This programme contains strong language and adult humour
Hello!
I'm Greg Davies.
Welcome, everybody, to a very special Taskmaster New Year's Treat.
Yes, it's that time of year for drawing a line
under ugly aspects of your life,
starting afresh - what am I talking about?
I'm talking about that lump on the sofa next to you that you married!
And the kids! It's not like they're doing well at school. Get rid!
It's also that time of year when we open up Taskmaster
to those in the public eye that wouldn't normally qualify.
"Oh, how hard can Taskmaster be?" they say?
"I'm versatile, I'll call my agent."
Well, they're about to find out what a terrible mistake that call was.
And I don't want to put a damper on the night
but, from our calculations,
at least one of these people has done so badly that the damage to
their reputation will result in a complete cessation of work
and lead ultimately and directly to the loss of their home.
So...
..let's greet them with the applause that they currently deserve.
Please welcome Amelia Dimoldenberg.
CHEERING
Carol Vorderman.
CHEERING
Greg James.
CHEERING
Sir Mo Farah.
CHEERING
And Rebecca Lucy Taylor.
CHEERING
And next to me, a man who told me in a private moment
that he believes climate change is a hoax propagated by, and I quote,
"Liberal pussies who don't know how to party."
It's little Alex Horne!
CHEERING
Right, what's the prize task for this special little treat, Alex?
Oh, dear, has Daddy forgotten?
Well, you've asked them to bring in
the thing which Greg would be most surprised that you own.
The overall winner of this special show will win all
the surprising things plus your gigantic golden eyebrows.
What a way to kick off a new year.
Wowee!
Yes, hot pyjamas.
The trophy that we use in the series is bad enough
but this is truly worthless, isn't it?
Amelia, hello. Hi.
Welcome to the show.
What have you brought in that I would be surprised that you own?
A coffin for a fly.
Purpose built. Here it is.
Why did you make it?
Because a fly died and it needed to be...have a coffin.
Yeah, checks out.
I think it's so sweet. Is that an indication
of what you were like as a child?
No. No. No, actually. I don't really like animals.
I am reasonably surprised.
It was either that or a fried egg rug.
Oh. No, I'd stick with the fly coffin. Yeah, great.
Carol Vorderman.
Where do you think I live most of the time?
I imagine you live somewhere very glamorous, Carol.
Well, that's what people would imagine.
But, for about three or four months in the year I live in this.
It's the Vorder-van.
Wow. Yeah, now that is a van.
I mean it, it looks like a vehicle belonging to a serial killer.
So, on the top of it we've got this metal piece
which has been welded on the top,
and then it folds out like that, brrr,
and you climb up and then you can lie up there and you just,
like that, looking at the stars all night.
Is it fair to say that in public
you're not trying to keep a low profile?
Do you poo in the van?
Yeah, cos it's a compost toilet.
I didn't think you were gonna ask
Carol Vorderman if she poos in a van. So...
Yeah, I didn't pre-plan it, myself.
Well, Carol, I am quite surprised that you own what appears
to be a military vehicle.
Hello, Greg. Hello, Greg. Welcome to the show.
What have you brought in that will surprise me?
I'm gonna surprise you with a unique piece of artwork,
where the Virgin Mary is being played by Jonathan Ross
and fat baby Jesus is played by Chris Moyles.
What a harrowing image.
And it was made for me as a gift for joining Radio 1.
I mean, Jonathan looks exhausted on that.
He's a heavy baby.
Moyles looks like he's fully filled his nappy doesn't he? In that image.
It's absolutely terrifying.
It's like an epitaph to the '90s, isn't it?
Hello, Sir Mo Farah.
You're our first ever sir.
CHEERING
Must be your greatest achievement so far.
It's sitting in front of you.
You and I, Mo, are very physically different characters, aren't we?
I stood next to Mo backstage,
I think it's worthy of showing everyone.
Mo, surprise me, what have you brought us in?
My hairdryer.
Nice. Has it ever been plugged in, Mo?
Yeah, a few times. Yeah? When I go for a run... Yeah.
