Arggh!
Egh!
Ohh!
YES!
No! Mwah!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello, I am Tom Gleeson,
and welcome to Taskmaster Australia,
a show that sees five comedians jostle for the chance
to make $1 million
by taking their modest paycheques,
investing it in something like property or stocks,
and then, with a bit of luck, compound interest
and a few decades working 60 hours a week,
they might even just get there.
Battling away on their working class journeys, we have...
Anne Edmonds...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..Jenny Tian....
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..Josh Thomas... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..Lloyd Langford... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..and Wil Anderson.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And sitting next to me, a man who needs no introduction
when he's at home with a life-sized love pillow Wendy,
but he definitely needs an introduction here.
It's Tom Cashman.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, how are you going? I'm OK.
I, um, came to an arrangement with my ex-girlfriend
that if we're both single when we're 35 years old,
she's going to pay me back the $2,000 she owes me.
(LAUGHTER)
Prize task time, Tom.
Explain away.
Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
what they consider to be the most useful thing.
OK. Lloyd, what useful thing have you brought in?
Well, I was trying to think of the most useful thing.
Like, obviously the wheel, or, um, the concept of fire.
And then I thought, no, I can think of something far more useful,
and that is a red onion.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
It is pretty useful. It goes in a lot of dishes.
Does it have uses outside cooking? Yes.
If you cut it in half,
then it gets rid of any lingering smells of paint.
Does it?
It's got antibacterial properties.
You can, um, repel cats.
(LAUGHTER)
You just throw it really hard at a cat.
(LAUGHTER) (LAUGHS)
Um, if you cut it in half, you can use it to clean a grill.
He means a barbecue.
(LAUGHTER)
I'll translate. It's fine.
I'm actually talking about a rapper's teeth.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright. Sounds pretty useful. Anne, what did you bring in?
Let me ask you a question.
How often do you get thirsty a day?
Uh, I haven't counted it, but heaps. Heaps.
OK, so I've brought in for you a...
..glass of water. OK.
You can only survive for three days without water.
Water is the most useful thing in the world to keep you alive, Tom.
So that's why I win.
We might as well not go through... (LAUGHS)
Well, it is very useful. I mean, it's not very exciting, though.
Not that that was a requirement. No, that wasn't a requirement.
But I'm just saying you're in the same household.
I feel like on the day that you both got the email about this task...
(LAUGHTER) ..was there a lot on?
I feel like you were...
He ran for the onion. I was like, "Shit!"
(LAUGHTER)
I think there's water in the onion, but there's no...
..there's no onion in the water.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright. Jenny, what did you bring in?
Yeah, well, I had a think about the times in my life
where I feel the most useless.
And it's where I, like, can't unclog the kitchen sink,
or when my car's broken down.
So what I brought in is a voucher for my dad's services.
(LAUGHTER)
It's valid until forever.
And that's his real phone number.
(LAUGHTER) OK.
That does sound very useful, but unfortunately, I'm a daddy too.
So all that he can do, I suspect I can as well.
Yeah, but you're not MY daddy. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHTER)
I feel like... (LAUGHS)
I feel like you just fell into my trap.
(LAUGHTER)
Should we call him? Might as well.
(LAUGHTER)
(PHONE RINGS)
Oh, hi there.
This is the Taskmaster from Taskmaster Australia.
Your daughter Jenny is on our show. and she said that you're very useful.
Is that true?
(LAUGHTER)
Um, I don't know how to say this to you,
but your daughter Jenny gave out your number on national television.
(LAUGHTER)
Should I put you on to Jenny?
Oh, you're going to watch...
You're going to watch the program on Thursday as it goes to air.
You are very useful. You're more...
You're more useful than the Channel 10 publicity department,
that's for sure.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Well, thank you very much.
Thank you, Jenny's dad. Thanks, Jenny's dad.
Uh, Wil, what did you bring in? WIL: Hello, Tom.
I brought the most useful thing in the world.
Money.
Obviously, money is the most useful thing in the world.
You can even buy a red onion if you need to,
if you've got some money.
So I've designed this,
which is the perfect place to keep your money.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Looks a bit like a red onion, to be honest.
Um, Josh, what have you brought in?
OK, so I brought in this camera that Instagram sold me
so that I could look inside my ears.
Because I...I don't know about you guys,
but I've always been so upset that I can't look inside my ears
because, like, all the other holes you can look in if you really want.
But not my ears, and that's always just drove me crazy
because they're my ears.
I should be more easily able to look into my ears than Jenny and Lloyd.
That's so creepy.
And I know that you're not going to get it, but it's just for me,
it, like, this solves, like, a huge existential issue.
So you chose something that I won't get,
the person who allocates the points.
The thing is, I'm not doing that well in the series.
