good
good on
good on the
Argh! Oh!
Argh! Owww!
Dah! We slayed it!
Mwah!
Is this good television?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello, and welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
I may be Tom Gleeson by day,
but by night, across 10 weeks of the calendar year,
I take on another title.
A title that, in a single word,
may answer some of humanity's deepest questions, like why do we exist?
For whom do we toil?
And why have I found myself watching commercial television again?
That three-syllable title is, of course, The Taskmaster.
(CHEERING)
This season, our five comedians are:
Aaron Chen, Concetta Caristo,
Mel Buttle, Peter Helliar and Rhys Nicholson.
And, finally, the other one sitting here.
He has a presence that gives me chills
even before he enters the room and crows always squawk at him.
It's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
How are you, weirdo? Oh. I'm OK.
I've been privy to some celebrity gossip recently.
Oh, OK.
I know how Rebel Wilson got her name.
Her last name was named after the volleyball in Castaway.
And her first name...
That's from the shop where the volleyball was purchased.
(LAUGHTER)
So, in your act, is that material?
Look, I'll be honest. I have done it onstage before.
Yeah, I had a feeling.
Don't drag your old shit in here again.
Alright. What's up first?
Well, our first task is a prize task.
Each contestant has brought in a prize,
and the winner of tonight's episode will take home all five prizes.
Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
what they consider to be the cheekiest thing in a box.
Cheeky, Rhys, what have you brought in?
I've brought a few kilos of premium beef cheek.
(APPLAUSE)
OK. Very literal definition there. Yeah, not too many jokes.
It's just a bit of a meat raffle happening down here at Taskmaster.
Bring the truck. Bring the trailer, kids get in free.
I grew up in Newcastle.
You know what you've accidentally done there,
is you've brought in something that's useful.
Can you say that in my dad's voice, please?
(LAUGHTER)
Alright. Mel, what did you bring in?
Um, I brought in a thing called a pup in a cup,
so I've slightly pulled the little definition of box.
Um, that's eye catching.
(RHYS LAUGHS LOUDLY)
It's a children's toy, Rhys. Thank you.
OK. I think Rhys thinks it's some other toy.
Yeah.
No, it pops up.
So you squeeze the cup and the...
Yay!
(APPLAUSE)
OK. Not bad.
Aaron.
I bought the Mr Bean box set.
Now, this guy is so cheeky.
Um, one time he put a turkey on his head.
And most people like to drive cars sitting inside the car.
But this guy, he drove it sitting on top of it.
Aaron, what are some other things Mr Bean's done?
Yeah. If you think he's not cheeky, then listen to this.
One time, Mr Bean damaged an extremely expensive painting
and he replaced it with a print.
Um, Concetta, what did you bring in?
I brought in the cheekiest guy.
Get a load of this guy.
Oh.
I think you've mistaken cheekiness with pervertedness.
Alright. Peter, what did you bring in that's cheeky?
Well, my one's not dissimilar to what we just saw,
but I think it is cheekier.
It is the Dalai Lama taking a dump.
A little cheeky dump.
I found this on my travels in Barcelona.
Right.
I thought I had no profile in Spain,
but there was a Peter Helliar one in the shop in "Barthelona".
It's pretty cheeky of them to be making money off my name.
I mean, I've never worn that.
I don't wear glasses, but it's definitely me.
I think that might be Elton John.
Oh, yeah, I see that now.
Can I bring something to your attention?
Yes.
The three people in the middle here, none of their prizes are in boxes.
Alright, well, Mel did say
she just stretched the definition of box to cup.
Yes, 'cause it's in a thing.
And is that thing a box?
I don't know how to say, I'm not a box doctor, or am I?
Alright, well, I better score this.
Knowing that three aren't in a box is very, it's very persuasive
that they should at least be the bottom three. OK.
So I'm going to say Pete gets one point.
Concetta on two. OK.
Mel's item, even though it wasn't in a box,
did look genuinely cheeky.
Out of all the items that we had, I think Mel's was the cheekiest.
Three points to Mel, Rhys on four points.
'Cause beef cheeks, you can just cook them up and eat them.
It's quite useful, but Aaron gets five points.
Alright, time for a task, I think.
This task involves something I've been searching for
my whole life - a team.
It's our first team task for the season.
Hi, Tom.
Oh, I don't think you're ready for all this jelly.
Hey, Tom. Hi, Pete. You look good.
I feel good.
Oh, my God. Ha-ha-ha!
