Go coconut!
♪ There goes António! ♪
This is the stupidest thing ever.
Go, go. Wait!
Am I actually good at this?
I HAD SO MANY DREAMS...
Good evening, everyone.
Welcome to Taskmaster.
The programme that’s very similar to Jeux Sans Frontières.
We just don’t have Euládio Climaco
nor mythical appearances of San Marino,
nor of course, the famous:
“Go, Figueira da Foz!”
Ladies and gentlemen.
Always with me, show your love for
the one who once was the Adonis of Benfica,
and is today the Brad Pitt of Carcavelos-Parede parish union,
Nuno Markl!
Nuno, the question I must ask is
how are you tonight? - Look, I’m well, I’m well.
Folks, I just saw José Cid’s participation
in the 1980 Festival da Canção, [Song Festival]
but this time without sound
so I could focus exclusively on his jacket.
Ok. Sounds good.
Nuno, for whoever wants to re-watch that performance,
what can they do? - Very well, it’s quite simple,
All you need is to open an internet browser
and type the following in the bar meant for the URL:
w, w, w, dot,
youtube, dot, com, slash,
watch, question mark,
lowercase V, equals,
three, uppercase R,
lowercase Y, lowercase Q,
uppercase J, lowercase E,
uppercase Y, uppercase Z,
lowercase Y, lowercase M,
and lowercase C.
Thank you Nuno!
I really wanted to say: “Sorry, www dot what?”
dot, youtube, dot, com- - As always,
we have five noble, well-known celebrities,
that will test their speed of thought,
their agility, and also, let’s say, their limits.
And sometimes also my limits, Vasco.
Thanks. - Let’s present them, then.
Born in 1989, which means that, when the Berlin Wall fell,
it probably woke her up.
It’s Inês Aires Pereira! Good evening, Inês!
Hello!
Next to her,
someone born in 1985,
in Luanda, not just the capital of Angola,
but also a cafe in Lisbon which, according to a website,
“has good angler-fish, and fascinating pastries”,
Gilmário Vemba!
I liked that. I liked it. I liked it.
Also born in 1985, which likely also means that,
she was conceived to the sound, of Baltimora’s Tarzan Boy,
it’s Jessica Athayde!
Born in 1963,
he started his career at only five years old,
hence his nickname as Setúbal’s Mozart,
it’s Wolfgang Amadeus Toy!
And our special guest,
in today’s Taskmaster- - Ah, I like that.
Born in 1966 and, in her career, she’s played John Ford,
Federico García Lorca, Éric-Emmanuel Schmitt,
and let us not forget, Inspetor Max, the dog.
Rita Salema!
Welcome!
Good luck! You’ll need it in this Taskmaster.
Uhm, Markl, let’s go to the prize task.
Very well. Today we asked them to look around their homes,
and bring in the most boring thing.
The most boring thing. Hello, Rita.
Hello! - How are you tonight? Good?
I’m well, so very well. - Then I’m glad.
I also want to be well. - You will be well for sure.
I’ll get even better by knowing what boring thing you have brought.
The winner takes all the prizes. - Correct!
We call it the final showcase.
I’d like to win so that I could take mine back.
Oh...
This is a tuna can, isn’t it?
Excuse me?
So, this has to do with the year you were born, right?
You can understand the relic. - Sixty-six.
It was a gift- - Yes
because that’s exactly my year... - OK...
the year I was born in. - It’s curious, the information on the can:
it was also the inauguration year of the Tagus bridge
and probably the birth year of Adam Sandler,
and Mike Tyson. - And Mike Tyson.
So imagine the sheer value of this.
Incredible. - This is worth a fortune.
Toy, what have you brought in?
What I brought in, I don’t care if someone else takes it home.
I like- I like the comparison.
Note, let’s remember,
It’s the most boring thing from your home. - Most boring thing. Boring.
I brought in my mother-in-law.
Wait a second...
So, whoever wins... - Gets your mother-in-law?
So this is your mother-in-law, then.
It’s the frame- - It’s my darling mother-in-law,
Yes. - If you look at her Facebook,
it looks like it’s mine.
Toy. Toy. It’s like the Anita books.
“Toy in the Garden”...
She’s not boring, she’s wonderful. - A round of applause for Mrs Eduarda.
Very well.
It’s true.
Hello Jessica. What have you brought in?
I’m really not good at this.
Courage, Jessica! - I lose this object,
multiple times a day. - Mhmm,
I never know where it is,
and above all, because I have poor eyesight,
that’s the most boring part. - Have you brought in glasses?
Oh, it’s the glasses!
They are your glasses? - They are my glasses.
Your glasses? Do you still use them? - I can’t see you guys that well.
Thank goodness, we’re not that pretty up close-
I can see something happening.
Imagine that you don’t win Taskmaster. Are you losing the glasses?
No, I’ll have to bribe someone to get them back, but
because this happens to me. I lose my glasses 20 times a day.
But you know, it’s one of those ideas where I think,
“I’ll take my glasses. This is genius.” And then I see-
And Toy brings his mother-in-law. - A can. The mother-in-law.
And there’s still this side to go, and I thought-
A mother-in-law who won’t can it. - “I already lost.”
Gilmário Vemba! What have you brought in, for the most boring thing?
It was a gift from my grandpa, he uhm...
before he died- He’s not dead yet,
but he thought he’d hand everything out now-
I liked how you said “before he died”. - I liked the detail.
And...
“Before he died...” - “He’s not dead yet!”
No, he hasn’t died yet, but he’s already giving stuff away.
And he thought, since his grandson works so hard,
“My grandson, you work so much”,
“and so I’m gifting you...”
“an alarm clock.”
No, mind you, an alarm clock...
from his era.
And then, this here is tuned
and you cannot set it to anything but 5 o’clock in the morning.
It’s set to 5 o’clock in the morning.
It rings at 5 o’clock, and it only stops ringing
30 minutes later. - Right.
I can see up there, the little alarm piece,
and it’s pointing towards noon.
No, listen, it’s weird.
You can’t tell the time, you can’t tell anything.
It only works to wake you up, and you do wake up.
First, it has sentimental value from my grandpa.
I’m waiting for him to go, so I can bin it.
I can’t just...
Gilmário, what’s the name of your grandpa?
João Pinto. - João- João Pinto.
I won’t say, uhm, his last name,
The Portuguese likely won’t be able to pronounce it.
Ah, but now you have to say it.
João Pinto Zekelo Vunda.
Zekelo Vunda? - Yes.
The Portuguese in colonial times gave up when writing the documents.
He got there for the registry: João Pinto Zekelo Vunda.
Forget it. Up until Pinto, is fine.
Hello Inês! - Hello! Good Evening!
Did you put some extra effort in your boring thing?
I’m not sure if I did, but it was indeed
one of the most boring things.
I’ve tried everything: finding ways, buying things,
so that this would disappear, and it does not go away.
What are we talking about? - We’re talking about David’s beard,
my boyfriend.
He’s going to kill me. Sorry. - Inês, the first question I have is-
I love you! - Does David
know this is happening? No. - No.
No, the beard he does. I told him, “Look, from now on”-
And you had no other picture, did you?
No, the photo- - You only had this one
where the beard is the important thing.
I think this is great. - The photo, he doesn’t know about.
Let alone that it’s this one.
He’s going to kill me, but I thought it was so funny
that I had to do this to him.
But I brought a little jar with the beard.
That’s what I was going to ask- - There is.
We have a little box, right? - Yes, a little box with his beard.
I told him, “Now you need to collect it here,"
“Because I’m taking it on the show.”
I’m curious as to what the other contestants will say
about the possibility of taking home some beard, uhm...
from Inês’- - Easy!
Husband. - Glue it on my mother-in-law’s face.
There. Done. It’s sorted. - Thank you, Toy!
It’s sorted out.
Gilmário. I’m giving you one more point...
than what I thought. Because the way you spoke of your grandpa...
was wonderful. So, I’m giving two points to your alarm clock.
I’m also giving two points to Rita Salema’s tuna can.
I shall give three points, to Jessica’s glasses.
Your mother-in-law is worth four points-
That’s all you’re worth. - And the beard hair everyone wants,
five points to Inês Aires Pereira. - C’mon!
It was some good scoring, it was uhm...
Thank you. - So, two, two, three, four, five...
My dear Nuno, let’s then proceed with Taskmaster,
What task have we ahead of us?
Alright. I know you like the Olympics- - I love them. I love them.