And the points don't mean that much to me anymore.
Alright, well, uh, I think it's pretty easy. Josh is on one.
Yeah.
Uh, I'm going to give Wil two, because...
What?! Well, money is useful, but...
I had to learn how to do 3-D printing to do that.
Is that Tom's head? I thought that was Peter Dutton.
(LAUGHTER)
Ah, so Wil's on two. Jenny, I'm giving three to.
Because I do think your father is rather useful.
Uh, Lloyd, I'm giving four for the red onion.
Very useful, but not as useful as water.
Water is life. It's water!
Five points to Anne. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Alright.
My very own little red onion,
can you whet my appetite with a little task?
Not only can I whet an appetite,
I can wet heads, limbs and torsos,
and all the less important bits in between.
Hey, Trumper. Hi, Lloyd.
How are you? I'm OK.
It's good to see you, my friend.
The man put my mic pack in a plastic bag.
Is that right?
That's not the kind of thing you do when someone's going to be dry.
ANNE: Ooh!
Bath. Good.
You're a bit dirty.
Scrub a dub dub.
(LAUGHTER)
Wear water from the shower
and transport it to the bath?!
Oh.
All water transported must be worn.
The bath will be measured three minutes after your shower has ended.
Most worn water transported to the bath wins.
Your shower starts in 12 minutes.
Your time starts now.
To that bath there? Yeah.
So I take a shower somewhere.
Where's the shower?
(RAIN FALLS) Seems the shower started a bit early.
(CHUCKLES) Good one, Tom.
(APPLAUSE)
So it's pretty straightforward, really.
That's it.
They just have to wear as much water as possible from the shower
and take it over to the bath.
And we will measure how much water ends up in that bath.
OK, which dirty little grub are we going to see first?
Will one of them be rub-a-dub-dub the winner?
It's Jenny, Wil, and Josh.
Oh! OK. So the shower is there.
So I now have to wear something that I can catch water in.
OK. What do I wear?
This feels absolutely perfect to me.
How much time do I have?
You got three minutes and 18 seconds until your shower begins.
Alright. Here we go.
You know, in the olden days, if you were like a Renaissance woman,
you'd have that big butt.
Oh.
Would you consider this to be a hat if I was wearing this like this?
(SIGHS) Is there a smarter way to do this?
This feels like an outfit. OK.
It'll be filled with water.
I have a towel.
Do you think I can move the shower? Can you?
Yeah, I can.
They didn't have a Renaissance wig, but I found this.
That could be Dame Edna.
10 seconds.
That's worn. An accessory can be worn.
Tom, I've got my hat here.
I have a towel in my hat.
I'm holding it. I don't want anyone to accuse it of not being a shower.
OK.
Is it helpful that you've taken it here?
There's less time to carry it. OK.
Are you getting wet?
(LAUGHTER)
I mean, that feels like something.
Whoa.
Your three minutes begins...
Now. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
OK.
(HUMS 'THE BABY ELEPHANT WALK')
I feel like I've made the right judgement call
in regard to amount of water versus what I can carry.
What's your blue shoe accessory?
Oh, it's so fashionable.
It's what... Um... It's Balenciaga.
That's what it is. Oh, right.
Well, top hat had nothing in it.
What a useless piece of shit. Alright.
There's absolutely no water in the parachute.
None?
I was really hoping this would contain some more water.
Come on, Balenciaga.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
How do you feel?
All I care about is how much water I got into the bath in this moment.
Yeah.
And the answer to that question is probably less than Wil Anderson.
Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
I'll just put my hat back on, and I'll get out of here, I suppose.
Thanks, Tom. Thanks, Wil.
(APPLAUSE)
Wil, I do consider that to be a hat.
WIL: Yeah. Oh.
Well, it is a hat, though, isn't it? Yeah, it is.
Worn on the head. It's worn on the head.
I think it's smaller than most hats at the Melbourne Cup.
Yep.
There is the term 'bucket hat' or 'swimming cap'.
It could be either of those two things.
Yes. OK.
So where do water-carrying skills come from, Wil? I think...
Is it growing up on a farm and, like, in all those times of drought
and you desperately needed your parents' approval...
(LAUGHTER)
..so you had to do anything to try to keep some water.
(LAUGHTER) (EXCLAIMS)
I know you're trying to make fun of me,
but everything that I do that gets my parents approval in this show,
including irrigation...
They would have loved to see me in gumboots on national TV.
Can you imagine how proud my parents were?
They would be very proud,
but your desperation would take the edge off it.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, so talk us through your costume set-up, Jenny. You...
I had logic. Can I just say that?
It wasn't apparent from watching it, so...
(LAUGHS)
..explain it to us.
I just thought if I wore as much as possible,
then all of the fabric would then soak what I was wearing.