..I'm always freezing and cold and, yeah, it just makes me feel good.
If blow drying your patently bald head helps you feel good,
it's good enough for me. Yeah.
Let me ask you a question though. Do you ever, uh...
..go down south?
I wouldn't say no, would I?
We've all done it, haven't we? You ever blow dried your pubes?
Have I ever not?
Mo, I'm genuinely surprised that you own a hairdryer.
Very clever.
Rebecca, welcome. Hello.
How are you? I'm absolutely beside myself.
Are you? Yeah. Are you excited?
I really love this television programme loads.
We like having her on it, don't we? Yes, I'm beside you. Yeah.
You've had a very busy year being a pop star and that. Yeah.
What would surprise me that a pop star owns?
Uh, a sculpture of me in the bath.
Are you ready to see Rebecca in the bath?
I...I don't know.
Well, here she is.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
APPLAUSE
Am I surprised?
A shallow bath. It's a shallow bath, yeah.
You're barely doing the key areas there.
It's actually an ashtray I made during the pandemic.
Oh, you made it as an adult?
Now, that is surprising.
Well, there's five quite contrasting prizes there, Greg.
Can I just say what you've just written down on your card?
You've written Greg Davies. Yeah.
I meant to write Greg James.
I'm so self-interested, I cancelled out the James.
Well, the bad news is, Greg, I wrote Greg James down
because you're getting one point.
One point to Greg Davies. Yeah.
Two points to?
Well, I'm sorry Rebecca, I'm not that surprised by your sculpture.
I really liked it. That's fair.
Amelia I'm giving you three points for your fly coffin
cos I think it's quite a strange thing to have. OK, brilliant.
The big numbers, Greg, big numbers.
Yeah, well, I didn't think that Vorderman could surprise me
but, by having a military van with an electronic roof,
she did surprise me. She gets four points. Four to Carol.
But no-one would predict that Sir Mo Farah had a hairdryer!
It's impossible! How could you?
Five points to Sir Mo Farah.
Let us start the contest proper.
Have you got a task ready?
Well, you can count on that, Greg.
You can count on that.
Hello. Hi, Greg.
Hello. Oh, hi, Carol Vorderman.
Hello, Sir Mo Farah.
Amelia Dimoldenberg. Hey. Hello.
Hello. Hello, Rebecca. Hello.
I got a job interview, haven't I?
Big Greg. Yeah.
I'm little Greg to him.
Don't touch that, whatever you do. Argh. Yep.
Very long surname. Dimoldenberg.
I know, but it's phonetic, so Di-molden-berg.
So, there you go.
Here we are, RLT.
Rebecca Lucy Taylor.
Really likeable tart.
Sort of circles.
This looks like a maths puzzle.
Ah.
"Count all the dots on this card."
"You may not touch or mark the card." Sorry for touching it.
"You must give an answer in ten minutes."
"And must answer the door
"and obey the instructions every time the doorbell rings."
Oh, no. "Most accurate final answer wins."
What are you doing, Carol? I'm counting.
Would you mind saying the last line of the...?
Oh, yeah, "Your time starts now."
Vorders, I think you're onto a loser here already
cos everyone's expecting you to do well when counting's involved.
Yeah, but I think I did do well. Ooh.
Nice. No-one ever says that.
I bumped into Rachel Riley at a show and she said that on Countdown
she works all the sums out live but you used to have a calculator.
No, she didn't.
Classic toxic masculinity pitting women against each other.
Yeah. You're right, she didn't say that. She's a huge fan of yours.
I'm just... I wanted to get some beef going.
I didn't realise it was cos I was so hateful of women.
That's the thing, Greg. Let's have a look.
OK, fresh from another Chicken Shop Date it's Amelia Dimoldenberg.
And fresh from being named the Guardian's album of the year,
Self Esteem, it's Rebecca Lucy Taylor.
Can I have a pen and paper, please? Yeah, here you go. Thank you.
DOORBELL 29.
That's the door, Amelia.
29.
Wear these goggles until the doorbell rings.
Oh, my God.