G'day, mate!
I'm gonna cry.
We've come dressed alike again.
Should we catch up, Tom? Can you give us a moment?
Yeah. Can you get us a couple of mimosas, Tom?
It's girl talk. Don't listen.
Is he mean to you? Yes.
Yeah, I know. And he's annoying.
Oh-oh!
Good to see you, Pete. Good to see you.
What you been up to? Just hanging out with my balls.
Yeah.
Let's read it together. Together?
"Wearing your exercise ball vests..."
I guess that's these.
Yep.
"Collect the seven odd shapes from around the Taskmaster retreat
"and stack them into a perfectly square tower on the oblong."
"You may not tamper with or remove your exercise ball vest.
"Also, one of you must whisper an original, supportive sentence
"in the ear of a team-mate every 30 seconds.
"Fastest wins."
Oh, my God. We've gotta go.
Are you listening, Concetta? Yes. Sorry.
What's that last line? Your time starts now. Thank you.
Let's all go together and find that...
Around the retreat.
We look like haemorrhoids.
OK. Let's go.
I love the team task. Very exciting. Mm-hm.
I have to think of names for the teams, too.
Oh, that'd be good.
So, just to be clear, the game is basically hide-and-seek.
Plus Tetris,
if you were pregnant with four babies.
And the team of three must whisper an original supportive sentence
every 30 seconds. The other team don't have to do that.
What the hell? Just to make it slightly more difficult.
You have an unfair advantage. There's three of you.
Yeah, but it's so hard to think of nice things to say to these guys.
Alright, so which team is going to start us off?
Making their debut with their "debut-taunt" balls,
it's Concetta and Mel.
I see one.
Oh, my God! Mel.
Mel, they're huge.
I got one, too!
OK, I'm gonna keep going in.
Ah! Another one.
Brilliant. Got another one.
OK. Here's one. There's one right here.
OK, I grab that, you go to the shed.
Thank you.
Now, how do I do this?
Yo, I got one.
Oh, babe.
Babe, this is where the challenge really begins.
OK, so we gotta be smart.
Perhaps these shouldn't be together, 69-ing.
The yellows? On this?
Yeah, that's looking hot. Can mount that one.
Just wanted to hang out with my friend today,
but I guess we'll just do this shit for your pleasure.
I think we're close.
And I didn't realise what a burden having four testicles would be.
There you go. Perfect square. Done.
We're so close.
We're smart, funny women with beautiful hair.
We do have good hair. We need to get this.
What about, like...?
Oh, like, should the yellows be together
and then, like, flat, flat?
Oh, this is...
How long have we been going?
15 minutes and 51 seconds.
We have to start again. No, I'm not starting again.
But we won't... He'll keep us here forever until we do it.
No. We will not die.
We will not be at our 80th birthday going,
"I think we could probably make it work, Concetta!"
Do you think you could, potentially,
after 15 minutes of trying something,
not be focusing on dying here?
It would get me out of finishing this thing.
We had to move one thing.
It all works perfectly till blue and yellow.
What if they were swapped around? You beautiful bitch.
Like, what if they were, like, better friends somehow?
You smut! Whore!
You did it!
You (BLEEP) did it!
I'm so proud of you.
Oh, shit. I'll help you.
Let me help you. (SCREAMS)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
(APPLAUSE)
So, Mel, you started solving a puzzle.
You hit one small obstacle, then you wanted to end it all.
Do you think you may have overreacted?
No. I think I need meds and a chat.
I love Concetta like the stepdaughter she is to me,
but she's raised by a phone and a, like...
We did not see eye to eye on how to solve that problem.
In that Concetta tried and you didn't.
So you're in charge of being cross and whingeing,
and Concetta was in charge of being optimistic, I felt.
I felt like you were quite happy to have a go.
I was so excited to see Mel, to like,
split the challenge of the task.
I had only so many brain cells working.
So, Concetta, you were happy and Mel was very cross.
I feel like I've worked out the team name.
Oh, yeah? Ernie and Bert.
I think that's the team.
I don't think I have to go out on a limb.
The other team are three.
I think I'm just going to call them The Muppets.
I haven't even seen what they're going to do,
but I feel like they're going to live up to the name.
Concetta and Mel took 18 minutes and five seconds
to complete the puzzle. Speedy.
OK, more ball suit shape-shifters after this.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
A show which has afforded Aaron Chen a unique opportunity
to offload his bulky old DVDs as a prize.
