I'm not even proud. I feel nothing.
Take care of my head, doctor! Please!
Is this even funny?
I'm tired!
What happened?
I WON!
- What technique was that? - I don't know what I'm doing here.
"Think Like a Funnel"
Good evening, good evening, good evening!
Here at the studio, good evening to you at home,
and welcome to the weekly therapy session of self-mockery.
A gourmet all-you-can eat disaster that we call Taskmaster!
[cheers and applauses]
I would say that this is more like a tasting menu.
[Vasco] Yes?
We're bringing the tasks to the table, one after another.
It's a tasting menu.
But wait, it's not one of those tasting menus
that serve miserable quantities on each plate,
like Nouvelle cuisine.
Each task is a full pan of rice.
[Markl] Seafood rice.
This restaurant has as a server, always ready
to serve our contestants and eventually
always ends up being swallowed by said contestants.
A legend of restaurants and bakeries in the eyes of the customers:
your love for Nuno Markl!
Thank you.
[applauses]
And who do we have in the chairs today?
Let's look at them while they have happy faces, because in a little bit,
I don't think they will.
Let's start with Madalena Abecasis!
[cheers and applauses]
Madalena!
He's shouting "Madalena", but now it's his turn.
Applause for Cândido Costa!
[Madalena] Cândido! Cândido! Cândido!
I don't enjoy stuff like this.
No! Stop it.
[Madalena] Like this: "Cândido!"
Cândido! Cândido!
Get ready to shout "ã-ni-é-la".
Four syllables. Gabriela Barros!
Gabriela! Gabriela! Gabriela!
In the next chair, since there are doubts if it is "Wand-son" or "Wan-de-son"
So let's shout "Maranhão!" Wandson Lisboa! [Wandson's Brazilian home state]
Maranhão! Maranhão! Maranhão! Maranhão!
Gondomar! Gondomar! [Portuguese municipality]
She isn't from Gondomar, but from Barcelos,
our super-guest Gisela João! [Portuguese fado singer]
[cheers and applauses]
Gisela! Gisela! Gisela!
Hello, Gisela João!
How are you this evening?
- I'm fine. - You're fine?
- Yes. I'm nervous. - Why?
Why would you be? You've sang for the entire world.
I did some silly stuff.
But look, that's why everyone is here!
They don't want to see serious stuff. They're here to see amazing goofiness.
- Did you enjoy being on Taskmaster? - So much! I would have done more.
Applause for Gisela João.
As for you all, let's get to it.
We always open our shop,
with the tasks that forces our guests to bring something from home.
We always ask for junk -- I mean, awards.
What have we asked for today, Nuno Markl, from these five?
They complain that it's sometimes hard to get the stuff that we ask of them.
So we've decided to give them a much more specific challenge. More precise this week.
We've asked for them to bring the thing that would feel the best
if you put it in a suitcase and sat on top of it.
- Sat on the suitcase. - The suitcase. - Not the stuff.
Madalena, ass on the case.
- What's inside the case? - So,
I believe that everyone has the idea
in their childhood imaginations, and as teens and such
of finding a case filled with money.
I've decided to bring whatever money that I had around home.
Because I believe the best thing is to sit on top of our own money
our own fortune.
- It's the money that I own. - [Markl] A currency called "Abecasises".
- So does this make you a millionaire? - It does.
- [Markl] Can you buy anthing with it? - Look, money and being rich,
it's all inside of us, inside our heads, understand?
Applause for Madalena Abecasis.
I liked the money.
Cândido, what have you brought?
So, friends and companions. Good evening.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
- This task that you have given me... - You're demoralized!
No, I was training, I'm doing a new diet.
- [Vasco] What diet are you doing? - The kiwi diet.
- [Vasco] What? - I eat everything, except kiwi.
No, really. This task is going to...
This task that you gave me will hurt the restaurants.
Because a myth shall fall today. What is known as "doce da casa". ["sweet of the house" - dessert]
- The relentless "doce da casa". - You never quite know what it is, right?
It's a mix. "Sweet of the house." You always imagine it's the chef
that made it, but no.
It's a mess. Some kind of mishmash.
I've brought a "doce da casa" so I can sit on top and be a even bigger mess.
Thank you then. Cândido Costa and his "doce da casa".
Applause for the sweet.
- [Madalena] I didn't understand. - Neither did I.
- [Madalena] I haven't understood a thing. - [Vasco] Gabriela.
I have currency, and a "doce da casa".
I bring something that right now,
is probably the most efficient thing in the state of grace I'm in.
I'm suffering a bit in my coccyx.
My coccyx is having some anatomical changes.
- Not great. - I want to say to you at home, this can be done at home,
- with the supervision of someone older. - [Madalena] If you activate your --
Let me speak!
- She's on seller mode, she's active, man! - The telemarking has just started.
- She just started! - Damn!
A person has to stick a bunch of them inside,
so that it has an effect.
Then it also depends on the size of the person's buttocks.
It's relaxing. It can give other feelings.
Anyway...
Various vibrators... Vibrators that give massages!
- [Markl] But these ones aren't...? - You pigs!
- These aren't the naughty ones? - No, these are for massages.
- You turn them all on... - But when you close the case --
- [Gabriela buzzes like a massager] - -- you can't feel a thing!
- [Cândido] Wait a second. - [Gabriela continues buzzing]
Vasco, with the case closed, you can't feel anything.
- One of those wasn't for massages. Did you see it? - What is he doing at home?
- What are you trying out at home? - It had these two...
- "With the case closed, you can't feel anything!" I know! - Can you put the image back on?
- Cândido, which do you think is naughty? - I don't have anything against it.
It's because I was attacked. The one that had two...
- Is it two wheels, or...? - [Madalena] The green one?
- In the top left corner. - Don't be like that! Kids are watching.
- That one is for massages? - It is.
- Where? - On the glute.
- [Vasco] Wandson, what have you brought? - After that, I can't sell a thing, Gabriela!
- I know, it's hard. - I'll try to sell my product.
I'm a guy who really enjoys traveling.
I'm learning how to travel, because I didn't travel for a while.
What is nice to sit on when it's in a suitcase?
It's balloons.
And those balloons allow me to travel more and more.
Oh, okay. SEF. [Portuguese immigration office]
SEF? No, just balloons in different shapes.
I put them in my case, close it and put my butt on top.
So this has nothing to do with SEF?
SEF? Never crossed my mind!
I just sit on top of them and can travel anywhere in the world now.
Gisela João.
I've brought clothes and fabrics.
[Vasco] Clothes and fabrics?
Yes, because I really enjoy imagining...
I'm always looking out for fabrics anywhere I go.
I always end up with an extra suitcase,
or I have to sit on top of my suitcase to get it to close.
Applause for the clothes and the fabrics.
And Gisela João!
Let's award points, from 1 to 5.
Cândido, "doce da casa" gets 1 point.
- You're joking, man! - [Gabriela] See, you try to wreck my--
I want to be nice, I want to react nicely, but sometimes...
- It hurts. - I'll award 2 points to Gisela's fabrics.
- Damn. I'll never do anything for you. - Wandson's balloons get 3 points. - Damn. Even the balloons...
- Let's go, SEF! - And, between 4 and 5...
There are those days that you get out of here and you're tired.
- She's always winning everything! She's an actress! - Calm down, girls.
- You want to sit on top of currency - [Madalena] She makes stuff up!
- with Madalena's face on it? - [Cândido] Calm down, lionesses!
- [Gabriela] You want to go home and sit on Madalena? - She's lying!
- She's always saying stuff. - Calm down!
Calm down.
[Gabriela buzzes like a massager]
- Give it to the pregnant one. - It doesn't shake, you pervert!
- Remember that one that's like... - [Wandson] Got it, got it.
I'll give 4 to the notes, and 5 to the case with the massagers and the vibrators.
- Yeah, baby! - I'm always being kicked in the ass, man!
Always getting kicked in the ass.
Damn!
When I woke up today, I wasn't expecting to see Gabriela Barros like this.
[Vasco impersonates Gabriela buzzing like a massager]
Let's start with pure, unadulterated action.
Markl, for our starter, what do we have?
To start, we have balls and baskets, Vasco.
I can't really tell you what we'll see,
but one thing's for sure: it's not basketball...
Unless basketball was invented by a drunkard
who caused an accident between two trucks.
One carrying balls, and the other, baskets.
I'm going to end up in the pool.
So.
- I don't see anything. - Ah, it's here!
Balls. My speciality.
Always so sweet.
"Make one of these balls bounce and land in...the basket."
Where's the basket? Is it this one?
"Where's the basket!" It's in France!
"After throwing the ball, you can't touch it
or send it on the right path towards the basket."
What right path towards the basket?
There's a right path?
"The ball that lands after the most bounces, wins."
"You must use the ball that you touched first."
Hold on.
There's a catch, there's a catch.
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts--" Like hell it does.
Hold on.
Is this the basket, though?
- Tell me! Can't you say anything? - That's a basket. That's a basket.
I don't get it.
[Cândido] The basket has to be here.
And I have to grab a ball.
"The ball that lands after the most bounces wins."
This isn't touching. This is caressing.
[laughter]
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts..."
