No, Markl.
You're aiming it wrong.
"Pu shey, pu shey", my foot!
Me.
I'm leaving, I'm tired of this.
MAAAAAARKL!
[Symmetry is fundamental.]
Good evening, I'm Vasco Palmeirim. Welcome to Taskmaster.
Each week, a quintet of wonderful people
with a spotless criminal record... at least until now,
are going to show how they fared through my tasks.
And...
assisting me in my role of Taskmaster,
a man I fully trust.
I've known him for 15 years,
during which I've hugged him, I've insulted him, and gosh darn it!
I've even let him borrow my underwear.
Ladies and Gentlemen... Nuno Markl!
Thank you.
I forgot to return them.
-There's no need now. -I have never returned them.
I lent them but they're yours now. I don't want them back.
-Thanks, thanks. -Nuno,
let me ask, how are you doing?
I'm fine, Vasco, I'm fine.
I've just filled the bathtub in my dressing room with batter
made with flour and eggs. Then I got in, and I was thinking of
going outside, catching some sunlight, and half an hour later,
I expected to feel what a nugget feels.
OK.
Unfortunately, it got late, the show was starting soon,
so, I got dressed and came here instead.
OK.
My role as Taskmaster is to create beautiful tasks.
Some quaint tasks, so that our five contestants
can put them to practice, in a relaxed and stress-free environment.
Who are our contestants then?
A very talented woman,
who said that, even today, when she auditions for a role,
she sweats from the palms, and also from her upper lip.
I now understand how, in the audition for Taskmaster,
she "gave a moustache" to her competitors. [idiom: beat the competition]
It's Inês Aires Pereira!
It's true.
Next to Inês is a very talented man,
who, at the age of five, accidentally drank petrol.
On the bright side, he is now a very healthy lad,
The downside is that that petrol
would now be worth €3,500.
It's Gilmário Vemba!
Next to Gilmário, a very talented woman,
who says that one of the most relaxing things
is taking a long bath at the end of the day.
Of course, after becoming a mother, a "long bath"
is a 37-second shower, interrupted abruptly by her kid, who wants to poo.
It's Jessica Athayde!
Next to Jessica, a talented man with a lot of history.
Started smoking at 9, quit by 13,
got married at 17,
and retired at 21!
-Which means-- -All true!
his entire music career was due to the "New Opportunities" education programme.
It's Toy!
Every week, our quintet is completed by a guest,
who is a bit out of place. Someone who fulfills the requirements
to belong to our group of "weird" people.
Today,
we have a man who toured the country
with a group of 6 musicians, on stage,
and now tours with his own voice and a guitar alone.
I asked if that was a homage to his Brazilian influences, to which he replied,
"No, no, I was just tired of splitting the cash with 6 apes."
It's António Zambujo!
There's some truth in that.
It's funny because it's true.
Our first task, as always, is a prize task.
Every contestant is summoned, by me, your Taskmaster,
to bring something which meets specific criteria.
Then, the Taskmaster here,
based on whichever thing pleases me the most,
will hand out points to each one, and at the end of the show,
and that's the best part,
at the end the winner takes all the prizes home.
Nuno, I ask, what did they have to bring today,
from their homes, to Taskmaster?
Vasco, today, they had to bring something from their homes
that had previously been in someone else's home.
May I perhaps request you clarify the task, dear Nuno?
Of course, dear Vasco.
We asked for the best thing they've stolen from someone's house,
or that they borrowed and never returned, the bastards!
Inês Aires Pereira, let me start with you.
What have you stolen or borrowed from someone and never returned?
I stole, from my parent's house,
a stool which my nephews used to go to the bathroom with.
A stool?
A stool. But I had heard that the best position to poo,
is meant to be a bit more like this, right?
Correct. I can confirm.
So, then...
Everyone recommended having a stool to poo, so I...
-I stole it from my mother. -OK. Let me just clarify--
It changed my life.
You shouldn't poo on the stool. The stool is to put your feet...
-Yes, yes. -Just to clarify.
You should put your feet on top.
-But hey, in an emergency... -You never know.
Gilmário Vemba, what did you bring?
I took this by mistake...
but since I had already sworn on my honour,
that I hadn't taken it,
a few weeks later, I found it in my jacket's pocket,
but I kept that to myself, since the problem had been solved.
Car keys.
-Car keys. -Yes...
the owner still only has the one spare key,
which he can't lose.
And I have this one, stored at my place.
In case your friend needs it, you never know.
No, even if he needs it, he will need to go somewhere else.
Because this key... The thing is,
if I tell him I have the key, our friendship is over.
You know he might be watching this, you know.
-He scolded his wife... -OK...
He scolded his children, right...
He stopped speaking to his brother until now
because of this key...
So, there's no point in me...
-Alright, OK. Thank you, Gilmário. -Until this day...
Jessica what did you nick from someone's home?
I didn't nick anything, unlike Inês,
I was trying some earrings during a dinner party, at a friend's house.
-I kept them on. -Yes.
After a while, I was at another dinner party with her,
and wore the earrings to it, and she said,
"That's funny! I had some earrings just like those,"
"that were gifted by my boyfriend..."
"but I've lost them." And I was like,
-"Oh, really?" -"What a coincidence!"
"What a coincidence!"
Shocking revelations.
Wait, wait... to be fair, we are no longer friends,
so I don't give a shit if she watches this show.
Perfect.
Just imagine her friend watching this:
"What a bitch!"
For sure. She'll probably say worse.
Toy, what did you pilfer from someone else's house?
It's a football sticker album...
from the 1966 World Cup.
It's a huge relic. And I said,
"I'm friends with Eusébio, so I'm taking this to show it to him."
Until today.
Zambas, what did you bring? [Nickname for Zambujo]
Went to a friend's dinner party,
and there were several of us there,
and the house owner's wallet looked just like mine.
Yes.
-A coin case. -Yes.
And I took it when I left, thinking it was mine,
and he then had to cancel and renew all his cards.
Have you had the courage to tell him, when you found out?
I almost didn't, but I did end up telling him.
Are you still friends?
-Yes, we are. -Alright.
A round of applause for António Zambujo.
Gilmário, your friend had a spare key. One point for you.
Yes, but he didn't have a spare brother.
A spare key, yes. A spare brother, no.
-Inês-- -Right after one?
The stool may be missed, but there are other things you can use.
Inês gets two.
Toy's sticker album gets three.
Jessica gets four and, because his friend had to cancel everything,
by calling the banks, Citizen Shop, [public services office]
António Zambujo gets the five points.
That's how Taskmaster starts today.
And let's go right away to the first task that you did
without knowing how the others did it.
Oh, this is so wonderful.
What is our next task then, Nuno?
You know when you are in a foreign country,
and suddenly you need some information because you don't know where you are,
and you go to someone, thinking they might be able to help you,
and then you realise that person doesn't even speak English,
and that you're still completely lost, and think your life is over?
-Yes. -It's awful, isn't it?
Yes, Nuno, it's extremely awful.
Well, yes, but in Taskmaster, what can seem awful,
may be the starting point of something...
*✧· ...magical! ·✧*
Woah. I'm not alone.
Alright?
-Hello. -Ni hao.
-"Ni hao"? -Do you speak Portuguese?
-Huh? -Ni hao.
So you don't understand anything I'm saying?
Maybe you do, but you're pretending you don't.
This task... we're not supposed to speak Mandarin, are we?
"Find out the following information about this person of Chinese origin."
"The person of Chinese origin may only reply in their native language."
"Fastest and most accurate in gathering information wins."
So, I need to get this info. Time starts...
-...now. -That's it, yes.
-My god. -Do I need a pen?
Nuno, what kind of information did my friends need to find out,
knowing that this young woman of Chinese origin,
would never, and this is very important,
would never reply in Portuguese?
They had to find out her date of birth,
her father's job, her biggest fear,
her favourite dish, and the players also had to find out
how this young Chinese woman would describe them.
Lucky for you, I didn't include her VAT number. Lucky for you.
So, it was as simple as that. Who are we starting with, Nuno?
Well, we'll start with Jessica and Toy, a pair I like to call...
"Toy-ssica".
I.
Whaah.
Vwoo.
Ten.
Of two. [February]
Sixty-three.
♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪
And you?
[15 December 2003] [speaking Chinese]
OK.
The day, the day?
-[speaking Chinese] -Fifteen?
-[speaking Chinese] -15th of...?
[speaking Chinese]
-Ah, of 12 [December]? -[speaking Chinese]
15th of December of...?
[speaking Chinese]
Ah, 2003! You were born on the 15th of December 2003.
You father's job?
[Businessman] [speaking Chinese]
My father.
Was.
A tailor.
Daddy...
Hmm.
♪ Hmm hmm hmm. ♪
And yours?
[speaking Chinese]
-Banker? -[speaking Chinese]
-Finance? -[speaking Chinese]
-[Imitating] "Shan"... -...rén.
-[Imitating] "Shan gen". -Shāngrén.
-Accountant? -[speaking Chinese]
[Imitating] -"Shan geng".
-Works in a casino? -Bùshì.
"Pu shey, pu shey", my foot! "Pu shey"...
I've pulled, but I can't pull any info from you. [Wordplay with "puxei", Portuguese for "pulled"]
So he does what? Stock market?
Hum...
-More or less? -[speaking Chinese]
Stock market it is, there.
What is your fear?
[Cats] Māo.
-"Mau"? -"Mau"?
I'm bad sometimes, but just sometimes. ["Mau" is Portuguese for "bad"]
I.
Am afraid.
Of this.
-Oh, it's an animal what you're afraid of? -[speaking Chinese]
-Is it a domestic animal? -[speaking Chinese]
-Cat? -[speaking Chinese]
My dish.
To eat.
Is... [Chicken noises]
[Clicking noises]
Yummy!
[Codfish] Xuěyú.
Her favourite dish is "shoelho". [wordplay with "coelho", Portuguese for "rabbit"].
-[Imitating] "Shoo eh yoo"...? -Xuěyú.
How do you describe me?
You.
Hmm.
Me.
[speaking Chinese]
I am... "yo rah"?
Is that your last answer?
Thank you.
This task was great!
Great!
I understood it all wrong!
-Am I... -Correct, Jessica.
Am I the only one that thinks Jessica Athayde exited that room,
knowing even less... than when she came in?
I've just realised I did it all wrong.
Really, all wrong?
Jessica, the goal was for you to learn that info...
...in Portuguese!
She was replying and I thought that was it, that was the task,
-I wasn't suppos- -We did learn one thing about you:
that you're afraid of bronze sculptures.
And that Jessica defines her father like this:
Father.
I noticed it as well, I noticed.
Damn.
Next to Jessica, we've had someone who, note,
-went for mime the whole time. -Indeed.
I highlight the 'favourite dish' bit.
[Chicken noises] OK?
I highlight another one I also loved, that was:
"My father."
"Was a tailor."
"A tailor".
And, note, my all-time favourite, Toy, which is:
"I."
"Whaah."
"Vwoo."
Who are the next ones to try and dig up information about our friend?
Next up, Vasco, we have Inês.
And Gilmário.
-Let's see it. -Let's see it.
Date of birth?
Vwoo, whaah, whaah.
[speaking Chinese]
One? Two?
[speaking Chinese]
Oh, my God.
You know our relations with China are very good, right? Angola and China.
Our President even just went there to ask for more money,
and I think this should help to contribute to the proximity of our relationship.
Just one thing, Inês.
Helena here understands Portuguese.
-"Bùshì" is "no"? -Shì de.
OK, "Bùshì" is "no".
"Shì de" is "yes".
I'm sorry.
[speaking Chinese]
-Fifteen? -Shì de.
...nine, ten, eleven, twelve,
-...thirteen, fourteen, fifteen... -Shì de.
Fifteen!
Month?
You know, January is 1, February is 2...
Yī'èr.
"Shi are"?
-October? -Bùshì.
-Twelve? -Shì de.
-November? -Bùshì. -December? -Shì de.
F*ck, it had to be the last one.
1989?
-More? -Shì de.
-2000s? -Shì de. -OK, f...
Woah, she's a millenial.
-2001? -Bùshì. -2002? -Bùshì.
-2003? -Shì de.
Darn.
Two thousand and...
-...three? -Shì de.
[imitating] -"Shi ra".
Your father's job?
Physical work?
Arts?
Mental work?
-Sports? -Bùshì.
-Politician? -Bùshì.
-Wears a suit or...? -Bùshì.
-...dresses as he wants? -Shì de.
-Uses his head? -Shì de.
-Thinks a lot? -Shì de.
Oi, I don't know which is Bùshì and which is Shì de anymore.
-Is he a businessman? -Shì de.
Company manager.
What is your biggest fear?
[Cats] Māo.
Darn, if it's bad... ["Mau" is Portuguese for "bad".]
-Is it something physical? -Shì de.
-Loud noises? -Bùshì.
WHOA!
-"Shi ra", "shi ra"....
-Cats? -Shì de.
AH, ME TOO!
It's my biggest fear, it's a phobia!
I didn't say it right away, because I thought no-one else has it.
Favourite dish?
Is it Italian food?
-Bùshì.
[Codfish] Xuěyú.
[Imitating] "Shoo"...
-Chinese food? -Bùshì.
That's a "no", right?
Is it... a meat dish?
Bùshì.
-Mexican? -Bùshì.
-Indian? -Bùshì.
-Is it made with leaves? -Bùshì.
-Pasta? -Bùshì.
-Portuguese? -Shì de.
-Fish? -Shì de.
-Codfish? -Shì de.
♪ I want to taste your codfish, Maria! ♪ [famous Portuguese song]
How would you describe me?
[speaking Chinese]
-Am I funny? -[speaking Chinese]
Nice?
-Handsome? -Bùshì.
-Sexy? -Bùshì.
-Pretty? -Shì de.
Yeah? Pretty...
[speaking Chinese]
Funny?
Bùshì.
-With a good sense of humour? -Bùshì.
Funny, no?
-Shì de. -Funny...
Xièxiè. ["Thank you" in Chinese]
Thank you.
And sorry.
Inês, explain to me your laughing attack
when this gentleman came out and said:
"Actually, she understands Portuguese."
I made a point to emphasise her name, it's Helena.
-Helena. -Yes.
-Helena. -That Chinese-sounding name.
That was because I was mimicking.
It's a shame you stopped, it was going so well, wasn't it?
I was... I was enjoying it a lot.
And I thought several times: "Should I intervene?" and then thought:
-"Nah". -Nah, let her suffer.
But it came to a point...
This task was a lot of fun for me,
-I had so much fun. -I could tell. There were tears of laughter.
I highlight the moment Inês suddenly finds out
that Helena shares her same fear, and it went:
"OH MY GOD, ME TOO! I'M AFRAID OF CATS!"
And she also likes codfish, which is also one of my favourite...
I know, and I think you two, in there for a couple of hours,
with just a "Bùshì" and a "Shì de",
you'd go far, and would become friends for life.
Now, Gilmário Vemba.
Gilmário tried to suck up to Helena,
by mentioning the political and economical relationship between Angola and China.
But when that didn't work,
he tried to kill Helena, giving her the biggest fright she'd ever had.
Helena and myself, damnit!
Man, you guys have been living in peaceful times for too long,
because my scream almost made the cameramen run away scared.
I went "AI!", and everyone just went "HEY!".
Hey, hey, hey.
But you still got a lot of info out of Helena, didn't you?
Yeah, I think my Mandarin wasn't too bad.
-No, no. -"Shi ra".
All that's left is to watch our guest's conversation, right, Nuno?
Indeed, and it must be said that we didn't have mimickry,
we didn't have laughing attacks, we didn't have a discussion
about the social-political dynamic between two countries...
No, no, no, of course not, and you know why?
Because Zambas doesn't mime, Zambas doesn't laugh,
and Zambas is saving the social-political analysis
for when he runs for President of the Parish Council of Cabeça Gorda, in Beja. [where Zambujo is from]
Indeed, indeed. So...
let's watch a... simpler approach
and above all, a more technological one, by António Zambujo. Let's see.
-Hello. -Ni hao.
I'm António.
[speaking Chinese]
When were you born?
[speaking Chinese]
You were born in 2003. Your father is...
[Businessman] Shāngrén.
Businessman.
