Monkey!
Man, this is stupid...
one, two, three...
Shit! Everything is falling down!
"A kind of egg of Columbus"
Very good evening! I am Vasco Palmeirim and this is Taskmaster,
the show that brings together on TV all the ingredients of a Hollywood blockbuster.
We have heroism, like we saw in 'Die Hard'.
We also have adrenaline, like what we saw in 'Fast and Furious'.
And we also have new uses for certain objects, like what we saw in '50 Shades of Grey'.
Today we are again joined by five players who will give everything
to win today's show,
and 4 of those players, our beautiful fixed panel, will also try to accumulate more points
in the race for the trophy that everyone dreams of taking home.
And then... It's true!
They want to take this home but then they will just ask
"And now what the hell do I do with this thing?"
Guys, one day this will let you remember one of the highest points of your career.
Or else it is a beautiful paperweight.
A lot can happen.
As always, by my side, a man who deep inside is like the
the Jerónimos Monastery: part of our heritage,
many people take pictures of him, and from time to time
it is necessary to clean him.
It's Nuno Markl.
Thank you, thank you.
Nuno Markl, the question I have for you today is the following:
How are you?
I'm fine, thank you.
I've been in my dressing room in the company of nice strippers and...
I'm sorry, strippers?
Yes, there was even a table dance going on...
Wait wait wait...
Table dance with strippers? What happened?
Yes, yes! Unfortunately I think they didn't like it
because when I got up on the table and started dancing
they immediately got up and left.
Let's introduce our five magnificents of today.
Let's start with an actress who, years ago,
went to Australia, on a 16,000 km journey.
16,000 km! Curiously, that is also the distance she can be heard screaming
"MAAAAAAAARKL!!"
Inês Aires Pereira!
[hoarse voice] MAAARKL!!
Next to Inês, the comedian who comes up with many jokes on the toilet,
a place where, according to him, there is only
himself and God.
God reacted by saying,
"For the love of myself, there are things that I would prefer not to see."
It's Gilmário Vemba!
Next to Gilmário, a wonderful actress who recently gave an interview
entitled "I would gladly do this show until the end of the year."
I read the interview and realised: that she likes what she does,
she likes new things,
and that she was not talking about Taskmaster.
Jessica Athayde!
Why am I applauding myself? - [Vasco] Yay me!
Jessy! Jessy!
After Jessica, one of the greatest singers in Portugal, who says he loves his audience,
which ranges from 2 to 92 years old.
Bad news for Mrs. Elisabete Silva, from Vila Real, who turned 93 yesterday.
Congratulations! But, since yesterday, Toy doesn't give a damn about you!
A round of applause for Toy!
Tough luck.
"Oh Toy, I'm such a big fan!" "How old are you?" "93!" "Go away!"
We finalise this quintet with our guest for today.
He is an actor and has confessed that he is impulsive when driving,
which he later regrets.
Actually, backstage he said he would like to take this opportunity
to apologise to the 347 people and their respective mothers
that he insulted on his way here today. It's Manuel Marques!
Welcome everyone,
and a special greeting to my friend Manuel. Thank you for accepting the invitation,
it's going to be fun, you'll see.
We start Taskmaster by checking the homework of our five players.
Yes, they always have homework that gets graded.
They didn't have to write an essay nor a dictation.
No, sir. - They didn't have to do that.
They just had to bring an object that would fulfill a small requirement.
A single requirement.
But the goal is always to impress the Taskmaster.
Well, today they were challenged to bring 'the most fightening thing'.
Inês Aires Pereira,
I want a good scare. What did you bring?
I brought a little cockroach. - A little cockroach?
But but... - Yes.
My house has cockroaches.
You have a cockroach infestation?
No, it's just my house.
They're like her dogs.
No, when summer arrives, cockroaches appear,
In winter, the house is heated and the cockroaches appear again.
So there are always a lot of cockroaches.
Have you gotten used to them?
No, it's still scary.
Like, during the night, leaving the bedroom and stepping on a cockroach...
A round of applause for Inês' cockroach. Thank you.
I just want to point out that whoever wins today's show
takes it all home, including that cockroach.
I'm not looking forward to it...
Gilmário Vemba, what did you bring?
I brought a thing I use to make my children do something.
So that they obey without complaining.
I know that it is quite frightening.
So it scares your children?
Yes, it scares my children, and anyone who sees me taking them off.
Taking them off?
Calm down, calm down...
What did Gilmário Vemba bring? What's this, Gilmário?
They're dentures... - Dentures...
That I use for a character of mine. And it's horrible,
If I put them on and pass in front of a mirror, I even scare myself.
So how do you scare them? Putting the dentures in, threathening them, or...?
My children, by putting them in. My wife, by taking them out.
Because I drool a lot.
Thank you. A round of applause for Gilmário Vemba's dentures.
Jessica Athayde, what did you bring?
Well, I didn't bring it. Whoever wins can pick it up. You'd even be doing me a favour.
Why? Is it heavy? - Very heavy. I mean, I think so.
When I bought my house I got this included for free...
You can see...
[Markl] This is very scary.
Wait, wait, what's the size of this? Maybe the picture doesn't do it justice.
It's about this size. Right behind there is my bedroom.
and at night it casts a shadow, and I have this boy...
[spooky voice] Jessica...
It's a fixed stone statue-
That's in Cascais, right? [an affluent and posh municipality]
Because it has that snooty Cascais expression: [with disdain] "What are you doing here?"
So, a round of applause for Jessica and her version of Chucky.
Mr Toy, what did you bring?
I think the scariest thing in life is a divorce.
Oh my God...
It's very scary.
Did you bring your ex-wife?
I brought a couple to symbolise what I don't want to happen to me again: getting married.
I've married two times, it's enough.
So I hope this marriage is forever...
Besides loving my wife, I really don't want to marry again.
I really don't, it's terrifying!
Manuel Marques, what did you bring?
I brought something which doesn't scare my daughter,
but she scares me with it.
It's a toy that I think is called 'Pop', and it's proof that society is going crazy.
This is called a 'Pop It'. - 'Pop It', that's it!
But what's the purpose of this? - It's for children to keep popping...