So you're going for sponge logic? I was going for sponge logic.
But little did I consider that a lot of what I wore,
like, my head blocked it.
So then a lot of it ended up being quite dry.
Should have worn something on your head.
(LAUGHS)
So, Josh, let's talk through your efforts.
Now, you made the very clever move to detach the shower,
but you didn't go the full way.
Maybe you could have moved the bath.
I laid awake thinking about this quite often.
And when you played the task back and we were rereading the task,
and I realised you could move the bath, and I feel a fool.
I didn't mind your parachute idea. That was really good.
The problem with the parachute is that it is a permeable membrane,
and I...I didn't know that
because I've never tested the permeability of a parachute before.
And we're counting all of Josh's outfit as, like, a train?
I do think that I put quite a bit of effort into
making it seem like it's sort of a gay outfit,
that if you are on TV and you had to judge it
and you were worried about whether or not
you were going to look homophobic or not,
you'd err on the side...
(LAUGHS)
..you'd err on the side of saying, "That's an outfit. Fashion."
Whoop, takata, takata, takata, takata, takata, takata.
(APPLAUSE)
So do we have some stats there?
So Jenny transported 1.65 litres of water to the bath.
Wil's hat took a whopping 7.39.
But Josh's parachute train had 9.95 litres!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) ANNE: Well done.
Well, watching ads is a lot like washing your legs in the shower.
Most of us don't really do it,
but it's better for everyone if we just pretend to.
Back soon.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where under our wardrobes we're all wearing silly undies
with slogans like "Shake it, baby" on the bum
because we're wacky like that.
(LAUGHTER) What are we doing, assistant?
(LAUGHTER)
Our contestants are wearing as much water as they can
from the shower to the bath.
Next up, they're the only contestants
who have probably showered together,
but I also don't want to assume anything.
It's Lloyd and Anne.
(LAUGHS)
Wear water. Mmm.
From the shower. But where's the shower?
There's a shower in there.
Is the shower near the bath?
Where is the shower?
I was hoping that would be a shower. Nah.
But it's not, is it?
Filling up nicely. Thanks, God.
I don't think I have to do anything here.
So where's the shower?
Am I gonna fail the task because I can't find the shower?
Oh, there's a shower.
I found it. OK.
(WATER RUNS)
(LAUGHTER)
Where have you got there? Just a lot of material.
All this will be worn and I can squeeze it into the bath.
(WATER RUNS)
Might take these gumboots off as well and see if they'll fill up.
OK. Right. Ready.
That feels nice, actually.
(WATER RUNS)
Tastes funny, this water.
Oh, yeah. Don't drink it.
(LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHS) Can you hear that noise?
(LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHS)
(LAUGHTER)
Wet yourself? (APPLAUSE)
Alright.
Get that in there for a start.
Oh. That's yielded me very little.
Shit. I meant to fill the pockets up.
Oh, no.
I'll at least get this boot off.
As the big ticket item.
Not a bad yield.
We could just weep.
Can you get a weep going in 12 seconds?
(LAUGHTER)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Not enough time for the other sock.
No, Tom. Not enough time for the other sock.
Oh, sorry.
That was just actually, like, a habit.
Is there a reason you chose waterproof material to wear?
(LAUGHS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
We all know that you and Llo live in the same household,
and you both found it really hard to find the shower.
Um, how often do you shower at home?
We don't have showers. We have the hose in the backyard.
(LAUGHTER) That was embarrassing for you.
(LAUGHTER)
I mean, I found it.
I know. I must say, like, that's a minor victory.
I mean, if we saw Anne's in isolation,
it would have been depressing.
But then you came along.
You're absolutely right.
But I think on this show we should, um, celebrate difference
rather than persecute it.
TOM: You know what's crazy is
there is a bathtub in another one of the dressing rooms.
So you chose the furthest-away bathtub and shower possible.
So we have to address this.
It was raining on Anne's day. Yes.
Was that an advantage in filling up the tub?
You cannot blame me for an act of God.
(LAUGHTER) Don't even try.
So, Anne, even though it was pouring with rain, only managed 2.28 litres.
Lloyd in his waterproof outfit, 4.57 litres.
So Jenny gets one point, Anne with two,
Lloyd three, Wil gets four points,
but Josh takes the task with five points.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And how many points do they have in the episode so far?
Well, they may not know where the shower is,
but they know their way to the top of the table.
Anne and Lloyd are in the lead with seven points.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
OK. This Tasky monster's hungry for another.
Very well.
This next one includes a telephone and a bunch of business cards.
Or as teenage me would call it,
all the ingredients for a wild weekend in.
(LAUGHTER)
Are you going to say hi? Hi, Jenny.
Tonkatsu. Hi, Lloyd.
Nice to see you, my friend.
Nice to see you too.