Speaking of DVDs, my nickname for this guy
here is Special Features.
Special Features, where are we?
Our contestants are attempting to put seven shapes
into a perfect square tower.
The next team have to whisper encouragingly to each other
every 30 seconds, and I was hoping maybe
we could do a bit of an example of what they have to do.
Oh. You're not that annoying.
That'll have to do. It's Aaron, Peter and Rhys.
Oh. Here's one.
Hey!
Your balls are my favourite. Thank you.
Forget what your parents told you. I believe in you.
That's so awesome.
Was that supportive?
It's really supportive
because he's saying, like, he believes in me.
As opposed to...? My parents who don't.
But I reckon the other yellow one comes on this side.
Does the blue and the orange fit together? They don't.
Aaron.
Um, your outfit is spick and specs.
Spick-and-span.
This is the most brain training I've had for a while.
Yeah, I reckon they go...
I reckon that...
Oh.
Do we want to start with the yellows?
What about like that?
Maybe the purple starts at the bottom.
I don't know. This is good. I think this is good.
Have you considered instituting a method of some kind?
Just let us do the job, please.
Let's think about this laterally.
Two... I see the block there.
Look at him.
It's like watching A Beautiful Mind right now. Yeah.
OK. Let's...
Start again? Yeah, let's start at the bottom.
Maybe purple on the side next to the red.
Have we done that? I don't know what we've done!
Oh!
(WHISPERS) I don't know what we've done.
But I love that you're keeping your eye just straight.
I don't think we could do this without you.
Thank you. To be fair, you're yet to prove that you can do it with him.
What do you think your role is in this show?
And then what if greeny...? Green could go here?
There's no long L-shape is the problem.
That's the problem? I think there's probably a series of problems.
When's lunch?
Let's go and get a coffee and then come back.
What would you like? What coffees?
So, a flat white. Yeah, maybe triple shot espresso.
Triple shot espresso? We've got to get this done.
OK. Yeah, it looks like a flat white.
That would be the triple espresso.
Lovely. And I mean, what even is a square?
Yeah, like E equals MC squared.
Has anyone actually really road-tested that?
Wait, what if we go...? Put a pin in that for a second.
Let's come back to that idea.
But Aaron might have worked it out.
Like, this there...
Jazzing at the moment.
This is the moment. Cue the stirring music.
And then if you put the purple block
and then I'll put the green in the middle there.
Yes!
Hold my coffee. Thanks, Tom.
I've got work to do, mate.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Yes!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I hate to say I told you so, but The Muppets delivered.
And I must say, I've never seen a group take so long to do a task
that they had a coffee break in the middle.
You spent nine minutes not adding or moving any blocks,
just talking about whether to get a pepperoni or supreme pizza
while waiting for your coffee.
And I still reckon pepperoni.
Peter, you seem quite confused with basic shapes.
And then you thought, from that position,
you could launch into questioning E equals MC squared.
It's not my strength, you know, I know basic stuff.
I know H2O is water, but I thought CO2 was cordial.
Like, that's... That's where I'm...
That's where I'm at. That's where I'm at.
So...
Aaron, did I hear you get a triple shot? Yeah.
Do you get a triple shot all the time?
No. Just to get through this day.
Well, you think that the challenge is putting the blocks together,
but it's dealing with these guys.
They are hard work.
I've also got a list of a few compliments.
Aaron to Pete:
"You're a nice bastard."
Pete to Aaron, "You should have hosted Fisk."
Pete to Rhys:
"I liked the way you took control of our pizza order,
"because I don't think
"the production took it seriously for a while there
"until you were like, 'No, we want pizza'."
Pete to Aaron: "I'm a bit worried.
"If we have coffee and pizza, I might shit my pants."
Alright, well, I need to come up with the score.
Well, if we remember correctly, Concetta and Mel
took 18 minutes and five seconds.
The Muppets took 52 minutes and 15 seconds.
(SHOUTS OVER THE TOP)
I think Ernie and Bert obviously win, five points each.
And The Muppets get two, two, two.
Alright. Hit us with another task.
This next task deploys a device that I relate to.
It hovers around and has an SD card inside it
that's very hard to get out.
Hi, Tom. Hi, Rhys.
How are you doing? I'm OK.
Holy smokes.
This for me? Great.
I was hoping this would be it.
"Film the most emotional scene on this drone."
"You must not get closer than five metres from the drone
"during drone scene filming."
"Most emotional drone scene wins."