-You bastard. -I was allowed do that.
What's your biggest fear?
[Cats] A cat?
-You're afraid of cats? -Shì de.
What's your favourite dish?
[Codfish] Xuěyú.
Codfish.
How would you describe me?
No insults.
Hmmm...
I think you're very pretty.
[speaking Chinese]
"Look"...?
Bùshì.
Good-looking?
Shì de.
Thank you.
Apparently, to Asian people, I'm good-looking.
Done.
Thank you.
I have to ask...
to the four of you - not you, Zambas - but the four players...
If right now, you want to applaud Zambujo for his idea...
or rather, do you want to physically hit him?
-I, I applaud him. -Oh, he's angry. -I applaud as well.
-I applaud... -Nah, I'd hit him for sure.
You would? Gilmário wants to hit him.
Inês?
-No, I don't want to hit him. -You don't, no?
-Was it a good idea? -Yeah.
If you had thought up of it, would you have done it?
-I mean, but of course-- -No, no fun in that...
but we weren't allowed our mobile phones!
-Exactly! -Exactly!
-I had to leave my phone behind. -Me too.
-I couldn't have it with me. -Me too.
But for the guests, it's always the same shit.
-I asked... -For next season, I want to be a guest.
Then I'll show you.
Nuno, we have to give points and I need you to tell me things.
-We have to, yes. -Let's start with Jessica.
What did Jessica find out?
Well, Jessica... she might have found out about the meaning of life,
but when it comes...
but when it comes to Helena,
I'd say Jessica didn't find out shit.
OK, very well.
-So, Jessica has one point. -One point.
Very well. What about Toy?
Well, Toy managed to get some information
- veeeeery liiiittle! -
in 8 minutes and 40 seconds, but, but he missed a lot.
-He did, he missed a few things... -What did I miss?
...but you got, you got some things, just not everything.
Two points for Toy.
Next, Gilmário Vemba.
Now, Gilmário "Jump-Scare" Vemba...
he found out everything that was needed, and took 23 minutes to get it.
23 minutes, 14 of which were spent solely on finding out Helena's date of birth.
OK, OK. But he did get everything, right?
-He did, he did. -He got everything, 3 points to Gilmário.
Now, António "Nokia" Zambujo got...
He got...
he got almost all the information you wanted...
-Yes? -In...
-...10 minutes and 30 seconds. -OK.
Only Helena's exact date of birth was missing.
-He only got the year, right? -He only got the year.
-OK. -Only the year.
Inês, with no phone, no apps, but with an extreme fear of cats,
got all the information in 10 minutes and 20 seconds.
Before I officially award the points...
Oh, Zambas...
Zambas, Zambas, we know each other so well, Zambas.
You know I wanted more from you.
-Gilmário got everything, right? -Gilmário got everything, yes.
-And Zambas missed the full birth date. -Indeed.
Then, we'll make a switch.
-I'll give 4 points to Gilmário. -Thank you.
I'll give Zambas 3,
2 to Toy, 1 to Jessica and 5 points to Inês Aires Pereira.
-YEAH! -And that's how it goes.
So, Nuno, at this point, how are we in terms of total scores?
Let's see, right now, António Zambujo is in the lead with 8 points,
followed by Inês with 7, and then, tied with 5,
we have Toy, Jessica and Gilmário.
A round of applause for our five contestants!
Next, we have an important message, to announce on this show.
-Right, Nuno? -Right, the message is...
Eat fruit.
Fruit is good for you.
When I see these goggles...
Oooh, diving goggles.
This is violence.
Things must be about to get dangerous.
It's about to get messy.
You never know...
Sometimes the problem starts right here.
Firmly.
"There's a watermelon in the lab."
"Eat as much watermelon as possible."
"You have 1 minute."
"Your time starts when you open the door to the lab."
I can't...
Let's go.
Let's go to the lab.
Let's see the size of the watermelon.
All of you guys like watermelon, don't you?
I'm starving, even. Oh God.
Thank goodness.
OK, so, the idea is to eat a watermelon.
To eat a watermelon in under a minute.
Do you remember saying earlier that,
this segment has a message?
Yes, the message is: "eating fruit is good for you".
Actually, we have one more message.
What message is that?
It's this one:
[makes aggressive eating noises]
Got it.
Let's watch how Inês and Zambujo fared.
I started the time.
-Already? -Yes.
It's only one minute.
Do you have a knife?
No.
If I do go grab one, I won't have any time left!
Correct.
I'm not a messy person.
Her face!
I now understand why I'm dressed like this.
Do you want some?
I can't breathe.
It's almost over...
and...
The watermelon isn't bad.
Are you going to eat that?
It was a pleasure.
I think I'm getting sick.
Time?
Zambas, I was expecting something more animalistic.
-Something more [roars]. -I'm not like that, you know.
-No? -I was never...
I've never been able to be, like... a brute person...
Yeah, me neither.
We'll get there, Aires Pereira, we'll get there.
I'll get to you.
Eating too much, or necking drinks,
I've never been into--
-No? -...those things, no.
It was all very methodical, right?
I'm a delicate person, Vasco.
You know me, you should know that.
Inês, have you been having pregnancy cravings?
-Uhm, sometimes... -Like what, for example?
-Is watermelon one of them? -No.
No.
The moment you threw the watermelon onto the floor.
You know what it reminded me of?
When Dr. Frankenstein creates the monster,
[laughs maniacally]
I... I...
I'm often frightened by our contestants,
and this was one of those times.
It actually reminded me of that saying...
"Tell me how you bust a watermelon, and I'll tell you who you are."
-Yes. -I was so happy when it burst open,
I wasn't sure if it would work.
I will ask you the same question I asked Zambujo,
Are you a bit more animalistic when needed?
No, I'm very delicate.
As you can see...
Of course.
Results! Zambas and Inês.
Zambujo's watermelon weighed 4.445 kilograms.
The final weight of the watermelon was 4.325 kilograms.
Which means Antonio Zambujo ate 120 grams of watermelon.
-That's not bad. -And Inês?
Inês... her watermelon weighed 4.072 kilograms.
The final weight was 3.590 kilograms.
Which means that...
Say it!
Inês ate 482 grams?
482 grams.
-She ate almost half a kilogram. -Here it is.
I'm not sure if I'm prepared
for more wild attempts of people eating a watermelon.
"Wild attempts"...?
Ah, no, it's not Toy's turn, yet.
No, no, it's not Toy's turn, yet.
No, no, it's not. It's not.
Who are we going to see next, then?
Now, we're going to watch Jessica and Gilmário
with two very distinct approaches, I'd say,
and two very distinct results as well.
I would call them "the Beauty and the Beast".
Pardon me, Nuno,
You're being unpleasant towards Gilmário.
To Gilmário and Jessica because they are both the Monster.
-The Beauty is the watermelon. -Oh, right.
One minute.
Can you tell me... Like...
Tell me the time every 30 seconds.
I'm so dumb...
This could have been done in a much better way.
Is it good?
Are you enjoying it?
How much time do I have left?
Zero. It's over.
It's not possible...
There it goes.
I thought it would be easier.
I'm going to finish anyway, screw you.
Making a watermelon smoothie.
Gilmário Vemba.
You thought it'd be easier, you said.
What were you expecting?
-And how did it differ? -Here's the thing.
You know those YouTube videos you run into late at night by mistake,
of people eating watermelons like this.
Actually, I run into other things on the internet,
-but maybe it's just me... -That's really specific.
Well, I watch them.
So, I saw people eating a watermelon like so,
and that's it.
I thought it would be the same.
I went like this and the watermelon didn't obey.
So... it's the watermelon's fault, right?
No, it wasn't the right watermelon I don't think.
There are better types. You should've given me a fast one.
Jessica misunderstand the task.
-No, I didn't. -Because she should have--
The task was, "Eat the watermelon", but Jessica read it as:
make a watermelon gazpacho.
I was amazed, looking at the way you used that magic wand
-on the watermelon. -But... but, the technique was sound.
I was looking foward to a smoothie at the end.
The technique would have been sound if you had an hour and a half to do it,
-But you only had, just... just 1 minute. -Yes, that was the problem.
What was Gilmário's watermelon's initial weight?
The watermelon weighed 4.483 kilograms.