- You're going to time it, right? - Yes, yes.
"...Now."
Wait, I can test them, right?
But haven't you touched a ball already?
- I have it here. - This is simple!
"You must use the ball that you touched first."
F*&#!
I swear, I swear...
A challenge, for you at home, and those in the studio too:
Count the number of times Madalena says, "This is simple!"
A task about hooping balls.
Considering the complexity our contestants are used to,
"Oh Nuno, this seems, how do we put it, like a walk in the park!"
Maybe it looks like a walk in the park, but it's a very particular park.
One full of holes, brambles, and nettle.
They had to pick one of the balls, throw it
and after throwing it, they couldn't be smart-asses
and touch it, and guide it towards the basket.
What matters here is that the ball gets in after bouncing the most times.
Who are our first little clowns who'll give us a great show?
Cândido, Gisela, and Wandson.
A collective I like to call "Wandidela".
[sounds like "lambidela" = "big lick"]
But let's recap, okay? Together.
The goal is...
I need to grab a ball from here,
the basket can't leave here.
We're all in agreement.
It says, "after throwing the ball,
you can't touch it or send it on the right path towards the basket."
What's the right path towards the basket?
There's a right path?
Where's the task taking place?
It's arbitrary, isn't it? It's free will.
Individual beings. Thinking beings.
- I'm really irritated with this! - Relax, relax.
- [Gisela] Really?!
I really don't get it!
Maybe a spot where it will bounce a lot.
Eh, he was clever!
And you created this scenario here because this location seems inviting.
NO!
Do you remember which ball was first?
- I do, but it doesn't bounce, of course. - Okay.
One.
Poor thing! What next?
C'mon, you son of a bitch.
Yeah.
Bro, who even makes this stuff up?
No one said the basket had to stay upright.
Look, a little football, right, love?
The lights in your eyes.
It must be brilliant, right? Deep thought.
So it's...
One... Two...
Three... Four...
Five.. Six...
Seven... Eight.
It touched me.
I felt it.
I'm honest.
You chose a big ball, my dear.
I can just drop it.
[Gabriela] Nice one!
I'm so dumb!
- [Gisela] Hold on. - But it didn't bounce much, did it?
Huh? No, it didn't.
Come on, you beast!
Son of a...
Son of a bitch!
Ah!
Okay, there's some sort of witchcraft happening here.
One...
Two... Three...
Four... Five... Six...
Seven... Eight... Nine... Ah!
- Look at how smart! - [Cândido] He picked a bouncy one, man!
Ah!
Come on.
Dude, I can't believe it.
I'm sweating already.
I'm going to call this task "the funnel task."
So, this is a river. You need to trust its shores.
And the ball will be brought ashore.
Brought to the basket, in this case. Okay?
I hate this ball.
Ah! I can't believe it!
- So, now I can't touch it anymore? - No, unless you want to...
- Can I play more? - You can try again. - I can.
SON OF A...
- It was twice, right? - It was twice.
- Suck it!
Oh, shoot!
Two...
It was eleven, I think.
SON OF A...
Could I touch the basket? I can't touch the basket!
Five! My moustache is sweaty.
The right path towards the basket...
What's the right path towards the basket?
One of you guys, come here, I really need you.
Lay down, bro. Please.
Lay down like this, trust me.
Lay down, your back to his.
Like that.
You're a funnel, okay? Think like a funnel!
Fourteen.
It could go in here!
The right path towards the basket?
Yes!
- It's in! It's in! - What happened?
Look at the footage!
Look!
We'll look at the footage and let you know.
- See you! - Thank you.
Right path towards the basket?
The right path towards the basket is in the basket!
What is this?!
- [Madalena] You couldn't guide it, love! - [Gisela] You're crazy!
No, it's off the ground! I'm not affecting it! The ball...
It's not here... do I need to take this basket to the studio?
[Gabriela] Oh my God!
Oh, this is so cool!
I have so many questions!
Cândido, what were those little jumps?
Before that, there's that questionable shot.
Did it go in fully? Of course not!
Now, imagine that inside that basket,
there's an electromagnetic field.
It's a magnetism created by electricity.
Okay? There's electricity there.
Was the ball shocked? That's my question.
- It was, it was, it was. - It bounced because I was in the air...
My jumping led to...
Gisela...what's wrong?
- [Cândido] She's crying. - This is so much cooler than...
First of all: you started with some difficulties.
But I liked what you did:
you tried many ways to complete the task.
- Keep in mind, she made 37 attempts. - 37?
- [Markl] Yes, yes. - [Madalena] I only tried once!
My favourite one was, let's call it
"Gisela roasting chestnuts."
Yeah, looked like the ball was burning hot.
[Gisela] Yeah, because I thought, like,
I'm not touching it with my hands,
and the ball's going ploc, ploc, ploc. It's bouncing.
I couldn't even tell how many times it bounced. I think I won,
because one time I counted like 20 bounces.
Regarding Wandson. In many, many years,
when Wandson is no longer among us,
on his gravestone it will say: "Here lies Wandson, who died
finding the right path towards the basket."
- I misread another task, right? - [Vasco] I don't know...
Was the right path inside the basket?
- You just had to get the ball in the basket. - Relax!
When the footage played, he went like...
"Ah, the basket was actually the one underneath." [the oil drum holding the balls]
He was still thinking about it!
- I thought it was the one underneath! - We'll explain it at the end.
For now, we've yet to see Madalena Abecacis and Gabriela Barros, right?
Let's do it. Yes, sir. And they matched!
Vasco, they matched. They even chose the same ball!
- Sisters! - The worst ball.
- [Vasco] My God! - [Gabriela] The worst!
That's a bad ball, isn't it?
But, it's the one going in that counts.
Isn't it?
This one's bad.
These are all bad.
What are these little foam balls? I've never seen these before.
I can't touch the balls, but I can touch them with other things.
I mean, this ball might bounce, despite the current scene.
"You must use the ball that you touched first."
I'm not going to use this one. It doesn't bounce.
This one's shit.
Oh, it's actually not so bad.
What's it say?
This one's great too.
I accidentally stepped on it.
I'll do this one.
Oh, but it doesn't bounce.
- You botched it! - [Madalena] Doesn't matter.
If any ball lands in, I get some points, no?
- How stylish! - Of course!
Ah, I'm scared.
One, two... It's not going to bounce.
If it doesn't bounce, I'll be so sad.
Do I have all day in here?
Because it's not even going in the basket.
Hey!
[Madalena] Look at her, with the "hey."
Ewww! I'm going to use another ball.
Because this one is leaking... things.
I'm getting covered in glitter.
F#$@!
Two, three...six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven!
Twelve!
Twelve. The ball's here.
It bounced twelve times.
Okay? Twelve times.
Okay.
Arghhhhh!
Puh, it's getting me dirty!
It was programmed to not go in the basket, wasn't it?
Bullseye.
What is this?
None of them even bounce.
Oh, I made the right choice.
Ah, it was this.
It was this one.
It's okay. No worries.
I'll believe.
I don't wanna play anymore.
I'm going bye-bye.
I won.
I'm tired! I'm tired!
I won!
- Did you win, Gabriela? - No.
I didn't win.
- You wanted to pick another ball, didn't you? - Yes.
As for Madalena... you had 20 minutes to do the task!
I don't get things immediately. Or after. Or ever.
She needed more time.
I think you only need one attempt to do it right.
So maybe it was that. I'm just like that, you know.
- It's my mindset. - [Vasco] You started well.
You started by grabbing the basket. You touched the ball, but not really.
Yes. It was twelve times.
- Impeccable. - [Vasco] Impeccable.
- No cheating. - No cheating.
- No guiding the ball. - Mmhmm.
- No nothing. - Oh, Markl?
- [Markl] Yes, yes. - In only one attempt.
- [Markl] Yes. - Madalena Abecasis did 12 bounces.
- Right, 12. - Right, but...
Remind me what the task said about the path of the ball towards the basket.
- It said you couldn't interfere with its path. - I didn't interfere!
Hmm...I get the feeling that, instead of the ball going in the basket,
it looked like the basket wanted to devour that poor ball.
- The poor dear took a real thrashing, being thrust into that basket! - [Madalena] No!
- Could we rewatch the footage? - Let's rewatch, let's rewatch.
- No! I don't remember it being like that! - [Gabriela] Yes, yes! - [Cândido] Let's see.
- Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven...go in! - [Vasco] Again! Again! Again! Hmmm...
No, it wasn't like that!
What? Wandson! Go to your room, you're grounded!
- Wandson did the same thing to me. - Sorry, Auntie Lena!
I didn't have my glasses, and I can't see anything without them.
I was just trying to... "Argh, where's the ball?"
- [Cândido] That's true. - That's the best explaination you could have given. "Argh..."
I swear on my kids, Vasco!
It's true, believe my words! Believe my words!
- Oh, you think you're in the right? - Yes!
- Seriously, Cândido... - Unfortunately,
as we've seen, there was a clear interference of the basket on the ball.
- There was. It's not personal. - And as for Cândido,
the ball didn't go in basket.
- You're being awful to me, bro. - I'm sorry, my dear. - Ah! God punishes!