You have 60 minutes.
Your time starts now.
Never filmed an emotional drone scene before.
Really? Yeah. Never.
I think you'll betray me.
And I'll have to murder you and then go outside and warn...
Thank you for saying that my death would be a horrific tragedy.
In the film.
Like, drones these days are used for a lot of property videos.
Like real estate. Real estate videos.
What are some of the huge emotional moments in life?
When you lose something.
(WHISPERING) Virginity. Wallet. Yeah. Wallet. Yeah.
Phone. Imagine losing your phone.
Losing your phone. Wow.
Do you think you could play a guy who's cheated on me?
Oh, I'm actually quite loyal, but I'll...
Remember that very powerful scene in Saving Private Ryan?
I haven't seen it. OK.
Can we just do a bit of improv now?
Like, maybe I'll...
Hey. Who is she?
Her name's Emma. You're just gonna say her name?
Yeah. That whore.
She's awesome.
What's your strongest European language?
I did a year of German in year eight. Me too.
Is this our first idea?
Could we go better?
No. There's nothing more important in life than your phone.
Ich habe eine grosse Hosenschlange.
Hosenschlange. What's that?
Trouser snake.
That's gonna be the first line of the film.
OK. Yeah.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
So we've got quite a range there.
Pete thought it would be, like, very emotional
if you lost your sons in a war.
And, Mel, you thought it would be emotional if you lost your phone.
I stand by that because I've had to choose between
getting my son out of the bath
or maybe dropping my phone in the bath
and, oh, I took a bit too long to make that choice.
OK, whose drone are we going to look at first?
You can catch her droning on the airwaves every morning.
It's Concetta Caristo!
Today's the day he's going to propose.
I can feel it.
Oh, Emma.
Take the moment in, Concetta.
It's happening.
Oh, it's so naughty. Mwah, mwah.
He's been sneaking around and trying to find the perfect ring.
I love sexting you on my iPad.
So soak it up, babe.
Here's to forever.
Take the moment in, Concetta.
It's happening.
Hi, babe.
Hi, Concetta.
I missed you.
Concetta... It's happening!
Yeah?
I found this dog shit on the ground.
I thought you'd like it.
You don't know me at all.
Do you often offer women dog shit?
I would like to say that Concetta scripted that scene.
Were you worried people would watch that and think it was all true?
I think my concern wasn't that people would think it was true,
but it was more that they would think I was doing stuff
that I'd done before, like kissing a mannequin repeatedly.
You kissing the mannequin wasn't that disturbing.
Because I felt pretty sure you'd never done that before.
Whereas I felt that,
Concetta, you have sat in a bathtub
looking at a mirror of yourself before.
Was that based on your life?
Yeah. That's a self-care Sunday.
Alright, more drone, take me higher, Lesser Tom.
It would be my dream. Here's Rhys Nicholson.
G'day. I'm Tom from Cashman, Cashman & Cashman Real Estate.
We're here at the Taskmaster retreat.
It's a three-bedder.
(GRUNTS)
That's for the negative gearing!
Catharsis.
(EVIL LAUGH)
(HIGH-PITCHED EVIL LAUGH)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Catharsis.
You're a millennial
and you're complaining about real-estate prices.
How did you come up with this unique opinion?
Um, I think that I looked at everyone's life from my parents
and before that and thought, (BLEEP)
Right. But don't you own a house?
Yeah, I own two.
Yeah. So...
So you're just cynically trying to be down with your generation
when really your generation is called your tenants?
Alright, time for some ads.
Why not call your local real-estate agent and check in on them?
We'll be back soon with more high, intense blades
flying close to underinsured comedians' faces.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
So far, we've seen comedians using a drone to film tragically
depressing things like a break-up or catharsis
or Lesser Tom's face. Who's next?
There's a lot of buzz around her at the moment.
It's probably the aerial filming equipment.
Here's Mel Buttle.
Oh, my phone's... My phone's not in my pocket.
Um, it might be in the car.
I'll check, check the car.
It's not in the car.
My phone's not in the car.
Which means it's...
It fell in the bath.
Come back to me, baby. Baby! Come back!
Come on, come on, come on. It wasn't that much water.
Let me blow in your hole.
I'm gonna need rice.
I'm gonna need 500g of white rice.
Does anyone have anything?
It's not insured.
(SOBBING)
(WAILING)
(APPLAUSE)
Powerful. Very emotional. Thank you.