I usually pay someone to see like this.
Do I just stand here?
So, yeah, the pen and paper is fucking useless then, isn't it?
I'm going back in.
DOORBELL Oh, fucking hell.
See you in a minute. Yeah.
"Stand behind the barrier until the doorbell next rings."
Very good.
Where's the barrier? What?
"Stand behind the barrier." With the binoculars?
How many dots have you counted so far?
17. Right.
But what I'm gonna do is cordon it off in my mind.
And just like times 17 by how many areas I think there are on the page.
Does that make sense?
Waa! What's the point of these?
So you can see the dots.
These are low budget.
Thank you.
DOORBELL
"Shout until the doorbell next rings."
PHONE RINGS
I'm doing my song!
OK.
I'm shouting. I'm...I'm shouting.
Seven, eight, nine, ten.
Oh, God, someone's calling, someone's calling.
56, 57... DOORBELL
"Wear boxing gloves and an eye patch."
"And count like a pirate."
So, uh, this isn't working.
Urgh.
You're meant to be speaking like a pirate.
HALF-HEARTED: Arr...
All right, me hearties.
Can I have a calculator? DOORBELL
Can I have a calculator?
We'll talk about that when you come back from the door.
"Feed the blackbird all of the seeds."
Is it a real bird? Ah.
OK.
Can I have a calculator?
17 times 16, right?
DOORBELL Hello.
"Put on a swimming hat and swimming goggles..."
"..and giggle."
Hee-hee-hee-hee, hee-hee-hee-hee.
Hee-hee-hee.
I can't count and giggle at the same time.
WHISTLE Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo.
752.
I'm gonna say 293.
That's embarrassing.
CHEERING
Sorry, how good do I look in a swimming cap?
You really do.
There was a lot of screaming involved in your attempt.
It's a lot going on.
Rebecca, "What I'm going to do is cordon it off in my mind
"and times 17 by how many areas I think there are."
Yeah, much like David Bowie would have done it, I think.
When he was off his nut on drugs maybe.
Let's talk about how shit your pirate impressions were.
Wahey, me hearties.
Well, that's better than you did on the film.
You do know what a pirate is, both of you, right?
We're young.
I'm not actually that young.
They're toxic. They were toxic. They are toxic.
That's why I like them so much.
Neither of them noticed that we were turning over the board.
I know, I only just...
Yes, and you did have to count all the dots,
so that's the dots on both sides.
ALL: Oh!
And if you were only counting the dots on one side, Amelia,
you didn't do that badly.
You said 752. There were 871 on each side.
Oh, well, I take it back.
I'm a genius.
Yes, I mean, you are 990 out.
Yeah, but it's not as bad as I thought it was gonna be.
And not as bad as Rebecca's 293.
Good. Who's next?
Next up it's a super-fast man and a super-fast mind.
It's Sir Mo Farah and Carol Vorderman on Taskmaster, yes.
Here they are.
Big ones first. One, two, three, four, five.
God...
DOORBELL God.
"Wear these goggles."
Whoo-hoo.
I didn't think it'd be that easy.
And now the black's gone white and the white's gone black, OK.
DOORBELL
Doorbell again, Mo.
How are we getting on with the dots?
I've started it.
Can't do two things at once, can I? No.
DOORBELL
"Shout until the doorbell next rings."
Hello! Whoo!
Are you having a nice day?!
Not bad, Carol.
PHONE RINGS Am I answering the phone?
You do whatever you want, Carol.
OK, no, I'm still doing my calculations!
I'm losing my mind here.
Hi, Mo. Hello.
I'm good at counting... Oh.
..in pirate language cos I've lived in Bristol.
Or Brizzle as we say in Brizzle.
Brizzle, of course. Which is gurt lash.
Have you changed them around?
What do you mean?
The board has changed.
Oh, ooh, that's weird.
That's changed colour, has that.
DOORBELL Ah.
Feed the blackbird. Oh. Hello.
Hello. Open up.
Nice and gentle.
Got any other orifices, this blackbird?
I imagine he's got one other.