Telephone. Nice. OK.
Here we go.
Write a jingle for a small business from one of Tom's business cards.
You will have five minutes to call and interview the business owner.
Then 30 minutes to write and perform...
(CHUCKLES)
To write and perform your jingle.
The most convincing and effective jingle wins.
Your time starts when you've selected your business card.
Where's the business card? Oh, I've got them.
Wow.
How exciting!
Oh, there is a selection in there. I like it.
Thank you, Tom.
Double Trouble Co. Home-made pet accessories and clothes.
Repressed Records.
Framous Picture Framing.
DCM Plumbing and Drainage.
Little Lon Distilling Company.
Let's give them a call.
(PHONE RINGS)
MAN: (OVER PHONE) Thanks for calling.
Sorry I can't answer you at the moment.
Please leave a message after the beep.
(BEEP!)
This one of your little tricks?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
TOM: So I should point out, these are actual businesses.
OK, whose jingle are we hearing first?
Spruiking for Double Trouble Co,
home made pet accessories and clothes,
it's Josh Thomas.
Hi, Rebecca.
Is this Rebecca from Double Trouble Co?
This is Josh from Josh's Jingles.
I've got some questions about Double Trouble Co.
What is it?
OK. What else?
What are the dogs' names?
Thomas.
Is that a real person?
Wait, this is a real company?
Oh, my God, I thought you were, like, an actor.
I didn't realise you were a real person over there.
I would have been way nicer.
It was nice to meet you.
I'm glad you know who I am.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I really want to do a good job for you.
(FUNKY MUSIC)
Woof!
My name is Sharon, and, guys, I'm actually...I'm tired.
I'm really, really tired.
Please don't forget that we sell poop bags too
at doubletroubleco.com.au
Not a sweatshop!
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Josh, that was great.
Thank you.
I thought it was very good. Very catchy.
Uh, one of the lyrics was,
"I'm Spencer, and this bandana was once my dinner."
Yeah.
So one of the bandanas they sell was eaten by a dog and then shat out.
Is that what happened?
I actually don't know whether
it vomited up the quilt or shat out the quilt.
Either way, I wouldn't buy it...
(LAUGHTER)
..but I would love it if someone watching this did buy it,
because she seemed really nice,
and I do feel like I was quite rude to her on the phone.
I've been informed that Double Trouble and Co are in the crowd.
They're here? Oh, hello!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Nice to meet you.
Thank you so much for knowing who I am.
I really appreciate it.
Do you think you would have known everyone on the panel?
(LAUGHTER)
Wait, is that a gift for me?
(LAUGHTER)
No, I just had to make light-hearted TV.
I'm sorry, I love you. Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
Well, you've got so much coverage out of this ad. This is unbelievable.
(LAUGHTER)
Wait, is that an iPhone?
Do you want that back? (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Alright. Well, I can't wait to see more ads.
But first, let's watch some actual ads.
More ads after these ads.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Before the break, Josh Thomas was dancing around
and advertising cute little outfits for your dog,
all part of a mandate from Channel 10
to try harder to reach our rural bloke audience.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, where are we at?
Our comedians have been tasked with making
a convincing and effective jingle.
Next up, making a jingle for Repressed Records,
it's Jenny Tian.
Hey, Mitch, it's Jenny.
I've got five minutes to talk to you and write you a jingle,
so I hope it's OK if I ask a few questions.
What does your shop do?
And why are you called Repressed Records?
OK, so it's like a link to, like, punk music.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
That sounded like an actual radio ad from community radio.
(LAUGHS)
They do sound like that.
Uh, you must have been pretty happy to luck into punk music.
The genre which requires the least amount of singing.
(LAUGHS)
It actually took quite a while to figure out what exactly
punk music was for me.
Look, honestly, I was just impressed that I knew what a record was.
(LAUGHS)
Yeah, well, I was thinking about that.
Like, have you ever bought a vinyl record in your life?
No. Have you?
Uh, yeah. Oh.
I don't know, like, I just thought, like, maybe, like, because records,
I just imagine them from, like, the 1920s or something, like...
(LAUGHTER)
Are you thinking gramophone? Oh! Yeah! Maybe that's it.
Isn't that the same thing? Nuh.
No.
Alright, DJ Cash Money, spin another one, please.
Spin is a reference to a record, by the way. Go for it.
He's a defiantly cheeky man.
Let's watch this DCM sell DCM Plumbing and Drainage.
It's Lloyd Langford.
I have, um, taken it upon myself to write a jingle for your business.
You're in the plumbing trade?
Yep, yep, yep.
You've definitely given me enough material, I think, for 30 seconds.
Bye.
Never have I wished for a pen and paper more
during a conversation.