It's to kill cockroaches, woman!
But this is perfectly terrifying.
I want to stress again that whoever wins tonight takes home:
Inês' cockroach, Gilmário's dentures,
that statue they have to pick up from your house, because it is heavy,
Toy's bride and groom, and Manuel's Pop It.
Let's attribute the points.
I'm goint to give - Manuel, forgive me - a single point to the Pop It.
I'm going to give 2 points to Toy's wedding cake figure.
Because to me, that's love.
And you're very much in love, I know.
That's good. Hold on to that woman.
Until death!
I'm going to give 3 points to Inês' cockroach.
That is not... - Everybody went "Ewww!!"
It's just a little cockroach. Come on.
Ok, it was kinda cute.
Maybe its name was Amélia.
Let's go to the 4 points,
which I will give to Gilmário's dentures.
5 points to the scary statue from Jessica Athayde.
However, Jessica went "Great I've got 5 points..."
"but this means I will win this and keep it. Damn!" - Exactly!
Nuno, in terms of classification,
how are we at this point in the competition?
Let's look at the table.
Up ahead comes Jessica with 5 points. Behind her, Gilmário with 4.
Inês with 3. Toy with 2.
And finally, our guest, Manuel Marques. So far, he's in last place.
He's in last place but look at his pose. "I'm going to win this".
[Markl] He looks regal!
Five, four, three, two, one.
What's the next task?
This is that task that you came up with
after having rewatched 'Passeio dos Alegres' with Júlio Isidro... ['80s variety show]
Trying to fit as many people as possible in a Mini.
This, my friends, I call the pre-history of Taskmaster.
I remember seeing parents, uncles, cousins, and grandmother
with their forehead on the clutch.
I confess, I confess.
I would very much like to do that competition here on Taskmaster,
even as a tribute to 'Uncle' Júlio.
Riiiiiight, but we don't have all those people, nor a Mini.
However, we do have junk... and a bin!
Hello there! How's it going? - Hello there! What's up?
We're taking out the trash?
"Put exactly 50 different things in this bin."
"Fastest wins."
"The time ends when you say..."
"I've put exactly 50 different things in this bin."
"Your time starts..."
"when Markl touches your shoulder."
Fifty...
As I'm already of a certain age, I'm still thinking here.
No need to touch my shoulder yet.
But are you pondering about...?
I'm thinking about what fifty thing I'm going to put in there.
You're faster than me.
This can go on forever.
For sure. It's not only a question of speed,
but also the body's... [unintelligible]
Right, right, that's it.
So, fifty things...
Fifty things to put in here...
I just told you, I'm too old for some things.
I am a person of a certain age.
There has to be a some respect for people...
I know, I know. But I still have to know how...
Fifty things.
I think this requires some strategy.
Did they take out everything from in there?
You're loving this. - I am!
Here thinking... about fifty things.
What if the task was just this?
If you want Markl to lose weight... - Damn it!
...just let me know. - Damn it!
This is never going to end - Yeah, it won't.
I knew you'd do that.
"Your time starts when Markl touches your shoulder."
Now?! Right now? - Yes.
Is it just me, or did Manuel Marques suddenly remember
that he had to be on the set of 'Festa é Festa'? [soap opera in which he performs]
And went away, taking my precious bin?
The question "Where did Manuel Marques go?" is actually a good question.
It is.
The answer, I will give in a moment.
First we have Inês, Toy and Jessica putting
exactly 50 different things in that bin.
A task that would only be completed with the sentence
- and this is very important! - completed with the sentence
"I've put exactly 50 different things in this bin."
And I explicitly asked, Markl... I've asked this of you, my right hand man,
and you were very rigorous in that regard.
Vasco, Vasco, 'rigorous' is my middle name.
It's right there between 'Correia da Silva' and 'Lobato'.
Press the button, let's see it.
One. - Two.
Three, four, five... - Six...
Seven.
[counting...]
How am I supposed to whistle? - 22...
[counting...]
A tennis ball, 39.
Toilet paper, 40.
[counting...]
A beach bucket, 45.
[counting...]
This was going to be number 50 but that will be the pen. Fifty!
The task isn't finished yet. - Why?
All the information is on the task.
What do you mean?
I've put exactly 50 different things in this bin.
It's somewhere in there...
I have the impression that they were always in control of the situation.
Don't you think? - I do, I do.
They know how to count up to fifty!
They do know how to count, I was surprised.
Did anybody else think when we saw Toy taking off his belt
that we would see him in his underwear?
There was a second in which it seemed like he was going to take off his pants.
Because that wasn't number 50.
I thought: belt, 47; pants, 48; boxer briefs, 49; and who knows what number 50 would be!
In terms of counting, how did things go?
Do you want to know? - Of course I do.
Inês introduced into the bin... 53 objects!
I asked for fifty. What about Jessica Athayde?
Jessica put exactly 50 things in!
[Gilmário] You're keeping the statue.
And Toy?
What happened with Toy is almost a new type of philosophy.
What? - We have to analyse,
we have to think, we have to reflect on this.
He put 50 things in, but, for example,
do similar stones count as different objects?
Because the task talks about 50 objects,
but with just the stones, he has a lot...
He really has a lot of things.
Doing the math, Toy put in the bin... more than 150 objects.
Thank you Toy.
Who's next, Nuno Markl?
Next is Gilmário Vemba,
a man who did not follow the advice that you keep repeating on 'Joker'. [quiz show hosted by Vasco]
What do you mean?
"Always pay attention to..."
The phrasing of the question... - "... the phrasing of the question."
It is fundamental to read every word.
Wait a sec.
Did Gilmário Vemba fall into the trap?
Like a duuuuuuuuuckling.
Fifty things. - Right.
Fifty things, I'm on it!
One, two, three...
Oh no! Oh no!
That was worse than me.
Do you like duckies, Markl?
I've put exactly...
There's a problem, right? - Yeah, there's a problem.
I didn't say anything because you looked so excited, but...
but maybe you could use one of them?
One
Can I just borrow your pen?
When you're shopping, you sometimes forget what you already took.
Welcome!
I've put exactly 50 different things in this bin.
Thank you, Gilmário.