17. DOORBELL
Giggle until... Oh, this is easy.
That's definitely changed. Right. You're flipping it.
36 times 40.
1,440, hee-hee-hee.
Five seconds.
WHISTLE
Hee-hee-hee, hee-hee.
Thank you, Mo.
Oh. How many dots are there on the card?
Well, there are two sides to this card. Are there now?
Yes.
And I think there must be the same on the other side.
So I'm gonna times that by two.
It's 2,880.
1,600...
..I think, and 83.
Mate, using my brain.
Often don't use it, do I?
Wow.
You did not disappoint, Carol.
It was a remarkable attempt. It was.
Her answer was 1,683.
There was 1,742.
She was only 59 out. Yes!
And by stark contrast...
Mo, I'm a bit worried that they're
gonna take your knighthood off you for this. Who knows?
He did spot that we were turning it over.
And so he doubled his number.
Unfortunately his number was a huge number. Was huge.
If you hadn't doubled it you would have been closer than you were
after you did double it. Oh, I thought you got close.
Yeah, you were 1,138 out in the end.
But I think something really good came out of your attempt.
And during it asked for a clip of it
because I don't think I'll ever tire of watching this. Here we go.
Hello! Whoo!
That's gonna be my alarm clock.
Hello! Whoo! Do you want me to stop it?
I'm not bored.
Hello! Whoo!
I think we should try and make it a thing.
Do it, Greg.
Hello! AUDIENCE: Whoo!
OK, we're gonna stop there for the end of part one.
Just time for Alex to read from his New Year's resolution list
that I found under his bed.
Maybe read that one out.
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.
My New Year's resolution - I must stop catfishing.
My name isn't Hot Bod and I can't take ladies to paradise.
Lovely. Bye, everyone. We'll see you after the break.
Hello, again and welcome back to our special treat.
It's the start of part two
and it's over to Mr Can't Use His Potty So He Has A Dirty Spotty Botty
to remind us of the dotty task in play.
Well, it wouldn't be spotty if he remembered to put my cream on.
But, yes, the task involves counting the dots on a piece of card
in front of them. Every time the doorbell rings
they get an extra distracting task.
And every time they're out of the room I turn the card over
because I'm a freaking menace to society.
Finally, he's not a bad Greg at all, he's up there
just behind Greg Dyke and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine,
it's Greg James.
And, wow, it's really making your eyes...
DOORBELL
OK, about round about there, 50.
Where was I? I was about there and it was 50.
DOORBELL Oh, for f...
A lot of people today. Do I have to
get the door or could you get the door? I can't get the door.
OK, the fly'll get the door.
"Stand behind the barrier until the doorbell next rings."
It's really start... Oh, the barrier here.
Right, can I take the glasses off or, do they?
DOORBELL Oh, someone at the door.
I was on about 60.
Coming in the house!
PHONE RINGS Do I have to answer that?
It's up to you. It feels like a phone, where's the phone?
Hello?!
CROAKY VOICE: One, seven, four, two...
DOORBELL Someone at the door, Greg.
One, seven, four, two...
The door's going, hang on.
Can you just hold on a second?
One, seven, four, two... Boxing gloves now.
But the phone said one, seven, two, four.
Hang on.
Would you like a seed, sir?
Who was the lady who called me?
Oh, Jesus.
Ow.
Ee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! How long have I got?
15 seconds left. 15 seconds of giggling.
Hee-hee-hee-hee. WHISTLE
How many dots on the card, Greg?
1,724.
AUDIENCE GROAN Maybe.
Well, you threw yourself into it.
It's Taskmaster. It's not supposed to be fun.
"It's Taskmaster - it's not supposed to be fun."
That's gone straight into the book of quotes. Congratulations.
You're welcome. It was the first bit of lateral thinking we've seen,
really, in that he investigated the phone. He investigated.
He answered the phone... I did.
..and then he forgot what the lady said.
Yeah, he was only 18 out.
He went for 1,724 so he has got the full five points.
Four to Carol, three to Amelia, two to Mo, and Rebecca just the one.