And ended up with...
The final weight was 4.153 kilograms
which means Gilmário ate 330 grams.
330.
Tell me about Jessica's initial and final weight.
She started with 4.970 kilograms, and end up with 4.970 kilograms.
Jessica ate zero grams.
It's not going very well, it's not going very well.
We must do this.
It's time to watch Toy's task.
Vasco, I wouldn't really call it a task.
I got the feeling Toy wanted to give us a self-defence class,
just in case...
just in case we are attacked by a raging watermelon, in a dark alley.
What's up!
How you doing? Everything OK? Has it started? It did?
That's great.
Eating is eating, talking is talking.
Those are two separate things.
It's over.
Let me just say that while we were watching,
I was worried that Inês would give birth right here.
-That was amazing. -All good, Inês?
-Yes... -All in order.
I'll just take this time to speak to all the watermelons watching this,
Good evening to the Portuguese watermelon community.
My message is simple: If you see Toy on the street,
RUN!
You want to know the initial and final weight, right?
How many grams you ate?
I ate it all, I think.
-Let's see, then. Markl. -Very well.
How much did Toy's watermelon weigh?
It's initial weight was 4.249 kilograms.
-He ended up with how much? -He ended up with 3.662 kilograms.
Which means, Toy ate...
-587 grams... -Over half a kilogram!
-of a watermelon. -More than half a kilogram!
Just because of that, you should eat another one.
Jessica gets one point,
for her zero grams.
Once again, Jessica has more points here,
-than the ones she got on the task. -Correct.
António Zambujo ate 120 grams, which equals 2 points,
Gilmário, 330 grams, which equals 3 points,
Inês, with 480 grams, gets 4 points,
And Toy, a force of nature...
587 ruthless grams of watermelon,
-5 points! -...gets 5 points.
"How you doing? Everything OK?"
Lets add the points of this task to the global scores.
Markl, who is leading Taskmaster?
Inês takes the lead with 11 points,
followed by António Zambujo with 10, and Toy also with 10,
then, Gilmário, with 8 points,
and 6 points to Jessica.
Let's just say thanks to Jessica's friend's earrings for her 6 points.
As you might have realised, the tasks at my house were recorded individually.
Contestants were made to sign a contract
and they couldn't reveal anything, anything, anything
about how they completed the tasks, so the surprise here would be bigger.
The Taskmaster appreciates your secrecy and silence.
Nevertheless, the Taskmaster also appreciates other things,
Like chicken curry, visits to the Bingo hall...
and tasks done simultaneously by everyone.
Where? Here. In the studio.
As unfortunately I can't have the first two options,
guys, move your butt cheeks. Let's go to the first studio task!
Right here, right now. Let's go.
Let's go!
Nuno!
Hi! Everyone is up there.
Our... I'm going to include you as well, our magnificent 6.
-Appreciated, Vasco. -No worries, by all means.
In this studio task, who is going to read the envelope?
It's going to be our guest, António Zambujo.
So, Zambas will open the envelope.
"Unravel the whole roll of sticky tape,"
"put the unravelled sticky tape in your lunchbox, and close your lunchbox."
"Fastest wins."
It's simple.
Wait a moment.
-Can I take off my jacket? -Should we start now?
You can take it off, Toy.
-It's up to you, Nuno! -Let's start. One, two, three!
And now what? Now it's the worst part.
That's the hardest part, isn't it?
Inês is using her teeth.
Toy's approach is very good!
This isn't fair!
Guys, the sticky tape needs to go in the lunchbox.
We know, we know.
Distinct approaches. Distinct approaches.
Gilmário, Gilmário has completed the task!
Okay.
Inês Aires Pereira is... trying to finish the task.
Inês in second place.
Shit!
Jessica!
Put the hand in, just put the hand in.
I have finished my task!
Help me to get this off! Help me, help me.
We might have to chop Jessica's hand off.
Wait a second, wait!
Wait, wait!
Wait, I can't...
There you go!
-I need to help our guest, otherwise... -Of course.
Jessica, you still have the tape...
What just happened was that Gilmário finished in first place.
I'm going to check if they all did it properly.
Indeed, all the tape is in here.
Let me just ask: Jessica, what are you going to do?
I'm going to split my hand in half, so I can have two.
This means Gilmário Vemba gets 5 points in the studio task.
Well done, Gilmário!
Now that Jessica regained her finger mobility,
how is the score, Nuno Markl?
-BAHH! -Gilmário jumps to the lead,
-Darn it. -...with 13 points!
Inês with 11.
-By a matter of seconds. -Toy with 10,
António Zambujo also with 10,
-and Jessica Athayde with 6 points. -6 little points.
A round of applause to our magnificent 5!
Nuno, next task.
Explain to us what's going to happen now.
Well, uhm... before starting the task,
I'd like to ask a question to the people that, uhm...
...watch us.
Have you ever imagined Vincent van Gogh
at the Campo Grande racecourse?
I've imagined that before.
Very well. The Taskmaster imagines...
..."the work is born." [Fernando Pessoa quote]
Hay? Don't tell me I will have to eat this.
I don't like this idea very much.
Nothing would surprise me anymore.
A farm... Some animals...
Animal poo...
Oof, this is full of shit...
What!?
"Paint the best painting of a horse"...
..."whilst riding a horse"?
Wha-?
I've never ridden a horse in my life.
That's the challenge?
I can't!
Where's the horse? Can I pick any of them?
I can't ride a horse...
But I've never ridden a horse...
Give me the phone, please...
Darling...
I need you to do me a favour.
I like that Toy already got the spirit of Taskmaster.
He sees hay and thinks "Oh, that's for me to eat!"
I expect anything from you guys.
So, Nuno.
Give me the news, make me happy. How did our... let's call them,
...our Golegã Picassos? [town famous for its annual horse fair]
Look, I've been thinking and we can do something fun here,
It'll be nice, uhm...
Do you want to see the horse portraits,
without, mind, without any reference
to who painted them?
Do you want to see the results and try to guess who it was...
who created these works?
-There's no reference to who did what? -There's no reference.
-You'll be looking at the results only. -Nuno Markl,
the Taskmaster accepts your challenge.
Very well.
Look.
I feel like guessing who did what
but I have no clue. However! However...
I will just say which one is my favourite.
My favourite one,
is this one, that's so big he doesn't fit the frame.
It the so-called "whole horse".
And now, ladies and gentlemen, consider yourselves lucky.
Very lucky, because...
in history, there's no video record of Da Vinci
painting The Last Supper, or of Picasso
painting La Guernica, or of Michael Angelo on the scaffolding
painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chappel. Luckily,
we all will be able to see
and contemplate, now,
Toy, and Jessica, on top of a horse...
painting...
a portrait of a horse.
Now backwards...
There you go...
Hello...
What's your name?
Flávio.
-Flávio? -Flávio, Flávio.
-And? -Índia.
-She's a mare. -Yeah, I got it.
Hey.
-Terrible. -"Hey! Hey! Hey!"
Hey.
Oh.
That's...
I'm trying to concentrate...
but it's not easy.
I was so pumped about this
because I'm not actually terrible at drawing.
This little horsey...
This little horse will come out cool.
Very well...
Here's something I never really thought I'd do in my life...
This is such a level of skill, man.
The sky...
It's a bit disproportionate, because the head is huge,
but that's because he's just like me.
-Its legs are swollen, but that's from the exercise. -Alright, alright.
Blue...
I think that the more I add, the worse it gets.
I've finished.
A sexy mare!
♪ You sexy mother mare! ♪
♪ "You sexy mother mare" ♪
A nice Prince homage.
It's times like this I'm glad Prince isn't around anymore.
"Sexy mother mare",
Toy, you've done a lot of things in your life,
but you had never painted a horse, while on a horse.
And I still haven't painted a horse while on a horse...
Regarding Jessica, I felt some confidence when I heard you say:
"I was actually pumped", right?
"Because I'm good at this drawing thing."
After the task, do you still think the same thing?
Thank you, Jessica!
Do you want to see Jessica's painting?
-Sure, we can. Let's start then with-- -Do you want, uhm..
-with Jessica. -Let's go, then.
The woman who said she was actually okay at painting.
OK, OK, wait, wait...