You really like the Olympics,
and in the Olympics, there’s a lot of throwing.
True. - Disks are thrown,
hammers are thrown, javelins are thrown,
we asked ourselves:
Why not have a throw, a worthy and epic one,
of something, in Taskmaster?
Hello, people.
Ooh, the master. Very fancy.
“Throw a teabag into a mug”
“from the furthest distance.”
I just place the mug and throw from wherever?
“You have exactly 45 minutes.” - “Your time starts now.”
They give me this mug here, and these teabags here.
But if it’s the furthest distance, it can be in any other place, I think.
OK... - I grab all of this and go outside.
Whoop...
Oh dear...
It’s all good.
Please, can someone...
help me take this table...
Oh, nobody helps?
So many people here,
And they let me carry a table full of tea by myself.
Fine, alright. Then don’t come to me for support.
It’s simple...
I’d say it’s a rather simple task.
All they have to do
is to pick a distance, and throw a teabag
into a mug. - But, mind you,
if they get it first or second time, they can try again from further away.
Of course. In fact- - It’s not forbidden, right?
Our contestants can attempt to do anything.
They even attempt, errr,
too many things...
Do I have to do it here? Are there any more mugs?
Can someone tell me if there are more mugs?
Can I put the mug in the back? Can I put the mug in the garden?
Can I leave?
Bye!
But I can do it here, no? Can I leave the door open?
Ah, screw it.
Ah shit.
Do I have 45 minutes? Do I have to throw now?
Can I wet it? Can I wet this?
Isn’t there water?
I have to get it in, right?
Oh, goddamnit.
There’s no water, damnit.
I broke that, okay?
Maybe from here, yeah?
Does this count?
It counts, doesn’t it?
Come on, that one has already counted, damnit.
That one already counted!
Shit.
This is so lame, love. - I can’t.
Almost...
Not yet...
Goddamnit, I could’ve finished this shit already.
Can I leave?
I’m sorry...
My dears, err...
We highlight once again, the word “simplicity”.
The task seemed simple to everyone,
but simplicity is relative.
Rita Salema, you asked 18 questions.
Only? - 18 questions
before and during the task.
Eighteen. - Huh.
I think it’s a record. - But you understand why.
No... - They didn’t answer a single one.
You opened the door, and then opted to stay in the room,
instead of leaving. - I was tired immediately.
Just thinking about it.
You had a bit of time left. - You did.
Right, Nuno? - She did, she did.
Maybe Rita could have tried again.
How much time did Rita have left? - Very little. Very little.
She still had another 38 minutes and 30 seconds.
38 minutes and 30 was enough for, I don’t know, one extra attempt.
Who’s next? - Well next we have, uhm
Jessica, Inês and Toy, - Mhmm.
A group that I like to call,
Jessinoy.
This can stay... here.
I’m just testing
how this behaves in the wind...
Wait a second, I won’t leave this position.
Yeah, right.
4 metres, this is very little.
2.5 metres.
Now I maybe try a bit more.
I’ll never be able to- Right.
Where can I find balloons?
This is full of tea.
Some little teabags...
have a string.
Am I actually good at this?
Since the wind is like this, I’ll put the mugs on that side.
So, now I only have to not touch the tea.
Oh man. It fell.
Oh. Ah...
Oh, darn.
Argh!
Pow!
Ah, fuck.
Another bleep, sorry.
Whoa!
I got it! It’s in!
Argh!
Three teabags. Not just one. That was three teabags. Inside it.
They want to kill the old man. Oh well...
But they won’t!
I don’t want to boast, but I think I’ve won.
I’m not seeing Rita Salema staying here for hours.
Toy will be the one going “eyeyeyey...”
Whoo-oo-oo.
Done. Goodbye!
There! It’s done.
So now I’m tired. I’m just going to lay in the sun.
Very well. I don’t know if you noticed the look,
of extreme pride, in Inês Aires Pereira,
when she gets it, first try.
And clearly, she sees it, and thinks
“My life has just changed.” - Yes.
There was a change there. - I’m in the wrong career,
Right. - I’m not an actress,
I’ll just throw little teabags into mugs, for the rest of my life.
But then it took so long. I spent 3 days with a sore arm.
Right. - And then thinking why it hurts...
Teabags. - “Because I was a dummy,"
“throwing teabags”. - Well done.
And I was wrong about Toy, I imagined him getting into it-
Not tapping his balloon. - I liked-
I really liked your impression of Toy. You were like,
“eyeyeyey...” - I imagined him going “whoa, whoa”.
A longer distance had to be, a distance that’s... longer.
Thank you, Toy!
Nice one! - As La Palice would say.
Jessica Athayde, the task mentioned “teabag”,
and you went, “Whatever,"
“give me three teabags!”
“Give me the Matryoshka!”, and... inside.
Was one not enough?
I wanted to play it safe.
We only have Gilmário left, right?
Correct. - I’m not liking this idea,
of getting shown last. - Why not?
So singled out.
One thing is for sure. There were no balloons, nor Matryoshkas,
You know what Gilmário opted for? - What?
To throw. To throw. - Was it? Ok.
Well, what I’m doing here is...
I’m tying this teabag, onto a pebble...
to increase its density,
and thus its velocity, and weight,
so it can push against the wind,
Look at that physics explanation.
and reach, in terms of speed,
the longest possible distance.
I don’t know if any contestant has thought about this.
I’ll put...
the table here. To make a kind of backboard,
If I lay the cup like this, is it good?
Good, yeah? I don’t think that Jessica...
nor Toy, will think of this.
It’s the experience of the basketball players,
that the best basket is the one...
that hits the backboard, dead on, right?
You have the wall, to slow the fall,
or the object’s speed, and then it only has to...
obey the law of gravity.
I am impressed. This man thought of everything.
The backboard, to dampen the speed,
he went far, and knew to measure the distance.
What is it, Nuno?
Let’s maybe... - Oh, this is stressing me.
NOOOO!
Look, it works...
Ugh...
So it wasn’t on the first time... - You didn’t get it in?
It’ll work. It’ll work, son.
Argh...
It’s hitting the table, now.
How much time?
About three hours.
Argh...
Shit.
This is Mission almost Impossible.
If it was James Bond,
he’d hit it first try.
Let’s be more humble, and let’s shorten the distance.
My kids will be watching this.
They will ask, “Daddy, how?” “What was difficult about it?”
Argh!
It was just 37 attempts. - Fine, fine. Okay.
But...
Nobody said it had to be first try. - No!
The task didn’t say so. - No, no.
It mentioned “distance”. - Nothing like that.
Let’s go then, to the measurements,
First we have Rita.
With 1.9 metres. - Ok.
Almost two! Almost two! - Almost two.
Then Jessica, with 6 metres.
Right, from the balcony.
Gilmário with 6.9 metres. - Ok.
Inês with 8.10 metres. - Mhmm...
And Toy...
with 29.9 metres! - Well done!
Inês Aires Pereira, why are you wiggling your finger?
I just wanted, if possible, you to repeat the little envelope...
What was the verb in question? - The verb was “to throw”.
“To throw”. - “Throw the teabag”.
And with Toy and Jessica, there was no throwing.
You dropped, but with a ton of work, a lot of fun.
There was no throwing of teabags. You dropped with a...
a little crane.
And Toy!
You know I love you,
however that was not a throw. - But I was throwing!
Not throwing! You were gently slapping the balloons.
That’s what I do.
And since I love you, being bold gets you 2 points each.
Three points, Nuno, to... - Three points to Rita,
four points to Gilmário,
and five points to Inês!
A round of applause for our contestants!
So we have to see the updated scoreboard
after two tasks. - With five points...
we have Jessica and Rita.
With 6 points, Gilmário and Toy,
and, in the lead, Inês, with 10 points.
I’m always tied. - Inês Aires Pereira in the lead!
Nuno.
Surprise us all! What do we have next in this Taskmaster?
Listen, Vasco... It’s a...
It’s a very dear subject to me... in which I’m particularly well-versed
Let me guess... Cram toys in a basement?
No, Vasco.
Football!
Here he comes...
The number one athlete...
Gilmário Vemba!
There he is.
There’s a ball! How convenient.
When I see footballs, I immediately think...
This is starting off well...
It seems very easy, but let me check what the mission is.
"Score a goal from the furthest possible distance."
"You may take only one shot."
"If you don’t score a goal, you’re disqualified."