(LAUGHTER)
(FUNKY ELECTRONIC BEAT PLAYS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, Lloyd, are you the only Welshman that can't sing?
(LAUGHS)
Because nationally you're quite known for it, I feel.
Yeah. I have no, um, no rhythm musically or in terms of dance.
Uh, talk us through this lyric. I like this one.
"I swear on my daughter, I'll sparkle up your water."
DCM...DCM plumbing can fit like a special adaptor on your tap
to give you sparkling water.
Ah. I'm interested.
(LAUGHTER)
Are you interested enough to put your daughter on the line?
(LAUGHS)
Yes. (WIL LAUGHS)
(LAUGHTER)
Alright.
Another jingle, please, little man.
For Little Lon Distilling Company.
He was big in the '90s, but can he jingle all the way?
It's Wil Anderson.
Firstly, can you just tell me what you do?
It used to be a brothel?
What's the best-selling product?
OK.
Thank you, Ashley.
Bye.
Word. Notorious.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Well, Wil.
You do know it wasn't audio only, yeah?
Well, they said a jingle.
Yeah. Like, a jingle is audio.
I thought catchy. You kind of hum it all day.
That's catchy. It'd be a good way...
I would struggle to sing it ever again in my life.
(LAUGHTER)
So did you... Were you inspired by your time in commercial radio?
So you're just making it all about the audio?
Well, it's a jingle. So I concentrated on the jingle.
They cut out about seven minutes of the jingle.
(LAUGHTER)
It was more like a...like an opera, like a Tim Minchin style musical
about the Little Lon.
It was a long rap. Yeah.
It was...little long. (LAUGHS) Yeah.
I mean, on the one side,
I do think it made me feel like Jenny was just a bit more punk.
Yeah, but hers was a record store.
Mine was a... You've got to like...
This is alcohol advertising,
and you've got to do it in a responsible manner.
OK. You can't...
One of the regulations says that you can't actually glamorise
the drinking of alcohol.
That's advertising regulation.
So, I feel like it told you what the business was about,
but without making it look attractive at all.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Alright, one more jingle, then, please.
And up last for Framous Pictures Framing, it's Anne Edmonds.
(PHONE RINGS)
(BEEP!)
(PHONE RINGS)
Looks like your client isn't answering.
Hello?
Hello, my name is Anne.
I'm a comedian.
I'm calling from, um, the Taskmaster set.
Um, tell me about your, um... some of your most famous clients.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
I mean, I feel like I'm seriously disadvantaged here.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
He really (BLEEP) me over.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Answer the phone, Gary! (LAUGHTER)
So did you realise it was a real business when you were calling?
No. I thought it was one of your silly little tricks.
I thought so. I didn't know what you were doing.
Either way, (BLEEP) him because...
(LAUGHTER) ..he didn't answer.
He's just some...just some humble guy who owns a frame shop,
and you're like, "(BLEEP) you, Gary!"
(LAUGHTER)
Frame this.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, well, I've got to give out some scores, don't I?
You do.
Alright, well, that's pretty easy.
Wil's on one. Fair.
Anne literally told the person who runs the business (BLEEP) off,
and I agree with you.
(LAUGHTER)
Two points to Lloyd, because he didn't have the best singing voice
that you might expect from Wales.
Three points to Jenny.
I thought it was a... I mean, it was a great effort,
but also you were selling a product you didn't quite understand.
Four points to Anne Edmonds, because we all got the message.
Anne hates Gary. ANNE: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
But five points to Josh, because it was an absolute beauty.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Oh, thanks!
It was a great jingle.
Yeah!
So what are the scores so far for the episode?
Jenny and Wil are in hell on seven,
but Anne and Josh are in heaven with 11.
Hey!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Those were some gateway jingles.
Now, let's get you hooked on the hard stuff.
It's ad time. Get 'em up ya! See you soon.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Five comedians are absolutely humbling themselves
on national television.
It's humiliating, but it's all for a great cause.
One of them gets to win an onion.
(LAUGHTER)
Tommy C, what's next?
Another task, and we apologise in advance.
During this one, we had a few technical difficulties.
Hello. Hi, Josh.
Tamarind. Hey, Lloyd.
Hello, Tom. Hey, Wil.
Oh, fishy. JENNY: Oh, my God!
Oh, it's not real.
(LAUGHS)
"What did the guy with the ladder look like?"
That's very good.
How are you? Good.
Oh! Hold up.
Stand up. Is that meant to be happening?
So...is that meant to be...
Sorry.
Sorry. Shouldn't be doing that. OK.
Sorry, man. That's alright.
Sorry, man. Sorry, yeah.
Yeah, a wire...
Um, I've got my screwdriver is, um...
I can grab it. Where is it?
Yeah, man, it's in the bar if you can.
OK. Yeah.
Data sensor in these, hey.