-You might as well try to sell that. -I will...
Attention, let's have a word from the artist!
You see, here's the blue sky, it was a lovely day,
the green, because you could see the landscape far away,
and, right in front of me, what did I see?
The head of the horse. Índia's head, the mare's.
-This is the back-- -It's the head, the back of the neck.
-Oh! -And there was some wind,
-you can see, the mane-- -It's the mane!
-The mane was flowing-- -Ah! Wait a second.
This is... This is from your point of view,
-it's what you were seeing. -Because I didn't notice...
that there was another horse in the arena.
-Vasco, let's see Toy's? -Yeah, yeah.
Let's get to it.
I didn't hear applause and I don't know why...
Cough.
I'm gonna...
It looks like two horses, mounting each other...
It's a mix between a fox, a cat, a horse...
I started by drawing the head, and then,
I forgot the rest of the body...
Art has no definition.
You may even call it a boar.
Very well, Vasco, you know those artists
that are good at multiple skills, like...
musicians that are also sculptors,
or comedians who are incredible photographers, for instance.
-You found one of those artists. -Uhm...
-No. -No.
But hey, I have here both Zambujo and Gilmário,
who are a couple I like to call...
"Gilbujo".
-Or "Zambário", I'm not sure yet. -OK.
Uhm. Let's see.
-Let's go. -Let's go!
Oh, damn, how the fuck am I going to paint this shit?
Índia!
Best. Drawing of a horse.
Atop of a horse.
Let me see.
Turn that way.
Easy there, Mr. Horse.
Wait, wait. There. Like that, yeah, yeah.
Does this have to be realistic?
Can't it be, like, an abstract horse?
Índia!
Actually, I can see a horse here, already.
Wait, I still need to sign it.
Easy! Easy!
I'm painting something here
that you'll actually be proud of, Mr. Horse.
I'm an artist.
Each artist has their own vision of the thing,
and nobody else can question it.
Whoever doesn't believe this is a horse knows nothing about horses.
Is this a horse, or what?
That's already at a level...
that of Da Vinci.
You can say that Gilmário
is also an impressionistic painter...
of horseplay.
It's done.
Get me the fuck out of here.
"Each artist has their own vision of the thing,"
"and nobody else can question it."
Let's see the work of art, from António Zambujo.
In the words of Zambujo...
-António! -Which one is it?
-Listen... -This looks like an orgy...
This looks like an orgy, man.
-An orgy? -Can't you see it? It's people!
Can't you see it?
Legs, arms, all jumbled up together.
Gilmário Vemba!
The man who described himself atop of the horse as:
An "impressionist painter of horseplay".
What the heck is an "impressionist painter of horseplay"?
Inspired by the cave paintings of ancient times...
-I painted a moving horse... -Yes...
The only moving picture is mine, I believe, and...
just like I said on the day of shooting,
whoever cannot see that that is a horse,
knows nothing about horses.
So...
how can you not get that that is a horse?
-But is it moving?
-I'll tell you something-- -It's moving!
Because that's basically Hercules' horse returning--
Gilmário, sorry, if mine was a boar, then this one isn't much better.
Is that thing in front of the horse an arrow?
No, I think it's the edge of the arena, right?
No, it's because the horse needs directions. Otherwise...
OK. OK.
We're only missing Inês' task, right?
Right, and I don't know if you recall,
that at the start of the task, we saw Inês calling her other half,
and saying "Darling dear, I need you to do me a favour".
What did she ask for?
Very well, uhm...
In the movie "Jaws"...
chief Brody states that they need a bigger boat.
In this movie, "Hooves"...
Inês Aires Pereira needed...
...something else.
Howdy. I can't ride.
But I can take that,
and the horse, your horse, I won't be needing it.
OK.
OK, thank you.
Bye, horsey.
Is it good, here?
This is going to be dangerous, you know.
And now...
I'm gonna sit on my little horsey...
And now the horse will start walking.
It's already walking.
Can I start painting?
Whoa!
This is sooo hard!
I'm making this very realistic.
This is epic.
Darn.
I've made such a nice horse... You don't even know.
I'm gonna paint a green-eyed horse.
Little doggy. I'm painting now, dear.
I think I might have exaggerated the horse's nether regions...
I'll make it less noticeable...
I'd best make it less noticeable, the, uhm...
Right at the moment I was, you know... he had his... you know...
There, it's done.
It's pretty, no?
Let me just say that Taskmaster
is obviously aware of the situation,
-and the pregnancy of Inês Aires Pereira. -It's not going to cost me, right?
And for that, you had my blessing to... uhm...
to figure out this solution,
and this substitution of a horse for a little unicorn.
And I even did the movement, because I knew that...
Indeed, I've named that movement.
We're before the creator of the "self-trot".
The self-trot.
Let's see, won't we?
-Let's see. -Let's go, then.
Let's contemplate the work of Inês Aires Pereira.
Oh, it's that one.
It's noteworthy, the fact that that could be a hairdrier, too.
Man, this reminds me of such a beautiful story...
Can you tell that story on television, Toy?
I can, it's about a child that said "Mummy,
what does the horse have there?
and dad goes "That's a disease". And the mum says:
"I wish your dad was half as sick as the horse".
I think it's obvious that António Zambujo gets 1 point, right?
I think so. Zambas gets a little point,
Toy's werewolf-slash-horse, slash-whatever, takes two.
Three points...
-to Inês-- -WHAT!?
You heard me. I'll give 4 to Gilmário.
And Jessica, your perspective was so different from all the others--
And mine!?
-What about my perspective? -Yours was from below, right?
-My perspective from below... -Jessica--
-You played from below, you did. -Jessica said,
"I have to paint a horse. It doesn't need to be that one."
-No, right-- -"That one is just chilling".
-No, fine, I'd give Jessica full points. -Yes.
But I'd put Gilmário behind me.
Why?
-Sorry, but-- -That's why you are not the Taskmaster.
-Sorry-- -And I am!
-But he could... -So, here's what we'll do...
-On a unicorn! -Jessica gets 5 points
-for the different drawing. -Thank you!
And it does look like we're on the horse. Congratulations, Jessica!
Gilmário gets 4, Inês gets 3,
Toy gets 2, and Zambas gets 1 little point in this task.
At this stage, Gilmário Vemba is still ahead, with 17 points,
Inês after that, with 14,
in the middle of the board, it's Toy with 12,
and with 11 points,
are António Zambujo, and Jessica Athayde.
A round of applause for our five...
...magnificents.
Imagine if we had money riding on this.
-If I already get like this... -But it's not, it's not.
Just because I want Jessica's earrings...
-to take home... -Yes.
-Imagine if it was real money. -Look, are you a sore loser?
No.
It shows.
It's time for the next task, Nuno.
-Let's go. -What do we have in front of us?
So, we're doing this TV show on a public broadcaster
so we feel like we have the duty to have a didactic programme.
So, here is the tribute from Taskmaster
to the legendary leader of the Revolution of the Minho of 1846,
Maria da Fonte. [Mary of the Fountain]
But, Nuno, that's curious...
because I don't remember preparing a bit about Maria da Fonte.
It... it isn't as much about the Maria part,
rather more...
...about the fountain.
I've arrived!
Hey, and the bell rings.
Am I a cow or something?
There it is.
-That was loud. -♪ Rings the bell, oh, the envelope. ♪
Right there... you have a little task...
A tasty little task, right there.
-Enjoyed it? It was nice. -Let's go for it. It was torture,
And today's task is...
Goddamnit...
You want to read it?
"Create the most impressive fountain."
"You have 20 minutes."
You know that I don't read the rest. So we don't have to start doing it.
Oh, how will a fountain be created?
Oof...
a fountain?
An impressive one?
A fountain...
-One of those with water flying-- -Yes.
"Your time starts"...
"Now."
Come on, wait, wait just a little bit.
No, I can't, it has already started.
There are incredible, great fountains throughout the country.
And since our contestants are talented,
I'm sure we'll see some amazing recreations of fountains
worthy of "Portugal dos Pequenitos", right? [miniature park in Coimbra]
No.
Let's see the fountains created by Jessica Athayde
and by António Zambujo.
Is there an idea forming in your mind...?
I'm just seeing what I have here.