But also, the jumping tactic didn't work, because
you couldn't interfere with the ball's path towards the basket.
- I agree, but the ball going in... - It had to be all in, son.
- But I couldn't put all of it in. - Shh! Let him talk!
Now, as for the other three, Markl, what do you say?
Based on this analysis that we're doing right now...
- Unfortunately, I can't give any points to Madalena or Cândido's tasks. - That's right.
And so, with 3 points, there's Gabriela.
- Yes. - He hurts people in such a cruel way...
4 points for Gisela João.
- Good. Good. - Congratulations, my dear.
And, despite all that chaos we were privy to,
Wandson did the task well, and wins 5 points.
He doesn't even really know how he managed it.
That's true.
Tied, with 8 points: Wandson and Gabriela.
There, at the middle of the scoreboard, there's Gisela João with 6 points.
Then, Madalena with 4, and Cândido with 1 point.
A round of applause for all five!
Next, we have the kind of material that ensures winning audiences, Vasco.
Nudity and shamelessness.
No, no, Vasco. Geometry!
[Vasco] Geometry?
Didn't you know? That's the latest craze with the youth.
All the children, and the kids here in the studio, love geometry!
- Of course. - Everyone loves geometry!
This show is on top of the youth trends. Geometry!
Hold on, let's ask. Kids, do you like geometry?
[crickets]
Thanks for that.
Hello there.
I'm scared already.
How are you?
How's it going? All good?
All good, Nuno.
All good, thank you.
What's up?
Yuck!
- Already? - Already.
F$#@, man. This is surreal.
This is a disease. Who thought of this?
"Measure the perimeter--"
Oh, you've already lost me. Maths...
"Measure the perimeter of the caravan using beans."
Oh, bloody hell.
I don't know. I don't even remember what the perimeter is.
"The most accurate wins.
You have three minutes. Your time starts now."
- Right now? - Right now.
Is the perimeter around?
I was told to be smart in this task.
The perimeter is what? Like, four square meters? Is that it?
Ha! So sweet.
- [Madalena] Disgusting! - Oh, are these the beans?
- That's them. - Damn you.
Here's a tip for future maths lessons.
We could have asked for meters, yes, or centimeters.
We could have asked for millimeters. But no. We asked for beans.
And we could have asked for comfortable - not slimy - raw beans.
- But that wouldn't be any fun. - No, it wouldn't.
And Vasco, let me tell you. If it were up to me,
everything in the world would be measured in baked beans with sauce.
And just so we have an idea of how these five are going to fare,
it might be interesting to share with the audience beforehand.
What is "perimeter," for the forgetful, Nuno Markl?
The perimeter is basically the outline of something, or of a surface.
Well, let's start by seeing how Madalena Abecasis
and Gisela João performed in this task...
"Madasela Abecasão."
[laughter]
Wait, are these tinned beans?
- Yes. - They're not even dried beans?
Oh, gross!
Gross!
There's no spoon?
There has to be.
Seriously?
They stick better. For taking measurements.
But with beans, and then what?
What then? I put something around it and then what?
Beware that the time is running.
Wow, this is stupid. The perimeter is all the way around, right?
But what, do I put them on the caravan?
- No. - [Markl] As you wish.
God, this is nonsense.
I know what I'm going to do.
[Markl] What?
Hang on.
I don't need this.
- But there isn't even a tape measure? - [Markl] It has to be with beans.
- Look at this madwoman! - [Cândido] "This madwoman"!
Eight. Eight meters all around.
No, but in beans.
Beans are... How many beans does this hold?
What a hell of a task I've been given!
How many do you already have?
I don't know. Three, four, five...
...six, seven, eight, nine...
Twenty, so hold on.
- It's up to the heart tattoo, more or less. - 40, 60, 70, 80...
This must be about...
Well, this in beans is...
850 beans.
- 850? - Yes. - The whole perimeter?
Yes. Just like this, all in a row.
You still have...
- 50 seconds to reassess the theory. - I can think once...
60, 180...
Hum, 200.
- [Markl] 200 on this side? - 200, yes.
Now I have to... Oh my God.
Hold on, I'm screwed now.
- 850. I don't want to revise it. - No?
Why are you making me revise?
- I'm just saying... - Why do you do these things?
- You still have time. You have 25 seconds. - 850.
850 beans.
120.
- [Vasco] What?! - [Madalena] Poor thing, how adorable...
Wait, how? Where?
All around.
Oh, I'm messing up, aren't I?
- Help me, Nuno. Come on! - How's your geometry?
I've studied geometry before.
I think this is eight meters and something.
Around. Do you follow?
- How long is a bean? - ...that's the perimeter, right? One centimeter.
Okay.
Give or take.
- There are smaller beans, larger beans... - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Generally speaking...I'd say one. - Generally speaking. Rounded off?
And I think you should round it off too.
500.
500 beans?
- Yes. - Okay.
But I think we're going to go for 850.
Give or take 50.
Three, two, one. It's over.
- 850. - So what is it?
- You'll only find out in the studio. - Okay, but more or less.
- Like...more, less...? - I won't tell.
- No, can you just say if I'm far off? - No, no, no.
- Hot. Cold? - No, no, no.
- You will only know in the studio. - Tell me roughly how much!
- No, no. Your guess was 850. - Markl, how many?
No, I won't. I'm not going to say it.
I screwed up, didn't I?
I'm very curious. I'm very curious.
I know you are. You didn't want to change,
- you said 850. - Yes, I did.
- At first, the tactic was just spilling beans on the ground. - But then I realised it was completely ridiculous.
[Vasco] You wanted to count them, right?
I'm just going to do it like... Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. How dumb.
- Can you explain your mental tactic? - The measurement of the bean.
- One centimeter? - Yeah, one centimeter.
[Madalena] Even you won't know.
- Oh, but we know, we know. - We know.
It depends on the size of the bean. It's not a precise measurement.
- You can't say that some beans are like this and others are like that, can you? - No, but it's a difference of half a centimeter.
I just want to know how Gisela
measures a side and says, "There are 200 beans here."
- [Madalena] So adorable! - But how many are there in total? 120.
Someone worse at maths than I am!
When I read the perimeter task,
I immediately thought, "Sum of all the sides."
But then I thought, "No, this is a trick to deceive me."
Then, "No, that's the square meter."
And with the square meter, I'm really screwed,
because I know it has to be this, times this...
- Dividing by...right. - [Vasco] That's the area.
And now, who's next in this extravaganza of plant seeds from the Fabaceae family?
Well, we now have Cândido and Gabriela, the collective that I like to call
a name that, strangely, sounds like a [Portuguese] person who can't speak Spanish
saying "female dog" in the language of nuestros hermanos. [Spanish, "our brothers"]
Ladies and gentlemen, "Candiela." [Portuguese: "Cadela" = female dog]
- Candiela! - [Wandson] Sounds like a disease. - [Vasco] Right?
- [Wandson] "I've got Candiela." - [Vasco] "How's your Candiela, mate?"
The perimeter, the perimeter...
The perimeter of that person is 1.80 meters tall.
Times what? 15 centimeters wide, right?
I don't know. Do people have perimeters?
Ewww! Is this it?
Will I have to pick up the beans by hand?
I don't have the slightest idea what I'm going to do with these beans.
I don't know what the perimeter is.
It can't be beans... beans after beans?
The hen fills her belly.
[Proverb: "Grain by grain, the hen fills her belly"]
[Wandson] Oh, Cândido!
What technique was that?
I don't know what I'm doing here...
- How can I measure it? - I feel like you were just angry and...
- I really am! - ...you got it off your chest.
- I have no idea how to use beans... - Yes?
...to measure the space inside the caravan.
But is it the space inside?
I think this is a trick question. I don't think there's a solution.
But I'll go with it. With beans, right?
How do I...? Is it like this? That's like... Three beans?
I'm not getting it.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11... Is it 11.. 10 beans?
Like this?
And it's like this, isn't it? All around, the perimeter.
- That's the perimeter, right? - Yes. Yes.
- There's a bean on that end. - Right.
And I'm going to put another one here.
What does this mean?
How long is a bean? One centimeter?
- You have to give your estimate in beans, not centimeters. - Oh, in beans!
How many beans you need to fill the perimeter?
Yes.
Well, this is a classic measure.
This caravan... My aunt had one just like this. She emigrated.
It's three meters by two.
- Three times two... six. - Right.
- Six times two... Twelve. - Indeed.
Twelve meters perimeter?
Hmm... Three thous--Wait!
How many?
Maybe...
- Two... two... two... Wait! - I have to do it.
How many beans can you fit in here?
Of these?
You can fit...
Inside here, a million beans.
A million beans.
- Man, I didn't understand this task. - Is that your guess?
I'll have to blow the whistle.
- Eight... Eight... - How many? How many?
- 823 beans! - Is that it?
What is the perimeter? The width? But does the inside count, too?
No.
It's the outside.
What, I had to put them round here and count how many beans?
Yes.
Then it's not a million. Can I make another guess?
- Do you want to guess again? - Just for the archive.
It was more, it was more. It was much more.
- 350 beans. - Okay.
- Was this it?
I'm sure people will be as confused as I was.