"You must celebrate effusively, whether or not you score a goal."
"There might be a bonus point... for best goal celebration."
Really?
"You have five minutes."
"Your..."
"tiiiiime..."
"staaarts..."
"nooow."
Let me just say this task was a Nuno Markl idea,
who as we all know, is the biggest football fan on Earth.
Seems like a very easy task.
Score a goal and celebrate, whether or not you score.
Easy.
An easy task. - Yes.
Vasco.
Vaaasco. - Isn’t easy?
Vasco, Vasco, Vasco. Vasco, Vasco, Vasco.
Vaaasco, Vaasco, Vasco.
Vasco, Vasco.
Markl.
Excuse me... There’s the net. No goalkeeper...
Ball.
Vaaasco.
Baaah-sco!
Well.
You want something simple right?
I want simplicity.
I will give you that then. - Okay.
Let’s see Jessica Athayde task.
No...
I may choose the distance? - You may choose the distance.
Okay...
Why are you choosing that place specifically?
To make sure I score.
Don’t you agree?
Aaaaaaaaaargh!
Goal!
Can you tell I don’t watch football? - Alright.
Bye. - Bye.
Maybe I’ll just go home, right? - Jessica, relax, relax.
Before that...
Your only goal was... the ball must go in.
I did everything wrong, I know.
Not at all. - It was very smart.
Relax.
The task said from the furthest distance, right?
Exactly. - Did it say that? I don’t recall.
That distance thing only occurred to me...
when I was eating a croissant with the crew.
After all... this can be that simple.
It’s interesting because I asked you, “Are you choosing that place for any reason?”
Of course, the only way I can score is from right there.
It was a goal. - Sure.
Nobody can take that from you.
Nuno... did you have a long enough measuring tape?
I did, indeed. She was at an extravagant...
4 hands and 3 fingers.
I... I... don’t know if it’s worth converting to centimetres...
It is... it is worth it.
We now all know that...
4 palms and 3 fingers from Nuno Markl equals...
97 centimetres. - 97 centimetres.
Okay?
Who are the strikers... we are going to see next?
The what?
Strikers.
It’s football jargon, Markl. Strikers.
Oh, they are the people- - Yes, the ones who score goals.
Right, of course...
Next we have Rita Salema and Toy...
a collective I like to call...
Salemoy.
So, I need to score in there, right?
From the furthest possible distance, which means-
So, I can move further? - You can risk being further away.
Let me just pull my trousers up.
Do you know what you’re doing to celebrate?
I have no fucking idea.
Okay.
Are you sure you’re scoring from here?
Don’t want to go further?
Further away, I can’t score for sure. - Okay.
Goooooooal!
It’s wet, it’s wet.
Goooooal!
Goal! Goal!
Gooa...
That’s enough, that’s enough.
Enough?
I’m going to the pool.
Just kidding.
Yes. Done.
Alright. - Keeper to one side... ball to the other.
I need to address the collective Salemoy.
Salemoy.
Toy, let me compliment you on your shooting technique.
The technique was there, the problem was nothing else was.
It wasn’t necessary.
But the ball didn’t go in. - Overconfidence.
Rita, beforehand, you crossed yourself.
But... - It worked.
Not even the Lord saved you. - No, but-
I didn’t understand the end. Were you happy for the goal,
or possessed by Beelzebub?
I... a little bit of both, but I think that
the cameraman didn’t get it properly,
because it went in.
Really?
Funny...
I was there and didn’t see it going in. - No.
I celebrated because I though it did.
Your celebration was beautiful. - No?
Who are we missing? Kicks from who?
Alright, lets see strikes from Inês Aires Pereira and Gilmário Vemba.
If you saw me kicking a ball...
Here it goes...
Do you think that’s the best spot? - Gilmário Vemba is getting ready.
He is at the perfect distance.
He is a well-known athlete,
with great skill on both legs.
He can score with either the left or the right. - Okay.
All of this to mess up.
I’m not scoring. I need to focus on the celebration.
How am I going to focus on the celebration, if I’m so limited?
No idea. Do you know how to sing or?
Too much pressure. Oh god.
Go to the pool? No, that’s too...
too reality show, isn’t it?
If I...
go for the ground shot, this pitch isn’t ideal.
Am I going to climb shit? No.
Am I doing flips? I can’t.
Am I doing the cartwheel? I don’t know how.
A small test...
Damn. This alone should be worth 5 five points, no?
I’m noticing now...
I’m not that... talented... of a person.
Do a twerk or something... Everybody have seen that already.
Did they? I didn’t.
I don’t want to use my arse. I’m always using it.
So to speak...
I would get on the boat and... And you’d pull me...
Here it goes.
Damn it!
What a failure!
Never in my life!
Nobody is going to fail like me.
Goooooaaaaal!
Goooaaaal!
Goooooaaaaal!
Gooooaaaaaaaaal!!!
Gooa...
A bit faster, faster.
Five minutes.
Excuse me. I’m going to be ashamed elsewhere.
OK Gilmário. Thanks.
How?
I was thinking, if I had put the net a bit to the left, they all would have scored.
In my defence, I had a serious injury that day.
Really serious.
I enjoy people who are aware of their skill, or lack thereof.
The first thing Inês said was...
“I ain’t gonna score...”
“I’m ging to focus on the celebration, instead.”
I also enjoy the fact... - Very good.
She whispered something to you. - She whispered...
Inês, you were expecting a speedboat,
and ended up with a paddle boat from Campo Grande.
Gilmário, your radio voice...
Is absolutely amazing.
It’s amazing.
It was a unique opportunity
to score in a net without a keeper.
I could listen to this for hours.
Who was your inspiration?
Did you hear radio as a kid in Angola?
My dream was to become a broadcaster, but it went wrong.
It went wrong.
“Gilmário Vemba...”
“he scores with is left as well as his right...” It wasn’t either.
Let me explain...
In this show, I couldn’t use my middle foot, otherwise...
Nuno Markl, in this task, do you see a La Fontaine moral
in what just happened?
Sure Vasco. It reminds me of the fable of the ant and the grasshopper.
While Gilmário, Inês, Rita and Toy were more like grasshoppers
- ambitious, thinking they could have it all -
their eyes were bigger than their stomachs. - Jessica- They were greedy.
Greedy.
They were greedy grasshoppers. - Of course not.
Jessica was... a little ant,
who scored, right away,
to survive the winter of Taskmaster.
No.
This proves that 4 palms and 3 fingers...
is also the distance between zero grasshopper points and
5 points to Jessica Athayde!
I never thought... thank you.
Markl, we are missing something right? - Yes, yes.
Yes, it’s the... - Remind us.
Yes... it’s the possible extra point for the celebration.
Truth. - We need to analyse what happened.
I analysed it, my dear Nuno. Let me share my train of thought.
Let’s start with Jessica.
Jessica chose to... simply go between your legs.
I see it more as a:
“Where are my contact lenses?”
Rather than: “Look at the goal I just scored!”
Nevertheless, it was the most exciting moment of my week.
Toy did a judo somersault...
God knows why.
Rita Salema
performed her interpretation of the '70s classic, The Exorcist,
by William Friedkin.
Inês Aires Pereira
trusted too much in your upper body strength,
in what ended up being a very sad art installation.
That’s why...
with the cartwheels, the hand-standing, the screams, and the announcer voice,
I’m giving 1 bonus point to Gilmário Vemba. Congratulations!
Lets see the scoreboard.
Thank you for your kindness.
Jessica leads with 5 points!
And Gilmário Vemba gets 1 point.
The remaining, zero.
They all get nothing. - Zero.
Let’s check the total scores.
We have Rita Salema in last place with 5 points,
6 points to Toy, 7 to Gilmário Vemba,
and tied in the lead, both with 10 points,
Jessica and Inês. - You’re tied with me?
Alright, 10 points. - How is that possible?
With this task, she ties with me. After all I’ve done.
Lift those amazing butts,
and lets head to the first studio task.
Let’s hear it... It’s a studio task. I really enjoy these.
Everyone close to each other... so friendly.
Who is going to read it?
Maybe... Let’s hear it from Ms Jessica, please.
Ok then... - Thank you.
“Without adjusting your welder’s mask at any point,"
“Draw your own face on the front of your welder’s mask.”
“Your face should be the same size as your actual face,"
“and either be very happy or very sad.”
“Most detailed and accurate face wins.”
“You have three minutes.”
“Yoouuur... tiiiiiime...”