(LAUGHTER)
It's a data sensor in these, hey.
(LAUGHTER)
Are they LED or something, or... Fluid.
If this is all part of it...
(LAUGHS)
Awesome.
This one in here.
It should be working on a jiffy.
Yep.
It's gonna go in a jiffy also.
Awesome.
What?
Back to my cave.
Awesome. Thanks.
Alright. Let's do it.
Righto. Let's have a look.
(SOFTLY) I knew it.
What did the guy with the ladder look like? (LAUGHS)
You got me there. Sketch their likeness on the canvas.
Most accurate likeness wins.
You have ten minutes. Your time starts now.
I knew it was part of it.
I suspected, but I didn't suspect enough.
Dammit.
Alright. OK. (APPLAUSE)
I really enjoy we got to learn
how much all of you respect the working class,
and the answer is...
..none of you except Lloyd.
Lloyd made a bit of small talk there.
I said that the light was LED and he goes, "It's fluid,"
and I thought it (BLEEP) isn't.
(LAUGHTER)
So, Josh, you couldn't even bring yourself to make eye contact?
(LAUGHTER) No!
That was to be kind.
You show your kindness by showing your back.
Yeah, because if you're the lighting person on a TV show...
I just want to be kind to you while you're talking to me.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
I was just trying to give him some privacy.
All that man does is have lights on, and the lights weren't on.
So I went and looked at the camera. I was doing that to be polite.
I, on the other hand, never engage with the help.
(LAUGHTER) There you go.
(APPLAUSE) I'm happy with that.
Sketching a bloke they've just been in a room with is easy, surely.
Who's first?
They're half of my favourite musical theatre quartet.
From the hit group Anne, Drew, Lloyd, and Webber,
it's Anne and Lloyd.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
What's that fish got to do with it?
This man looked like this.
He definitely had ears.
So I reckon that's a safe bet.
And he had hands.
He used them to fix the light, which was a trick.
Ha-ha, guys.
The thing is, I wasn't paying too much attention to him
because I was, like, I want to let him get on with his job, you know.
I think he had a lot of tattoos, from memory.
Do you draw much? Hm?
No, I don't draw much.
He only had one knee. I remember that.
What was happening on the other leg?
I went too quick with a pen and I forgot to give him a knee.
I don't think he had any hair. The poor guy.
Maybe... Just one?
Little bubba hair.
And he looked like that.
You've got eight minutes and 50 seconds left.
Eight minutes?
That's crazy.
You want to get the vibe of him, really, don't you?
Rather than like an accurate...
"Most accurate" is literally the requirements of the task.
Nah, but it has to encapsulate that certain je ne sais quoi that he had.
So we're seeing the je ne sais quoi as we speak?
Yeah.
His name is Terry.
Went to university, did an acting degree.
There were very few jobs for actors.
That's the number of jobs? Yeah.
So he has worked his way into a television set.
Do you think he insisted to be...
I think he insisted to be here.
I think he's dishonest.
I think he's one of the worst.
Do you feel cheated by him?
Yeah, I feel cheated by you, him. The whole show is a lie.
There's every part of a human being on there.
I can think of perhaps a knee you could add.
Looks more like a boil.
OK. (LAUGHTER)
It does kind of imply that the other one isn't.
(LAUGHS)
Also knee.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Thanks, Lloyd.
Oh, boy. (APPLAUSE)
ALL: Oh!
(LAUGHS) No!
I hate this show! (LAUGHTER)
Your depiction of the man, Anne,
he looked like he was a blowy man who works in a car yard.
Had the... (LAUGHTER)
Is that what you were going for? That kind of effect?
I can't draw, so I preferred to just talk about his background and...
Yeah, so you started to do his CV almost, I felt.
Well, how accurate was the CV?
Well, you're right, he does work part-time as an actor,
but he mainly owns a construction rental business.
So failed actor. Well...
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) Oh!
Yeah. Why don't you make a jingle for him while you're at it?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
OK, now, Lloyd, I feel like you fell into Tom's trap
of having to add another knee.
Did he have two knees?
(LAUGHTER)
He did, right?
Quite a few specific distinctive features that he had,
a gold tooth, a hoop earring, a mustard stain on his shirt,
a wallet chain,
a friendship bracelet with letters reading "I am the task".
(LAUGHTER) Oh!
And two knees.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE) Alright. Who's next?
He's the most familiar with them.
After all the time he's spent climbing the property ladder,
it's Wil Anderson.
He would still be here somewhere, right?
There's no reason I can't go and have another,
like, find him and see if, um...
He might be under there?
Like, you're the sort of person who would have, like, a photo
of the guy who fixed the thing under there.
I'm just going to see if I can find that guy.
G'day, mate. How are you? Good, mate.
How are you doing? Good.