- Madalena won't even understand this. She'll do worse than me. - Right...
300, 600, 900...
- 1100 beans. - 1100.
- 2000 beans. No, no, 1500 beans. - 1500 beans.
- 1300 beans. - 1300 beans.
- 1400 beans. - 1400 beans.
- 1350 beans. - 1350 beans.
- 1400 beans. - 1400.
- That was your last guess. - 1400 beans.
1400. It's done.
- Oh, my God. - What an auction over there.
I wasn't doing well that day.
That bean throw against my caravan. That was something, wasn't it?
I was overwhelmed that day. Nuno felt it.
As for Gabriela... Do you remember the number you said?
- 82...3? - 823.
And Cândido ended up with 1400.
- 1400. But I'm still very... - [Gabriela] But hang on...
- I'm still very strong. - No, no, no.
- Calm down. You have pregnancy anxiety. - He stopped, he guessed, you whistled. The end.
It was a million, right? And then he stayed there for 37 minutes. "1137."
- "No, maybe 1200." Does that count? - This pregnancy is ruining her.
Cândido said it was for the archive. For the archive, said Cândido.
- Mind your child. - Cândido said it was for the archive.
For archiving purposes.
But that archive doesn't count, right, great Taskmaster?
I deal with what Nuno Markl tells me while he's there...
- All right, so it's a million, right? - Calm down, Gabriela. No, no, 1400!
- Am I right, audience? - [Cândido] 1400.
[Audience] Yes!
Don't let the belly trick you.
Cheater!
- Give it time. You'll see. - So, only Wandson is missing.
Wandson, who I feared was going insane during this task.
Dear viewer, get your popcorn or beans,
sit back on your sofa and watch this show.
- Can I open it? - Yes.
Like this?
I'll be right back. I'll be right back.
Okay. One and a half minutes. Warning.
[Markl] Whoa!
- How much time do I have? - Two minutes.
- Two minutes? - Yes.
Am I doing this right?
Hang on. I was thinking of doing it like this...
I'll stick the beans on.
How disgusting! Jeez!
- How awful! - Are you gonna lick all the beans?
But it doesn't work... Ah, it doesn't stick!
Got one!
Did you do it vertically?
Aaaah! It's much bigger vertically!
So, each bean...
- ...is almost a centimeter long. Look. - Yes
But is it lying down or standing up?
Hold on, hold on.
Here you have 30.
So that's 30 beans. There are 30 beans here.
- How many beans is the perimeter, right? - Yes.
30.
Then another 30, 60.
Plus 60... 60 plus 60, 120. One meter.
There's one meter here, right?
One meter, one meter and, one meter and, plus one meter and...
- Ah... It was half a meter, wasn't it? - I'm lost.
The beans!
I think... 300, 300 here. 300 beans...
On this side here...
One... Two... Three... Four... Five.
5 times 30?
- [Markl] Awful! - 5 times 30, I don't know.
Hold on, 250!
- So here it's 300... - Time's almost up.
300, 600, 600, 600, 600...
250 plus 250, 500. 600 plus 500... 1100 beans.
- I thought I had more time to stick them on one by one, you know? - Right.
- Sorry guys. I tried to do my best, but that's the task, right? - That's it, that's it.
- Thank you Wandson. - I'm confident. This time I'm confident.
It's not going to be like other tasks where
I couldn't do any mathematical calculations properly.
But this was ingenious. You brought materials, you brought...
Yes, but I didn't use anything. I only used one thing.
Right, right.
Can I measure the perimeter of your bum in beans?
My trousers will get dirty.
Like this...
- Here, right? - Yes.
- The entire country will know how big my hips are. - Here, it's here.
There you go.
You have an average of 30...
- 30 plus 30 is 60, right? - Yes.
- Plus 30, 90. You're 90 beans. - 90 beans.
- 90 beans of bum. - My bum is 90 beans.
- Delightful. - I'll be thinking about that information.
With this inflation, I'll take the rest for my bean rice later.
Before we reveal the exact amount of beans that make up the perimeter of the caravan,
let's remind everyone at home and in the studio
what each person's guess was.
Let's start with Cândido.
Cândido, we'll have to stick with one million.
You said yourself that it was for the archive.
- The other guesses were for the archive. - For the archive, yes.
Has a contestant ever reached the third task with only one point?
No. But if you reach the third task with two points, you'll be the first.
[Vasco] Let's continue.
So. One million for Cândido, 1100 for Wandson,
850 beans for Madalena, 823 for Gabriela, and 500 for Gisela João.
How many beans does it take to measure to the perimeter of the caravan?
The number of beans needed was...
- 1...1...50 beans. - [Vasco] 1150 beans.
This means that the 5 points...
[Cândido] No, no! Now?
- [Gabriela] I've only just realized! - [Madalena] Wasn't it yours?
- In other words... - It's 2 points, but it's all down to grit, humility, and hard work!
Apart from the 5 for Wandson, what other points do you have?
- So, Wandson... - [Wandson] I won 5? You didn't say!
Wandson, 5 points. Madalena, 4 points.
Gabriela, 3 points. Gisela, 2 points.
And Cândido will have to take 1 ironic point.
Yes! One more!
- It's ironic that a large number like one million gave one point.
- Let's see how the standings look at this point. - For you, my love!
Two points!
[Gabriela] Yeah, but it doesn't mean much.
Look at him there! So proud.
[Cândido] Two! Faithful, like a squire!
[Markl] Wandson leads with 13 points, followed by Gabriela with 11.
Madalena and Gisela tied on 8.
And there's Cândido with his 2 points.
- I'm going to win this thing! - [Vasco] Do you really believe that?
- I'm going all out! Believe! - [Markl] Things can still change.
What are you laughing about?
I was always down there, and now it's your turn!
Wandson's flying today.
Nuno, next task. What do we have on our menu?
- Well, up next we have an old man. - Who?
- Oh, God. - [Markl] That's the point, Vasco. Who?
Oh, hell.
[Gabriela] Ah, come on.
[Wandson laughs]
It's Santa Claus!
Hello! Are we doing a tarot card reading?
Hello!
[Markl giggles]
[Vasco giggles]
I wonder what this is?
"Find out the profession of this gentleman.
You can ask him any question, but you must whisper at all times.
The gentleman can only nod or shake his head.
Yes... like that, no?
Oh, so annoying!
"The gentleman can only lie.
[Madalena laughs]
Fastest wins. Your time starts now."
Let me get a good look at you. Maybe I can guess your profession.
[applauses]
Very well. As you saw, there was a gentleman in my living room.
And that's the basis of the task.
They had to guess the gentleman's job,
and the gentleman could only answer our contestants' questions
By moving his head, yes and no.
And pay attention, there were two more refined details.
Namely, they could only whisper their questions,
and every answer the gentleman gave them would be a lie.
So, who will we start with?
We'll start with Madalena Abecasis.
Are you an engineer?
Not an engineer.
Are you a doctor? Are you a doctor?
Not a doctor.
He's a doctor!
Did I really do that?
Are you a farmer?
Also not.
Oh, such an idiot!
[Madalena giggles quietly]
Do you work with... Ugh! So annoying!
You don't work with...
Architecture.
You do. Okay.
So you're not an architect.
I WON!
[Cândido] "I WON!"
"Find out the profession of this gentleman.
You can ask him any question, but you must whisper at all times.
He can only nod or shake his head. He can only lie."
So, I won!
What? What? Why are you doing this?
Calm down. Calm down? Relax.
"The gentleman can only lie."
What does it mean by that? "Can only lie."
Oh! Hang on, hang on. This can tangle up a person's brain. This is horrible!
Wait.
Let me think.
You're not an architect.
So, if you're saying no... If you're saying yes... then you're not...
This is horrible! This is torture.
Oh, so horrible. You really get hung up on this. This is horrible.
Let me think.
Are you a doctor?
No. So, yes.
He's a doctor.
You want to know what kind he is?
Sure, I can find his specialty. Perfect!
Are you a general practitioner?
Are you a psychiatrist?
No. Psychologist?
No.
Sir, please give me a clue.
Just use your eyes.
Are you a doctor
of this part of the body?
No. This part of the body?
Also no. This one?
Okay. For the head.
A head doctor. Or ears, what is it called?
ENT. No.
What is a head doctor?
I know.
Are you a neurosurgeon?
Neuro?
Neuro... something. Neurosurgeon.
That's what is called. Got it.
A neurosurgeon doctor.
Neurosurgeon. Neurosurgery...neurosurg...
Right?
Why did I say yes to this? Thank you. Task done.
Thank you very much. Until next time.
So hard!
- I'm actually crying. - Are you crying, poor thing?
Because it was so hard!
- Your second question... - What was...yeah, I said doctor!
- She's emotional. - [Vasco] Indeed.
And then from doctor, you could quickly get to
where you did with neurosurgeon.
Who do we have next in this weird investigation around
the profession of the lovely doctor who landed in my living room?
We all know what a talented singer Gisela João is.
But will Gisela also be a talented
whispering guesser of the profession
of a lovely gentleman who can only nod
or shake his head, and always lie?
I don't know about her, but I'd love to have that on my LinkedIn.
- Let's check it out then. Gisela João. - Let's see.