“staaaaarts...” - No doubts right?
“now!” - I should draw it on the welder’s mask?
Draw your face on the welder’s mask. Your time already started. Markl!
That’s right. - Already?
It’s your self-portrait
on the mask.
MAAAARKL! - You can choose either a happy or sad face.
It should be a face Gilmário, not a map.
You better not distract me, Markl.
Toy is in a trance.
I can’t see anything without my glasses, on top of it all.
Let me remind you: the most accurate face,
to the original,
in my opinion,
will win 5 points.
The remaining get zero.
What’s that?
I want to ask Jessica if she wants another mask? Hers is running out.
I’m finished.
Gilmário, finishing touches right?
Yes, just need to finish my beards on the sides.
They don’t speak to each other.
The hairs don’t get along.
You have... 2 seconds.
And... it’s over.
Whistle, whistle, whistle, Nuno!
Inês, Gilmário, Jessica, Toy and Rita.
Well done.
Inês.
Can you stand side-by-side with your welder’s mask?
To check if it’s alike or if it doesn’t make sense.
It’s incredible Inês. A round of applause for Inês Aires Pereira.
Thank you.
Gilmário.
Jessica.
Can I see it?
Let me check what I’ve done.
You wanna look. Look at it.
I think I did some Picasso strokes.
It has a Picasso vibe. Can you stand next to...
your masterpiece.
I really thought I was doing an amazing job, and even looking at it...
Do you still think that after seeing it? - I’m very proud.
I’m absolutely sure...
it resembles the dwarf in Fantasy Island.
It’s amazing.
Toy, I’m...
Pardon? It’s identical.
Rita, don’t get me wrong, but...
Nuno, do you know what it looks like? - Before that...
I come from a family of architects.
Be careful Vasco. - Yes.
No, I’m sure... your family is really proud. - This is a house.
This is a house. - It’s a house alright.
It’s a building. - That’s it.
I wasn’t expecting, really,
to struggle this much to choose.
Very well.
Extraordinary.
Come on down.
Nuno, you know me well. I’m a Taskmaster
with an eye for detail.
Correct? - For sure.
Congratulations to all.
Your details were spot on.
Nevertheless, I think we all agree.
Toy takes the 5 points. - Noo!
Well done.
With Toy’s 5 points...
Let’s look at the Taskmaster scoreboard.
Who is in the lead, in the middle, and who’s left behind.
Let’s check it.
No need to check who’s behind.
Right now, our guest Rita Salema
is in last place, with 5 points.
She isn’t last. She’s in fifth place.
Fifth. - Fifth place.
Second last- Sorry, fourth, - Fourth.
is Gilmário, with 7 points.
Followed by Inês, with 10 points,
tied with Jessica, who has also 10.
In the lead, we have Toy,
by a small gap, with 11 points.
Let’s go to the next one.
Let’s go. And to start, I want to ask you a question, Vasco:
Go ahead. - Do you think that this show is,
coconut splitting? [Portuguese idiom for laughing]
Oh god...
Markl, if there is a show that is really coconut splitting,
it’s our cocomaster. -Exactly.
But it’s not just splitting the coconut.
It must be carried, as well.
Oh, this doesn’t work. - Woah!
I found this by the door and thought- - You look all snazzy.
Forget it. - Damn.
Ah. A coconut. - What do we have here?
So long as I don’t have to split it with my head...
I sit? - Yes, yes.
I read? - Of course.
This is the time you’ll help me, Nuno.
“Transport this coconut”
“the furthest away from here.”
“You can’t directly touch the floor.”
“You can’t directly touch the floor”?
How? - What, touch? I can’t fly...
So I can’t touch the floor?
You can’t touch the floor.
Imagine if can crawl on my back, without my hands or feet.
Sometimes it’s good to understand.
“You may not step on any surface more than once,"
“and the coconut may not travel by car.”
“You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now.”
You can just take the coconut. - I can just take the coconut.
I don’t know how to handle this until the end of the show,
without starting to punch people.
There are some simple tasks on this show, but this one
has a so-called “twist”.
And the twist here was
they couldn’t touch the floor. - They couldn’t touch the floor-
How so? - For example, let’s consider...
this here, you see? - Yes.
That’s floor. - You trust that chair a lot.
I’m regretting this greatly...
Do you mind pulling that “TM” thing a bit closer?
No.
I think this will make great television.
Let’s, let’s- - Wait! Wait! I’m just kidding!
Ah ok. I was about to vault. - Wait. So...
I can’t. It’s glued.
Wait. We can do this. - That’s it, that’s it. Err...
That’s far. That’s far, Vasco.
Let’s suppose... this is the floor, yeah? - Wait, wait.
This is the floor.
Well done! - But, mind you,
Now... - This means that- This means that
you can’t return to the chair. - I can’t return to the chair.
So, you must go somewhere else. - I must go somewhere else.
And after going somewhere else, you can’t come back to here.
I can’t. What now? - Ah, okay...
Now maybe we should see the task.
From there, from there! - Sod it.
So. The rules:
They couldn’t put their lower limbs in direct contact with the ground.
Correct. - However, let’s say,
if there was a rug on the floor, they could step on the rug.
They can step on the rug, yes. - However,
they could place their feet, indeed, on things that are on the floor.
Correct. Correct. - Things like what, for example?
Look Vasco. One must look,
one must contemplate,
one must live,
one must feel.
We’ll start with Jessica. - Jessica, let’s go.
Oh, not the wind...
Luckily there’s not a lot of it, right?
Do you need support?
Oh, I forgot that you can help after all, right?
There must be a simpler way for me to do this.
Luckily there’s a lot of Kleenex, right?
Listen, I don’t know what went through my head.
I should’ve thrown the coconut out the window.
Okay...
There are no rollerskates...
But there’s a brush instead.
For what? - I don’t know...
I’ll have to leave through the window. - That’s a possibility.
Can you hold this, please?
Oh! - Thank you.
I’ll go down here, now. I’m still not on the floor...
I’m on the floor.
You threw the coconut before falling.
The coconut is there. It was thrown.
I had so many dreams...
Who doesn’t?
But that was pretty, the Kleenex road.
When will the Kleenex gentlemen make boxes with infinite Kleenex?
Let me just highlight...
the gentleman that my dear friend is.
When you took a tumble on the floor- - Twice.
Twice! And Markl gets up and only goes:
“Right...”
She’s a much younger person than I. - Okay...
So she’ll get up very easily. - She did, she did.
Let’s end this idea that Markl is cuddly?
This man is cuddly. - I’m the most-
I’m the cuddliest person in Portugal.
Cuddly...
This had never happened before.
I’m very happy. This is one of the happiest days in my life.
Jessica’s coconut, Markl. How far did it get?
The map. An aerial view will show us Jessica’s path.
Jessica started there. - There she goes...
She went to the caravan... - I left through the window.
That has to count for something. - ...straight ahead...
And the coconut- - ...and she took a hard tumble,
having walked...
24.3 metres.
Who do we have next, dear Nuno? - Gilmário Vemba!
In a different approach to this task.
It hurt a little, uhm... Let’s watch.
Dear lord in heaven...
To keep the coconut’s integrity. I wish that this coconut...
falls far away... from my reach...
Bye bye.
Whoo!
Well...
That can’t be the end. Listen...
Actually, it’s just me who can’t, uhm....
step on the ground, right? - Yes.
How are you, fitness-wise?
Me? - Yes. - Bad.
I’m 75 kilograms.
You think you can uhm... carry me on your back?
Whoop!
Andale! Arriba!
Let’s go!
Let’s go.
Whoo-hooo!
Where do you want me to go? - Straight ahead, straight ahead!
Ok. - Go slowly. Check your breathing.
And please,
do not abandon me
directly on the ground.
That’s a lot of pressure.
Alright, I can see you’re losing your strength.
Yes, I am... Gilmário- - Let’s stop here.
I’m going to perish. - No no no no...
You’re doing well. - I can’t let you on the ground.
No, don’t let me fall. - Ok.
So I will now send the coconut.
You’re throwing the coconut? - Yes, yes.
Ok, Ok. - So that I don’t kill you.
Go coconut!
Whooooo! - Look at it go!
Bye, coconut!
And now, to finish it.
Can I get down? - It’s over, isn’t it?
That’s it.
You’re a feather. - Of course!
It’s cool. Everybody wins.
You lose weight...
It’s true. - Your cardiovascular system works better.
