Pete becomes a semi-functional standing lamp

When Tom Cashman reads to Pete the definition of furniture as “The moveable articles that are used to make a room or building suitable for living or working in.”, Pete claims that is him in a nutshell.

As Tom continues to read from a list of items that are considered furniture, Pete insists that he’s not going to be a mattress, before calling Tom a “sick bastard.”

For his attempt, Pete is seen standing in the study, where most of the lights are off, wearing a lampshade on his head. Tom reaches up into the shade, but nothing happens. He then hits Pete on the bottom, but, again, nothing happens.

When Tom admits that he doesn’t know how to turn on the lamp, Pete tells him to look on the desk. The instructions on the desk state “To use this very functional lamp, play a dainty tune on the red recorder, and then say out loud ‘Give me light, Lampy!’.”

After Tom does as he is instructed, Pete begins sniggering beneath the lampshade, before saying “Light is coming.” However, he then informs Tom that his tune hadn’t been dainty enough, so Tom plays another tune and again says “Give me light, Lampy!”.

Pete then turns on a torch and shines it through the lampshade, but it doesn’t give out much light. Tom points out that the situation is not helped by the fact that the lamp is stood in front of “quite a functional lamp, shining quite brightly.” Pete responds that “People say functionality can’t be fun.”, before claiming that he puts “the fun in functionality”.

After Tom blows his whistle, he asks Pete “What was the style element?”, but Pete just leaves the room with the lampshade.

In the studio, Tom Gleeson asks Pete if he had been stylish. Pete claims that he was, and also admits to being surprised that Tom Cashman could play a jaunty tune on the recorder.

When Pete points out that Tom had missed the instructions, and had been fumbling around his bottom, trying to turn on the lamp, Tom apologises, but says that he only did what he would normally do with a lamp: look for where to turn it on.

Tom Gleeson checks with Pete whether he is saying that it is more functional for a lamp to have instructions, written by the lamp, on a nearby table, explaining how to turn it on. Pete concedes that what he is really hoping for at this stage is that the others have messed up worse than him.

When Rhys tries to support Pete by arguing that the more stylish a lamp is, the harder it is to turn on, Tom Gleeson sarcastically agrees, stating that when he stays at a nice hotel he often finds a “middle-aged man in the corner with a lampshade on his head.” Tom also points out that he wouldn’t be able to read the instructions, because the room was too dark.

When awarding points, Tom claims that Pete’s lamp was not stylish, because it was dressed like Pete normally is. Pete earns 2 points.

(Written by JoGo and proofread by Karl Craven)

(Illustrations collected by JoGo & Will G and adjusted by David Fuller)