"All the little ducklings know how to swim well" [children's song]
[Markl completes the song] "Head down and butt up in the air"
Gilmário...
The silence that I saw there, I want you now to put in words.
When you realised that those fifty objects were exactly the same,
what went through your head?
"I fucked up"
Even worse, people tried to convince me
"No, you don't need to take them all out..."
"some of them are different..."
No, no. They're the same!
Yes, they are.
But then you went the radically opposite way.
A shopping list, everything recorded...
Everything. I don't want similar balls. - Nothing.
I don't want any more ducklings in my life.
You did use one.
I used a duckling so the family wouldn't feel bad.
The remaining 49 just stayed there staring at the sky.
Markl, I'm asking you: How many items did Gilmário put in the bin?
Gilmário managed to get 50 objects. - Well done, Gilmário.
And now there's only our last contestant left. Our guest, right?
Right. Before launching the video, I would like to throw out a question:
So, imagine that the Incredible Hulk and the Elongated Man had a son... right?
Who suffered a little from amnesia
You know what that child would be called? - What?
Manuel Marques.
Worse!
They're not moving!
Duck.
Shit! Everything is falling down!
Ouch, my foot!
Done?
I have to go up there?
Damn, this is heavy now!
Hello.
Finished?
Yes, I think I'm finished. - Nothing missing?
Do you want to come in too?
I don't think that's it.
That's not it. All the information is on the task.
"The time ends when you say..."
"I've put exactly 50 different things in this bin."
Now we're talking.
Thank you very much. - You're welcome.
Manuel, are you sure you don't want to read the task again?
"Exactly fifty things."
Are there exactly fifty things in there? - Oh man...
Sorry Markl. - I've started the time again.
One, two, three, four, five... They're different!
24... 25
Look! The letter, 32.
39
Look, this dirty one, 48. A broken clothes peg, that's different.
No, just the peg. Look. - Right right right.
49
You're going to need to say the... - The what?
What finishes the...?
Oh! I've finished the task and I've put exactly 50 things inside this...
this, this... drum?
I think that's not the sentence... - Inside this crate?
No, that's not it.
The task is in there now... - It's in there now, of course...
What's the sentence?
I've put exactly 50 different things in this bin.
But the thing is, you didn't put them in, you took them out just now.
I did, but I can put them in again. Do you want me to put them in again?
Maybe you should.
Just imagine I represent those items. - Ok, ok.
You still have to say the sentence. - I've put exactly 50 things in this box.
They're telling me this is not acceptable. - Damn it...
But now I'm not going to count, ok? - Sure.
Where's the letter?
I've put exactly 50 different things in this bin.
Task concluded?
Now we just have to count...
Ok, count then...
If there's 50 things there, I'll do a lap around the pool in my underpants.
Wonderful.
Disgraceful! Disgraceful!
Before anything... If there are 50 items in that bin,
and Markl has the count here, you're going to run around the pool in your underpants?
Yes yes.
It is a promise that you're making here now.
It is. - Ok.
I want there to be 50 so badly.
Manuel, I'm tired just from watching this. - Me too!
How was it, that in a task that solely consists in putting 50 things in a bin, this man almost died?
No. Because I didn't read the task properly.
I did not read it properly.
But he went all in. - All in.
I did.
I just didn't focus when reading.
I was just wondering in which part of the task was it written,
"including yourself"?
Always in the bin!
I'm an object.
I'm an object for the audience.
So how many items did Manuel put in? You know, you know.
Well, Manuel put in 50 items, and then 10 more.
Therefore 60 objects. - 60.
Not bad.
60 items, after this odyssey. I will no longer run naked around the pool.
That's right.
My dear, supposedly now would be the part where I analyse the times,
who put more or less items, and hand out the points.
However, this was only the first part of the task.
Yes, it was.
What they collected in the first part
was, let's say, the the raw material for the
arts and crafts class that followed.
Look what a beautiful thing!
I knew it.
It is, isn't it? - It is.
Looks familiar? - It does.
At a certain point, when I was collecting things,
I did think to myself, "I will use this later."
You are a visionary.
I am moved.
You missed them? - I did.
"Using all of the items on this mat..."
"create the best portrait of Markl."
So good.
"You have ten minutes and your time starts..."
"... now."
Right now I'm doing the beard. - Ok.
This actually looks like Markl's hair.
This is the nose.
It's supposed to be the eyebrows.
This is an eye.
This is another eye.
This is your face, and let's pretend you have long hair,
and this is the band, for the ponytail.
What do you prefer?
The clown nose...? I think the clown nose is better.
You're not insulted, are you? - No no, I'm delighted.
Your eyes, the hair is here.
Put a little hat... - On the side, more stylish.
Yes, more stylish this way.
I'm trying to recognise myself in that.
You're not looking bad.
This is your body.
I don't know if you are...
a man of large proportions...
Is that a leg or...?
I had a different idea. I wasn't thinking about a leg.
Thank you, Gilmário.
Now you have a bigger nose.
I'm just going to put some more hair here.
Four minutes and a half.
I don't have arms for you.
In the end, let's do two legs.
Good thing that I put the tape in the bin.
That was fate being written.
Done.
It's done!
That's totally me. I'm moved, in a way. - You are?
I see myself there, completely. - Me too. I see you in this.
So, that first part of the task was to take everything
that could be raw material, and then make art.
Exactly, to then to make art. Having as inspiration this Adonis.
Who? Who?
Now I will have to evaluate the portraits of you, made by these five magnificents
Jessica, explain to me, where is Nuno's face?
So, the face is the heart.
Then there's the mouth, you can see it well.
The nose. The eyes are the two tennis balls.
Ok, got it. - The hair and hat.
Gilmário had a different approach.
Let's call it, a little more childish, like a child's drawing.
It's him playing tennis, and in quite an athletic position.
Which is something that Vasco knows I do very well. [/s]
It is true. This man plays tennis like no other. [/s]
Toy also did a little something, also using everything that was
at his disposal.
Manuel did an extraordinary thing.
Looking over there, I see clearly... You can clearly see Markl.
Inês also bet on Markl's beard.
[Jessica] But did they use everything?
That's a good question, Jessica Athayde!