-Are you curious? -Yes, yes.
What do you think it will be?
So far, it seems you're celebrating the holidays.
-I'm going to get the hose. -Right.
Fear.
This works this way, your perspectiv--
the perspective to my fountain is from the front, ok?
Will the water have enough pressure?
That's a great question.
It depends on the day.
This is hard work.
Are there any other hoses?
There are, aren't there?
-It can stay over here. -Here?
Yes.
-Aesthetics are important, right? -Of course.
For it to be symmetrical, it needs a hose on the other side.
Are you projecting a sort of architectural fountain?
-Something like it. -Of course.
-OK, I want you to understand... -13, 13 minutes.
That this installation is a fountain that is alive.
I might need your help, if you may...
-How so? -So you can give me...
Yes?
...the hose, when I'll ask you to.
OK.
Is it pretty, looking from there?
-Yes. -You look impressed...
your face was almost like...
No, no, I'm impressed.
OK, can you give it to me, please?
There is clearly an imbalance in... Oh, there it is.
And just like this, I'm about to create...
...my fountain.
-Yes. -If you got behind it...
But you have to stay centred, OK?
-OK, OK. -Right behind it,
doing this with your finger, so that the watermill rotates.
Hold this.
I've always wanted to take a picture next to a fountain.
It's perfect.
It will be hard to beat.
Jessica followed the classical fountain model.
Full of female figures, right?
And she placed herself as the female figure.
You were on your own fountain.
I was, but I have to say that I'm really impressed by yours, António,
-you've done a full... -I've also really enjoyed yours.
Thank you very much.
I'm really happy with my fountain.
-Was it exactly as the original plan? -Exactly as I wanted it.
Right. Maybe you should name it after a Greek goddess, you know?
-Jessica. -OK, exactly.
The famous goddess, Jessica.
Zambujo, you didn't place yourself in your own fountain.
-No. -But you had three main concerns,
-Symmetry... -Symmetry is fundamental.
Symmetry,
and placing Markl right at the middle, so he wouldn't ruin what?
The symmetry.
Never in my life had someone called on me to make something symmetrical.
A first for me.
But see how it ended up working?
I'm recalling...
There was one day, during the recording,
when you called me crying and complaining about someone...
Me?
No, no.
Wasn't it after the moment we are about to watch?
Nah.
This moment by Inês?
MAAAARKL!
No, Vasco.
Would I ever?
What is this?
-A stepladder? -A stepladder.
Goddamnit, what am I going to do?
You have a bathtub and a boat here, you don't like any of it?
-No. -OK.
MAAARKL!!!
Come here and pull the hose.
I help pregnant people.
Hey, you!
I just sounded like Cristina Ferreira. [TV host]
Markl! Come on here and pull the hose.
I've already figured everything out.
So, this is how it's going to be, Markl.
-You're going to climb the stepladder... -Oh, Lord.
OK.
Should I really place it here?
Ah, like... like the statue of the little urinating boy, in Brussels?
Is that going to go between my legs?
Really?
-OK. -Now let's aim it.
So the water falls over this.
And it goes like...
Right.
Can someone help me shove this?
And if only there were two hoses...
If I make myself clear.
There's actually another hose here. Over on this side.
-There is another hose? -There is.
Stay there, you're doing great.
I wonder if the hose reaches over here.
I used to be on radio...
Oh, the hose boys.
With a...
I need to hurry up, right?
-You have 12 minutes. -Oh, ok.
Boy.
You'll also end up with a hose between your legs.
I'll need your help over here.
You should be on your knees.
Oh, Lord.
That's it. Just like that.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Am I OK like this?
Yes, you're perfect.
Now, I don't want to be crossing a line here.
No, no problem.
-I've had worse. -OK? There.
Heads up, I'm about to...
I'm about to turn the water on, alright?
Oh, what a dream of a fountain.
Markl, careful. I've turned it on.
No, Markl! You're aiming it wrong.
Markl, you're aiming it wrong.
Markl!
-Wait! -It's too low...
-Wait, I'll lower the pressure. -The windmill is too low.
This is it.
This effect isn't bad.
Rafa, hold on, it's your turn now.
Is the water coming out?
Oh, damn!
Now we have to...
to make it work.
OK.
It's perfect!
Let's call it...
The fountain....
The fountain is called: "The Urinal".
Done?
Leaving, now.
-Inês. -Yes?
I'll take a risk and say that
that turned out far better than you had hoped for.
-Yes. -Yes.
-Except my underwear. -Yeah, that...
By the way, what is your fountain called, again?
-You've christened it as... -"The Urinal".
"The Urinal", "The Urinal".
She had already placed a cone where everyone saw,
-the hose going through the cone. -Right.
After that, she places a cone on Rafa.
She places the hose, and then, she says:
"I'm not sure if I'm crossing a line."
We still have to see the fountains from Toy,
and from Gilmário.
I have to say that, after the watermelon task,
I confess that I'm afraid
of any task that features António Ferrão.
Toy is "a lady in the fountain,"
"but a freak with a watermelon."
And...
what about Gilmário?
Also a great aesthete of the so-called "squirt".
Let's take a look.
I think the fact we're putting a fountain together is impressive by itself.
It doesn't have to be something like...
Do you have a plan or an idea of what you...
Well...
A person, to have a plan or any ideas, has to have materials, right?
I'm envisioning something spectacular.
If it is impressive, it is impressive.
I discover something
Push me!
How long do I have?
About 9 minutes.
Oh, Triton! Oh, Triton!
Push the boat, so I won't miss the tone...
Push it where? To the water?
-Yes. -OK.
-In my head, this is already working. -Of course, of course.
In my head, we already have here something like...
What would happen to humanity without duct tape?
Here it goes.
The thin and pure waterstream flows,
that leaves these hands, as true as it knows
This is the fountain, of Toy and the hose!
Careful, Markl!
Could this be exposed in some city square?
Being... a tourist attraction?
Do you want to christen your fountain?
"Fountain of the Flaw".
"Where have you been today? I went to the Fountain of the Flaw."
Mine doesn't matter, but his...
looks like the last breakdown I had at my house.
That's why it's "The Fountain..."
"...of the Flaw".
Look, Toy, I'll start with you.
I don't know if I see it as an impressive fountain...
-or if... -Isn't it?
Or if I only see a bloke from Setúbal in a boat,
pointing a hose and soaking himself.
-Naïve art. -OK.
Gilmário. Was I the only one thinking that your work,
"The Fountain of the Flaw"...
That little ball that was standing on the pinnacle...
That's where the flaw was, hence the name.
Because that ball was supposed to be in the air.
It was?
I understood that that was the idea, but it was going to be hard.
It was going to be hard.
I'm going to have to award...
2 points to Toy. I'll award 3 points...
to the Greek goddess Jessica Athayde,
and also to Mr. Symmetry, António Zambujo. Well done.
-Thanks. -You're welcome.
Gilmário, you won't get the maximum score,
because the ball didn't go up.
But it ended up a really nice thing.
You get 4. And there is no contest that,
Inês Aires Pereira gets the 5 points. Well done, Inês!
Thank you.
You've got it.
It's good to know it wasn't in vain.
After the fountains, how are the scores?
-Oh, lame... -Gilmário Vemba still leading,
with 21 points.
After him is Inês with 19.
-You just got 5 points. -But I wanted to be leading...
And everyone else is tied with 14.
-Hell yeah, things are hot. -Toy, António Zambujo and Jessica Athayde.
One of my jobs on this show is
to be present at the moment the contestants take the envelope,
open it, and basically read about what they have to do.
I'm there for moral support, as they can confirm,
so that they don't feel alone in the quest at hand,
and so that they have a friend, for whatever may come.
But not on this one.
No, no. In this one, I was busy
watching the lottery draw on TV, hosted by Serenella.
This is very suspicious. Just an envelope?
Task to task, this is getting increasingly stressful.
"Deliver this task to Markl..."
"in the most spectacular way."
"Markl is in the caravan."
"You have one hour."
"Your time starts now."
You guys keep screwing me.
"The most spectacular way"...
What am I going to do...?
Hmm.
A way to deliver this?
Is it possible to get a stripper?
So she can approach Markl, like this.
What is Nuno afraid of?
What if it's a male stripper?