To be fair, even though it was a trivial problem,
I felt the emotion was real. It was very real, Tom.
Can I just say, Mel, and I love you, but you're like,
"This girl was raised by her phone..." Yeah, I know.
..and then your whole thing is about your phone.
Yeah, but I've got two degrees, so it's different.
Oh, yeah.
Is the name of that film Nobody Had Rice?
Because that's a tragedy in my culture as well.
(LAUGHTER)
Thank you, Aaron, for saying a joke that none of us could have said.
(AARON LAUGHS LOUDLY)
Who have we got next, then?
He's done a lot of work on air, but can he work up in the air?
The answer is up in the air. Here's Aaron Chan.
(FILM REEL CLICKS)
(SLOW STRINGS MUSIC PLAYS)
(BOTH SPEAK IN GERMAN)
(CACKLING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS AND CHEERS)
So...
..I feel like there was not so much German,
but there was a lot of English.
Um, it was a co-production between the two nations.
(LAUGHTER)
Can I say? The other people
often would give me a script of what to say.
Aaron refused to give me a script and said,
"You just have to improvise using all the German you know."
OK, one more drone scene left.
Can he get more emotional than when he realised he actually
had to finish a puzzle earlier?
It's Peter Helliar.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
Hello! Hello.
I'm Mrs Ryan. Hello, Mrs Ryan.
Are you from the army? Yes.
That's a coincidence.
I have four sons currently serving in World War II.
Mm.
Is that a letter for me from my sons on my birthday?
Sorry. Which is also on Mother's Day.
Don't be sorry. This is the happiest day of my life.
That's why I'm wearing my happy clothes.
Ah...
What?!
One of my sons is...
(SHOUTS) No!
So emotional!
Well... Sorry.
..I have three...three more sons.
Oh, this is...
Not another one.
No!
I'm so emotional.
At least I have two more sons.
Sorry. What?!
(LAUGHTER)
What?
No! (SOBS)
This is the worst day I've had in a long time.
I'm very emotional. You've had worst days?
I've had... Yes. I'm a big sports fan.
Oh. Sometimes my team loses.
Sorry.
What?
This is from my fourth son?
Oh, don't tell me, do not tell me.
I'm...
Oh, it's a Foxtel bill.
220 bucks?!
(SHOUTS) No!
(SOBS) So emotional!
(APPLAUSE)
It was a very emotional scene, Pete. It was.
It was a hard scene to shoot. It took a while.
The crew...there wasn't a dry eye.
Even in the audience, they were all...
Don't...don't...don't show them. I don't want you to show them.
But they are all, they're all crying.
And also, I felt like you frocking up,
it really kind of delivered on your '90s comedy roots.
Ha! Yes.
You know, I've always been inspired by The Footy Show, um...
Alright. Well, I think that
some delivered on the emotion more strongly than others.
I feel like Rhys', it was pandering to the masses by trying to
tap into the current housing crisis, so I'm giving you one.
Is there a housing crisis?
(LAUGHTER)
Aaron, I'm giving two points to.
It was an emotional film, but the emotion I felt was boredom.
I'm giving three points to Concetta
because I felt those emotions were real,
but weirdly not as real as Mel's emotion about missing a phone.
So Mel gets four. Thank you.
And Peter Helliar, because he made me feel happy
with some old school comedy, gets five points.
(CHEERING)
OK. While remote controls are essential to operate drones,
when it comes to ones for television,
it's poor form to touch them at times like this.
See you after some advertising.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
We're not even two episodes into the season,
and Pete Helliar's already put on a dress.
Would you like a score update? Ah, yes.
So currently we have Rhys in last place on seven points,
but Mel Buttle is currently in the lead with 12 points!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Have you got another task? Sure do.
I would like to apologise to all the supernatural women
whose headgear we used for this next one.
Very interesting.
Oh.
Tom?
OK.
Crack the seal on another one.
"Hide these tin witches hats on a Taskmaster retreat."
"You have 10 minutes to hide them."
"Tom will then have 10 minutes to search for them."
"Most witches hats remaining hidden after Tom's search, wins."
"Time starts now." Hide 10.
(APPLAUSE)
Interesting approach there, Aaron.
Your first thought was to run away from the witches hats.
I thought I had to hide from them.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, this seems pretty straightforward.
A game of cone hide-and-seek.
Who are we seeing first?
It's easy to tell which is which,
but which is better at hiding witches hats -
Concetta or Pete?
Probably see that straightaway! I'll come back for that.