Because I used it all! - That's exactly the point.
I have to ask my right hand man. Markl, who did or didn't use all the items?
Only two people used all the items.
These people were Jessica and Toy.
I will give 2 points to Inês and Gilmário,
and 3 points to Manuel. - Why?
I'm going to give a little less...
First, Manuel clearly did the portrait that most resembles Markl.
Mine is just like that.
Don't make me get up.
I have a lot of hidden stuff back here.
But I went to the fine arts academy!
And it has more things compared with...
He gave it a great shape, spectacular,
but he used a lot of tape. I could have done that myself, with tape!
Now, now let me say something else.
Why didn't you? Why didn't you use the tape?
I used it to outline the face, but for the rest I used more stuff.
She did but- - He must have used what? Five things?
More, more.
Never in my life have I felt so important.
Seize the moment, my friend, seize the moment.
Okay.
I'm going to give 4 points to Toy and 5 to Jessica. It's done.
That means... Markl, send the scoreboard to our screen.
At this point, Jessica is in the lead with 10 points
followed by Toy and Gilmário, both with 6,
Inês with 5 points, and Manuel with 4.
Jessica Athayde. In the lead.
I'm also feeling a lot of confidence from Jessica, right?
It won't last long. I remember the day these were recorded.
Nuno, what is the next task that these cuties had to put into practice.
For those who think that our tasks are too quiet,
now we have nothing more nothing less than PARACHUTING!
Good morning!
I don't have to read anything?
Where's the paper?
Oh.
Oh boy.
Damn.
This challenge already started dangerously.
A wooden spoon.
My mother used to use this at home. [implying spanking]
She broke several. Well deserved, well deserved.
"Make the best parachute for this wooden spoon."
"You have 10 minutes to choose the materials and another 10 minutes..."
"10 minutes to make the parachute."
"The slowest and most dramatic fall wins."
"Your tme starts now."
Huh?
Jesus... - I will need a bag...
I want string. - A balloon with helium.
Tape
Toy! You used a helium balloon?
Can I use something that I have in the car?
I want some card, or something.
Are there ducklings?
A string.
Can I take my spoon?
I really felt that there was some excessive enthusiasm
with your announcement of a task involving parachutes.
You may, perhaps, have induced the viewers into a slight error.
I think the viewers know that we would never have the budget for real airplanes and parachutes.
That said, in the category 'Parachute Flights by Kitchen Utensils'
this was one of the most spectacular things I've seen in my life.
The only reason it wasn't the most spectacular is because once in '92,
a collender completed a flawless jump from an aeroplane.
I was there and it was wonderful.
When Inês saw the task introduction
she realised that maybe Toy had the same approach. Right, Inês?
Yes.
You even said: [shrill voice] "Toy! You used a helium balloon?!"
Yes, I thought I had been a genius.
Who do we start with? - Let's start with Inês, Gilmário and Jessica
a small but valiant collective...
What now?
...that I like to call...
In-Gil-Má-Ssica.
[childish pronunciation] Monkey!
I don't believe this!
These are the balloons from little Alice's party. [her daughter]
[childish pronunciation] Monkey!
A hole here, on this side...
This is the upside of having organised a lot of birthday part-
Time's already running, right?
Flames on the wooden spoon... so it looks like it's on fire.
I think that... I wonder if it's light?
A little bit of blood on the tip of the knife.
[Inês] What's this? [Vasco] Huh?
[Jessica] I don't know...
That spoon will fly, it will.
This was supposed to be a little better but oh well...
Increase the weight here.
Almost there, almost there.
Once again, those suckers will be like "Rags! It doesn't fit! I don't know what to use!"
Seriously?
Wait, wait, this is specific.
Could you please help me?
Up. More. Even more. Until the top.
Man, this is stupid.
More. More. More. More. More. More.
Ok, this has to go up, before it goes out.
It can fall.
[childish pronunciation] Monkey!
Release it.
It couldn't be slower than this.
I'm already winning over the others.
Background music...
Thank you, gentlemen.
We can't say it wasn't dramatic.
More dramatic than this? I don't know.
I pity the others!
In case you missed the words of Inês, they were "I pity the others".
"Only I came up with this genius tactic."
"Nobody else will think of balloons!"
"Those suckers will be like..."
"Those suckers".
For that alone, I deserve 5 points.
They all went for the balloon tactic.
By the way, Jessica, you put blood on the... - Blood and fire.
So your spoon jumps already bleeding.
A complicated life...!
"Tell my wooden spoon I love her!"
Something like that, yes.
Gilmário, I want you to tell me a bit more about the history of that wooden spoon.
Where did it come from?
It came after a well made muamba [typical Angolan dish], served the sauce,
descending directly onto the the main course, to its father's side.
Very well, Gilmário Vemba! Thank you!
Times. - Let's start maybe with Jessica's spoon.
3 seconds descending.
Which is dramatic. But not quite the dramatism that we were looking for.
Inês' spoon took 8 seconds to fall.
8 seconds, ok. - Gilmário's spoon took 18 seconds to fall.
18 seconds, with all that drama.
A round of applause for Gilmário.
So boring, waiting there for it to fall.
Nuno, whose spoon comes next?
Next we have a living legend!
Are you talking about Toy or Marques?
I was talking about the spoon, Vasco.
Besides it we have Toy and Manuel Marques.
Ok, 10 minutes, let's do it like this...
You're already taking too long, António.
This is helium?
This is going to be a huge failure.
Still not enough?
Do we need 500 balloons?
Don't run away!
They did it like this at NASA, to land the rover.
I'm following their example.
Easy...
At least it looks nice. It seems that it will work.
There it is.
Let's see it it works. Hook!
That's it, now up, up, up... It's so tilted...
I don't have darts. Are there more darts?
And... drop!
It was ok.
Time's up. It was a good try.
It would be interesting, If I had good aim.
Can I take this home? To give to my daughters.
I'm going to drop it from a 15 storey building. You'll see it works.
We saw Manuel Marques asking for card.
We saw Manuel Marques making a card parachute on the floor.
And I thought: "Wait! We have a different approach!"
We have a real approach. Real. - "Real", sorry.