Would you be able to come back into the lab?
I can do that. Is that OK, please?
Like... Yeah.
Thanks so much for, um, you know, fixing that thing before as well.
Would you mind if I actually drew a little picture of you?
It'd be lovely. Yeah.
That's good.
Do you have, like, a gold tooth or something like that?
Yeah. Fantastic. Let's get the sunnies.
Are the sunnies part of your personality is a general rule?
I'm very cool. Mate.
That's the one thing that you do not need to tell me.
You.... You are a cool dude.
You got a gold earring there.
That's a bloody cool earring.
Tom, how long have I got?
2 minutes and 45 seconds. Two minutes.
You know what? Let's get ambitious.
Let's go nuts. Do you want me to pose or...
Absolutely. Shape me.
Let's give it like you're at a Taylor Swift concert,
but you've taken your screwdriver, that's beautiful.
Love everything about this. Bit of a stain there on the shirt, though.
That's a man who works for a living. That's what I love about that.
And this tattoo. Means something special to you, that one, does it?
It means I'm from the '90s. Yeah, man.
Me too. Right?
I was actually big in the '90s,
but now I'm what they call a heritage act, I believe, so...
You know what? You can put your arms down as well.
I've got to be honest with you.
It felt like you were being arrested.
Great. Thanks, Tom. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
Thank you. Thank you, mate.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Great picture. Did a good job. Yeah.
Look, I mean, obviously I don't have much, like, drawing ability either,
but I will say it's heaps easier when he's right there just to copy.
I think it might have been the best so far.
But in Wil's picture, the man was cross-eyed.
(LAUGHS)
And had like an indistinguishable number of fingers on each hand.
(LAUGHTER)
Didn't have any knees.
To be fair, yeah, Wil, he was kneeless.
They were implied.
I mean, I...I assumed I didn't have to spell out
that a guy who'd gone up a ladder had knees.
The one thing you need to go up a ladder is knees.
Like, I mean...
Alright. It's a fair point.
Uh, time for a quick break.
We've got to check the data sensors in these bad boys above us
and make sure they're still OK.
Would you believe it? They're fluid. Back soon.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where five comedians are fighting for a chance
to have their stuff fixed by Jenny Tian's dad.
(LAUGHS) What are we up to?
TOM: Our contestants are sketching a man with a ladder.
Next up, we've got a youngster
and someone who just acts like they're young.
It's Josh and Jenny.
(LAUGHS)
So the shorts looked like this.
Oh, those are quite wide hips.
He's bald. Which is fine, Tom Gleeson.
It's a choice you can make.
Are there any clues?
No.
ARE there any clues?
Hmm.
I just remember him sort of being orange.
OK. I really didn't look at him.
Can I find him and look at him again?
I don't know where he's gone.
Hmm. Might as well spend a few minutes trying to look for him.
I couldn't just go back out there and look at him, could I?
He's... Could I?
Is he just out here?
He's in the shed?
(LAUGHTER)
White glasses, pants, carabiner.
He doesn't seem orange at all.
What did that guy look like?
Was he... Is this the guy?
Does it look like the guy?
No.
(LAUGHTER)
That looks like a different guy?
Yeah.
No.
The aura is different.
Mm. Where could he be?
Where could he be?
That's a great question.
So, what are you changing? I added some glasses.
And then he had a carabiner.
He had a very, like, you know, kind attitude that was, like,
"Oh, sorry. Thanks for being patient."
"Sorry..."
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
How do you think you went? I probably didn't win.
Why are you saying that? (LAUGHS)
It's shit, isn't it?
That's lunch, everybody!
It's actually not. I'm so sorry. It's actually not.
(APPLAUSE)
So, Jenny, you do know that that was the same guy now, though?
Yeah, but he was wearing sunglasses, so it was different.
And by...by this point in the show,
I had developed so many trust issues...
(LAUGHTER)
..that I thought it couldn't be THAT easy.
Jenny checked every room in the house.
(LAUGHTER)
Jenny watches Superman and still doesn't know who Clark Kent is.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Can we wrap up this storyline about the journalist?
Get back to that hero.
(LAUGHTER)
Uh, now, Josh. What?
(LAUGHTER) You had the same idea.
You went out to look for him as well. Yeah.
And then after turning your back to him,
you decided to not go anywhere near him.
Well, it was raining, so I didn't go in the rain
because it's not worth it.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, well, let's have a look at all of them
so that I can allocate some points.
So we've got to go for details.
It's tricky. Jenny's got no detail on the face there.
Can I tell you how many distinctive features?
Oh, that would be great, actually. That would help.
So Lloyd identified five. Anne, two.
Jenny got three details. Josh got four.
Wil got 11 distinctive features.
When it comes down to details, I think it's pretty easy.