Do you work with meat?
- Meat? ["carnes"] - Cards? ["cartas"]
Do you work with vegetables?
With onions?
Do you work with living people?
Are you a grave digger?
Wait a second.
Oh, what a mind eater...
Do you do many sums?
You're an accountant?
An accountant!
Did I get it right?
I didn't get it right.
How will I know when I get it right?
"Fastest wins."
Have you ever cut anyone?
Do you sell olive oil?
Are you a baker?
Seafood specialist?
[Vasco and Markl laughs]
God, I'm starting to get dizzy.
I don't know who the hell would understand this.
I swear, I haven't noticed anything.
Help me!
Are you a barber?
No?
I got it!
Did I get it?
You're not a barber?
Oh, no.
[Gisela sighs]
Are you a doctor?
A fucking doctor!
Hang on.
Are you a people doctor?
Or animals?
People? No, so people.
Are you a cardiologist?
Are you a dermatologist?
Are you like a family doctor?
A GP, you do everything.
Have you ever sewed people up?
You have sewed...
Do you do breasts?
Are you a surgeon?
No?
But you said you haven't cut people!
You never cut people.
So do you just operate with your mind?
[Vasco & Cândido] He's saying yes!
- I know! [Cândido] He's telling her everything...
This can only be wrong!
Isn't he a surgeon? How else can he cut people open?
Are you a surgeon? Again.
Yes, he is!
Oh, I'm sweating buckets here.
I have to whisper.
I don't know what kind of doctor you are.
One of those doctors that gives orders. You're a hospital director.
Are you a neuroscientist?
You work with...
Our brains.
But you've never cut people, so what...
You're a head doctor.
He's a head doctor. Done.
I feel like I'm genuinely going insane.
You're a neurologist.
Are you a neurosurgeon? But you don't cut people.
You're a neurologist.
I'm...
- Neurologist? - [Markl] Yes.
SIR! I don't trust you!
Every time I moved my head like this, it's yes...
Hey, but I said that a while ago!
- You said neuroscientist. - Oh, yeah, I did.
How long did I take doing this?
Decades.
Yeah, it was...
Bye, Paulo!
You know, my first thought was, "He's either a chef or a doctor."
[applauses]
I was a fan of your task, starting from your first question.
"Do you work with meat?"
It was a weird route.
And then there was seafood later.
And then you started checking the facts.
You realize he's a doctor.
Okay, a doctor. "Are you the boss?"
The man says no. "Are you a seafood specialist?"
Let's see how Gabriela Barros did in this insane conversation
with the renowned doctor that she didn't know was renowned,
let alone a doctor.
Are you in the entertainment business?
That means no?
The field of science?
That means yes?
Do you work on Earth?
Or is it about space?
It's to do with Earth?
No.
It's to do with space?
It's to do with the layer in the middle?
[laughter]
Do you work with...
Ah!
Do you...
[Gabriela giggles]
Do you work with...
Do you work with our bodies?
Do you work with...
That was a weird question.
Do you work with things that have to do with human beings?
Yes.
Are you a doctor?
No. Yes! Yes.
This is like a weird first date.
Are you a doctor for adults?
General practice?
No.
So, are you a doctor of...
Serious illness?
Are you a bone doctor?
No.
Are you an ENT doctor?
ENT. No.
Are you an eye doctor? No.
Are you a brain doctor?
Are you a brain surgeon?
No. No. No?
Does that mean yes? Yes!
So, are you a surgeon?
For here? Here, here.
You're a neuros, neuro, neurosci...
Neurosurgeon.
I WON! I WON!
My darling, it was a pleasure. [whispers] It was a pleasure.
It was a true pleasure. Thank you.
Well done, you were very fast.
[Cândido] Really fast.
I think we should, if we can, release
Gabriela's victory cry as a ringtone or text alert.
"I WON! I WON!" Oh, it's a text from Gabriela.
The word you say the most on this show is "I won." ["Ganhei"]
- I won! - "I won!" And it makes me so happy.
But what I want the most, above all, is that they've paid Dr. Paulo very well.
I wouldn't even call it an ordinary fee.
I'd call it compensation for the time the doctor wasted, trying to help
our Taskmaster contestants.
But that's why we thought it best to call a retired doctor.
Because we couldn't live with the guilt
of keeping the doctor in your house with this nonsense,
knowing a person was in pain in a hospital somewhere,
with their head open, waiting for their surgeon.
Although, it's good to have an open head.
- It's new ideas, isn't it? - Aha!
Let's see if that's what Cândido Costa brings to this task.
[Markl] New ideas.
You look like...
You're a doctor, right?
Not a doctor?
He's a doctor, Cândido!
But you do know
a bit of medicine?
Are you a nurse? A good nurse?
Are you a carpenter?
It was the first one!
Carpenter.
There you go.
Ah no, you're lying.
Are you a healer? [alternative medicine]
Have you graduated?
So, you've graduated.
You're a born liar.
Every time you do this.
I can see the lie inside you.
Do you breed pigeons?
[laughter]
Do you train dogs?
Are you a trainer of any kind?
Retired?
He's going like that, so it's yes.
I got it right. He's retired.
I got it. Retired.
I have to figure out your job.
You're retired now, but you had a job.
My voice...
This task...
This task is not going well for me.
Your work was skilled.
Yes, there...
Does your job...
Does it affect others?
It affects others.
The problem is, I'm asking from the heart.
All I have here is heart.
But there sits Judas.
[laughter]
You are always lying.
Not a doctor?
A trai--Not a doctor?
He's saying no.
So, a doctor?
A veteranarian. A human doctor. He's a doctor!
Well, you're a doctor. A retired doctor.
A happy doctor.
A...handsome doctor.
[laughter]
A well-off one. Okay.
I need the specialty.
We need to be more concise!
The head?
He's a doctor that works on the head.
I don't know what that's called.
A surgeon.
But do I have to know what he operates on?
From the waist up?
A surgeon from the waist up.
The lungs? The heart? Small veins?
What do you operate on?
Is it a specific organ?
Specific organ...
Brain?
It's the brain.
He's a brain doctor. I got it.
But there's a technical name.
I have to know the technical name now.
Cerebral doctor?
Cerebralist?
Something like a cardiologist.
Does it end in "ist?"
An octo, optic, octal...
You're a head doctor.
For the head.
The next one that comes in. Wandson.
Work on him while you're here.
[laughter]
He really needs it.
I just want to say,
with a mix of anger and joy,
that you're a f@#$¨%g neurologist.
F&*# it!
F@#$ it!
I just wanna give you a kiss!
I'm so sorry. So sorry.
I've wasted so much of your time. I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I'm not even proud. I feel nothing.
[applause]
I'm very proud. I'm very proud.
Your task was already good,
but then you add to that your voice cracking, the hat,
and the sunglasses.
Everything was perfect.
What I really liked from you was: "You're a handsome doctor."
- And "A retired doctor." - He was handsome!
Handsome!
And let's see how Wandson did with this...
Let's call it a barbecue.
Something united Wandson and Dr. Paulo.
Not everybody knows this but, effectively,
they're both neurosurgeons.
No, but they are both Brazilian.
But did that help our Dr. Lisboa?
We shall see.
Are you an accountant?
I got it!
[laughter]
[Wandson giggles]
Do you work with people?
Do you work with finances?
Do you cook?
No?
Do you know what your job is?
Are you a hairdresser?
Airplane pilot?
Did you go to university?
Are you a biologist?
No. Astronaut?
Carpenter?
An aviator?
Nutritionist?
Urologist?
Cardiologist?
Pneumologist?
What's the kidneys one?
You look like a doctor.
You work in health.
You take care of people?
Are you a proctologist?
No.
- Do you know what he is? - [crew member] Yes.
- Do you know, Markl? - [Markl] Yes, yes.
"Yes, yes."
Are you a head doctor?
Are you a doctor of this part?
No! He told you!
This part?
Are you a bone doctor?
But you are a doctor?
Yes.
[Wandson gasps]
Are you a doctor of the soul?
[laughter]
"A doctor of the soul!"
Have I already mentioned your job?
Yes?
Yes!
Do you work on peoples' heads?
Yes!
Are you a neurologist?
Yes!
Yes, you're a neurologist!
Take care of my head, doctor! Please!
[laughter]
I really liked you!
Let's get a pint! ["Pagafinos" is also Wandson's comic Instagram]
- Wasn't that so charming? - Yes, yes.
I felt a lot of empathy between you and Dr. Paulo.
It was great. We went out later to get some pints, Cândido.
- [Cândido] Happy for you! - I liked Dr. Paulo very much.
He's really nice. A very sweet, very helpful person.
I loved this task. It was one of my favourites.
- Markl, do we have the times? - Yes we do, sir.
So, who took the longest?
The person who took the longest took 38 minutes and 43 seconds.
Almost 40 minutes to get to Dr. Paulo's job.
And that person was Gisela João.
Then, with 32 minutes and 4 seconds...
- Also over half an hour. - We have Cândido.
- [Gabriela] Awww! - [Madalena] So much time. - I just really liked him.
14 minutes and 22 seconds...
Wandson.
With 10 minutes and 20 seconds...