It is real because, in my defence, I made a real parachute. Without balloons.
And there's nothing more dramatic than a failing parachute.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's be serious.
I ask for seriousness and a moment of silence for Toy's spoon.
Wait... - That is still up there...
No no no! Fact: in terms of slow falling, I won for sure.
The attendant called me yesterday, saying the spoon is almost on the floor.
In terms of slowness, I won. No doubt about it.
It's a so-called tantric parachute.
Toy, I understand your point of view.
However, I wanted the dramatic fall at that time.
And for that, Markl, I count on your data and your results.
Well, as far as Toy is concerned, that day the spoon was
dramatically abandoned near the ceiling.
Manuel Marques' spoon took 4 seconds.
Four seconds.
Nuno, what does this mean in points?
It means Toy gets 1 point in this task.
Jessica gets 2 points.
Manuel Marques, 3 points.
Inês, 4. And Gilmário, 5 points.
So, we add these points to the scores.
At this point, then, of the competition,
with the points from the parachute task, what's the status, Markl?
Jessica remains in the lead with 12 points, followed by Gilmário with 11.
Then Inês with 9 and, tied with 7, Toy and Manuel.
A round of applause for our five.
The race is still on and, for the delight and joy of those present,
now, for the first time with Manuel Marques,
we are going to have a live task on our stage.
Lift your glutes.
A round of applause for our five magnificents. It's our first studio task!
Nuno Markl, it's the first live task today, here in the studio.
Who will read the task? - It's going to be Inês.
Go ahead, open it
She actually did.
"Don the most items of clothing while wearing handcuffs."
"You have 100 seconds."
"The person correctly wearing the most items of clothing wins."
So, all five are already handcuffed.
All restrained. Thanks Inês.
So they each have five items.
We have here a hat, a pair of sunglasses, a pair of gloves,
a scarf, and a poncho.
The poncho and your dress are a stupidly good combination.
Thank you.
I'm going to whistle.
♪ Stupidly well matched! ♪ [he has a song that goes "Stupidly in love..."]
How am I going to do this?
Ok, let's skip to the next.
Manuel and Gilmário already have their hats...
How?? - How??
Manuel has the glasses too.
My god!
[Vasco] Manuel has two... [Toy] This is for skinny people...
No way, my hands are too fat.
Don't give up, Toy, don't give up.
Manuel, I'm sorry to say, the scarf is not very well donned.
This is very interesting.
Very good, Jessica!
This is for the skinny ones. I can't do it.
10 seconds left.
Help me get up, for fuck's sake.
Toy didn't get up. - I can't get up.
I'm heavy. You won't be able to...
We're going to start counting...
Discrimination!
Let's start with Toy since it's easy.
You're discriminating against fat people!
How many articles did Toy manage to put on?
Zero.
So we go to Inês, who has the hat... - One.
The glasses. - Two.
The scarf. - Three.
And the gloves.
Very good, missing only the poncho. 4 for Inês.
Now, Gilmário has indeed the hat. - One.
The scarf. - Two.
The poncho, on the shoulder like a tablecloth...
I'm just not sure if it's going to be cold...
He has it no longer...
He has nothing more.
No, you already counted it.
What's up with Jessica? She does have the glasses.
The scarf.
The ponch- - I've got the poncho, I've got the poncho.
I've got the poncho! - And the gloves.
Manuel has the hat, he has the glasses, he has the scarf.
The poncho.
The gloves impeccably put on, with all fingers.
Manuel Marques wins the task!
What's that glove for, Toy?
I'll give all my points to whoever can put this glove on my hand, even without handcuffs.
I couldn't put this on even without handcuffs.
It only fits certain parts of my body. Certainly not my hand.
Gilmário, what are you trying to gain? - Toy's points.
The zero points that he's getting on this task?
Only of this task? - Yes.
This means Manuel Marques got 3 points in this task. How has that affected the scores?
Manuel jumps to the middle of the ranking with 10 points.
In the lead, still Jessica with 12. 11 for Gilmário.
Further down we have Inês with 9 and Toy with 7 points.
Markl, what is the task ahead of us?
Vasco, dear friends, audience, let me tell you a story from when I was young.
Oh no...
The thing is, me and a colleague of mine, Carlos,
we didn't have much luck with the girls,
and we were looking for the right way to impress them.
I already know this story. Trust me, this is very grotesque.
But we will accompany Markl, so he's not alone.
We though only one thing would work.
No Nuno, there were many other ways it could work.
Listening to vinyl records in reverse,
taking notes on the lyrics, backwards,
and memorising them, backwards.
It was then, my friends, that I learned to sing,
for example, the hit by Mário Gil, 'Pelos Caminhos de Portugal',
backwards.
Sing! Sing! - Shut up! No!
I'm going to use an app on my phone
To prove to you that's it's actually in reverse.
This app is going to reverse what I'm about to sing
and, if all goes well, we will hear the chorus of 'Pelos Caminhos de Portugal'.
[singing in reverse]
[recognisable as the song 'Pelos Caminhos de Portugal']
Incredible. It's the 17th time and I still applaud.
I'd make out with you right away.
Manuel would be like, "Markl, let's do it right here behind the sports pavillion."
The question is, did it work? Were you and Carlos successful with the ladies?
If by success you mean... what this tablet just did,
namely, running away from us, then yes, it was a success.
That's not really my definition of success.
The question is, what has the next task, which is precisely about reversals,
done for the sexiness of our contestants?
Can I press play? - Yes.
Come in.
[Speaking French] Good evening, brother. Hi.
"Do something that will look impressive in reverse."
"The Taskmaster will watch your video in reverse."
"You will, therefore, have to do something backwards"
"that looks impressive when the video is played in reverse."
"Your time starts now."
What a chore!
Time begins now? - You have time to think.
I have time to think.
Yes.
I will take my time thinking of something impressive.
You wouldn't be willing to be fully naked, right?
It's so easy to complicate things.
What a dull task.
Nobody ever says the task is dull? I bet they do.
Rita Salema [guest on another episode] goes, "How great, I'm doing a video in reverse!"
[pretends to speak backwards]
So explain please what this task consists of.