I think I lost weight. - Didn’t you? Of course...
And the coconut is there. Ready to give birth. - Yeah.
That’s it. - That’s that.
Life is just like that, you know. - It is, yeah...
A guy gets into a job like this without knowing exactly what they’ll do...
That’s it, that’s it. I think a lot about that.
See, I’m not even tired. - Well, yeah, right...
Cut! Some peace of mind.
A feather. - Gilmário, uhm...
back there, Rita Salema, in the goal-scoring task,
jumped immediately on to Markl’s back.
Now, you took a while but, at some point, the pillows were over,
and you thought, “What do I do with my life, now?”
You looked beside you, and saw your friend.
It was my childhood dream.
I’m honoured, Gilmário.
I’m very honoured. - By the way, by the way,
let me defend you, because there was a
“Ah, it’s time to stop thinking of Markl as cuddly” and whatnot.
Markl’s back? Cuddly? Could you feel them well?
Super! - But it was-
How many inches did he drag me in the little boat?
It’s true! - I don’t know. - He did like this... Like this...
He’s the favourite one! - “Ooh, I’m tired!”
Inês, Inês, Inês. I’m better at carrying...
than I am at pulling.
Do you understand? - Okay...
Let’s look at the map, then. - Let’s do it. Let’s look at the map.
So Gilmário left the house, right? - Started in the same spot as Jessica.
He got there, “ooh, Markl’s back” and whatnot,
Uhm, there we go, together. And we got there and
he threw the coconut, and the coconut travelled
126.1 metres.
126.1...
Nuno, next coconut!
Very well, our next coconut. It’s Inês Aires Pereira,
the next person coconutting.
Tropicaliente! Piña Colada!
Ay Ay Ay! - Ay Ay Ay!
What was that? What was it? I don’t know where that came from, Vasco!
Onto here... Onto there...
Over this. And now I can open the door and go on my merry way?
You should, yes. - Right?
I’m stepping here. - Okay...
I can step on the carpet, right?
On the carpet. - On the carpet.
But you can’t go back to where you’ve been.
What? - You can’t go back to this one.
Aww! - Aww!
But I wanted to get those...
How do I get back to the coconut? - From the moment you-
Hmm. - Oh God...
Goddamnit...
Markl, I only have one little problem...
From here I can go anywhere forward,
but I need the coconut. And the coconut is over there...
If you lob me the coconut... - I think that would be pushing it.
But maybe there’s ways... - Of me getting the coconut?
...of having the coconut make its way towards you.
Coconut.
The coconut is mine! The coconut is mine! It’s mine!
There. I’m here. I have the coconut with me.
That’s what, half a metre?
But maybe I won’t have a place to put all these things...
What’s in front of me, Markl?
You have a step. It’s a step. Watch out. Watch out!
I have a step. - Oh, yes.
Watch out, watch out, watch out! You’re good.
So now I can just go like this for a long time.
Yes.
That’s the reco-reco gone,right? - Yes, it was.
Why did I bring the cushions?
They might still come in handy.
No? Then just drop them all. Carry on.
4:36 minutes - And them running backwards.
Wheeeeey!
That’s right!
Wheeeeeeeey!
Listen,
I have a feeling I’m winning this task.
What does it say? - 1:48
I no longer need this pillow either...
Five...
four...
three...
two... - AAAARRGGHH!!
I won this task. I’m absolutely sure of it.
Inês reminded me of those cars...
that you find on the A2 in August, making their way to Algarve,
that have their whole house inside them.
And we think, “does that family really need all of that?”
That’s it, yeah. - And I ask Inês:
Did you need all that? - I dropped it.
There you go! Inês is convinced
that she won this task. - One thing I can unequivocally say is
Inês took her coconut further... - Yes.
...than Jessica and Gilmário.
Wow, the map is from further away. - She starts there...
There she goes, with her cushions, and her magazines,
she goes through the pinewood there-
Without climbing on Markl’s back! - Towards the gate.
She gets to the gate, the gate is closed. She throws the coconut, and...
Wham! - The coconut breaks there, and...
Ok. How much? - 239.4 metres
239.4!
No, I don’t believe it! - What?
That Toy went further away!
We have to be strong, Inês... - I’m going mad, here!
Easy. - Inês Aires Pereira...
Watch the child in your belly.
Be calm, don’t get riled up. - Toy!
I’ll be an aunt now, I’ll-
TOOYY! - I can’t remember!
Breathe deep. - In my age and with the Alzheimer’s, I can’t...
You know who’s missing, don’t you? - Uhm, I do.
Of course, you know we’re still missing the collective...
Salemoy.
Can you get down on all fours?
Wait! Wait! Slowly! Go slowly because I can’t...
Let’s go...
There’s a carpet, but oh well. We’re cool...
This is carpet, but ok. Just so you don’t say I cheated...
Hey! Hey!
Osh... - No no, not give me your paw, love.
Don’t hurt yourself, love. - It’s slippery...
Wait a bit. Excuse me.
I’m raising my feet. Wait. - Let’s get at it!
Let’s go!
Rita, what’s your guilt level about this? - Almost null.
♪ Pam pam pam, pam pam pa-ram ♪ ♪ Pam pam pam ♪
Can you fetch me a couple of pillows? - That’s an excellent idea.
Isn’t it? - It is.
Fourteen minut- Oh darn. - No no, I didn’t step out.
There’s 17 minutes left!
♪ In this trail of pillows ♪ ♪ there goes António ♪
Where to? Wherever I want?
♪ We are at the gate ♪ ♪ and António calls... ♪
You don’t have water, do you?
8 minutes. Do you want to do anything else?
- TOOOYY!
8 minutes?
You guys add a little music here, yes? - Yes, for sure.
Of course. - For sure.
Go Toy!
We have a long road ahead of us.
I’m so spent...
He can’t! - Goodbye!
He can leave and then go back to the pillow?
I think I’ll go up to the gate. - Okay.
You still have 6 and a half minutes, Toy.
You guys want me to give up, don’t you?
Do you want me to give up? - No, no, no.
Pick me up and carry me as far as you can.
I have to get rid of this shit.
I can’t, I can’t step on the ground. - Oi! That’s it!
You don’t think I can squeeze through here?
Then what? - I don’t have the gate key, is all...
Go! Go! - You will look so nostalgic.
So nostalgic like that. - There’s something ahead, fuck.
Just drop me on the floor! - Who are these men?
Who are they? - I spared Markl!
You have 4 minutes 20. - Then all I have left is to throw-
Want to go all the way back rou- - No, no. Leave it, it’s fine.
Can I throw it? - Are you launching the coconut?
I am...
Wait, wait... Ok.
Let’s go. - There you go. There you go.
Thank you friend.
There goes one...
Two...
You convinced a passer-by to, erm...
You’re giving him white wine? - I’d rather
it were a pretty lady, not an ugly dude,
but that’s all we could manage.
A pretty lady wouldn’t be able to lift me.
Argh!
Oh...
Oh Rita...
We’re counting the last piece, right?
Do you want to place the coconut in your final point of arrival?
Okay...
Do I have to go back like this?
No, you can go... normally.
But one thing I want to guarantee here:
I’d rather lose...
than to be carried the way they carried Toy.
I wouldn’t even leave with the coconut.
I wouldn’t even leave. I’d leave the coconut where it was.
I’d leave the coconut behind, there.
No...
It was too long, like this. Too long...
First, let’s analyse Rita, here.
Where again, the first thing through Rita’s mind is...
Markl’s back. - Oy...
That was a good task. We’ll see the points. - I spared you, Markl. I did.
I called the stranger. - It’s true. I wouldn’t carry you, Toy...
No- - Toy, listen, uhm...
I like to think, now, analysing that gentleman who carried you.
When he got home, and his wife asked him:
“Darling dear, how was your day, today?”
And he answered: “Eh, a regular day...”
“I woke up, I went to work, I had lunch...”
“I made love to Toy.”
You had never seen him before?
Never. - Never.
Or since. - Never.
Never saw him again. - Nor were you ever
stranded on a forklift. First time for everything, right?
So Markl, how far were the coconuts carried,
by the Salemoy group?
Well, let’s start here with Rita. - Yes...
Rita went the long way around the house.
Oh, but that adds up! - And then...
...went all the way through the pinewoods,
scraping the pillows on the floor,
and executed a coconut throw that added up to
a distance of 246.2 metres.
I’m so proud.