Madalena.
- [Vasco] Madalena? - Nice, Gabi!
[Vasco] Wait, wait, wait!
Gabriela figured everything out in 2 minutes and 57 seconds.
- 2 minutes and 57 seconds! - That's so fast!
[Madalena] My God!
That means Gisela João gets 1 point,
Cândido, 2 points.
Wow!
It's progress! 2! For me?
- [Markl] Wandson, 3 points. - [Cândido] Shit!
- [Markl] Madalena, 4 points. - [Cândido] You're in third?
[Markl] And Gabriela, 5 points.
- [Vasco] Let's check... - [Cândido] Watch me jump ahead!
Tied in the lead, we still have Wandson and Gabriela,
both with 16. Then we have Madalena with 12,
Gisela João has 9, and Cândido with an honourable 4.
- [Cândido] Strong! - Very well!
Nuno Markl! Next task for tonight's Taskmaster.
Continuing with tonight's program's cultural and educational references,
our next task is a tribute to
a real legend.
Let's have a look at the screen.
- Ah, very good. - There you go.
- That's him, right? - Yes.
People are going to think our next task
is an homage to Albert Einstein,
which he'd certainly deserve.
But right now, our contestants must be thinking:
- "I don't remember that!" - "I skipped that day!"
What task is this, Markl?
Well, it's not an homage to Albert Einstein.
I'd say it's an homage to a part of Albert Einstein.
Let's look at the next picture.
- Ah! - [Madalena] Ah!
- I forgot about this task. - [Cândido] I get it. - [Vasco] Is it an homage to Einstein's...
- ...mouth, I ask? - No. - [Cândido] I won!
- No. - The tongue!
To the tongue. But it needn't be an homage to the tongue
of Einstein, specifically. It can be any tongue.
- [Vasco] True. - True.
So we put the five beautiful tongues
that these people have inside their mouths to work.
And how, Vasco!
[Cândido] It was a hard day.
Hey.
- That's gonna make a mess. - Hello there.
Hello there.
How's it going?
- Hi. - Doing well?
It's fun, this room always smells different.
Once it smelled of glue.
- And now? - Now it's ice cream.
You know I empty the tank, right?
Always count on maximum commitment.
"Get your tongue out as far as possible.
"Keep it out until told otherwise."
Keep it out the longest, or the furthest out?
[Markl] Keeping your tongue out.
Good question.
[Markl] Is that the furthest you can get it?
Oh, thish shucks!
"Whenever Markl blows his whistle,
you must lick the lemon,
then the flour,
and finally, the ice cream.
Whenever Markl blows his horn,
you must put your tongue in front of the fan for 5 seconds.
Whoever keeps their tongue out for the longest wins.
Your time starts when Markl blows his whistle."
- Can I shpeak? - Yes.
- Wanna read it? - No, can I shpeak?
Yes, but keep your tongue out.
Your tongue's not going back in, is it?
Okay.
[Madalena mumbles]
[applause]
It might sound confusing, but it was simple.
Very simple. I blow the whistle, they lick the lemon, the flour, and the ice cream.
I honk, they put their tongue up to the fan.
Who's coming, brandishing their tongues like no tomorrow?
Cândido Costa and Gisela João, a collective I like to call...
- [Vasco] The female dog one again, right? - "Candela Cuzão."
["cuzão" = asshole]
[Cândido & Gisela] "Candela Cuzão!"
[Markl blows his horn]
[Markl blows his whistle]
[Markl blows his horn]
[Markl blows his whistle]
[Markl blows his horn]
[Markl blows his whistle]
Enjoying yourself?
F@#$!
[Markl blows his whistle]
I'm gonna throw up.
What's that??
I didn't whistle, but you started from the beginning.
[Gisela mumbles]
What do I do now?
Of course!
[Markl blows his horn]
[Markl blows his whistle]
Oh, no!
When I whistle, you have to go to the lemon.
We'll stop here, Cândido.
F@#$!
You can put your tongue back in.
[laughter]
Once you finish, you have to wait for my sign.
A whistle or a honk.
So I think you're disqualified.
What was this?
Is this even funny?
I was drooling!
- But... - You were doing well.
I was gonna go again, since nothing happened.
- Just one question. - Yes?
For example,
didn't you say there was a sequence?
When I whistled, you had to go back to the lemon.
If I whistled during, you had to go back.
The sequence is like a production line, you know?
Oh well.
Jeez. That's me done.
That was fast!
This was terrible. My record worst.
[applause]
Gisela, you did well!
- No, I didn't. - How so?
In my mind, the logic was, if he doesn't whistle, keep going.
- I thought that too! - Until I got tired.
[Cândido] Gi, it's okay.
Because if someone feels slighted,
I'll give them my point, okay?
- I'm serious, I will. - Don't you see I'm coming for your spot?
Let's announce who lasted the shortest.
28 seconds, Gisela João.
- Okay, 28 seconds. - And at 59 seconds, Cândido.
Almost a minute. Very good.
A good start. Applause for Gisela and Cândido.
[Gisela] I'll take your place, and you'll level up.
Which succulent tongues will we now see blowing in the wind?
A sentence I'm sure has never been said before
in world television history.
But yes, we have more to quench your thirst for tongues.
We're going to see Madalena and Wandson. Let's go.
[Markl blows his whistle]
- Aha? -Hmm.
[laughter]
[Wandson babbles]
Are you...? Okay.
[Markl blows his horn]
[Wandson babbles]
[laughter]
[Wandson babbles]
[Markl and Wandson babbles]
Yes... Yes?
Were you enjoying the lemon?
Okay.
Yes! [Wandson mumbles]
[Markl blows his whistle]
- Thish ish difficult. -Yes.
- Sho I lick that? - Yes.
[Wandson mumbles]
[Cândido] Man, that's disgusting!
[Wandson mumbles]
He looks like a dog! Like those ones that drool a lot!
[Markl blows his whistle]
[Wandson mumbles]
You weren't paying attention?
- Ah no. - Huh?
[Wandson mumbles]
- Do you want me to read the task again? - Uh huh.
"Whenever Markl blows his whistle,
you must lick the lemon, then the flour, and finally, the ice cream.
Whenever Markl honks his horn,
you must put your tongue in front of the fan for 5 seconds."
He put his tongue in! He put his tongue in!
You put your tongue in, Wandson.
[Markl blows his whistle]
[Markl blows his horn]
No, you've been disqualified. You had to keep your tongue out.
- Okay. That'sh fine. - No, no. The task is over.
[Wandson mumbles]
[laughter]
[Markl blows his whistle]
No!
Jeez, you were mean!
[Gisela] So mean.
[Markl blows his whistle]
[Madalena mumbles]
- You missed the whistle. - I didn't mish!
You missed. I whistled and you went to the fan.
Yesh!
The horn is for the fan. The whistle is for the lemon.
As television moments go, this was pretty great.
I thought I was doing it all right.
I think you sabotaged me.
[Markl] No, no, no.
He's right though.
[Markl] There's an air of distrust here.
Wait a second!
This doesn't happen every day.
Could you repeat that?
- You're right. - I didn't hear you!
You're right!
- He was sneaky. - [Madalena] It was him!
With the others, he'd give them a second
so they could do things calmly.
- No, no it was... - But with me...
[Cândido] No, not with mine...
Yes...
- What was that? - It's what he did.
She's imitating bagpipes.
Wandson seems to have fallen asleep on the lemon as soon as the task began.
[Markl] I really thought he fell asleep!
- What happened? - Could be a good strategy!
I thought you were supposed to remain on the lemon
until the whistle, and he was just being mean and wouldn't blow.
- And you'd stay as long as it took! - I was confused, trying to figure out what you were doing.
[Vasco] You drooled a little.
All of Portugal's seen my tongue. Slide into my DMs.
- [Vasco] Give me times. - [Markl] Let's see.
Wandson lost first, at 1 minute and 52 seconds.
Madalena got to 3 minutes and 27 seconds.
3 minutes and...? Sorry, I didn't hear you!
- 3 minutes and 27 seconds. - Ah, okay!
Wandson fell asleep on a lemon and he still gets points?!
- He didn't last long. - [Madalena] It shouldn't count.
We still have to see Gabriela Barros.
- [Markl] Yes, we do. - She lasted 90 minutes...
- ...I know her. - Want to talk about Gabriela's tongue?
- No, leave it be. - Is that a soap opera?
Gabriela has a restless tongue.
It just kept going in and out, in and out.
But the important thing is that we can still communicate.
Using the immortal words of this great actress in front of us,
and I quote: "Eeeh!"
[Markl] "Eeeh!"
- She has a fat tongue, right? - It's super fat! It's horrible!
[Markl blows his whistle]
Did it go in? Or not?
Okay, it's out.
Just looked like it was in.
[Markl blows his horn]
That's the horn.
- [Madalena] How sweet! - [Gisela] She remembered!
- Doesn't she look like a cartoon? - Yeah, with those faces.
[Markl blows his horn]
[Markl blows his whistle]
Did it go in?
Relax, man.
We better stop.
I think you've lost like 20 times.
- No! - No?
Yo Gabi, you lost control there, right?
I lost control.