Just to answer Inês: no, only under certain conditions,
namely when the lights are off.
What will happen is that we will watch videos our contestants made, but in reverse.
And, in reverse, it should be impressive.
So they already had to do something backwards so that it appears, when we watch it in reverse...
Right.
This is very difficult to to explain, but the effect is absolutely spectacular.
I think there are perfect conditions for historical TV moments
or, according to the task... [speaks backwards]
Markl, who is the first contestant we are seeing?
[speaks in reverse]
Gilmário Vemba!
You're the best! Press the button.
Was it raining?
What was that? A super hero? - Yes, a super hero
A super hero that spontaneously comes out of a swimming pool.
And gets a sword and a shield, right? - Like Thor.
He was the first to arrive at the battle. Nobody else was there yet.
Nuno, who is next?
I'm going to give you some clues.
I suffered, physically and psychologically...
And I shouted for help.
Why is everybody looking at me?
The answer, I bet, is Inês Aires Pereira.
It's a good bet.
[in English] I am the real master.
Help! Vasco, help me!
Let's see if I understood. You said "I am the real master."
Taking my right hand man hostage,
who is wearing a t-shirt that says, "Inês AP is my real master"
And you said? - Help! Vasco, help me!
I had to learn how to say this in reverse, so it would come out right.
Very impressive.
It turned out nice. - Very nice.
Markl, who is next?
Jessica Athayde, who basically enlisted pretty much the entire crew
and maybe a couple of people she found on the street.
Let's see.
Markl, the first one, sounds like he's dying,
[BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAM]
The last guy is just going along, relaxed.
Markl went all in, incredible acting.
The line was so long that the message didn't get to the last element.
It was a good task. Jessica showing she's the best at tug of war.
Who's the next Implacable Inverter? [word play on the Portuguese title for the movie 'The Exterminator', 'Implacable Exterminator']
The next implacable inverter is the Elongated Man himself.
When we were recording this, I was afraid Manuel had hurt himself.
But watching it now in reverse, it's more pleasant, because it looks he's un-hurting himself.
I can confirm that I'm unhurt.
Sérgio Godinho. [singer songwriter]
[incomprehensible gibberish]
I'm not sure if it's clear that it's an homage to Sérgio Godinho.
In fact, I only understood "Sérgio Godinho..."
I'm a big fan of Sérgio, and I know a song of his by heart, 'Elixir da Eterna Juventude',
that goes like this...
[sings part of the song]
So I reversed it.
But this is markedly from the surrealism school.
He sounded like a wizard from The Lord of the Rings.
And now it's Toy's turn- - But he fell backwards?
He did, he fell backwards.
Do you want me to fall from this armchair?
Manuel, don't!
[Markl] I'd like to see it. [Vasco] Ok, go on then.
Are you satisfied?
Wow!
If you reverse this, it looks like he's sitting down.
Let us now see Toy, right? - Yes.
Toy planned such a complex operation
that I was afraid he was going to have a breakdown.
In the end, I had a breakdown watching him.
So cool, he did this all in reverse.
He has the drink in his mouth, right?
Bravo! - Spectacular.
I just wanted to make clear again: he did all that in reverse.
I even dropped my cards. So unbelievable.
All in reverse, including most of the time with his mouth full of coffee.
It's impressive.
It's impressive, and I have to award points.
I can't award 1 point to anyone, you were all great.
I am going to give 2 points to Jessica. 3 points to Manuel and Gilmário.
Because Inês designed the whole mis-en-scène, and Markl and Inês spoke backwards,
I'm giving 4 points to Inês.
But I can't ignore this. 5 points to Toy. Congratulations!
Thank you, Markl.
Toy was last, but I just gave him 5 points. What does this mean?
Let's see.
[Inês] I'm last now... [Vasco] Damn!
I'm still last.
But it's all very close now. 14 points for Jessica and Gilmário.
13 points for Manuel and Inês.
And Toy has 12 points.
This task was quite complex, and I think it must have caused a certain fatigue in the our five players.
That's true, Vasco, but you, in your immense generosity, left them doughnuts.
I can't wait to see their faces when they realised that the doughnuts were not for eating.
They were not. - They were for something else.
Cheese?
Oh, it's a doughnut.
I love doughnuts.
If you're giving away food, the situation is dire.
"Pass the largest thing through the doughnut without breaking it."
"You have 20 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
Show me your tongue.
My tongue is very short.
Because it would be cool if you could...
I have a short tongue.
Take your shoes off.
My feet are big.
And your di-
It's like a [mechanical] nut, I just need a bolt.
I was thinking you'd put it in first and only then does it...
My god...
Can I explore? - Yes you can. You have 20 minutes.
Sometimes the immaturity of our contestants leaves me speechless.
They promised that they were going to edit things out.
That not everything I said was going to stay in.
Now imagine what they edited out.
Ladies first, Nuno.
How did Inês and Jessica deal with this doughnut challenge?
In the akward way that our audience is accustomed to.
How are we going to do this?
It has to be something that... something that is malleable.
Unless it's a very, very, very big tube...
Like a cane.
I think I could pass my hand through without breaking it.
Like a bracelet.
I like challenges.
I went running...
And your idea is...?
To just pass it through.
This is not interesting at all.
I was so convinced...
You think it is a sad moment of television.
I do. This is the part they'll just fast-forward, right?
Can't I try again? - No.
I'm sorry Markl, but this is not me.
Either I do it well or not at all. Wait a sec.
Right...
This is a hell of a childbirth.
Contraction.
MAAAAARKL! - You broke it.
I'm very sorry Inês. - It didn't break...
It did break, I saw it.
Now you can probably use it.
At least measure what has passed through, please.
Sure thing.
Inês has a pattern of conduct here on Taskmaster,
she has accustomed the audience to expect a show.
I liked the phrase "This is not me".
Why the cane? Was it just the closest thing?
That little ball passing through... It must have been because I'm pregnant...
I said to myself, "I'm going to make it".
It is something I want very much, a natural childbirth.
Maybe I should seek help, maybe I have issues...
On the other hand, Jessica's doughnut arrived home and its mum asked "What happened, son"?
And the doughnut replied, "Oh nothing, Jessica Athayde impaled me with her own hand."