And now, let’s see
♪ the maa-aapp ♪ ♪ for Toooy! ♪
It went up to Lisbon...
Toy leaves the house. There he goes with the pillows...
rasp, rasp, rasp, rasp, rasp, rasp...
rasp, rasp, rasp, rasp, rasp, rasp.
Gets to the gate. Climbs the gate, much to my surprise!
Jumps the gate. Is carried by an unknown individual.
Reaches the forklift and holds the coconut.
And with all this, 306.7 metres!
306!
However! - However!
Yeah, I thought so! - However!
However! - How! Ever!
You know that the Taskmaster - Hi, good evening, how’s everyone? -
is a just and thorough individual, who always...
always...
has an eye on the ball - the coconut! - - The coconut.
for everything going on. Let’s maybe recall,
you’d step on that surface... - Right.
What couldn’t you do? - Go to the previous surface.
Can’t then go back to that one. - Fine...
Couldn’t go to the previous surface... - Right.
So- - Can’t then go back to that one...
And so on. Of course. - I think I get it.
So, look, what do you say,
let’s watch what the Spaniards call “un replay”?
Let’s.
So Toy steps on a pillow,
picks up the pillow where he had been,
places it in front, - Aww...
goes back to the pillow, - Steps on the pillow again.
grabs that pillow, - Grabs the other one.
and puts it in front.
I always think of my colleagues in these.
...back to the pillow. And he also stepped on the floor,
at some point, outside. - It’s true.
Let me just say, - Yes.
the point I’m giving
to a certain singer from Setúbal...
The point isn’t for you.
It’s for the bloke who carried me! - It’s to the gentleman-
The one who carried you!
That gentleman deserves a point. - Then give it to him.
Okay. - Then give it to him.
Toy gets one. - Toy gets one.
Jessica gets two points.
Gilmário, three points.
Inês, four points- - No!
And Rita, five.
Rita Salema, 5 points! Well done! - I won!
I won? Aww... - Yeah, it went the furthest.
Attention! This proves- - It didn’t!
if you want to get five points, start on Markl’s back.
That’s what I have to say.
Thank you, love.
The current scoreboard, Markly?
Hey! - Well then...
At this point... - Aww...
Inês leaps to the front, suddenly, with 14 points.
As for the rest of the scores,
10 points to Rita Salema and Gilmário,
12 points to Jessica and Toy.
That’s true indeed.
A round of applause to our magnificent five!
Markl, what if I now asked you to speak a bit, uhm...
in a broad sense... - Yes.
About Taskmaster, what would you say?
I’ll say something deep now, uhm...
because...
Taskmaster is a hoot.
It’s laughter.
But we cannot run away from melancholy.
From taciturnity.
From looking within and questioning
the meaning of our existence,
no matter how hard it may be.
Yes, it’s a moving moment.
Maybe even contagiously so, to our watchers at home.
So, please Markl, press the button.
And maybe now Jessica’s kleenex may come in handy.
Come on in.
Hello!
What’s this now, Macumba? - You want to sit down?
With a mirror, and all... - More comfortable.
Will there be ice-cream?
When there’s a mirror, it’s not something...
from this dimension.
“Fill a cup with as many tears as possible”?
“You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now.”
This is because I’m an actor, right?
I can, like, cry.
But I don’t get that many acting jobs.
But Jessica does.
Now I’m worried.
Tears... Onions, right?
Why didn’t you ask me to make Jessica cry?
That would’ve been easier.
Man, this game is ridiculous.
To fill this up completely, I’d need a few years.
Or a big depression.
Err...
I have an idea.
No, that won’t work. Never mind. Never mind.
What was he doing? - I’ll be back.
Here they are.
Fill a cup with as many tears as possible.
How stupid... - Well, Nuno, we have people here,
with experience in acting.
Gilmário also stated that he had had his own acting work.
And I’m sure Toy also had to cry when he was
‘Stupidly in Love’. [Estupidamente Apaixonado, a Toy song]
Wasn’t it? - Precisely. Of course, Vasco.
For this panel to cry, it should be fairly easy. What do you think?
Yes, it shouldn’t be too hard. The biggest question is:
I think... that what we will see next...
Will make us watch,
and cry for more!
I’ll be right back. - OK.
Onions.
I really don’t cry easily.
Plus, these onions are a bit sentimental.
It’s not working... It’s coming, I can feel it!
Goddamn, this is the stupidest thing ever.
For sure this is just nostalgia...
Will I get myopia by doing this, or something?
Everything I earn in this show, I’ll spend on eye medical appointments.
There’s always poetry with you. - You know how it is.
I searched for the saddest text in the world: Sorrow.
“I lost my strength and my life,"
“My friends and my joy.”
“I lost ‘til the pride”
“That made my genius believable.”
Really? Zero?
“Although, she is eternal, And those who did without her”
“On this Earth didn’t understand anything.”
Do you want sad music? - Yes, please.
Really? The Titanic?
At the time I first saw it, I could not cry.
The movie was in English. I did not speak English.
I didn’t even know what was happening.
Just nonsense.
“God is speaking, we must answer him. The only good I still have in this world”
“Is to have cried a few times”
We won’t get there like this. - We won’t, no...
In Angola, the sea isn’t really as cold as in the movie...
To the point of freezing people. - This is wonderful.
I don’t have tears.
I was supposed to cry easily. - What’s the saddest song that-
Can you search for the song A Minha Velha [My Old Mother]
by Paulo Flores. - What about music?
♪ I am calling my old mother ♪
♪ to come and help me ♪
♪ She arrives lovingly, ♪ ♪ and takes the pain from my soul ♪
I have to get at least one tear in here.
♪ Her sores begging her ♪
♪ for her to slow down. ♪
OK.
There’s tears there.
They are somewhere, but not in here.
This is really hitting rock bottom.
I think I’m dehydrated. - Perhaps.
Ah, now- - I’m feeling really depressed
Now. Now it’s burning. - Is it really?
But burning is one thing, tears are another.
Darn, it burns...
One drop. - One drop.
This is the tear Bonga was singing about.
In A Lágrima no Canto do Olho [The Tear in the Corner of My Eye]
Well, that’s how you lose a challenge, isn’t it?
If the others cried a lot, they have to rethink their emotional situation.
Because crying isn’t just something you decide and it comes out.
Even with all the farfetched sadness,
joy must outweigh it.
Excuse me. - Right. See you soon.
See you soon.
I really like Gilmário’s stance on this.
Did it go badly for him? No. If it went well for the others,
the others are wrong. - Of course.
Very wrong. - Go to therapy.
Of course. - Of course.
Jessica, you tried everything, didn’t you? And nothing worked.
She tried to extort tears from me.
I...
I started the task asking like: “Why?”
For what? Who thought of this shit?
How many tears did Jessica Athayde cry?
Jessica cried around... zero tears.
Yes. What about Gilmário Vemba?
Gilmário achieved one tear. - One tear.
Wow - OK. One.
Just one.
Markl, the next crying babies.
The next crying babies are Inês Aires Pereira and Rita Salema,
with two very different ways of achieving the tears.
I bet that Rita Salema jumped onto your back.
And he was the one who cried.
I can, maybe, manufacture a tear.
How am I going to cry? Can we get some music going?
What did you do? - ♪ I said I didn’t come here to leave ♪
It’s Lara Fabian.
You didn’t have to say- You did’t have to humiliate me like that.
Can I just pop by the kitchen?
Yes. - OK.
Water... Water...
YAAAARGH!! - Goddamn.
Blimey.
Goddamnit, where’s the table salt?
Is there no salt? I’ve looked everywhere.
Son of a gun. - How do I do it?
Are you crying? - It’s getting to me.
Come on, I don’t believe it!
It burns...
Ah shit, I broke it. Everything’s broken!
She’s screaming and breaking stuff...
There’s so many coming out...
Did you smell like onions for days?
Aaargh!
Son of a gun... - Argh...
Is anything coming out?
There’s nothing coming out.
But, it’s burning me a lot.
Table salt. Is there any saline solution?
Just pretend this is uhm- - What’s the chemistry for tears?
It’s saline solution, but it will taste of tears.
It can be just the taste, no?
Markl, Markl!
Look here, now. So many, Markl. Do you have any?
I’ll just bet more on me, then. - Yeah, do that.
There.
It’s happening, isn’t it?
It could be worse.
This is depressing.
I’m leaving, Nuno.
See you. - I have things to do. I enjoyed this.