Oh, that's too heavy. See ya.
Come on!
OK.
You've just one at a time.
Abort...abort that idea. (LAUGHS)
Shit!
Oh, God, so unfit.
He's gonna look in the shed straightaway. Behind the shed.
Oh, God. OK.
Running...
Right in there.
(GRUNTS)
Good luck, mate.
Good (BEEP) luck.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
What? I heard him back here.
There's one. (DING!)
I've spotted three cones. Where are the others?
I don't know. There's a fourth. There's two.
Not even hidden at all.
There's one on the roof.
Hey, did you see that? I've found three.
There's a fifth one. (DING!)
Where did you put the other cones? Over here.
That means it's down here.
There's the sixth one. I've found three.
Three more. I've found six in total.
Seven.
There's another one. (DING!)
Eighth one spotted.
That's an eighth one. There's two more.
Oh! (BEEP)
(LAUGHTER)
The task's over, Pete. I found eight. Well done.
Blow your whistle.
Blow it, blow it.
OK. Six seconds left.
Five, four, three, two...one.
Good stuff, Pete. You really eluded me with the two.
(LAUGHTER)
Three, two, one. Beep!
That wasn't a whistle. Good stuff, Pete. Good stuff.
That wasn't a whistle. It wasn't...it wasn't a whistle!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
That's actually it.
OK, hang on a second. I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna try to get this door open. Right, yeah. There it is.
Oh. Mate, I was doing my best.
Yeah, right. You were trying to open it.
I was trying.
Why did you leave through here?
I literally was running nonstop, and I couldn't fit them in.
You just get to prance around like a little fairy,
but I'm literally doing manual labour.
Were you trying your side? Yeah. I was trying on my side.
Were you? I was definitely trying on my side.
Thanks, Pete. Yeah.
(CHEERING)
Uh, Pete, I'm surprised your strategy of chucking the cones
wherever you happen to be running didn't pay off.
I wish I had thought about locking Tom in a room earlier.
RHYS: I love in these little tasks,
just seeing what a true little psycho you are.
Like, when you were going...
(BREATHES SHARPLY)
I was like, "(BEEP) yeah!"
(LAUGHTER)
I'd been given a task to find as many as I could,
and I took that seriously.
I feel like we got an insight
into what you look like, Pete, on bin night.
You're running around in a panic,
throwing shit in all different directions.
Now, Concetta, you implied that his job is very easy,
unlike you, who was doing manual labour.
Mm-hm.
Is that what you think manual labour is?
No, seriously, Tom, they were SO heavy!
Like, for it to be equal,
you should wear cement blocks around your feet.
So it seemed like a really hard job
from the basis that you work at Triple J.
(LAUGHTER)
For both Pete and Concetta, I found eight of the 10 cones.
Alright, Tom, who's next?
It's the two contestants who are most frustrated
by my presence throughout the series.
Will they thrive in my absence? It's Mel and Rhys.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Where did you put the cones? What? What?
Hi, Tom. Two cones up there.
Uh... Maybe, I don't know. I'm not sure where they are.
Where did you put the other cones? I can't remember.
He'll never guess.
He didn't see it.
Third cone. (DING!)
I'm trying to think where you'd put them.
Oh, shit.
That's not what we want at all.
Well...he's finding that one.
Fourth cone. (DING!)
Would you like to give me a hint?
Um, they're orange, and they're about that big.
Yeah, I knew that. Quick! Go! Quick, sticks.
(GRUNTS)
Another hint.
A woman hid them.
Think like a woman. What would a woman do?
I have no idea.
I know.
(DING!) Oh! Good boy.
Don't...don't... No.
(DING!) That's a cone.
(DING!) That's two.
You're doing so well, Tom.
I haven't even found half of them.
About a minute, I reckon.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Found two.
Good boy.
You think I'm too smart?
I just hid them really dumb places.
Like where?
Up your butt.
Oh.
We've kind of swapped jobs, haven't we?
Yeah. A little bit.
I can't let you know how you've done, because my job's
just to administer the task.
Bye, Tom.
Hey, Chris.
(CHEERING)
I'm surprised you didn't find more of Rhys' cones
since they were...since they were so close to home.
And by that, I mean, up your ass.
I got him up there pretty far.
I'm not sure the task went as you planned, Lesser Tom.
There were so many you just walked by.
I know. I'm sorry. Did a man look, didn't you?
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Now, Rhys, I see your strategy
of hiding the cones worked well for you.