You really thought it could be a bracelet?
Yes, I do it at home all the time.
Doughnuts are bracelets!
Nuno, what about the results?
Alright, Jessica clearly didn't make it,
because the doughnut ripped.
And, as for Inês, she managed to pass 62.67m of rope with a circumference of 2cm.
It is not brilliant. - Hence, the cane.
Who's next to make doughnuts cry, Nuno?
Well, Gilmário and Manuel,
giving everything in terms of quality-price ratio.
What do you mean, quality-price ratio?
No sorry, I mistook this for a consumer protection magazine.
What I wanted to say is that Gilmário and Manuel
gave everything in terms of length-girth ratio.
Pass the largest thing...
I don't want it to be anything phallic.
To not be obvious? - To not be obvious.
The biggest... Can I...?
Nobody had done that joke, really...
I had an idea.
It is a kind of egg of Columbus. [a brilliant idea that seems simple in hindsight]
It is going to be a mess.
It's daring, because it gets more...
When one says 'largest', what does that mean?
Are we talking about length or width?
What are we talking about exactly?
Looks like I'm inserting something strange.
Damn it. Wait.
I have to adjust.
Didn't break!
You finished, correct? - Yep, done.
Gilmário, not that I don't know my own house, but what was that object?
Actually, I was looking for a tampon.
Thicker at the front, and then a string to pull it through.
Manuel, explain your strategy.
It's like an egg of Columbus.
Actually not Columbus, but an egg of Brunelleschi,
the one who designed the Florence cathedral...
That egg was still an egg, right? - Correct.
So that doughnut is still a doughnut, I think.
However, when Inês saw you cutting a bigger hole, she was very indignant.
It is true!
But she does that with everything.
MAAAAAARKL!
I think the challenge of this task is precisely that it's a small hole,
or else there would just be a ring there.
So... - So...
Therefore he had to use the small hole.
No, not necessarily,
because the great challenge here was to
pass something through the doughnut without breaking it.
It didn't break. - It didn't break.
It did break. - No it didn't.
If it's not whole, it's broken.
Nobody agrees with me? - I agree.
Breaking doesn't have to be to the sides...
Thank you. Thank you.
I don't think Manuel cheated.
He saw the task and thought he could do something about it,
as you all have done before.
We're all very argumentative today...
I welcome the arguing. Let's look at the results.
Gilmário managed 23.72m and a 7cm circumference.
And then Manuel, 40cm lengthwise, and 17.5cm circumference.
And now Toy...
How to say this?
Toy came across not just one, but two holes.
One in the doughnut, and the other in the rules of this task.
Already?
The biggest thing would be my voice. I could make a...
That's good, but I can get something else.
Nah, not worth it.
If the decibels are measured, we can convert decibels into centimetres.
I want to see who wins. Bye!
Now he screwed us...
Now explain the decibel to centimetre conversion.
That must have been around 100 decibels, 90 something decibels.
When you do....
If you want something big passing through a small hole, here you have it.
Now convert decibels into centimeters and let's see who wins.
Don't look at me, or else I'm the one always complaining.
To me it's obvious that it doesn't count.
It doesn't count? - It doesn't!
Manuel, what do you think?
I think creativity counts for a lot. - Ok, you're right.
And Jessica just said earlier that anything goes so long as it doesn't break.
The task mentioned the largest thing.
Toy, demonstrate again the largest thing you have.
Not that one! The second largest!
♪ Te voglio bene assai ♪ ♪ Ma tanto tanto bene sai ♪
Ok.
We measured in decibels...
and Toy got 95 decibels,
which is similar to the engine of a large-capacity motorcycle accelerating.
That's it.
So that means that, in terms of score, I'm going to accept this conversion
from decibels to real size, that passed through the doughnut.
What does it look like?
So, Jessica got a single point in this task.
Inês 2, points. Gilmário, 3. Manuel Marques, 4 points.
And Toy and his powerful voice, 5 points.
Now, in terms of rankings, let's look at the scoreboard.
NOOOOO!!
The trio represented by Toy, Manuel Marques, and Gilmário are in the lead.
And the two ladies in last place.
But the race is still on.
Nuno, what's the next task?
Well. Vasco. This is a task that I know you made with much love,
a lot of love, obviously thinking about your parents.
It's true, I thought it would be nice to render a small tribute to my parents.
Let's call them Taskmother and Taskfather.
She dedicated her life to dance, and he did the same with music.
And often, Nuno, the beauty of a dance depends on the notes of the melody.
And if we don't have a melody at hand...
Then the Taskmaster helps out, because sometimes, in life,
we need a friend to give us a hand. [said the same as "to give us a (phone) ring"]
Hello. - Hello.
A recorder...
A CD? Who still uses CDs nowadays? - We do.
'Greatest Ringtone Hits'
What's the challenge now? Listen to the CD?
"Choreograph a dance for an old ringtone."
This is cool.
"You have 30 minutes to to choose the ringtone"
"and prepare the choreography together with Markl."
Great pair.
Jeez, "together with Markl". You just ruined the task.
I will give it my best.
"The most stylish dance wins."
"Your time starts now."
These are the tunes? - They are.
My problem is not the task, it's the partner.
But I know that,
and I am very sorry.
Where's the play button?
This one's good for you.
Let's listen to the others.
Apex.
Does this inspire something in you?
I did not even know they had titles.
How's your physical condition? - Bad.
You had this one. - A classic.
Can I add some touches of kuduro? [Angolan dance and music genre]
Yes, I'm ready for anything.
It's very important to emphasise that the choreography
had to be created for a dance for two people.
And this was great for you, because not many can claim to have danced with
the Baryshnikov from Benfica, or the Nureiev from Parede. [famous Russian dancers / villages in Markl's native Lisbon district]
Nuno Markl, as a dancer, how would you define yourself?
I like to think of myself as a painting in the Louvre.
Because you have an immeasurable value?
No, no, because people admire me the most when standing still.
Let's start by seeing the choreography of Gilmário Vemba.
I can hardly wait.
Wonderful.
As I understand it, it was you who asked for the backgrounds for the videos.
Gilmário, you asked for a cabaret environment?