Now I’ll go home crying, thinking I’m a shitty actress.
The time is over.
And now the tears are coming.
Yeah...
Kisses, Markl.
Thank you.
Ow. - Inês.
Don’t you think you went pretty quickly from
“Maybe I need sad Lara Fabian music”, to
“Maybe I’ll just blind Nuno Markl”?
I almost came out of this show fully crippled.
Attention, though. We have, in front of us, the tear MacGyver.
Because Rita Salema made her very own tears.
Sometimes there’s some, uhm,
some colleagues of ours that use tears- I just don’t know how to make them.
Fake ones. They can be made with saline.
Yes. - But I didn’t have any.
You didn’t. Did you? But- - And it didn’t say
they had to be real tears.
Let’s interpret that properly.
The tear is made of water,
mineral salts, proteins and fat,
Fat. - 98% of it
is water, and the rest of it is solid material
like sodium chloride - the salt you fetched.
However... besides this,
there’s enzymes, there’s lipids,
and immunological complexes.
All of that was in the salt.
The one I used had all of that.
OK. I’ll think about it, Rita. I’ll give it some thought.
I only beat one, so far. - Who’s missing?
Ladies and gentlemen,
Toy.
♪ Cry, Cry, Cry, Mariquinhas ♪
♪ and also... ♪
Blimey. - Aaaaargh!
Aaaaargh! - He’s mad!
♪ Tired of crying ♪
♪ Cry, Cry ♪
It’s very hard to cry.
Wait a minute... There are other tears.
They don’t have to be mine.
OK.
In case you’re unaware, let me explain.
Hm.
This is true. Red wines are made
with tannin - that’s the peel.
White wines and rosés, are made with the grape ‘tear’.
So this is ‘tear’ of- I will tell you right away
This is a Fernão Pires ‘tear’. That’s the grape variety.
It’s true!
Here we have a full cup of tears.
It’s the Fernão Pires tear.
I don’t know it this counts, but it has to!
Because I’m speaking the truth, here.
Tear? - Tear of Fernão Pires, the variety.
Uh-huh. - The task is done.
Thank you, Toy. - That’s genius, that task.
Let me reinforce, still- - Toy, please go ahead.
The stage is yours. So’s the cup.
Everything. The barrel! - And the wine!
When you make rosé wine or white wine, the first press
when the film bursts - the grape peel -
is named, by any winemaker, wine lover, or sommelier,
as ‘tear’, from that specific grape variety.
There’s also some cakes called ‘tears’. Would that-
Would one of those cakes count? - *cough* Dictionary! *cough*
We didn’t check the dictionary.
But we found this quote about the process.
Exactly, it’s a wine of that variety, the Fernão Pires variety.
“The grapes were de-stemmed, the peel was macerated,"
“before fermentation, followed by a separation of the wine must,"
“or tear, at 10ºC.”
OK.
OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
It’s the tear. - It’s the tear, it’s the tear.
But Toy!
You know me, don’t you? - I do.
Very well. - And you know me as well.
I do indeed. - Oh bother.
Here I have to value, and we can all agree,
the real tears.
However, I still value your work, OK?
Because it’s also important sometimes to see the available paths.
Yours. - How many of Inês’ tears?
17 tears. - And Gilmário?
Gilmário only made one. - And Jessica?
Jessica, zero tears. - And Toy?
Toy actually has a cup full of grape tears.
Grape tear. - However, empty of Toy’s tears.
And Rita Salema? - Rita Salema has a cup of salty water.
I need to value your - even Jessica’s - efforts.
I’m giving you two points. - Thank you!
To the MacGyver inventors- - I also have some tears, there!
Three and three. The mono-tear...
but a very pretty one, from Gilmário, gets four.
And Inês Aires Pereira’s 17 get five, then.
The bitter tears of Inês Aires Pereira.
So how do all these tears affect our global scoreboard?
Very well. At this point, Inês solidifies her lead, with 19 points.
Everyone else... Rita Salema with 13,
Gilmário and Jessica with 14 points,
and Toy with 15. - OK. Very well!
Nuno, looking at the menu of the day, what do we have today?
Well, next we have a bathing.
Pardon, a bathtub, a bathtub.
Yeah! I’m coming.
Here I come.
Getting there...
Have arrived.
I’m afraid.
Ritaaaaa.
Don’t like this idea.
Showers... right away.
Am I getting wet?
I don’t have the kind of money to take baths... Little ducks?
Oh my god!
Can I read it? - Go ahead.
Why? This show...
Very well.
“Completely empty this bathtub.” You’re messing with me.
“You must not remove”
“the plug,"
“tip or damage the bathtub.”
You can’t touch the bathtub, basically.
Remove... you can’t tip.
Exactly. Okay.
“Fastest wins.”
“Your...”
“tiiime...”
“staaaaaarts... Now.”
“Your time starts now.” - Okay.
Who are we going to see first?
Can’t believe I’m asking... Who are we watching in a bathtub?
Firstly in a bathtub is Inês Aires Pereira and Rita Salema
Two women, one bathtub.
Actually is the name of a video... - No. Shhh be quiet.
I saw it in... - No, quiet, quiet, no, no...
Press the button. - Let’s watch.
I need a straw. - It started.
Just kidding.
A bucket!
Where is a BUCKEEET!?
Is there a bucket?
A bucket, is there a bucket?
Maybe, no.
Fuuuck!
Damnit!
Aaaaagh!
I won’t ever finish this way.
There is something to drain...
Am I being dumb?
Is there a larger bucket?
Uuuugh!
We’re on the right path.
Do I need to drain it all?
All of it.
Do you want to suck a bit? - No.
Damnit, does this shit...
soak?
Get down, down, down. Is it coming out, Nuno?
By the look of things, I’m only leaving tomorrow.
Is there a larger bucket?
It’s done.
Darn. Really?
Everything good?
“Completely empty this bathtub.” Do you think it’s...
May I use this?
Do you think... it’s completely...
Completely. - Empty.
Okay.
Nuninho, that’s all.
You didn’t help at all.
Sometimes... Helping is just...
being near someone, isn’t it?
Thank you Rita.
My pleasure Nuno.
If you have any flooding issues, let me know.
I really admire when two people,
set apart,
come up with the same approach.
In this case, Inês and Rita.
With a small difference:
Rita said “Is there a bucket?”
While Inês made herself heard in Melgaço
screaming: “A BUUUCKET!”
Inês took 6 minutes and 50 seconds
and Rita Salema took
11 minutes and 2 seconds.
Very well. Congrats to both. - I thought it was longer.
Nonetheless, Vasco I’d like to ask you something.
You know when people say “Markl looks so cuddly, but he isn’t”.
I simply want things to be fair and coherent.
And done properly. - Done properly of course.
What’s your doubt? - My question is:
Was Rita’s bathtub
really... empty? Was it empty?
Rita’s bathtub?
Nuno, did you fill again after?
Me? - That’s the only explanation.
No... no, no, no I didn’t.
I was all drained out with the pillows. I swear I didn’t fill it in.
Why are you asking that?
Is Rita’s bathtub all drained out?
What’s keeping me awake all of this time.
Yes?
This hurts a lot Rita.
It hurts me more... than anyone else...
in this studio. - Nuno, I’m pregnant.
Oh, right it’s Inês.
It’s Inês, it’s Inês. - Right, pardon, pardon.
What’s disturbing me... this moment,
if I’m allowed...
Let’s see.
What’s disturbing you, Markl?
I’m disturbed by the end...
Splooosh!
But... the water is... on the pillow, not in the bathtub.
Nooo, let’s not talk about it. - If you throw a soaked pillow into a bathtub...
It’s logical that... some of the water comes out of the pillow.
When you throw the pillow.
How unfair... - There’s clearly some drips...
that jump... look. - Splooosh!
The... task was, “Completely...”
“empty the bathtub.”
At the end, you have a soaked pillow inside. - Soaked.
Show us more tasks Markl. Who is next?
Now... in the Taskmaster bathtub,
Gilmário Vemba. - Let’s go for it.
Is this water
good for drinking?
I wouldn’t drink it.
Right, but if I swallow a bit...
will I have some kind of trouble? Allergies?
Will someone die? Can I kiss afterwards?
I think you’re good.
That was my approach.
This is...
is a technique. Firm.
Stable. - Yes
Doesn’t require work. - No.
Nuno, you’re not doing much. Can you hold this?
Meanwhile, I’m carrying on.