Unlike Pete's, where you just throw them in a ditch.
I was so puffed by the end of it.
To watch that footage would be quite troubling for me, I think,
because I was muttering to myself like I was burying a backpacker.
Like...like it was...I...
(LAUGHTER)
I've never said that before, and I never will again.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Now, were you tempted to tell Tom where the cones were when he asked?
No. Not once. No.
No. I hated the maggot. Um...
(LAUGHTER)
So what are the stats?
Mel, I found five, and for Rhys, I only found two out of 10 cones.
OK, it's time for an ad break.
If you don't want to watch the ads, pay for a streaming version of this.
If you don't want to pay for the streaming version,
watch it on YouTube, I don't give a shit. Back soon.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Before the break we saw Rhys and Mel are really good at cones.
I wonder what that says about their teenage years.
Alright, next contestant, please.
Can he make these high-vis cones low-vis?
It's Aaron Chen.
(AARON LAUGHS)
Hi, Aaron. Hi. How are you doing?
Oh, why did I do that?
(DOOR CREAKS)
Oh.
What are you doing, Aaron?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Aaron?
Hi, Tom. How are you, man?
I'm alright. Are you locking me in here?
I'm just hiding cones, mainly. Oh, OK.
How much longer, Tom?
35 seconds. Getting pretty worried!
(LAUGHS) You know.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(MUFFLED CLATTER)
(LAUGHTER)
Hi, Aaron.
(LAUGHTER)
There's one. (DING!)
I had a lot of time to hide that.
It's two. (DING!)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
There's three. Double cone. That's four.
Where did you hide the cones? You broke the door, mate.
You broke the door. No, it's property damage.
You put a lock on it.
Ooh-oh!
Oh, my God! Did he fall? Yes!
Ooh-oh!
(SLOW MOTION) Ooh-oh!
Oh, my God!
I hope you're not OK.
Did you hide any down here? Yeah, heaps.
One, two, three, four, five.
Five spotted. Only one remaining.
All this happened for no reason.
Yeah, you broke property as well.
Stop focusing on the property.
Sorry, do you guys mind calling the owners? And...
'Cause there's been a bit of property damage.
How did you go?
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Nine out of 10. You put a padlock on the shed?
Yeah. To make sure that the property was secure.
It wasn't very secure, though, was it?
See you later, mate.
Like, I'm OK with it, but I don't know,
they probably won't be able to show you some of that footage
'cause of certain crimes being committed. Mm.
Could actually be bad for your reputation.
Thanks, Aaron.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Aaron, you went from cat got the cream to humble pie very quickly.
How long did you think you were going to keep him in there for?
I thought it was secure. (LAUGHS)
Well, it wasn't even the padlock that broke, it was the hinge itself.
That's why I was saying it's property damage.
When we left the property, we informed the owners and they said,
"Oh, yeah, that's been faulty for a while. That's fine."
So it was an inside job.
(LAUGHTER)
I think we were all very pleased
to see you make Lesser Tom slip over.
(LAUGHS)
I feel like an extra point might be allocated there, Lesser Tom.
I really enjoyed watching you fall on your face.
For Aaron, I found nine.
So Rhys should get five, Mel should get four.
How many points are we giving Pete and Concetta?
Pete and Concetta maybe should get three each...
OK. ..to leave room for...
Well, Aaron's normally last on one,
but he did make you slip over, so he gets two.
Gotcha. OK.
Alright. It's almost time for our live task.
But first, what does our scoreboard look like overall, Lesser Tom?
With 16 points, Mel is our current top dog!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Let's head upstairs for the final task of the show!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright, Lesser Tom, what are we doing now?
Pete, read the task, please.
"Be humble as pie about your pie.
"Each contestant will have 15 seconds
"to be humble about their pie.
"Least humble about their pie will be eliminated!
"The first speaker will begin on Tom's whistle."
Ready? Set... (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Oh, God. The pastry is a bit affordable.
It's made from margarine, not butter.
And it's not very brown, but, um...
Well, it's the best I've got.
It's the best I can do. And I'm about to...
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(APPLAUSE) Pete.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Yeah, um, It's OK.
Um, you know, it's not as good as my mum's or my nan's
or my great-grandfather who fought in the war at Gallipoli.
And they used to make...they used to make pies, but...
(WHISTLE BLOWS) ..that's about it.
Concetta. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Hey, I would love you to have this, but I like...
I know I look fancy, but I don't know what I'm doing.