[Markl blows his horn]
[Markl blows his whistle]
[Markl blows his horn]
Someone should come and tell her she doesn't need this.
"You have a career. You have a life. You're going to be a mom."
Of course she doesn't give up! She's in the mud, she doesn't care!
[Markl blows his whistle]
Yesh how wonderful.
Do you think you've won?
I'm done.
You're done?
- I think sho. - Okay.
I think so, too.
I have no dignity left.
Dignity?
- It'sh over. - That's over for you.
Oh, gross! [Gabriela spits]
- Look... - Are you okay?
It's indecent that you'd do this to a mother-to-be.
But I said...I gave you so many chances to stop.
- But... - "Sure you want to go on?" and you...
- First of all, don't imitate me. - No, no.
- It wasn't like that. - I apologize.
If you win, it'll be a huge triumph.
Nothing in vain, right? It was worth it.
Sure.
I feel like anyone could spend an hour
talking to you like...
[[Vasco impersonates Gabriela mumbling]
When you introduced Gabriela's task, you said
that her tongue kept going in and out.
Shall we have a look at that? All the in and outs?
- Sure, let's. - It may have escaped you.
Fallacies! Fallacies!
- There it is! - [Cândido] Damn.
- Hey! - [Cândido] Shit.
- Hey. - This tongue likes to recoil.
- Hey! - Another one!
- Hey! -Not again!
So Markl, when did the tongue first go back in,
thus instantly ending Gabriela's task?
That happened 9 seconds in.
But Gabriela wanted to keep going for another 5 minutes,
and we're all grateful.
Humanity thanks her. Applause for Gabriela Barros!
[Markl] Right.
- Markl, let's go to the points. - Let's do it.
Gabriela has 1 point.
2 points for Gisela João, 3 points for Cândido...
4 points for Wandson.
- And 5 points for Madalena. - Very good!
Right now, Wandson is ahead with 20 points,
Gabriela and Madalena are tied at 17,
Gisela João has 11. Cândido is still in the single digits, with 7 points.
That's no way to talk!
- Careful with this man! - True, true!
Give him time.
Surely our viewers are wondering about the lack of ducks in this episode.
We've given the rubber ducks the day off. But the truth is,
there's many types of ducks, no?
The ones in this next task aren't rubber. However, they are the cutest ducks
that have ever blessed a television show.
Get ready for cuteness overload, guys.
There's nothing like country life, like resting...
Are there animals?
Awwwww ~ !
They're ducks!
- You noticed the ducks more than me. - I didn't notice you, dude.
[puppet quacks]
- Were you the one who made that sound? - I was.
- With your mouth? - It's gas.
Is that for us to wear?!
I hope you have it in size XS!
[puppet quacks]
You forget that I'm tiny.
How sweet.
"Be the Duckmaster.
Wear your costume and take your duckies to their lake."
Look, there's animals!
Cute little duckies!
They're so cute, isn't?
My duckies?
I have duckies?
[Markl] I mean...
Are those my duckies?
"You can't touch the duckies."
What duckies?
No one saw them!
"The Duckmaster that can get the duckies on the lake the fastest wins.
You have 20 minutes."
Oh, simple.
But they're already there at the lake.
Or, is there another lake?
Is it that one, there?
Which duckies are they? Are those--
First, you...you have to dress accordingly.
But those ducks are like, actual ducks?
Where's the lakey?
- Is it there? - It is.
They're normal ducks, Cândido.
I have to say, this was a very, very important matter to me,
for you, Markl, and also for our contestants.
No duckies were harmed during this task,
and they ended up endearing themselves to these beautiful people.
The first Lord of the Ducks is Cândido Costa.
[Wandson laughs]
Although I look like a man with...
- [Markl] Rough. - Rough, with a primitive bearing,
I have a lot of adorable pomposity within me, as well.
Yes, yes, yes.
- Notice the width of the animal's shoulders. - Yes, yes, yes.
That's it. Now you're perfect. I think that's it.
Hello!
- They're still getting to know me. Relax. - Yes.
Look, look, look, look.
Look!
Look! Look! Look at Daddy!
- Look at Daddy! - [Gisela] "Look at Daddy"?!
Oh, this is awful!
Why am I watching this?! Dear God.
Come!
Here, look!
Let's go play in the lakey!
Look!
Look at Daddy Duck!
Let's go to the lakey, shall we?
- How do you move a duck that's content, - Right.
that's in a good environment,
and that's with its brethren?
- I can't take one duck at a time. - Right. Right, right.
- I'm not going to ruin this family. - Right.
It's my first time seeing a duck in my life. That's how I was raised.
But you know how to hold them?
I know how to hold them, because of...
Right, right, right.
If you were a duck, let me show you. Let's see.
You would bend down like so, yeah?
- You'd be among your brethren. - Yes.
And in order not to hurt you, I would have to...
- Sorry about this. - I understand.
- Put your hand here. - Yes, yes, yes. I understand.
- Stay bent over. Look. - Of course, of course.
- It creates a lever. - Of course, of course. I understand.
- You're a duck, right now. - This image, taken out of context...
You see? That's it, that's a strong hold.
Of course, of course.
If I were the duck, I wouldn't come either.
I'd be seeing a human being dressed in a duck costume,
and now it's approaching me, with a bagpipe...
- Get out of...Nuno, give them space. - Okay.
I think your presence may be what's upsetting them, you know?
You look like a nightclub bouncer, dude.
Oh man, these are probably foreign ducks.
I need to...
- Quickly... - You need to rethink your career.
It's over! When this gets aired...
In my friend group, there's people who won't even speak to me anymore, I bet.
My neighbours, and everyone back home
in Lordelo, saying, "Here comes the giant duck."
Come here, little critters.
Come, come.
Calm down, dude.
It's just Daddy's clothes.
Come, let's go to the lakey!
Come!
Come! No, that way! To the lakey!
To the lak-lakey! Lakey!
Come! No! To the lakey, the lakey!
Let's go, Uncle Cândido is helping... Let's go!
Look at the lakey there! Look, such fresh water!
Come!
Now, now. This way. That's it.
That's it!
To the water!
To the water.
To the water!
Go on!
Goddamn, dude!
Glory, at last!
The Duckmaster!
You took like an hour, didn't you? For you to be kneeling at the end...
It must've been tough on you.
- I'm this close to just giving up! - What was he doing, Markl?
At some point, what was he doing to you? I didn't get it.
- That's the question, isn't it? - He was... showing how to grab a ducky.
- With Markl as the duck. - Right.
You're aware that this'll turn into a meme.
[Vasco] It will.
We'll be put on a loop in a small window,
you doing that...
And me bent over.
No, but I... I wasn't entirely behind you, keep in mind.
By now, it's on Twitter. It's on Twitter, now.
But I wasn't entirely behind you.
I positioned myself laterally in order to not compromise your--
Right, but people don't care about all that.
- If I went backwards, the way I was... - But you had your hand there!
You had your hand there, love. It doesn't matter where you were.
The hand was there, and you were doing this to him, and he was doing that.
The hand's not the problem. While I was... I was like this, but I was on his side.
Lateral positioning.
And I did this. Okay?
- If I were behind him, dressed as a duck... - It's just as bad, love. Just as bad.
- With him bent over. - Cândido. Cândido.
- And with my hand... - [Gabriela] Stop, stop, stop. - Cândido, Cândido...
- You wanna come here, Nuno? - Just as bad. - [Markl] These days...
- These days, with AI... they can do anything. - Just as bad.
- They're going to slide me over a little, right? - Yeah.
- That's it. Cândido, you did it. - [Markl] It's over, Cândido.
You did it. In glory.
I did it. I hope that has some weight in your evaluations.
I have Cândido's time here.
- Go on. - Cândido took 17 minutes and 22 seconds.
- That's not that big a deal! - [Madalena] It wasn't that long.
[Vasco] 17 minutes 22.
It's not a big deal.
Markl, who are the next giant ducks leading the tiny little ducks?
It's Duckela Duckão...
and also Duckson.
That's me? Duckela...
Oh, they're wittle sweeties!
Hey, duckies!
Oh, my lovelies!
Hold on, hold on.
They're the sweetest things that have ever been on this show.
They are.
Come here, my love. Come here, my love.
- Come here, my love. - I think that's touching. Isn't it?
- No! - No?
My hands are in here!
Okay.
- Now, you stay there. - Will do.
Come here.
I don't want you to get scared. Don't be scared.
Look, look.
Look.
They like it!
- They like it! - They do.
Let's go, little friends. Let's go. Go. With the power of...
The power of Nature will lead you...
Look, it's with love!
- Yeah. - It's with love! Let's go, little friends!
Come here, my love. Come here, my love. Come here, my love. Come here.
Look.
There.
Go on! Go on! Here, that's it! Good job!
Let's go, let's go! I'm your mommy!
Let's go! Let's go, duckies!
Let's go! Let's go, my children!
It's a new method.
Who took the...?
Come here.
Hold on.
Let's go. Let's go in. Let's go in.
Almost, almost.
♪ I believe I can fly ♪
Go on, go on!
- [Markl] You know that... - Look.
The slower you are, the more they... line up.
- They just need to find the others. - Look, look.