OK.
Done.
Got it.
That's it. That's it.
You'll see what I'm gonna do. Boo!
Given that we have here five contestants
with an extraordinary creative capacity,
And given that they could use anything
that's available at my house to surprise you,
I must confess that my expectations are up here.
Pretty high. Who are we seeing first?
We will see a man that came from the Death Star
to deliver me the envelope.
Oof, that's a pricey fare. Let's get to it!
Ladies and gentlemen, Gilmário Vemba!
It's a movie.
The day where it all began...
-Wow, how impressive! -Nuno Markl was waiting in a caravan.
MARKL!
-Wow! -Hello. Hi.
I...
am...
your...
father!
Hi, dad.
This was very good, my dear.
Yeah, I tried to play to Markl's heart!
-You knew he's a Star Wars fan? -I did, I did.
-Are you one as well? -I'm not, but he is, so...
No, no, no, that's it, it was surprising.
At least, you knew the line "I am your father", right?
Yeah. I... am...
your...
father!
And after that voice, Markl's reaction is just:
"Hi, dad."
The Taskmaster can sometimes be...
an extremely tough individual,
but I am a man who values family,
so Nuno, go and give your dad a hug.
Look, my son.
I made him in the colonial era.
Yeah...
It all adds up. How old are you, Markl?
-I'm 50 years old. -Exactly!
When did Portugal leave Angola? 1975. You do the maths...
How old are you?
I'm 36, but I make children ahead of time.
Makes perfect sense. Flawless maths, of course.
Nuno! Who's next?
Well, next is Ms. Athayde, who takes the opportunity
to show a side of her that the country is unaware of,
and maybe...
-...would rather keep it that way. -Right. Indeed.
Hey!
Ho!
Are they repeating the footage?
Thank you! Thank you very much, thanks.
You kept playing.
Well...
It's not Star Wars.
-No, but, but... -It's not a short film.
-But... -I had this song stuck in my head for a whole weekend.
♪ Fah fararah fah fah... Fi firiri fi fi... ♪
♪ Foh fororoh foh foh... ♪
It was very funny.
Jessica...
if it had been me doing this,
I'd ask for the recording,
and I'd watch it every single day of my life until I died.
-It's gonna be my ringtone! -It should be!
By the way, Jessica, congratulations,
RTP has just sent me an email, it says:
"Vasco, tell Jessica Athayde that she's invited to play her harmonica show"
"at the next Natal dos Hospitais." [Christmas TV show]
Congratulations, Jessica!
I think you have every right to be proud of what you did.
I'm very happy with it. I just thought that
the envelope would arrive faster.
I think we could tell that at some point...
we could tell you were stalling for time.
"♪ Fi fi... ♪ Come on! Come on! Come on!"
It wasn't coming, it wasn't happening.
"This envelope is taking forever!"
The next person is a man who...
indeed, when he heard the task,
the first thing that came to his mind was strippers...
and the second thing was...
-...strippers. -It's true.
-Toy!
Let's go!
What's this?
What's this crap?
Toy!
I know this wasn't what you...
Look...
Let's start again...
Look, I...
Toy, sorry, man...
What about what I asked you before?
That was supposed to come later...
But that is not what we agreed on, Justo.
Cut. Cut.
-What the hell is going on? -This is unacceptable.
The fireworks were-- Martins!
-Listen here, though... -That's not working, man.
-The fireworks were next... -But what do you guys want?
If this isn't working, then buzz off.
-The dude was already pissed off earlier. -Toy, don't bullshit me.
-Sorry, Markl, sorry... -You asked to start with the confetti...
-Yeah, but it was the fireworks-- -Cut!
I asked about the fireworks...
The fireworks? But that would only come after!
-It was now! -As you'd walk over to Markl!
No, I'm sorry, David, but...
Look, I've already told you,
and it's not the first time this shit happens.
You can leave, Markl. If you want you can leave.
Feel free to leave.
Did you guys not listen to the chat I had with Justo?
Are you calling me stupid?
I'm not calling you stupid. I'm telling you had a cue--
-Man, Justo, really... -So that he...
-Do we have to do this shit again? -Let's start over, then...
-This isn't how-- -We're out of confetti cannons, sorry.
We can't redo it.
-Should I...? -I arrived here at 8am,
I already went to bed late as hell.
The other day, we already had a chat, the two of us, because of this shit.
-Then, you stopped coming-- -Come on, work this out.
-What are we going to do? -I'm not going to do anything.
You know what? I'll just, I'll--
I'll just go home. I'm exhausted. Here, take this.
-Toy! -Look, I'm leaving, I'm tired of this.
It's always the same shit with you.
-What? -What, what?
-Who do you think you're talking to? -Why are you leaving like this?
How many years have we known each other for?
-Around 30, why? -Why are you leaving?
I'm leaving because I'm tired of this bullshit.
-Leave me alone, because I'm already tired of this shit. -Go, then. Go.
I'm leaving. I'm really leaving, now.
Gotcha!
You fix it.
Where's my stuff? Mafalda!
Sorry, Lima, but this is too much.
Should I intervene?
Those shitty confetti cannons...
Those shitty confetti cannons you got...
Now this is all my fault, all of a sudden.
So, 3, 2, 1...
I told you guys how to open these.
If you're too weak, drink a glass of milk.
I have to ask...
Very good...
I have to... sorry, I have to ask...
-Yeah? -Did you get it was a prank or not?
I was in a state of shock, first and foremost...
-Tell us, tell us! -And then I...
I almost hit Justo, just to be more realistic!
-I went to the production team... -But if Justo is here, I can still...
-He's not here today, no. -Ah.
I went to the production team and asked,
-"What was that about?" -Yeah.
Well, it was what you've seen, what you've seen. A whole mess.
And on the next day, on our radio show,
we had an agreement, Markl and I,
I didn't want to know anything, and Markl kept true to it,
but he told me then,
"Something very weird happened yesterday."
I particularly liked when Markl was like,
being... being all tough,
"I, I can resolve conflicts", and he just went,
"Should I intervene?"
-He knows it! -But something wonderful happened...
Something wonderful happened.
The mood was very heavy at lunchtime,
and suddenly Toy showed up, and gave me a big hug,
and said: "I'm sorry, Markl!"
Look, I had to make it believable till the end...
-Nice! -And then I spoke to Justo and said:
Sometimes people get hotheaded, it's just something that happens.
Was this at the end of the shooting day?
No, no, this was before lunchtime.
The amazing part is that he did hand me the envelope.
-I know, right? -"Here, take this!"
-In a spectacular way! -In a spectacular way,
with all that set-up, and in fact,
a round of applause for the whole production team.
What a bunch of great actors!
By the way, I just got the information
that Justo was just nominated for Best Supporting Actor
for the Sophia awards, next year. [Portuguese Oscars]
So now, Markl, who's the next victim?
Markl, who's the next victim?
-MARKL! -Wha?
Who's next?
I'm talking to you, what's wrong with you?
I... I'm still shocked with what just happened.
I still haven't quite recovered from this.
Oh, my. Let's get to it.
Shh. Be quiet.
Ready?
I'm going in.
MAAAAAARKL!!!
MAAARKL! COME HERE, MARKL!!
-Should I go there? -COME HERE!
Okay, okay.
HOW'S IT GOING, MARKL?
Is everything okay?
EVERYTHING OK?
HI!
We're very close.
ARE WE NOW?
MAARKL!
You know when the volume is so high,
that it gives you an itch in your eardrum?
NOW, I'VE BROUGHT YOU A TASK,
AND YOUR TASK...
IS TO FIND...
WHERE... THE TASK IS.
YOUR TIME...
STARTS...
NOOOW!
MAAAAAARKL!!!
GO, MAAARKL!
-I bet you couldn't hear for two days. -COLD!
MAAARKL!
COLD!
ICE COLD!
MAAARKL!
-This is unbearable, this-- -COLD!
WARM!
IT'S WAAARM...
MAARKL!
YOU'RE TAKING TOO LONG. COLD.
-Is it cold here? -IT'S COLD.
-Here it's warm. -IT'S WARM.
OK. It's warm, here.
SO IF IT'S COLD THERE, AND WARM THERE,
HERE IS GOING TO BE HOT!