And she's all out on her own in the lead -
it's Carol Vorderman with eight points at the moment.
CHEERING
Right, what is next please?
Well, it's time for another of your favourites, Greg.
It's a mucky massage.
Oh, dear.
Carol. Is this is a massage chair? Can I sit in it? Yes.
Is this your sort of thing? No.
Do you know how to sit on one of them? Mm-hm.
Make yourself comfortable.
I should warn you, once you put your face in you can't take it out.
Can I read? Mm-hm.
Recreate the picture that Alex is holding.
Your face...
Argh...
Your face must not move from this position.
Alex will show you the picture for five seconds.
When you've finished reading the task...
And then for a further three seconds every time you land
a ball in a bucket.
Where's the bucket?
Best recreation of the picture wins.
You have ten minutes.
Oh, this is gonna be really unfair
because people have longer arms.
People do.
You have ten minutes.
Your time starts now.
APPLAUSE
Carol, I did write down a little quote from you before
we crack on and see these.
You said, "This is unfair because people have longer arms."
Rebecca didn't speak for some time in that task.
Not even to say hello to Alex.
And then she made a noise.
Argh...
I honestly have no idea what that was.
I really enjoyed it.
Let's have a look at their attempts proper.
OK, it's Amelia, Carol, Greg, Mo and Rebecca.
That's what you've got to recreate.
Oh, Jesus.
OK. Can I hold on to it?
No, no, no, no, no.
Are you good at painting?
I am actually but I can only paint lady's boobies.
Me too.
Where's the bucket?
Oh, my God.
Hang on, hang on.
What are you trying to do?
I'm trying to get the canvas.
Where's the bucket!
Ah. No, I'm not the bucket.
Yeah, but if I hit you enough
you might tell me where the bucket is.
The bucket's behind you. Thank you.
Yes, you got one in the bucket. Oh-ho-ho.
OK.
Sounded like it hit the bucket.
Duck, I knew there was a duck.
Ah, yes. Oh, my God, I am a genius.
Do you want me to start the massage? I'm using this.
OK, sure.
Well, what do you mean? Could I have said no?
Yes. OK, no, then. OK.
Ooh, ooh.
All the way down?
Yes, please.
Could I have it in my hand?
Ah.
Because I might be able to do bricks.
See.
Taskmaster has been more erotic than I expected it to be.
A lot of people say that. Yeah.
Ooh... Ooh.
Is that all right?
Yeah, it feels great. Yeah.
What are you doing? Ah.
Are you ready, Mo? Yeah.
That was incredible. You want more of that?
Do that one more time.
Can I grab this?
You can do whatever you want.
That is so shit.
Forget about the painting.
That made my day, man.
Was there a zebra? A zebra.
If you get a ball in a bucket I'll show you.
OK. Ten seconds.
WHISTLE
So I think I'm just gonna have to start throwing it and there we go.
And there's the sky.
WHISTLE
Wow.
Cow, cone, clouds, done.
Ooh, that...that's... Oooh!
Ooh-ho-ho!
Again? Yeah.
Aargh!
Cor that's good, isn't it? Yeah.
Oh, yet again, Mo, you've managed to eclipse the...the actual task
that's going on because all I can think about is the joy on your face.
Tears rolling down.
And actual tears rolling down.
I don't think at any point I saw you painting.
Yeah, he didn't.
After one of those massages, there was no more painting.
It was just... That was it. He threw it, he got in it,
looked at the picture, had another massage.
This is the picture Mo was trying to recreate.
And this is Mo's attempt.
He gave up at that point, yeah.
We can see them side by side.
And that is a cone on the cow's head, by the way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rebecca, you do a bit of painting anyway
so I'm expecting big things from you.
Yeah, OK. Well, here is Rebecca's painting.
Yeah, very good. I like the colours.
I should say Mo's is better because he didn't use the mirror.
He just sort of looked up.
Well, art is very subjective, isn't it?
So it depends on what you think better is. It is.
Mine's more emotional. Yours had a Knob on the side of the house.
What is that? What is that?