I think we've got, uh, Anne on one point.
Jenny on two, Josh on three, uh, Lloyd on four.
And I think the most detailed drawing, and also beautifully done,
is five points to Wil Anderson.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
OK, take those scores
and your hurt or unhurt feelings up on stage
for our final task of the night.
Up you go. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Oh, I see we've got the teams back.
We've got the discount Wiggles
and the premium economy Hooley Dooleys.
What's going on, Tom?
Wil, could I ask you please to approach the podium?
WIL: Sure.
Go, Wil. Thank you.
Select a book from the top two shelves of the bookshelf.
Then describe the word within it to your team-mates.
Your team-mates will get a clue from the bookmark of your book.
If your team-mates correctly guess the word, you will get one point.
However, if the opposing team also guess the word,
you will instead lose one point.
Most points wins.
Could you please select a book from the top two rows?
Yes. Keep it closed.
And hold out the book to your team to take the bookmark.
And it could be anything? A thing, a place, an object?
That's correct. Person?
Yeah, you're describing words, Josh.
Alright, your 15 seconds starts now. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
Uh, it's something that you can order from online,
but it's also a geographical...
Wait...
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Lloyd and Jenny, please hold up your answer.
Amazon is correct.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Josh and Anne, please hold up your answer.
Pizza. Pizza.
(LAUGHTER)
That is incorrect.
Anne, your 15 seconds starts now.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Um...
The leader of America no longer.
And he's an orange man.
(LAUGHTER)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Josh. Oh.
That's correct.
(LAUGHTER)
That's also correct.
Jenny, please come to the podium.
Your 15 seconds begins now.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
(LAUGHS)
Juicy.
And sweet. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
That is correct.
Yes! This is correct as well.
Minus one point.
No!
Give the bookmark to Anne. (TRILLS)
Your 15 seconds starts now. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
OK, um, you watch it on the telly at, like...
(SPEAKS INAUDIBLY)
No, it must be perceivable by both teams.
You'd watch it at, um, 5pm on Channel 10
or at different times on other networks.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Ha! I got it.
Anne, please show your answer.
"The news" is correct.
(APPLAUSE) "The news" is correct.
(APPLAUSE)
Your 15 seconds starts now.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) It is a, um, place where we are.
(LAUGHTER)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Australia. That is correct.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
What is your answer?
Sydney. That is incorrect.
ANNE: Is this the last book? The last book.
Your 15 seconds starts now. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
It starts with a D and ends in a G.
Five seconds. Dog?
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Josh, please show your answer.
Dog is correct. Oh.
Wiggles.
(LAUGHS)
Show us your answers, please. (LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Alright. Well, come back down here for the scoring.
It's time for an ad break. Go and watch those and we'll see you soon.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia,
where I've suddenly forgotten who I am and what day it is
because of all the fun we've been having.
(LAUGHTER)
Strange boy, what are we doing?
We're going to be doing some scoring
for the exciting live task we just witnessed.
OK, it's all coming back to me now.
What happened in that live task with the scores, please?
Well, Josh and Anne wound up on negative one,
but the winners were the discount Wiggles with a meagre positive one!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So I guess it's up to you, the Taskmaster,
how many points to attribute to each team.
OK, well, uh, one team was clearly ahead,
but I'm thinking they weren't twice as good as the other team.
So I'm going to say five, five, five, three, three.
OK. We'll take it.
Before we announce the winner,
would you like to know how the series is shaping up as a whole?
Yes, let me know.
OK, well, he had a great episode today,
but after three episodes at the bottom,
Josh is on 29 points,
which is the worst start
in the history of English-speaking Taskmaster worldwide.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Josh, was worldwide humiliation what you were aiming for?
I, um, can't tell you how much
I thought I was going to win this series.
(LAUGHTER)
Neck and neck at the top, Wil is in second place with 50,
but Lloyd's in front with 51 points.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) OK.
ANNE: Nice.
But let's not forget, an earwax remover is up for grabs.
Lesser Tom, who won our episode?
Taking victory on 18,
it's our series leader, it's Lloyd Langford!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Congratulations, Lloyd.
Go claim your most useful thing.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And that's it for another episode of Taskmaster Australia.
We all learnt that hell hath no fury like Anne whose calls go unanswered.
(LAUGHS)
And we learnt if you wanted to commit a serious crime in Jenny's presence,
you'll get away with it as long as your aura's off.
(LAUGHTER)
Now, let's give a big hand to our winner, Lloyd,
and we'll see you again next week!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
I have a really good feeling about this one.
Oh. Ah!
We must be in for a real show.
I don't want to do this... Leave me out of this task, please.
Yeah, you piece of shit.
I think I've really nailed it.
Was probably the lowest point of the series.
Captions by Red Bee Media