-MAAARKL!!! -Aaargh!
WELL DONE!
YOU CAN STOP NOW. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
-Thanks! -TOCA A RUFAR, EVERYONE! ["Let's Drumroll", the band's name]
DRUMROLL OUT OF HERE!
You're loving this, aren't you?
I AM!
Thank you!
BYE, MAAAAARKL!!!
There, sorry.
I need to make the exit in another way.
OK.
Does anyone here have an aspirin?
Well done. It caught on.
-It caught on! -It caught on.
It's gonna be worse if "MAAAARKL" also catches on.
To imagine that, after the broadcast,
people might start yelling that at me in the street...
-Yeah! -I hope so!
Let me just say that Toca a Rufar haven't left the house,
they still live there, together with Gaiteiros de Lisboa, [Folk band]
they're a very happy family,
and Brigada Victor Jara lives there as well. Look, uhm... [another folk band]
I have to ask, was the megaphone really needed?
-Of course it was! -Of course it wasn't, Vasco!
-Of course it wasn't. -Of course it was.
I mean, that was, what...
10cm between you and Markl?
Well, uhm...
the megaphone will be used a lot in this Taskmaster,
so I thought it was...
-it was a moment to-- -As if to say,
"This is just the beginning."
That's it, isn't it? "Get ready for what's to come."
The upside is that I felt the earwax getting looser
from the inside of my ears.
-They were clean. -And there's still Zambujo.
Precisely. And from a man like António Zambujo,
one can only expect something...
-even more spectacular. -Let's see the spectacle, then.
Seriously, pay attention, this will be the most incredible thing,
that you've seen in your lives, and, and...
in the very history of RTP!
Nuno!
Can you come outside?
Sure!
They told me to deliver this task...
-to Markl... -Uh-huh...
in the most spectacular way possible.
OK.
Thanks, António.
Goodbye! See you later.
-It's for you, the plane. -Oh, thank you very much.
It looked like my fountain.
António Zambujo. Explain yourself.
I hope my son doesn't watch this show,
because he'll be so disappointed. "My dad can't make a paper plane."
What was your plan, tell me? Was it to throw the plane,
-and it would whoo... -I'd throw it, and it'd go
right up next to that garden thing, next to the...
Right. Tell me something. Before you saw-- we saw that,
did you practice the throw, or just thought "Nah, I'll get it first try."?
I thought I'd get it first time.
-You're so naive, so naive. -It was very bold.
You know that Carolina Deslandes' song about the paper plane?
Now we know why she featured Rui Veloso on it and not Zambujo.
-OK, António Zambujo gets 1 point. -I liked it!
Now, as for the rest. I will give...
three points...
...to Jessica Athayde. Three points.
Three little points.
I was on my own there, I gave it my all...
-♪ Fah fararah fah fah... ♪ -And you take 3 points, because--
I played, I danced...
-I almost sang! -Exactly.
There are your 3 points: you played, you danced, and you almost sung.
-Three points. -Fine, okay.
-You win. -Now. Done.
Done.
Ms. Inês Aires Pereira. Do you want four points, or three?
I want four, please.
Then look, I'll give you four points.
To Gilmário Vemba,
I will also give four points. You know why?
Because I think... and you'll get this.
Toy's prank... was a task that started...
on that day, and it lasted until now.
With the involvement of the whole production...
-and I think it's deserving of-- -But it was just a joke, Markl!
-I know, I know! -And for that, for that...
-It was very well done. -Even though I liked your task, Gilmário,
it was spectacular, but that's also four points for Gilmário Vemba.
You stopped midway through a clap--
And I'll give 5 points to the magnificent António Ferrão. Toy gets 5 points!
Thank you, thank you!
I only gave five because I'm scared of Toy.
I would turn you into a watermelon.
Five points for Toy, and that means...
-Markl, how's the scoring now? -Let's see!
At this point, this is how it goes.
Gilmário Vemba keeps the lead, with 25 points,
Inês with 23, Toy with 19,
-Jessica with 17... -Unfair!
And Zambujo in last place, with 15 points.
A round of applause for our magnificent five!
Now, who's gonna get the ♪ Fah fararah fah fah... ♪ out of my head?
-♪ Fah fararah fah fah... ♪ -Now you see why it's unfair?
It's time for tonight's decisions.
We have to award the last points of tonight's Taskmaster!
People, let's decide our winner!
Everyone to the stage!
An applause for our magnificent five. Get those bottoms up!
Oh, so many beautiful faces!
On the Taskmaster's stage.
It's time for final task. Nuno Markl.
Let's do it. I'm going to give it to Mr. Gilberto Mário.
Better known as Gilmário.
I hope there aren't any difficult words in here.
You know that my Portuguese is imported and not like the original.
"Standing behind the white line,"
"unfurl the toilet roll, so it passes the red line."
"If your roll doesn't go past the red line,"
"or if it falls from the platform, you're... out."
-Understood? -Uhm...
-This way? -So, we need to unfurl from here, right?
And it has to go past the red line.
-Right. -If it doesn't go past it, you're out.
If it goes past it and it falls out, you're out.
-Exactly. -That's it.
Thanks, Gilmário.
-We'll start with Mr. António Zambujo. -Alright.
-As he has the fewest points. -Really?
-Really, António. -So he'll have that...
-...that benefit. -But show us how it's done.
-OK. -OK.
Zambujo is concentrating.
Motherfucker.
Zambujo, you can go and sit... Where will he sit, Nuno?
On the bench of shame.
Thanks!
Up next...
-Jessica. -Jessica.
-Go on! -OK.
-Did you really have to? -So you can start.
But this isn't a time task.
I can't be the only one who has to deal with brutal stuff in my ears.
♪ Ave, Ave. ♪
♪ Ave Maria... ♪
It was miserable, ladies and gentlemen!
Don't ruin our rolls.
And so, Jessica Athayde will sit down...
ON THE BENCH OF SHAME!
-Nah, this is worse than shame-- -Toy!
It's your turn.
-Come on, Toy! -Well, we all understood how not to do it, right?
Toy, show us how it's done.
So this is an "X", right?
And this is an "I".
Nooo!
This is really hard, because when you are over there,
-you get the idea that it's slightly tilted. -It's tilted.
-and it is, but... -My roll was faulty.
-Sure, sure.
This is such a sad day. This day will forever live in infamy.
-My roll was faulty. -Inês, it's your turn.
-It's me now? -It's you, Inês.
Don't pull the paper or it will get stuck on your hand.
-Give her the roll, please. -Take it easy.
-Please, one of you has to do this right. -Don't let it go past it, Inês.
Well, I think this is gonna go... pow!
You have to hold the tip.
Like this? And I can't let the tip go.
-No. -♪ Don't do it like me. ♪
Ahhh, nice!
I had to do the classic move.
-WHY?
-Gilmário.
-I had... -Gilmário.
I had faith that Inês...
would mess up her try.
Lose, come on. Lose, please, just lose.
So, you've seen how...
This means that in five... tries,
only one went past the established mark.
And that means...
Actually, it means two things.
One, Inês Aires Pereira gets 5 points!
And two, that means...
that tonight's Taskmaster winner is...
Inês Aires Pereira!
[audience shouting "Inês"]
So, before the farewell,
we need to think a little bit.
And we need to think about what have we learned today.
We've learned that, everything you do here
the camera records...
like when you paint a picture while riding a horse.
Understanding Mandarin can go over one's head,
And a watermelon in under a minute?
I'll make a gazpacho instead.
We've also learned there's a tenuous border, I suppose,
between a striking fountain
and a fool on a dingy with a hose.
But... what got stuck on my mind, what I'll really recall,
Is that Markl's father...
is the Angolan Darth Vader after all!
This was Taskmaster! We'll be back next week! Goodnight!
TASKMASTER WORLDWIDE INCORPORATED
EUROPEAN PORTUGUESE TEAM TIME PORTUGUÊS EUROPEU
ENGLISH TRANSLATION AND SYNC BY ABATISTA, ODAJOANA, MAFFU,
RODRAMOS AND VILKAV
PROOFREAD BY CRIMSONFOX AND TASKMASTER.INFO
SPECIAL THANKS TO PANDAROBOTO
♪ Fah fararah fah fah...♪
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