Well, do you want to see Carol Vorderman's picture?
I had high hopes for Carol, before you show it,
because you actually started using the massage things as tools.
And I thought this is a specialist we're talking about here. Yes.
Then you appeared to go absolutely mental at the end
and just start throwing paint at the canvas.
OK, bear in mind she was very good at counting the dots,
this is what she did.
It's genuinely beautiful. It is beautiful. Yeah, I'll buy that.
I don't mind it as a painting. Yeah, it's amazing.
Yeah, it's pretty good. It's conceptual.
Nah, it's shit.
Let's have a look at Amelia's beautiful picture.
OK, here it is. Aw. Yeah, very good.
She's labelled it rather than drawn the things.
Words are more powerful than...images.
There is Greg's one there. Aw.
And bear in mind he was holding it and looking directly at it.
OK. Don't stick the boot in.
I think I'm gonna have to do this by squinting
and seeing what the closest recreation genuinely is.
Can I see them all? All five, here we go.
Well, it's not hard to give one point out,
is it, Carol?
You're not squinting hard enough.
OK, one point to Carol Vorderman. Yes.
Two points, even when I squint I can see those are words, Amelia.
Ah, OK. Two to Amelia.
I'm gonna give Mo's, because it's monochrome only, the next one up.
Three points.
Let's be realistic, I can't give anyone five points for this.
It's an absolute crime against art.
But I will give Rebecca and Greg joint four points.
OK, joint second place, Rebecca and Greg with four points each.
OK. Time for a quick break.
Enough time for a relaxed number one
but only enough time for a rushed number two
and a severely lacking clean-up job.
Hello, and welcome back to our Taskmaster special.
One last one with these hooligans.
Yes, and finally to kick start the New Year
it's a stiff body fish food scramble.
SOME CHEERING
Good morning. Hello, Sir Mo.
It's a lovely day, isn't it?
Yeah, the sun's out.
Camera's out. All good.
Great day for a task. Yes.
Sorry, I'm jittery.
Is that water in there? No, OK.
No, it's a card.
Put the most carp pellets in the fish bowl.
Carp pellets?
Yeah, it's a combination of fish meal, wheat, soya. What are they?
You must not bend at the waist or the knees at any point.
You have 15 minutes.
Your time starts now.
Carp pellets?
Oh, that's bending at the waist, you see. Huh?
That would be bending at the waist.
APPLAUSE
Greg, when you were reminded not to bend at the waist,
it appears to me that you started
walking like a cartoon Frankenstein's monster.
I don't know why. The moment took me.
And I was actually buying time
cos I didn't know what the fuck carp pellets where.
Well, Amelia didn't even know what a carp was.
You thought carp was short for carpet.
Let's start with Mo Farah and Greg Jam...
Here we go.
Beware! The rooms are booby-trapped.
What does that mean?
I'll look it up for you if you want.
Hm, apparently harmless object containing a concealed
explosive device designed to detonate when someone touches it.
That'll be fun, won't it? OK, let's go.
Is that appropriate walking?
Lovely, no bending.
Booby-trapped.
Yeah, the rooms are booby-trapped.
The wrong way.
Ah!
Ah, here we g...
Be careful.
Ah.
OK... OK.
Yes.
APPLAUSE
Argh!
Yeah, all the rooms are booby trapped.
Oh.
The lab.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Another pulley.
Oh, it's a big one.
Whoo. Oh, I know that noise.
I found them.
Done.
Thank you, Sir Mo. You look very natural with your stiff legs.
You get used to it.
Mo, you find the concept of booby trapping intrinsically hilarious.
And when you were greeted by your first hazardous device,
you shouted, "Hello!"
Greg, I think that all of your failings were largely
because you chose to keep your arms straight.
I think, well, if my arms were stiff,
then everything else was gonna be stiff.
They did set off two of the booby traps.
But Greg got 23,292 pellets.
Thought so. Population of Antrim if you want to picture it.
County Antrim. That's why I did it.
Population of Amersham in Buckinghamshire for Mo,
that's even more - 24,546 pellets.