That’s striking at both ends right? - Yes, exactly.
The first step was only to demonstrate
the level of intelligence.
I already evacuated a lot of water. - This has stopped.
It stopped? - Was it my fault?
Yes, because you needed to
keep the hose at the bottom
to keep drawing the water.
Sometimes I think I’m too quick...
at completing these tasks.
All of a sudden...
Yeees.
Completely.
Empty.
That’s it.
Wait.. there is still...
A drop... and a bubble.
Come on, really?
A drop? - A drop is water, right?
No. - No?
Picture...
a dry ocean...
Yes.
And you see a drop.
Are you telling me the ocean isn’t completely dry?
What kind of fish is swimming there? None.
Come on. - Thanks, Gilmário.
Please check if there’s any drops left.
Thanks, thanks. - No drops.
Thank you. - Right?
Thought I was supposed to take a bath but, after all,
it was just to empty it.
With all of these people, couldn’t they empty it themselves?
Come on.
Excuse me.
So unfair.
The philosophical side of this man is something that intrigues me.
It’s like Kant
was here with us. - It was wonderful.
Gilmário’s peacefulness while doing the task.
He shut me down, with that.
It’s not possible for a fish to swim in a bubble.
Impossible.
Gilmário, theoretically, even if there’s a drop...
If all the ocean is dry, apart from a drop...
He was going to the extreme... A drop?
A drop, in the middle of the ocean.
The idea was to have nothing at all. At all.
When people are downplaying a problem they say this:
“It’s a drop in the ocean.”
Doesn’t count.
Did you catch a glimpse of Gilmário’s bathtub?
Was it dry?
It was all dry. - How long did it take him?
6 minutes and 10 seconds.
Six, ten. Nicely done, Gilmário Vemba.
We still need to watch how Jessica and Toy behaved in our bathtub.
Separately.
There’s too much water.
Damnit, that’s no good.
Ohh Jesus.
This might work.
Damaging the bathtub.
Whoever is in shape,
will do well.
Toy onl-
Only needs to jump in.
Taking a bath, let’s go!
One...
Two...
Three...
What else is in here?
Do you want a bath Markl?
No. I’m OK, I already had one.
Seems like you are on a gondola but the water is inside.
The water doesn’t come out.
I’m too old for this.
Me too.
This isn’t completely, like the task says...
You need to completely empty, right? - I’m going to! Wanna help?
Okay, okay.
Completely empty.
I would say...
it’s dry.
I can see some droplets... There’s... some... kind...
A drop.
Would you consider your task finished?
I reckon I finished the task. Don’t you?
Okay...
Be aware that Toy can empty bathtubs,
as long as he’s near a construction site,
because Toy only needs a helmet and a wheelbarrow.
That’s right. - Having that... Toy can do everything.
Jessica. I praise you.
I was expecting more people would do what you did.
Get inside the bathtub. - Go inside.
You were in there...
Splosh-splosh-splosh!
Splosh-splosh-splosh in there.
What’s Jessica’s and Toy’s times? We’re only missing them.
Jessica did it in... 6 minutes and 40 seconds.
And Toy in 4 minutes and 56 seconds.
Very well.
Full speed.
Let’s check the points.
Rita.
Yes?
Pillow or not, inside the bathtub, it’s irrelevant.
One point. - That’s OK.
Inês Aires Pereira, gets two points.
Two!? - Two.
True.
Jessica
takes three.
Since you’re the only one
who got in the bathtub, I’m going to give you an extra point. Four points.
Thank you very much. - Sure.
Gilmário,
also four points.
Does the engineering not warrant an extra point?
No.
Toy.
Congrats! You take five points in this task! Well done!
She already sneezed.
Let’s go.
I’m not in the lead. - How are the scores?
Inês still in the lead...
but only one point separating her from Toy... - Goddamnit.
...who has 20 points. Inês with 21,
18 points to Jessica Athayde and Gilmário Vemba.
And 14 points to Rita Salema.
14...
18... 18...
20 and 21. - Always tied.
Everything is going to be decided
in the last task of
tonight’s Taskmaster.
It’s the final,
recorded live in this studio.
Raise those beautiful glutes!
Everyone, make some noise for these magnificent five!
Markl, this task will decide who will win this.
You’re right, and who shall read it?
Who is it? - It’s Toy
So, 4th grade reading assigment.
“Throw the objects far,"
“but not too far.”
“Taking turns,"
“choose an object and throw it beyond the red line”
“without falling off the platform.”
“If your object doesn’t cross the red line,"
“or if it falls off the platform, you’re out.”
“If all the objects stay inside the playing area,"
“the person with the shortest distance is out.”
“You can’t mess with your objects in any way”
“before throwing them.”
“Last one standing wins.”
Very well.
Markl, who starts?
We will start with Rita Salema.
Rita, choose your object carefully.
I only have to choose one? - Only one.
Hey, wait love.
Oh!
Nice one! - It crossed the red line.
Well done.
Was great.
Who’s up next?
Toy.
Thank you, Toy.
Too much strength.
Jessica, your turn.
The grape.
The grape
Step aside.
Aaaaaaaand…
Wow - Good job!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
It’s epic. - Wait, wait.
It was epic.
Nice one, nice one.
She won!
Gilmário, you are up next.
Now I’m having doubts.
I was really believing in the bean.
But that grape was too good to be truth.
True, even I was a bit stressed
Too good to be true.
So what have you chosen?
‘El féjon’
I thought that I was out, alongside Toy!
My turn, right?
Right.
Hey, wait.
Emotions are taking people over.
I’m not really good at this, man.
HOW?
This means Toy is out,
and also Rita, because her bean was the closest to the red line
That’s elderly discrimination, man.
C’mon now. - So, Rita is also out.
2nd round has three contestants.
Time for Jessica!
Jessica, new object.
Don’t eat it.
Hey!
That’s was so bleak.
You can’t even whistle properly. - That was really bleak.
I wanted to be a gentleman, didn’t want to scare you.
Do you want support?
I want a...
You’re gonna win! You’re gonna win!
Well done.
Did it - Through it
Gilmário Vemba
Let’s do it Gilmário - Let’s go!
Silence, silence, golf level.
Ok, golf level.
Well done, Gilmário Vemba!
Inês. - I’m sweating.
Get out Inês!
Inês.
Markl going all out.
Blow it! Blow it! Blow it!
Inês, it’s with a heavy heart that I’m saying...
You’re out. - Inês you’re out.
Grand final!
Whoever wins this round, wins Taskmaster.
Oh well...
Jessica, have you played, or just placed it?
Gilmário!
No, no, no, no
She dropped it. She can go again.
I can go again, I just let it slip. - She let it slip.
Gilmário, you only have to cross the red line.
If not, you’ll have another go with the remaining object.
Focus, focus.
It’s falling off.
I’m on the women side.
We won!
Warrior women!
Go Jessica! Go! Exactly what you wanted.
Last round, since you won’t have any objects remaining afterwards.
Don’t over throw it, don’t over throw it.
Gilmário, Gilmário, Jessica.
If you can’t complete the task
I’ll award zero to all of you,
and Inês will win.
No that won’t happ- - Oh, then wait a minute.
I’m not supporting Jessica after all.
It’s mine! It’s mine!
So, as things stand, either Gilmário wins
or Inês wins.
Gilmário Vemba!
Super, super!
Gilmário Vemba
is the winner
of tonight’s Taskmaster.
Thank you, my people!
I never thought I would make it here.
Such a huge joy.
What have we learned today?
Misschief happening here?
More like chief who miss
And if his first throw won’t come near
The fifty-fifth throw will be bliss
Goals that stand too far
They will not hinder
At times the best things are
Just four palms and three fingers.
There are those who ask a lot
Those who celebrate not
There are those who sought
To be carried in a strangers trot
A tear I shall make
If mine are on halt
Unless Toy is at stake
Who sucks his like a penalt
We’ll see you next week. This has been Taskmaster! Goodnight!
TASKMASTER WORLDWIDE INCORPORATED
EUROPEAN PORTUGUESE TEAM TIME PORTUGUÊS EUROPEU
ENGLISH TRANSLATION AND SYNC BY ABATISTA, ODAJOANA, MAFFU,
RODRAMOS AND VILKAV
PROOFREAD BY CRIMSONFOX AND TASKMASTER.INFO
SPECIAL THANKS TO PANDAROBOTO
♪ Fah fararah fah fah...♪
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