Like, I'm a loser and you're so cool.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(APPLAUSE) Rhys.
(LAUGHTER)
There's just so many good birds that I could have chosen.
These don't even like good shiny shit. It's just...
(WHISTLE BLOWS) Ready, Aaron?
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Oh, man. This is...it's...it's just it's a number, you know?
I mean, like, forget it. Forget about it.
Yeah, it sucks.
(WHISTLE BLOWS) (APPLAUSE)
The least humble was Aaron Chen.
He very arrogantly threw his pi on the ground.
I didn't realise it could break. (APPLAUSE)
Mel, could you read this one, please?
Certainly.
"Be keen as mustard about your mustard."
Your keenness starts now. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Oh, my God, it's awesome!
And It's in powder form, dude.
Look, you can go like this and it's like.
Yeah, you can be like, "Whoo!"
And like, it's awesome. I want you to play with it, Tom.
And you can have some. You get in there.
Oh, no. Sorry. But, yes, yes!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Rhys. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
That is the chemical formula for mustard gas.
(SCREAMS LOUDLY)
(SCREAMING DIMINISHES)
(LAUGHS)
(SCREAMS)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(APPLAUSE)
Mel. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Oh, wow-wee! Look at that.
Oh, my God, I want to get in there. I want to lick that.
I want to rip that off.
I'm... Oh!
Oh, Jeez Louise, that is some good... I want to touch it.
Oh, that's...that's... (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Pete. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Ah, yes.
Oh, mmm!
(LAUGHTER) Oh, good.
Ah... (WHISTLE BLOWS)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I don't think Rhys was keen. He just seemed terrified.
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you, Tom.
"Be cool as a cucumber about your cucumber."
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Oh, damn. That's lit as fam. Wicked.
Well, what's the dealio? Um...
Stop blowing up my phone with SMSs.
Um, stop tweeting me. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Pete. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Alright. Whatever.
Cool. You know, it's cool. It's good. Whatever.
I don't care. I just, you know, just go for a bit of a...
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Concetta.
Oh, yeah. This old thing.
This thing rides a motorcycle.
And, you know, it's, like, I don't even care.
Like... (WHISTLE BLOWS)
I can't lie to Pete. He was the least cool before he even tried.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Can you read this, please, Mel?
"Be smooth as silk about your silk."
"Smoothest wins."
Mel. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
What's up, G? You come here often?
Damn, mamma!
You... Whoo-hoo!
Oh. Mm-mm!
Did you just walk in here looking like this, or...?
Wow. Heaven is missing an angel. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
(APPLAUSE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Oh, baby doll, the way you make me feel.
You nasty, girl.
You...you a smooth...smooth....
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(LAUGHTER)
Given my wife and children watch this show...
..Mel was the smoothest.
Thank you, Tom! (APPLAUSE)
OK, the contestants have to walk from up there to down here,
and it takes just long enough for us to wedge in an ad break.
See you soon! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
We're about to find out
who the best comedian is of all time in Australia...
..on this channel, in this episode tonight!
But before we do that, who won the live task, Tom?
Well, Aaron took away a cool one point, Rhys a smooth two,
Pete a keen three, Concetta a humble four,
and Mel took it out with a spicy five points!
Thank you. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
OK. Now what we really want to know - who will be leaving the show tonight
with that horrible, horrible, captivating gnome?
Well, Aaron was in last place with 12 points.
Pete and Rhys in third, equal on 14 points.
Concetta second with 17 points.
And Mel way out in front with blackjack, 21 points!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Congratulations, Mel.
Head up onstage and collect your bounty of cheeky, crackin' boxes.
Lesser Tom, what's our season scoreboard looking like?
Well, there are only three points between all of them,
so it's neck and neck, and neck and neck and neck
with Concetta in the lead with 32 points this season!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
OK. And that brings us to the end of another episode of Taskmaster.
We've learned Aaron definitely doesn't sprechen any Deutsch,
and we've learned that professional comedian Tom Cashman
is at his funniest when face planting into mud.
(LAUGHTER)
Now let's learn how Mel Buttle will enjoy their prizes.
See you next week!
(WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
Fuck! That's it.
No! I'm in your freakin' mind.
Is there any part of your personality that's not Italian?
(RECORDERS PLAY)
Nice whistle, bitch!
You need to use this paddle to hit a koala.
Yeah. I guess what I'm hoping for at this stage
is the others (BLEEP) up their task.