Who's the bravest of you? Who is it?
Who is it? Who is it?
Who's the first brave soldier?
Go on, guys. Let's go. I can't touch you.
I didn't touch you.
They're here.
They're here!
Look at them, there.
Jump, jump! Oh!
Oh, it will be cold! It'll be cold! It's cold!
Go, my child! Go in, my child!
Look at her. So good, dude.
I won!
- Yes! - Did you?
- I think so! - You...you're confident?
I think that's the first task I've won.
Is it?
Go, go, to your brethren!
Go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go!
[Vasco] Nicely done.
Look, what was Wandson's time?
Wandson took 11 minutes and 12 seconds.
[Vasco] 11 minutes 12.
And Gisela...
Gisela, Gisela...
- I didn't use my hands! - What?
It wasn't me touching them.
- Explain that thought process, then. - It was the costume.
- And what was in the costume? - I'm not the one touching my leg, now.
The costume came to life, let's say, and it started touching the ducks?
It wasn't you, was it?
I was inside it, right?
But, what was touching was...
So, since Vasco's got a suit on, I'm not touching him right now?
- No. - [Markl] No?
- No. - So what was Gisela's time?
Gisela opted for this very quick method of picking them up and dropping them,
and took 5 minutes and 27 seconds.
Yes. Yes. I'll just mention now that
I will not be awarding Gisela's task with a score.
- The Taskmaster must be like this... - Her reward was being with the duckies.
- Exactly. And she was... - I was happy enough with that.
I suppose it's now time to see Duckalena Duckasis,
and Duckriela Duckarros.
- You took the feathers out of my mouth, Vasco! - [Vasco] Gross!
I can't do this quickly...
They're really scared of me.
They're used to it. They- they- they...
- They're right at home, basically. - Oh my God, oh my God...
Poor things...
Why have they been skinned?!
- They haven't been skinned. - They skinned...
They skinned the duckies!
They're just wet.
[Madalena] Poor things!
[Markl] They're wet.
"Skinned!" There's no words...
- They look skinned. - No, no, they're just wet.
I'm going to do this in a way that won't scare them.
Come, let's go.
Come! Come!
Come on, love!
Come, go on!
Poor things, they're so cute!
[Markl] They are.
Come, go on.
Go there!
There!
Let's go!
Oh, you're the tiniest, sweetest little things!
You're all lovely!
Very good! This is how I speak to my dog.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Ah! A duck fell off!
A- a duck ran away!
They're running away!
[Madalena] Man...
They... Oh man.
Maybe they'll go on their own!
Will they go on their own?
They're going to the lake on their own!
[Markl] Are they?
No... Come on!
There, there, there...
Let's go!
That's it!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
[Markl] There he goes.
That's it! Good job!
[Markl] Spotty's so fast!
- Look at this one! - Yes.
Go! Go!
They're cuddling up.
No, no! No time for cuddling!
You need to go in!
You need to go in, sweet things!
That's it!
This one wants to go in now!
There he goes! Incredible, incredible!
It's over!
That one made an incredible leap...
I have conquered the ducks.
You're so good!
Look! You're so good!
One down. Stay!
Do they know how to swim?
- They've gone swimming already? You've tested it? - They do. They do.
That's it!
That's it! That's it! That's it!
I won!
Look, another one! They all win, man!
Next!
I won!
My favourite part of Madalena's task is when you get the hoop,
without touching the ducks, I noticed,
and one of the ducks jumps for freedom, and Madalena shouts, "A duck fell!"
- Still, you took the duckies to safety. - Yes.
Had you ever been with small duckies like those before?
I had a pet duck.
You've had a ducky.
Gabriela, I noticed that it reminded you of how you treat your dog, right?
Yes, at a certain point: "So pretty, so pretty! Oh, you're so good!"
The joy of seeing the duckies jump into the lake is...
- "I can do something after all!" - It was almost like doing Reiki.
Well, let's get to the scores. I will be fair.
There's been a task where I didn't give Cândido or Madalena any points,
- so I won't give Gisela any now. - I can give away one of my points!
If I get five points, I'll give one to Càndido.
Cândido will get 2 points.
Then with 3 points, Wandson.
4 points for Gabriela.
- And 5 points for Madalena. - What was my time?
You took 4 minutes and 24 seconds.
- Gabriela, 4 minutes and 53 seconds. - Can I give Cândido a point?
- Can I... - Let's sum it up, then.
Can I give Cândido a point?
- Sadly, you can't. - [Cândido] Am I happy? No.
But I won new friends. I won the ducks.
- I know they'll never forget me. - [Markl] True.
The leaderboard looks like this.
Go, Maranhão!
Wandson's in the lead with 23 points, followed by Madalena with 22,
21 for Gabriela, 11 for Gisela, and, right now, Cândido has 9 points.
And this means the following:
At this time, the only ones out of the game are Gisela and Cândido.
The rest, Wandson, Gabriela and Madalena, can win.
- No... - And all I ask is this:
Please cheer in a quite exuberant way,
these five great Taskmaster contestants!
Let's go to the final task. Get those asses off the chairs.
Let's go for it.
Nothing has been decided yet.
On tonight's Taskmaster, we know that three people can still win.
Let's head to the last task. Markl, who will be reading it?
I'll award the reading of the task as a consolation award to Cândido.
- It's some kind of... - It's a caress.
- [Markl] A caress. - Poor me, right?
- Poor guy, the orange underdog. - You'll work a bit, now.
I'll be concise when reading.
"Catch the most socks and put them in your laundry basket.
You must stare straight forward throughout the task.
You must not touch any pants.
You must not move your laundry basket, and if you drop a sock,
you can't then pick it up.
Every time you touch some pants, you lose a sock.
"Most socks wins." P.S.
Today wasn't our Cândido's day,
but he still belongs to the group.
A little extra treat. Thanks!
- You'll always be in my heart, Cândido. - [Cândido] I know.
We all have those days.
So, you must all stare straight forward.
- I'll whistle, so we can start the 1st round. - Oh, damn. This is impossible.
First object.
Ai, ai.
My player got hurt.
Second object.
- No. - Let's go to the third object.
God, I'm distressed.
SON OF A...
Let's go to the fourth object.
I'm not staring anywhere. I'm looking ahead. I'm staring at that lady.
Let's go to the fifth object.
The fifth?
Nice one, back there!
- I'm winning. - Ladies and Gentlemen, last object.
- I'll catch this one, whatever God wants. - Smells like pants. Smells like pants.
Maybe I shouldn't. I won't catch it.
[Gisela] I'm glad I didn't touch it.
Let's analyze Madalena's sack.
- The sack? - One sock.
Two socks. Three socks.
- Four socks. - [Madalena] Nice socks, right?
- One pair of pants. - [Vasco] That's not a sock?
But wait! The pants...
- You haven't touched the pants with your hands? - No.
- You used your dress? - Yes. Yes.
- Then it doesn't count against your total. - Yes!!!
It's four socks.
[Vasco & Markl] Let's see Cândido Costa.
We have one, two, three, four, five socks.
- [Gisela] Wow! - [Madalena] Nice, Cândy!
Wait, wait, wait.
But...
- Thanks, man. - Cândido touched pants twice!
Meaning that two of these socks...
- Okay. - Oh!
I can't resist touching some pants.
Three.
Three. Let's now see what's the situation with Gabriela.
- One sock, two socks, three socks, four socks.
[Woman in audience] Good!
- Thank you. - But...
- "Good!" - You've touched two pants.
- No! No, I did not! - Which means that...
- I haven't touched two pants. - [Markl] There's footage.
- [Gabriela] I swear I didn't touch two pants. - [Markl] Wandson.
One sock, two socks, three socks.
[Wandson] Nice one.
But...
You've touched two pants.
- They're right here. - As such...
I won!
[Gisela] He's loving being a part of this!
There's nothing there.
Gisela.
- You haven't touched anything? - Didn't touch anything.
- Zero. - No, I took so many precautions.
As such, the one with the most socks is Madalena.
- Four! - What does that mean, Nuno Markl?
- It means that the winner-- - [Gisela] It's Madalena.
--of this episode, is Madalena!
Madalena Abecasis!
Madalena wins tonight's show.
[Markl] So close, Wandson.
- You didn't use your hands? - Didn't touch anything.
Before the credits, and before we all leave.
We ask the question: What have we learned today on Taskmaster?
You only live once, and may your hapiness never go AWOL.
So get a bucket, and then get a bouncing ball.
Measure in centimeters? Only in past scenes.
What's trendy now is measurements with red beans.
If yes means no when someone's head throbs,
either he's a Bulgarian citizen, or neurosurgeon was his job.
I'll say goodbye with Gabriela's words, a lesson for you all.
[Vasco grunts]
It's Taskmaster! Good night!
TASKMASTER WORLDWIDE INCORPORATED
BRAZILIAN AND EUROPEAN PORTUGUESE TEAMS
TRANSLATION BY MAFFU, BIBU, BBARÃO, REIFFERSCHIZZLE, THE PURPLE KOALA AND CRIMSONFOX
PROOFREADING AND SYNC BY U/CHEQUEDUMMY AND CRIMSONFOX
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