Yeah.
Good start. Very effective carp pellet work.
It was.
Now it's time to see Amelia and Carol. God.
Right, I'm gonna go inside first.
OK. OK. Watch those knees.
That's more like it. Thank you, Carol.
Sorry... Oh...
Argh!
No!
Holy cr... Oh, God.
That's a bad idea.
Right.
This is a fish bowl, isn't it?
Just no fish.
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Well, that's that done.
OK.
How do you get up places without...?
Argh!
Don't be so quick with everything.
Right, what booby trap is there...
..here?
Ah! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Good.
Oh, no!
You all right, Carol?
That's a swizz.
I need a shovelly thing.
You got your sledge? Where have you not looked?
Like, in the sky.
In the sky.
Oh, bollocks.
Oh, that's not bad.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Oh. That looks agonising.
Right, I'm gonna leave that.
About 45 seconds left.
40 seconds. 40 seconds?
Right.
Ten seconds.
Thank God for that.
WHISTLE Right, bye.Bye-bye.
See ya. See ya.
You were both quite surprised by the booby traps every time.
Apart from the one in the dome, which you were prepared for.
Well, some of mine didn't go off, apparently.
Yeah, you kind of got lucky, Amelia.
Or I just outsmarted them.
Carol, I requested a still picture of you.
I requested Carol's straight body lean.
Look at the angles.
Well, it worked for her, she got the population of Bathgate in West...
She looks a robot that's run out of power.
I am!
Tell me how bad Amelia did.
Amelia, very bad.
She got the population of Market Warsop in Nottinghamshire -
9,000 pellets. Not a lot.
Compared to 23,000 for Carol.
She was only 42 grams less than Greg. If you had managed
to get a few more in the lab you might have beaten him.
So you're in third place at the moment, Carol.
Just one part of this special left.
Join us back here soon to see if someone raises my eyebrows
and takes home a coffin for an insect.
Yeah, happy New Year!
Hello! Welcome back to the final part of the show.
I feel like I'm only just getting to know them all, Alex.
Yes, and that should make them nice and easy to forget.
But there's a tricksy fish pellet task that still needs completing.
And it needs completing by someone
who really knows how to seize the day.
Yes, carp...diem.
GROANING
It's Rebecca Lucy Taylor.
Argh! Fuck!
Lovely.
I'm going this way.
Are you going back in there?
I'm gonna...gonna... I'm gonna brush 'em up.
OK.
OK, I'm gonna move on.
Can I go in here, then? Yeah.
Argh!
Sorry.
How am I getting down here, then?
It landed the right way up, didn't it?
Have you got to get on the floor without bending?
Without hurting yourself. Oh, God.
My knee's going now.
Really brief though, brief bend.
Yeah, I didn't... I didn't see a bend.
Fucking hell.
Was this a stupid idea?
I wouldn't always travel like that.
Right.
Ooh, OK...
OK.
TRIUMPHANT LAUGHTER
Yes! Fuck you, Greg James.
I have won there, surely.
You went under the tripwire.
Well, it's Mission Impossible.
45 seconds left.
Ah. They stink as well.
WHISTLE Yes, they do.
Thank you.
I'm worried about what this is gonna do to my career.
Yeah.
Well, I was worried about your career
when you were just the weird jerky clockwork lady
who kept shouting, "Fuck!"
But then the system really kicked in.
I got very competitive.
The thing is you never see your own arse from any other angle,
really, than the one you choose to see it from.
And? This is like exposure therapy.
Looked all right. Looked all right.
She managed to get a lot of pellets in the bowl.
She got the population of Falmouth in Cornwall.
Mo's was 24,546.
Rebecca's 24,038. You're in second place.
AUDIENCE: Aw!
But five points to Mo Farah.
CHEERING
I'll just summarise that.
Five to Mo, four to Rebecca, three to Greg,
two to Carol and just one to Amelia Dimoldenberg.
Great.
A quick look at the scores.
Yes, Greg. Unfortunately, Amelia,
you're the only one still in single figures.
