm messing with it!
I mean, that was...
Ohh, lovely!
Ah! A lovely strike. APPLAUSE
He's too good! Go and fuck up the big one!
Use the bucket and kick up Mike's one.
- We've got a chance over there, Greg. - It's a bit tense.
Ah!
I'm on the spot! Oh!
I'm on the spot!
I've got it, I've got it!
She did it, Sarah Kendall takes it!
We'll check the clock, we will check the clock.
Can I go higher than me?
We have somebody who thinks they've finished.
Oh! She hasn't.
Leave it. Stack the buckets.
THEY LAUGH
Oh, guys!
Five, four, three...
..two, one, it's over!
WHISTLE BLOWS
Right. Put your buckets down.
Come and join me down here,
and we'll see how that's affected the final scores.
APPLAUSE
Welcome back. Ah, thanks, Greg.
Er, I was talking to them. Oh. Thanks, Greg.
Well, after all that chaos...
..0 points to Charlotte. Thank you.
0 points to Jamali. Yeah.
0 to Lee. 0 to Mike.
Sarah stacked the buckets.
She put the beanbag on top, she put her hands on her hips...
..but it fell... Ah.
..two seconds after she did it, and three frames. Woohoo.
So, 5 points to Sarah Kendall! 5 points to Sarah Kendall.
APPLAUSE See, following the rules can be fun.
Lee and Mike were in the lead with 17, but now the leader
with 18 points and the winner, in fact, is Sarah Kendall!
CHEERING
Who would've thought it? Not me.
Sarah Kendall wins.
Please go and cash in on your carriable collection!
Whoo! Wow. APPLAUSE
So, what have we learnt today?
We've learnt that if you're a new parent,
you're struggling to get your child to sleep,
why not book Sarah Kendall to bring some plates round?
The whole house will be fast asleep in seconds.
And yet, she comes out on top tonight.
So, let's hear it for our winner, Sarah Kendall!
Subtitles by Red Bee Media