Exactly. - This ringtone reminded you of that?
I sensed a cabaret kind of vibe.
And us as the prostitutes, obviously.
Who's next, Nuno?
What we're going to see proves that Inês has spent a lot of time watching-
The National Ballet Company?
No, no. The Panda Channel. [cable channel for kids]
You've been watching the Panda Channel a lot?
Yes.
A little bit. And took some inspiration...
I think I like the Panda Channel more than my daughter.
I'm the one watching the choreographies.
A big shout out to Os Caricas. [Panda Channel band]
You were so cute, Markl. Thank you.
This is a rare moment that we have to treasure.
Your dedication was amazing. I thought you would mess it up,
but you got it right at the first try.
To be fair, it was easy - Thanks for that, Inês.
It was going so well.
"But it was easy."
Nuno, who is the next dancer?
We are going to see a dance that will contribute
to the enrichment of scientific knowledge.
You lost me there.
I'm going to explain.
Last year, the scientific community discovered that zebra stripes keep flies away.
And the choreography that Toy invented as well.
To this day, I don't understand the narrative here.
Let's ask the choreographer.
My question is just: "Huh?"
Easy. Everybody here knows there were a lot of flies at the house.
True. - It's a fact.
So I chose a background with flies,
so we could amuse ourselves and shoo them away.
Basically, that's all we did at the house. Fun, but with flies.
But at the end, we both died.
The fun was so much that we couldn't take it.
After this dance, that we are going to call 'Dum Dum Dance' [insecticide brand],
what's ahead of us?
Now we have someone who thought that 'Swan Lake'
would sound better, not to Tchaikovsky's music,
but to the sound of an iPhone 2.
It fell!
I got dizzy.
The name of the dance should be,
'Snowflake wants to be left alone, on the floor'.
'Don't bother me'.
I don't know if you noticed,
but at a certain point you can hear my voice saying,
"I got dizzy".
I rotated too many times, and didn't fix my gaze to make it easier.
It was some kind of pas de deux that became pas de un at some point.
What is the story behind this dance?
It's about snow falling. The song was called 'Crystals' or something like that.
So I asked for snow. And as the song is not continuous...
You're not mentioning the brilliant concept
of each of us having half of a snowflake.
We were supposed to join and be happy ever after...
as if we were searching for one another.
But then it got dramatic because
he dropped his heart, which is the snowflake.
I went to pick it up and said, "There, you have to keep it",
and he still didn't want it.
Markl, looks like there's only one choreography remaining.
Yes, but this last one...
Everybody remembers the movie 'Dirty Dancing', right?
In the final dance, the girl jumps on the guy, and he holds her over him.
In this choreography, for a moment,
I thought I was Patrick Swayze for Manuel Marques.
This is the most boring thing.
This one has many noises. - This is so boring.
The choreographer himself: "This is so boring."
I particularly enjoyed the moment when
you think it's finished, and then the music restarts.
"Shit, there's more."
I'm going to give...
3 points to Manuel Marques,
because, in his own words, "It was a little boring", but I liked it.
I will give 3 points also to Gilmário.
Synchrony!
Within that 'badadaaa' you could have done so much more.
Only if I could do them well!
What's the point of just rotating around??
How is this much more?
I'm giving 3 points to Inês. - Three?!
You think mine was the same as Gilmário's?
Is this what I did? I was on the playground playing with kids.
I know what you did. - Almost killing the assistant.
At a certain point I felt that there was too much...
Plot?
No, too much improvisation.
All steps were very well done, always on time...
Wasn't it? Markl, back me up.
I have to judge what's in the video.
Right, it's worth 4 points.
And I'm not even one to complain.
I'm giving 4 points to Toy.
To the fly dance?!
It will be forever! - And this is much more?
Because of the story and how beautiful it was,
I'm giving 5 points to Jessica Athayde.
And now it is time to see our total scores.
I suspect everything's still undecided as we enter the final task.
Indeed it is. This is incredible.
Three competitors with 20 points.
Jéssica, Manuel and Gilmário. In the lead, Toy with 21.
And, in last place is Inês, with 18.
That's it. Anybody can win.
Let's see who takes the prizes home today.
Let's move on the second studio task.
Lift those wonderful butts from your chairs.
Let's go to the stage. A round of applause for our five.
The country wants to know.
Nuno, what is the last task? Who will read it?
Gilmário will read the last task.
"Wearing your blindfold throughout the task, you must inflate the largest balloon."
"You have 100 seconds and one balloon."
Where is the balloon? - Calm down!
The balloons are being given out.
There is only one balloon.
You will be blindfolded.
You won't know the sizes of the others' balloons.
At the end of the 100 seconds,
still blindfolded, you will tie the balloon,
so you don't see the size of the other balloons.
Only then can you remove the blindfold.
When does the time start?
I knew this would happen.
Now I'm afraid.
Don't be, Jessica.
Tell me, it's not going to burst?
Right next to my ear? - See?
I think I reached my limit.
I won't risk it anymore. - Me neither.
My balloon is not not small at all.
Gilmário is also tying his.
Inês as well.
That means you are very confident.
Careful, it can still pop.
Are you ok, Inês?
It was hard for me.
So none of your balloons burst.
What you you heard was Markl.
You all have a balloon
and now it is simple:
whoever has the the biggest balloon wins today's show of Taskmaster.
Let's show them all at the same time.
On Markl's signal, bring them forward please.
It's because she is pregnant.
I won!
The winner of today's Taskmaster is Inês Aires Pereira!
Inês, you can commemorate.
Thank you, Inês.
Before we say goodbye,
we need to think about what we learned from today's show.
What did we learn?
[in rhyme] Never think of yourself as the last cookie in the pack,
but ask Manuel Marques to put things in a bin.
A parachute that does not slow down is always bad,
but how lonely must that wooden spoon be feeling?
I had already seen what these people are capable of,
but they are even more incredible when they do things in reverse.
And sometimes there's controversy,
but one thing nobody disputes:
that Jessica Athayde makes bracelets out of doughnuts.
This has been Taskmaster! See you next week!
English subtitles kindly created by u/isosamep
Proofreading by u/taskmastermaster