Sir Mo Farah is in the lead with 15 now.
Please head up to the stage for the final task of the show.
CHEERING
Hello, you lovely little nerds.
Who will be reading the task out, please?
I'd like Carol Vorderman to read out the task, please.
Vorders.
OK, let's see what horrors...
Oh.
Right.
Obey Greg's instructions.
You must only obey the instructions which start with "Greg says".
Greg says the person who obeys Greg's instructions best wins.
It's basically Simon Says.
No, I think we're the first people to come up with this idea.
So you have to only obey
the instructions that start with "Greg says".
Your coats have pockets indicated by those red markings.
You also have a bum bag which is red.
On your table you have a rocket, a locket, a sock, a humbug
and a plum flag.
Everyone ready?
Yeah. I think so.
Here we go.
Greg says put the sock in your right pocket.
Greg says put the rocket in your left pocket.
Greg says put the locket in your inside pocket.
Now move the rocket to your right pocket.
Greg says... Oh, fuck.
..put the humbug in your bum bag.
Greg says put the rocket in your bum bag.
Greg says put the sock in your lower pocket.
Hang on.
Greg says put the humbug in your inside pocket.
Fuck, give us a minute.
Now swap the sock and the locket and move the rocket...
Hang on, hang on. ..to your left pocket.
Where's the humbug?
Greg says swap the plum flag and the humbug.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Greg says swap the locket and the rocket.
Greg says put the sock in the bum bag.
Where's the sock? Greg says put the humbug in your lower pocket.
I found the humbug!
Greg says split the contents of your inside pocket with the lower pocket.
Greg says move the rocket to your left pocket. And Greg...
Shut up for a minute.
And Greg says swap the humbug with the locket.
And finally, the big one, put the rocket in your inside pocket.
No. WHISTLE
APPLAUSE
On the count of three,
please show me the contents of your right pocket.
One, two, three.
It should be empty.
They've all got it right. Wow.
Let's put our hands in our left pockets
and on the count of three let's reveal... One, two, three.
A rocket. Oh, for...
We have three correct people.
Amelia, Carol and Mo have got it right.
Where's the rocket gone?
Let's have a look at your lower pocket now,
that's the one down here. And on the count of three,
one, two, three, we should have nothing at all.
Argh! Sorry.
Correct. Incorrect. Incorrect.
Did you have anything, Mo? No. You got it right.
APPLAUSE
I knew it.
Did you get it right? No.
Let's go to our inside pocket and see what we have.
One two, three,
a locket. Aw.
Well done, Mo. Well done, Rebecca.
APPLAUSE
And finally let's open up our bum bags.
What have we got? This is the big one.
You should have a plum flag, a sock and a humbug.
Oh, I lost the wrapper but.
Amelia's got them exactly right. Oh, I also have a locket though.
Nearly exactly right.
Carol has got the sock,
so has Greg, so has Mo and so has Rebecca Lucy Taylor,
but you've also got a rocket.
So that's it, Greg.
We'll add those up. We'll add them to your final scores.
Come back down and join me.
APPLAUSE
That was exciting, wasn't it? I loved it. Good.
I can tell you that Greg James only got one item in the correct pocket.
AUDIENCE: Aw.
He came last and gets one point. Bad.
Two people came joint third.
And those were Rebecca and Carol,
who had two things in the right pockets.
Three points each because in joint first, five points,
they got four items correct,
Amelia and Mo.
CHEERING
Yes.
Well done.
And it is a quite incredible scoreboard at the end.
There is no-one in last place. Oh.
There's no-one in fourth place. What?
There's no-one in third place.
How?
Four people have the same score.
Aw, that's nice.
And those people are Amelia, Carol, Greg
and Rebecca.
CHEERING
Which means Sir Mo Farah wins our special.
CHEERING
Please head up to the stage...
Mobot! Mobot!
Yeah!
Please head up to the stage to pick up your prizes
and be triumphant in your trophy.
Have a great year and join us soon for another series.
But for now it's our Special Treat winner, please, Sir Mo Farah.
CHEERING
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
Whoooo!